When I wouldn't get to talk to my grandpa every morning. Man did I love that man and feel so loved in return by him. No matter what he had going on in his life, he'd stop everything he was doing and give his undivided attention to me. I hear his voice in my mind, "Angela Kay darling, how are you?" "Dear Angie how was your day? Thanks so much for calling me. I love you so much" He'd always sign off Grandpa Ray or It's grandpa dear, I love you. Man I miss him so much.
While we said goodbye to him about 6 weeks ago, I sometimes still think it was a dream and one morning I'll wake up and get to call him again. I thankfully have several voice messages from him that I cherish and I listen to them almost everyday. Man I miss him.
My grandpa had such knowledge and understanding about life, he had peace that life didn't always go our way, and he always, always looked at the glass half full, no matter what challenge was in front of him. He smiled easily, loved unselfishly and truly lived his actions by his faith... what was the right thing to do wasn't hard to figure out when you lived by God's word. As a mom raising two boys, I wonder what his mom did to teach him to be so wise. How she got so much right. He respected her always, believe my grandmother was one of the greatest blessing in his life for more than 60 years, and he cared for his family with love that is unexplainable.
Yes my grandpa was such a wonderful man, I now find myself wondering how he would face some of the hurdles that come my way. No longer able to ask him, I think back to the moments of the 38 years we were together and I know he taught me so much.
In September I got the chance to go back to see him to share my final goodbyes. I think he knew I was there for a reason, we didn't discuss that it was expected to be my final visit. We just didn't need to say it. But I did need to tell him how much gratitude I have for all he ever did for me and that my love for him was immeasurable. He was there for all the important moments in my life. From my first day of kindergarten to my first day of college. From my wedding day to my first days of being a mom. From heartache in losing a child to celebration when we welcomed our rainbow baby. He was there for it all. That final weekend I spent with him, I held his hand, wrapped my arms around him and soaked up every minute.
I knew he was ready, we talked about what Heaven must be like and in fighting back my tears I asked him, that if he got to Heaven first, if he would tell my baby just how much I love him and miss him. He smiled and nodded his head, I sure will he said.
As we knew his final days were approaching my dad called me and said it was time if I wanted to get back before his final breath. While I had said all that I wanted to say, I wanted to be there for him, like he had always been for me. We drove straight through the night, thanks to my wonderful husband who supports me and treats me like my grandpa treated my grandma.
We arrived and got a chance to go see him and while he was sleeping we knew he knew we were there. We held his hand, Jarrett on one side, me on the other. He squeezed our hands as we told him how much we loved him. How thankful we were and how much we were going to miss him. We also said, it was okay to go to be with Grandma. We knew she had waited a long time to dance again with him. In the little bit of time Jarrett, my grandpa and I sat in his room, lit very dimly with only one side light, his curtain drawn and a stillness in his room, I looked up from staring at his hand and on the back wall behind us, I saw a light. It was round in shape and it was shining in a way so bright, I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I asked Jarrett to look and to see where it was reflecting from. We looked all around, waved our arms for a place of reflection and the light didn't come from any place. I asked Jarrett to take a picture. He did and as we took a picture the light began to change shape. From a circle to a diamond then it fanned out almost like a set of wings and then back to a circle before it slowly faded away. Jarrett and I stood in complete awe and then we looked at each other and smiled. I reached back to grandpa's hands, moved up toward his face and said, "Grandpa I think the angels are coming to bring you to grandma." It was a poignant moment, and while it may seem strange to retell now, in that moment we both felt great peace. Maybe it was Noah.
It would only be a matter of a
few more hours he had on this earth and I think it was peaceful as dying can
be. We held his hand, talked to him, sand hymns and prayed. In his
final moments I whispered to him that Grandma was there and that we would all be
okay. His daughters were there too, sharing their own loving words.
We were all sad, our hearts broken to lose him, but we also knew those in
Heaven were soon going to be witnessing one of the greatest love story
reunions anyone could dream of.
If there are certain things
life promises it is that weddings and funerals will be reasons everyone will
gather to celebrate. And the celebration of my grandpa's life was no
different. In someways it felt like we were rejoicing at out great his life
has been and that we were having a party he would be walking into at any
moment.
In celebration of his life we
all cleaned up and wore our Sunday best, I believe he would have been
proud, he always valued dressing up for church.
And it gave us
time to be together as a family. We don't get to see everyone as often as
we'd like, I knew he'd smile knowing his family was together.
There were
moments with cousins we hadn't seen in years. Anticipation of future
weddings and looking forward to welcoming new members to the family.
There were lots
of smiles between little cousins and now adult cousins. Bonding
that wouldn't have happened without him.
Lots to look
forward to as memories were exchanged and discussions about future plans
brightened up the sad moments of realizing other moments were fleeting.
And at the end of
one night, there were toasts to the great man, the patriarch of 93 years who
led the family.
Funny stories
shared. Memories exchanged. All because he lived.
Yes as hard as it
was to say goodbye to such a great man, I look back on these pictures and
smile. These new memories were created because his life brought us
together.
On the day
of the funeral, we arrived at the church to find that the Fire Engine #1 was
waiting out in front of the church and that the tribute final call would
be made in his honor. His final send off, of a life spent in
service. From the Army in World War II, to volunteer fire fighter, then
Fire Chief, and so many other volunteer roles... not for the pay, not for the
recognition.. but because it was the right thing to do.
His grandsons served as pallbearers.
Man he would have been proud to see them all looking so spiffy (one of his
favorite words), dressed in their fine suits and carrying on in his
legacy).
One of my
grandfather's greatest honors was getting to serve his country and he was proud
of the time he spent in the military and later in the legion. I took this
pictures as he fellow legionaries paid him his final respects and saluted him
for the final time. His service was done. He had given all he had.
When the Lord asks us to do all we can in the life we are blessed with, I am
confident my grandpa had done all that was asked and more.
There are some moments that don't need words. This moment was one
of them.
Arriving at
the cemetery, the sirens sounded one last time and the 21 gun salute was
discharged. So many reminders of the good that had been in this world
because he lived in it.
In his 93 years, almost 60 of them with
the love of his life my grandmother, he raised 6 kids, loved 14 grandchildren
with all his might and almost just as many great-grandchildren as well.
Looking at this picture of those who carry on now in his legacy, I think about
the value of a man. One day many years ago, when I was a little girl and
my grandfather and I were fishing, he told me that he was one of the wealthiest
men in the world. Thinking he had to meant that he had more money in the
bank than I knew how to count, I asked him how much money he said. He
smiled and said, "Angela Kay, my wealth doesn't come in the form of
dollars or coins, my wealth comes in the family I have. Look at that
lady, as he gestured to my grandma who was helping my brother with something on
his pole. Look at my kids, my grandkids, they are the loves
of my life. Everyone is healthy. I am so lucky. I don't now how I
deserved to have all this but this is worth more than any money in the
world.
It was just one of many lessons he taught me in his life. I
tried to listen to him as often as I could, because it was almost always
if I listened I could learn something that I knew would help me in
life.
While I knew there would come a day when I wouldn't be able to
pick up the phone and call my grandpa, I am oh so thankful for every
moment I got with him. From my first memories as a little girl of
wresting on the floor and reading books together, to our final moments of
saying goodbye.
My grandpa was there for me
every step of my life and I do my best now to live in his honor, to pass
along the lessons he shared with me onto my children and to
remember all the blessings we have... always.
Of all the hands
I've ever held, one of my favorites will always be yours. I love you
Grandpa. I miss you so much. I sure hope you are having a
wonderful time in Heaven with grandma. On this Thanksgiving eve, I
think of you and give thanks for all you ever did for me. I will forever
be grateful. ~ your Angela Kay
