3 years ago today....

In the hallway that connects all of our bedrooms, there is a picture frame with our family photo and a saying.  I pass by that frame each and every day.  While most days I pass by without stopping to look at the picture or read the saying, the truth is, the image of those photos and the message it holds on our wall is very special.  It was a picture frame given to us by one of Jarrett's co-workers and the message it shares, is, at its core, the spirit upon which our family was created. 

It reads....

Family isn't always blood.  It's the people in your life who want you in theirs;  the ones who accept you for who you are.  The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who LOVE YOU no matter what.

 

 

And today that message, and the 1096 previous today's we've shared defines us.    Today we celebrate an anniversary.  Three years ago Jarrett, Gabriel, Michael and I became united together as a family in the eyes of the law, matching the feelings in our hearts that had been bonded many months prior.

 

Its hard to believe sometimes that three years have passed. As I look back on the pictures, so many feelings rush back.  The feeling of being so thankful, so blessed and so truly happy continue to overwhelm me like they did that special day. 

In the past three year's we've been a family I realize it isn't just the boys that have changed.  We've all grown, we've all learned, we've faced our challenges, we've argued and pushed each other out of our comfort zones, we've celebrated many victories, embraced each other in sadness and honored each others dreams.  We've done it all, together bbecause that's what a family does. And while there were hard days, there were many many more wonderful days that shine far brighter. 

Gabriel and Michael, I hope you know that you are the greatest gifts we could have ever wanted.  While Dad and I prayed to become parents, we didn't know just how lucky we were going to be.  When God brought us you, he brought us eternal happiness, never-ending love, and the passion to go to the ends of the world to give you all you ever need and the power of hope to follow all the dreams your heart holds.

We love you so very much.  Thank you for making us so happy, so proud and the luckiest parents in this whole wide world.

Until next time,
Mom and Dad

Michael's Spotlight of the Week

Last Friday when Michael came home from school and dumped his backpack on the floor, I decided, after tripping on it twice, to open up the bag and see what was inside.  Even though I tell the boys constantly to hang up their backpack and put it in their room, the words that come out of my mouth must instead hit their ears translated into, "Please throw your backpack on the floor right in the middle of the kitchen while mom attempts to make dinner"  Ah, I digress.

 

And while the stores at the back-to-school sale try to tell us that picking a cool backpack that transports important work for your child is really important, I'm not convinced.  Personally I think the purpose of a backpack only is for transporting homework (parental homework that is), important papers for parents to sign off on and return to the teacher and for notes of things I'm usually not to happy to receive (Sorry to tell you again but your son didnt' turn in his library book, you owe us another $8.50 or my favorite, you must not have noticed the yellow star stamp on your son's hand the last two weeks signalling his lunch account has a negative balance of -$25.00 please send lunch money soon!)  I guess what I'm saying is, if I had my druthers I'd leave the backpacks at school.  Okay now I'm really done with this rant.

 

Back to my original point.  So last Friday after pulling out the many papers, two jackets, a random girl's bracelet and a enough sand to fill a paper cup, I found a crinkled up note from Michael's teacher.  It said, next week Michael is going to be our shining star.  Please send a poster with him to school on Monday sharing all of the interesting things about Michael.  What is his favorite food?  What is his favorite color?  What does he like to do?  When was he born?  I think you get the point.  Upon reading it, I thought, "Okay add that item to mom's weekend to do list." 

 

And as the weekend progressed I talked with Michael about what he wanted to put on his poster.  I told him he had to write out what he wanted to put on the poster first and then I'd type the question leaving a space for him to write in his response and we'd put that on the poster.  He was excited. Saturday afternoon we started. 

 

One thing about these spotlight or star of the week assignments is that for us, adoptive families, there's one thing that always goes along with the assignment.  You can be guaranteed, while working on the poster you are going to have a discussion about how we came to be together, followed by questions of what their life was like before us and what they were like as a baby.  I'm thankful I now can anticipate some of the questions they ask.  "Mom- was I a cute baby?" (Thankfully that's easy, all babies are cute in my book).  Of course honey, you were adorable. "Mom- what did I look like as a baby?" (I am SOOOOO thankful for the boy's foster parents and the fact that they took time to gather birth and baby pictures from the boy's birth mom.  As a result of their proactive thinking, we have several pictures of the boys as newborns and babies.  Something I'm very thankful for, as I realize not all adopted children have this.)  Michael, here is a picture of you as a baby.  Aren't you the cutest baby ever?  Michael smiling from ear to ear, sighed and said, "Oh look, I'm so cute! Gabriel, look at my chubby cheeks." 

 

And while those questions are relatively easy to answer, it is the other ones that I get a bit more nervous answering.  "Mom- why did our birth mother not want to keep us?  Did she not want us?"  While I have no problems being honest with them, we struggle with the boundary of how much to share with them at this age.  If there is one thing I never want my children to feel, it is that they were not wanted, because the truth is exactly the opposite of that.  They were wanted.  They were wanted by more than one family.  The truth is, it came down to a question of what was best for them and thankfully (to our benefit), the powers that be determined we were the better fit.  How do you explain that to a 6 and 8 year old?  I'm not sure.  I'm not an expert, so I just do my best and tell them in general terms that, "Yes, you were wanted honey.  Michael, your Dad and I wanted to be parents for a very long time and we prayed very hard for you, your brother and your sister. God helped bring you, Gabriel and Isabelle to us, so that we could be a family."    And usually, while I wait for another follow up question, my answers seem to be what they want to hear, and they accept what I say very happily without any further questioning.   I suppose with their age, deeper questions and the follow up will come.  In some ways I look forward to sharing more with them as they age. 

 

Geeze, I guess I'm on a roll tonight with tangents.  I'll try to stay focused.  So while we worked on Michael's poster, we looked through old photographs which made all of us, even the boys realize how much they've grown.  Looking back at them from when they first came to be with us, I see now that they were babies.  How quickly they've grown.

 

Michael and I talked about how to organize the photos and what he wanted to write.  And then it came time for us to lay everything out and start putting it together.  Several times Michael said, "Wow, this looks so nice. Thanks mom for helping me!"  And honestly speaking, I enjoyed working on the poster more than I originally thought I would.  It isn't all that often that just Michael and I get to do something together, so it was fun to work on a task while reminiscing on happy times we've had together. 

 

And then, when we were all finished, I yelled for the rest of the family to gather in the living room so we could give Michael the floor and let him show off... have his spotlight moment of attention. 

 

Everyone gathered around, I grabbed my camera and we watched as Michael stood proudly showing off his poster and telling us about all the pictures and sayings he had put on his masterpiece.

His face says it all.  I think he is proud of what he has to share.

Here he is reading the captions to his pictures.

And talking about one of his favorite trips to Walt Disney World. 

Meanwhile, everyone paid close attention and admired what he was pointing out.  Being the middle child, he doesn't often get the attention Gabriel (being the oldest) or Isabelle (being the baby) get.  And for those few minutes, the stage was all his.  He enjoyed getting the attention as much as we enjoyed giving it to him!

That is, he enjoyed all the attention, until Isabelle realized I was taking pictures.  At which point she turned around...

and came front and center in front of the camera.  She then started saying "CHEEZZZEEE"  over and over and over.

Yep, here she is again.  "CHEEZZZEEEE MOMMY!" over and over and over.

Last night after Michael got to take his poster to school and show is classmates, he, over dinner shared that everyone agreed with him, "Mom- I was the cutest baby.  Even MacKenzie says so." 

While I dread the parent homework and the backpacks all over the floor, I guess I shouldn't complain.  For without those pesky assignments, I wouldn't have gotten to spend and afternoon with my bestest (how do you like that word?) middle child.  It was a rewarding assignment, even if I thought I left homework assignments several years ago. 

Congrats Michael on your week in the spotlight.  I hope you soak up all the attention you so willingly deserve but often times selflessly let your other siblings get.

We love you!

Until next time,
Angie

Isabelle’s School Halloween Parade…

Although I have every intention, lately it seems like I haven't been able to blog as much as I'd truly like.  It seems I start one post, get interrupted, and don't ever make my way back to what I was trying to say.  Case in point the blog below I started several weeks ago.  Please forgive me; while all the stores and local radio stations have moved onto celebrating Christmas, we're still reflecting upon Halloween.  I reflect below.

Last Thursday (actually October 31st)  at Isabelle’s school, they had a costume parade in honor of Halloween.  Although Isabelle doesn’t usually go to school on Thursday, I had asked her teacher if Isabelle could still participate and she said they’d gladly have us.

Guess what I am..  Come on, can you guess?

So that morning, we dressed her up and headed off to school.  Upon reaching the front door, I could hear crying coming from all different directions.  Opening the door, it was clear, several little people were not too happy to be dressed in their costumes.  While at first I think Isabelle was confused why she was being taken so late and why the kids were all bawling (seriously who thought 1 year-olds would know a schedule, but seriously they do), but after walking in and seeing her favorite teacher, she adjusted immediately and was convinced she was there for the whole day, never mind she was wearing a really bulky and fluffy costume.

Ms. Carmen gave Isabelle a big hug and then she turned back to gather the other kids to start walking outside for the parade.  I took Isabelle by the hand, so Ms. Carmen could focus on the other 8 or 9 crying babies/toddlers and while I was trying to think what I could do to help, I honestly felt clueless at what I could do.  Ms. Carmen always the cool, calm and happy teacher that she is, smiled and said, “They don’t like changing from our normal schedule.  That isn’t obvious is it?”  While the goal was to have the kids walk out following each other in their costumes for all parents and visitors to see and admire, the reality was there were about 4 or 5 toddlers that were not having any of it, and were not moving unless they were carried.  Thankfully Ms. Ashley the director has lots of prior experience so she disappeared into the neighboring classroom, only to reappear moments later bringing their chariot.  She cheerfully said, “Your chariot awaits precious little ones.”  The next thing I knew four babies were sat in the crib on wheels, aka Chariot and were leading the pack of 1 year olds down the hall to the playground where the parade was waiting to begin.  While I thought Isabelle might have been bothered by all the crying, she didn’t seem fazed at all.  In fact, upon exiting the door and seeing the slide, the temptation was too much and immediately she deviated from the line to attempt to conquer the 4 and 5 year old’s slide on the playground they don’t get to go to.

When one was crying, the other one would look at them and start crying.  Isabelle just sat in the middle thinking, "what in the world is going on?"

 After successfully getting all the kids outside, still more than 70% of them screaming their heads off, pulling on their costume and throwing themselves on the floor in a fit, Ms. Carmen, again as cool as a cucumber sat each child in a row and started blowing bubbles to distract them from their tears.  While my nerves were about shot after only 3 minutes of being there, she was still all smiles.  Just a small testament to the wonderful people God created to be our children’s care providers.


Here Ms. Carmen is doing her best to blow bubbles at the screaming toddlers.  Meanwhile Isabelle decided to take off her shoes and make herself comfy.

 As every single child around her screamed, threw a tantrum and bawled their eyes out, Isabelle sat perfectly content looking around and wondering why she had such a huge costume on.  Within seconds she started playing with her shoe, taking it off and trying to hand it to the bawling Isabelle next to her.  When the other Isabelle had no interest, she looked up to Ms. Carmen, raised her arm with her shoe and repeated over and over, “Shoe” as in, “Put on my shoe.” 

 I couldn’t help but laugh at the complete chaos and cuteness that was happening all in one spot.  While I was feeling the stress the teachers had to feel, I also felt my heart melting with how cute little ones are.  While the parade ended up being a complete flop for the 1 year old classroom, it was a perfect Halloween Parade.   The kids ended up getting a sucker which immediately calmed them down and  the teachers moved everyone back to the classroom where the kiddos felt safe and in their natural surroundings.  Isabelle thought it was great also.  While she wasn’t so excited to leave school, I convinced her to leave with me.  Thank goodness for that sucker.

Who needs to remove the wrapper anyway.  Doesn't it just taste the same with the paper on?

Until next time,

Angie

A year...

Last Friday it was a year. A year since Isabelle became a permanent member of our family. Although from the first moment of seeing her, she was ours forever, in the eyes of the court we had to wait. A wait that some days seemed so painful, so long, that I still have nightmares about how difficult that time was.

But thank God our prayers were answered and she thankfully will stay with us, a part of us, embedded into our hearts and lives forever. 

It’s hard to believe a year has gone by since the day the judge said congratulations. The truth is that even though this year has flown by, I have, each and every day, given thanks that she is still with us.

Just the other day we were talking about the moment we got the call and how quickly things transpired. Driving somewhere with my parents, who happen to be visiting us right now, brought up the topic of conversation. My mom asked, “Boys do you remember the day you met Isabelle?” Thinking they surly had to remember Gabriel said, “Yes, we decided to call her Belle.” “Yes, we got to bring her home.” While the actual first day of meeting her, they only saw her through the photos on the camera while they waited outside the hospital, I think they do remember the drive to the hospital and getting to sit outside in the parking lot with Nana and Papa. While many of the details they don’t seem to recollect, I remember every moment.

I remember getting buzzed back into the nursery and having to show ID to the case workers to indeed verify we were who we said we were. I remember walking nervously into the NICU where a group of nurses were all gathered around her showering her with love. As as we made our way into the room, the nurses parted and my eyes met the miracle that is our daughter Isabelle.

I remember the tears rolling instantly down my face and opening my mouth to voice the feelings in my heart, only to find there were no words to say. My emotions said it all. I remember holding her for the first time and thinking how tiny, how little, how perfect, how precious. With our boys and now her, I knew my life was complete. I don’t think there can be anything greater than feeling that. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Instead it was 630 yesterday’s ago. And while our tiny, precious, unexpected miracle has grown into a stretching, crazy, and wildly adventurous toddler, I can’t imagine my life being any more than what it is.

Isabelle Grace, I don’t know if you or your brothers will ever understand exactly how much your mean to me. While sometimes you test my limits, and push me to boundaries I never knew I could go to; you’ve shown me a love that far surpasses anything I could have ever dreamed of. 

If there is one thing you learn from me in all the lessons I try to teach you, I hope you will remember this….I have never wanted anything more than I have wanted you.

Happy Adoption Day Anniversary Isabelle Grace.  Here's to look forward to many more in the future.

We love you always,

Mom and Dad

 

I was chosen

 

I was wanted

 

I was cherished

 

I grew in their hearts

I was the missing piece

 

I was loved

 

I was adopted

Eight!

Eight. He’s eight. Gabriel is eight.  Today our Gabriel turned eight.  How in the world can my little boy be 8 years old? How can he be double the age he was when our eyes first met each other?  In case it isn't clear, I'm still trying to convince myself its true.

It’s true. And at 4:14 this morning Gabriel was up ready to shout to the world he has indeed grown another year older. He also woke up convinced he had grown at least 6 more inches overnight as he insisted on standing next to dad first, and then me to compare how high his head reaches next to our body. For dad, he thankfully has a ways to go, but me; sadly, I fear next year, I’ll be the one with the shorter height measurements.

Gabriel’s grown so much in the last year, I no longer see him as a little kid, or even a kid kid. Before my eyes he’s transformed into a big kid. At their school fall festival this year, he requested to go on his own and play with his friends. And while we let him do it, I would by lying if I didn't admit, it pulled at my heart strings. Our once little guy is now growing up and with that becoming more independent.  Isnt' that what we all want as parents anyway?  We strive day after day to teach our children right from wrong so that some day they can grow up and become independent adults, capable of achieving success on their own and creating a life that they dreamed of.  Just slightly, I'm starting to see that image appearing for our Gabriel and while I'm happy to see his independence increase, it still does make my heart feel insecure, "Will he stop needing me all together someday?"

 

Thankfully, as fast as Gabriel raced off to be with his friends at the fall festival, Michael was there tugging at my arm, making sure I was still right there with him. While Michael, just a year younger, won’t let us get more than 10 feet away from him than calling us back to make sure we don’t lose him. My what a difference a year makes.  I digress.

Of the many qualities I could use to describe Gabriel, perhaps one of the most prominent is how responsible he can be.  When it comes to caring for his siblings, I never have to worry if Gabriel's in the other room to assist.  He always makes sure his little sister is okay, and can be trusted to help care for both her and Michael when I’m trying to get ready for work. Gabriel without asking often times helps Isabelle get up into her high chair, buckle's her in, gets her a bowl of Cheerios, pours her milk and eats breakfast with her.  And when Gabriel sees Michael doing something he knows isn't right, Gabriel cautiously and carefully states Michael's name in a way that, without voicing any other words, conveys the message that Michael should rethink his actions and choose a different way.  Some days, I wish I had that power.  I guess it is a bond between brothers, I'll forever be in wonder of and respect.

 

Dad and I are so proud of the person Gabriel has been and who is growing into.  And while we sometimes wish he was still our little 4-year-old boy, the one who smiled with his wide smile and heart-melting, innocent eyes, we are extremely thankful for each and everyday we've been called his mom and dad.

 

You know we often talk about the day our lives became intertwined as we nervously waited outside their foster family's door, knowing our lives were going to change forever.  What I didn't realize on that day, was that we'd look back at that day as the moment our lives began.  While Jarrett and I had a wonderful life full of happy memories and times we will cherish forever, on May 7, 2010 our lives truly began. 

 

Our hearts were opened to a new way of looking at life.  To a new way of living, a life greater than our own.  And it was all started with two little boys, two angels and just one of them happened to turn 8 today.

 

We love you Gabriel Joseph.  We love you to the moon, and back and a million times around this earth. 

 

 

Until next time,

Angie,

Happy Halloween!

Its hard to believe Halloween has come and gone.  Where has the year gone?  In some ways, I feel like Halloween snuck up on us.  And when I mean snuck up on us, I mean we didn't make it as big of a celebration that we have in past years.  Of course, we still went and visited Party City multiple times, even in the beginning of August before school started, to start previewing costume options.  And we may or may not have talked about Halloween for months before and have watched multiple Halloween movies and cartoons.  In the end, after our multiple trips to Party City, the costumes of most popular request by the boys were the same ones as last year... Batman and Robin.  And well, since we had already invested in those costumes, we opted not to get any new ones this year.

And then Halloween day came and as nostalgic as Mom can get, I started to feel bad we didn't have any new costumes for the boys.  Isabelle had a full closet full of choices waiting for what ever mood she happened to be in, but the boys, they only had their definitely worn-in ones from last year. So worn in that Gabriel's mask and cape were missing and Michael's mask was being held together with clear packaging tape as it too had seen better days.  Feeling like they were being cheated out of the "getting a new costume" feel, I went to my secret closet stash of stuff I get on clearance after the holidays, and I pulled out two Transformer costumes I had purchased for super cheap two years ago.  I remember when I bought them, thinking, man I'm going to have to wait several years before I can give these to them, they are huge!

So the time had come and while I hadn't looked at them in a really long time, I brought the costumes in the house, still in the bag and handed them over.  It was moments later as the boy's pulled the costumes out, shrieked with excitement and immediately riped open the bag, that my guilt drifted slightly away.  Within seconds Gabriel had his costume up on his legs and was starting to try to pull it up his arms when he said, "MOM, IT DOESN'T FIT!  ITS TOO SMALL!"  Turning around immediately I said, "WHAT?"  surely convinced he intended to say it was too big.  As I looked at the pant legs of his costumes which were more like Capri's than pants, indeed he was correct.  Instantly I started blaming myself, why hadn't I looked at those costumes at least once or twice in the last two years.  Why?  As I picked up the package I was relieved to see, Gabriel had grabbed the costume intended for Michael and Michael had Gabriel's.  Whew, crisis adverted.

The boys changed costumes and while Michael's was definitely a tad snug, it worked for the night.  Now three days after Halloween, I'm not sure it would still fit him. :-) 

The kids had a really fun Halloween and got more candy than we will ever know what to do with.  Actually, I know what to do with it as I sit here eating way more candy than I need to.  Thankfully the boys haven't noticed the decreasing amount in their buckets each morning. Or if they do, they don't say anything.

Trick or Treating was such a highlight for them, Gabriel and Michael would race almost a half a block ahead of us down the street, zig zagging from one side of the street to the other following the lights on the outside of people's home, like bees follow their queen.  While they boys raced ahead, Dad and I were back with our little butterfly, who also thought trick or treating was pretty special as well.  She insisted on walking several blocks, even though we brought the stroller.  We had been practicing for weeks to say, "Trick or Treat" and she repeated it over and over as we made our way down the sidewalk.  Upon walking up to some one's door though, she'd immediately become shy and refused to say anything.  Thankfully her cute looks got her pretty far.  She racked up several packs of M-n-M's  (M&M's) which she can say clear as air and while she wasn't so interested in collecting as much candy as she could, she was very protective of carrying her pumpkin bucket and saying hello to every single dog in the neighborhood. 

As we tucked the kids into bed on Halloween night, we prayed, gave hugs and kissed and said goodnight.  As I was closing the door, Gabriel said "Mom, tonight was so much fun.  Thanks for surprising us with the new costume and for letting us have so much fun.  I'm so tired, but I had so much fun." 

It indeed was a very happy Halloween!

Until next time,
Angie