Noah's Kindness Project Schedule for October 3...

NOAH’S KINDNESS PROJECT

October 3, 2015 Schedule

                                                Wear your Noah’s Kindness Project t-shirts (1)

Donate to Jennifer Stults’ Team Fox fundraiser (2) (http://www2.michaeljfox.org/site/TR?px=1269936&fr_id=1780&pg=personal)

 and to Arizona Safe Baby Haven (3) (donate @ http://azsbh2.org/donate/)

7:00 a.m.                      Set up booth at RAT Race (4) to register for Noah’s Kindness Project team visit http://www.runagainsttrafficking.org/

8:00 a.m.                      Running portion of RAT Race begins

8:30 a.m.                      Walking portion of RAT Race begins

11:30 a.m.                    (5 and 6) Arrive at Banner Desert Medical Center- deliver items to NICU and cupcakes/care provider gifts to NICU & antepartum (link to sign up: http://goo.gl/forms/Gz9hS0nsi8)

12:00 p.m.                    Messages meant for Heaven- Messages written on balloons

             Balloon release at 12:10 p.m.  (link to sign up: http://goo.gl/forms/Gz9hS0nsi8)

12:30 p.m.                    Arrive at church for lunch and Operation Gratitude (7)- letter writing campaign.  To join us and write a letter together please sign up at http://goo.gl/forms/QmT8Px2VTm.  For more information about Operation Gratitude visit http://www.operationgratitude.com/

2:00 p.m.                      Sort food for St. Mary’s Food Bank (8) The list of most needed items:  http://www.firstfoodbank.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Top-Ten-Most-Wanted.pdf

                                     Neighborhood beautification project:  Memorial Garden (9)

3:30 p.m.                      Take food to local police, firefighters and EMT’s (10)

5:30 p.m.                      Eat at Charlston’s in Mesa to benefit Child Crisis Center and Crisis Nursery (11) http://bit.ly/Charlstonsflyer

                                     Leave an extra special tip for a hardworking service industry professional (12).

Please don’t forget to share pictures from throughout the day on Facebook in the Noah’s Kindness Project group.

Individuals interested in participating in Noah’s Kindness Project with the family should email

angela.haskovec@gmail.com for a detailed schedule and instructions.

Be the RAINBOW in someone’s cloud!

Noah's Kindness Project:Surprise! Kindness Act #13 Diaper Drive

Surprise here's another way for you to get involved and give back.  Donate Diapers for Maggie's Place:

While we have focused on performing 12 acts of kindness for the 12 days Noah was with us, the truth is 12 days isn't actually the truth.  In the three months it has been since Noah's body has been gone, I've come to learn this... although Noah's body died on June 25, Noah has never left us.

When that little boy was born into this world, into our lives, and into our hearts, his presence became permanent. His legacy is that of love and kindness.  And I've found that while his life here on earth was cut way too short, he gave me, our family, and so many of you, a piece of what he was put on this earth to do.  I know his life's purpose was to give love, to serve as a reminder for us at just what a gift life is and to encourage us to put more kindness out into the world.

So while we focused this entire time on 12 acts for the 12 days... I found it only fitting to actually do more... because Noah's presence in our life really didn't end on that very sad day in June, it actually continued. And I believe, his impact in our life is unending.

And so for our surprise act of kindness I share with you, act #13 is a diaper drive benefiting Maggie's Place.

Maggie’s Place is a community that provides houses of hospitality for pregnant and parenting women in need who are living in the greater Phoenix, AZ and Cleveland, OH area.

A little history about Maggie's Place...

Maggie’s Place began with five young women who had the courage and determination to take on the founding of a non-profit, the creation of a community, and the establishment of a home. As word spread, caring and generous individuals stepped forward to provide assistance. After eighteen months of planning, Maggie’s Place opened its doors to the first group of pregnant women on Mother’s Day 2000. Over a decade later, Maggie’s Place operates 4 homes and has helped over 600 women.

Maggie's Place is a great organization and one that can use our help.  

What is even more special to us about this act of kindness is that the diaper drive efforts are being led by the wonderful school community our boys belong to.  

Michael's friend Bella and Kylie sharing information about the diaper drive for Noah's Kindness Project on the school's morning announcements.

When the boys first found out about Noah they couldn't wait race to school the next morning and share the news with their teachers, their friends, everyone they could tell at school.  The response was excitement and celebration from all.  This summer when everything started happening and Noah was born so early, the boys were in a summer program at our school and the support they received was the same... unwavering.  The boys' teachers came to see Jarrett and I at the hospital, and offered support in what ever way they could.

In seeing just how much our boys, our family was cared for by those in the Mirada community, Jarrett and I, in that small hospital room, talked about just how thankful we are to belong to such a wonderful school.  And then this school year started and in talking about Noah's Kindness Project the boys asked if they could do something with the school to honor their brother.  They proposed an idea to their teachers and through Gabriel's efforts in being a part of Student Council, the school has taken the lead on organizing this cause.

I've watched in awe as the entire school community has rallied behind this effort and I can't wait to see the results.  I fully realize that not everyone may find the same level of support from the school their children attend and just how lucky we are to be a part of a community that does.

And so, for our final act of kindness for Noah's Kindness Project 2013 is a diaper drive and we ask you to help us participate...if you'd like to contribute to the diaper drive benefiting Maggie's Place, please drop diapers off to our house next week (September 28-October 1).  We will then make sure your donation is added to the efforts collected by the school and handed over to Maggie's Place.

Last weekend, the boys and I talked about the diaper drive and everything their school is doing to help promote it.  As we talked Michael said, "Mom, doing stuff to help others in Noah's memory makes me feel happy and takes away some of the sadness that he died."  

I cried.  And then I realized just what a gift so many of you, including the Mirada community, have given to us.  What so many of you have given to us as you express an interest in volunteering, in joining us that day or doing an act on your own...participating in Noah's Kindness Project continues to help our family in ways words can't adequately convey.  Thank you.

Michael is right... Losing Noah makes us feel great sadness and we will never stop missing him.  However, because of so many of you, we are happy.  As more love and kindness fill this world, we smile... we give thanks.  We are thankful to God that Noah came into our lives... and that he's always going to be with us.

Until next time,

Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: #11 and 12 Blessings for Banner

From June 8 through the 25, Jarrett, Noah and I lived most of our lives inside the walls of the Banner Desert Medical Center.  It was the scariest, most difficult and also the most blessed time in our lives.  Everyday presented us with challenges to endure, fears to face, and worries to overcome, and yet those were some of our greatest days.

We were cared for like we were family, treated like we were the most important people in the entire hospital and blessed countless times over.

The moment we thought about doing something in honor of Noah on October 3, finding a way to give back to Banner was the first act of kindness we set our sights on.  Our final two acts of kindness will be reciprocating some of the kindness we received by paying it forward for Banner staff and community... 

11) Staff Thank you: While the hospital was where all the kindness was given, it was because of the amazing nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, and staff that we were blessed.  And now it is our turn to return the blessings, to reciprocate some of the gifts we were given, to those hard-working, caring miracle workers that shared their kindness with us.  On Saturday, October 3 at 11:30 a.m. as we gift the Banner community with our kindness.  We will present the team in the antepartum and NICU units with a thank you gift in memory of our son.

12) NICU Care Packages: Additionally, we will gift handmade creations of love to other families in the NICU.   Our gifts, thanks to Nana and our friends Trudi and Sonya, will include infant snuggle sacks, crochet blankets, preemie sized knitted hats, and heart shaped scent cloths. Each item was created from our hands and our love was poured into them.  It is our hope that as future NICU families receive them, they feel the love that was shared as it was created.

After delivering our gifts to Banner, we will write our wishes and messages of love to send to Heaven.  Shortly after noon we will release a rainbow collection of balloons with our messages of love into the sky. 

If you'd like to contribute items to donate to the NICU and/or even to join us as we thank the Banner community, please let us know, by clicking here.  

Sharing blessings with the Banner Community is important for me, as I want them to know how thankful we are they treated us so kindly.  And by sharing gifts with other NICU families, it is our hope that their experience is the same as ours... bountiful blessings of love and kindness.  I will always feel a connection to that hospital in Mesa.  I can't drive on the 101 or the 60 without thinking of our many trips to and from that hospital.  It was a place where our miracle baby first experienced life outside me, where he fought so valiantly to stay with us, and also the place where part of my heart left me as my son left me behind in this world.  The nurses, doctors,  respiratory therapists, clergy, and social workers were there to help us through each and every moment and that is a blessing we will never forget.

  I look forward to many things about a week from today but one of the acts of kindness I look most forward to is saying thank you to many familiar faces I've missed since we walked out of that hospital over three months ago for the last time.  Instead of being sad this time, I hope the feelings are of happiness, of gratitude in being able to pay it forward and then... I look forward to watching as our wishes to Noah are released into the sky with a rainbow of colors floating up to heaven.

Until next time,

Angie

 

Noah’s death wasn't bad.

Three months ago this very hour, our precious Noah's heart beat for the last time. We miss him each and everyday.

For the past month I’ve been going to see a grief counselor.  I debated about sharing this with the world, but decided after everything else I’ve shared here, what’s wrong with sharing that I’m talking to someone to help me figure out how to navigate this new reality I live in.  Jarrett has been, just like since day one, my strongest support.  Before I even realized I needed someone to talk to, he realized it and spent hours researching different counselors in the valley that I might be able to see.  And then there was my friend Mel, who went to breakfast with me and so kindly presented me with a packet of information of the grief counselors she recommended who talk to mothers who lost infants.  I went home and cross referenced the lists Jarrett and Mel had come up with and immediately felt drawn to Laurie.

Laurie is not only a therapist, but also someone who has walked in my shoes… not one, not twice, sadly not even three times.  Laurie is a mother to 4 angels, two twins born at 24 weeks because her water broke early too.  I cannot even begin to imagine the grief or burden she must carry, but as I sit across from her, I instead see someone with a genuinely happy smile, a women who proudly bears her scars and visually shows the love of her lost children in a similar dangly bracelet.  She sits across from me not judging where I am at this moment, what our story has been, but as a women with open arms and a gleaming ray of hope… life can be good again.

Laurie herself says, she does not have the answers for us, for me, but inside of myself are the answers I want to see.  She is just my guide on this challenging journey and as my guide she will clear the path to the answers waiting in the future.  I trust her whole heartedly even though I met her 5 short weeks ago.

Laurie’s guidance comes through helping me find the truth in what happened with Noah.  The part of grief I never realized is that is has many ugly heads that rear themselves at different times.  Just when I think I’m feeling okay about one thing, another aspect of losing our miracle baby, presents itself and I feel stuck, back down in my grand canyon of sorrow again.  Laurie is helping me to see what is truth and distinguish that from a belief… because I’ve learned not all beliefs are true, and that’s where the grief becomes overpowering.

For example, one of the beliefs I have struggled with since Noah passed was that him coming early was because of something I did wrong, something my body didn’t do right.  Therefore it is my fault that he was born at 24 weeks and not strong enough to live outside my womb.  This belief carries the greatest amount of grief and the largest burden.  This guilt is what makes me lie awake at night and negotiate with God why he had to teach me this lesson and that he could have shown me another way, other than taking my son. 

In the first weeks together, Laurie helped me to see, that it wasn’t because of me or my body, something I did or didn’t do that caused Noah to come early.  It was just the way it was supposed to happen.  She explained it, just like we breath.  Our body, at its core, does everything it can to maintain systems as they are supposed to.  For example, when we try to hold our breath.  For a while we can do it, but eventually our body takes over and either forces us to take a breath or we pass out so we can start breathing again.  The same thing happened with my body… whether it was an infection that caused my water to break, the way Noah’s cord imbedded into my uterus in a weak spot, or for a reason we will never know… at that moment on June 8^th, my body was just doing what it was supposed to and caused my water to break.  Quite simply… that is the truth.  Her helping me to see it, released an enormous amount of guilt that quite literally had been slowly killing me since the day Noah left us.

And that revelation of the truth, led me to another one.  Noah’s death on June 25^th wasn’t because we didn’t do enough.  What I've realized is that Noah left us because it was his body doing what was best for him.  Noah fought hard to be with us for 12 days.  He overcame challenges, we never thought he would… he survived birth, then the first 24 hours, his brain scan revealed no brain bleeds- especially remarkable given how much he was pressed down into my pelvic bone for all those days of contractions, and another victory... he got to eat so early.  So many huge milestones, it was clear our little baby was a true fighter.  But in the end, when his acidosis became too great and the challenges in front of him too much for his tiny self, his body did what was best for him, and it shut down… letting his body finally find the peace it needed. 

What this truth what I wanted?  Hell no.  Do I like it?  Absolutely not.  But is it the truth.. yes.  Laurie asked me if I would have wanted Noah to have lived in the condition his body was in at the end and I immediately said NO.  I said, “I wanted him to run, jump, play and do everything Gabriel, Michael and Isabelle can do.”  Then she asked me, “Would Noah have had the life you dreamed of, if he would have survived the obstacles in front of him on June 25^th? And I knew again, “No, he wouldn’t.  His quality of life, at best, would have been filled with challenges, disabilities and more medical interventions than I could have even counted, and that would have been if he even was able to come home from the hospital.  Then Laurie asked me, “What is a bad thing that Noah died?”  With tears in my eyes, I knew the answer I needed to say, but still couldn’t bring myself to mouth the words… I sat quietly and let the tears roll down my face.

As the stream of water dripped onto my pants, I looked back up at her, and I said, “Noah dying was the last thing I ever wanted to happen, but given the life he would have lived, Noah’s death wasn't bad.”  As a mother I feel bad saying that but when it comes down to the actual truth sitting right in front of me, Laurie is right.  It sounds so harsh, so careless, such a horrible thing for a mother to say, but as the issues were slowly cleared away, the beliefs cleared up, the truth remained.  I wouldn’t have wanted Noah to suffer any longer.  I wouldn’t have wanted him to have anything less than the wonderful life my other children have and I wouldn’t have wanted to be the reason he kept fighting when he knew it was time to say goodbye.

While he's not with me physically today, I know too that saying goodbye wasn't a permanent thing.  My faith tells me, someday we will see each other again.   Knowing that, makes me fearless about leaving this world, when its my time to go.

Does it make my heart break into a million pieces that he isn’t here… yes.  Would I trade ever thing I own to bring him back… yes, in an instant.  Does it mean I will forever live with a piece of my heart missing… yes.  And like Laurie says… I don’t have to like the truth, in fact you can hate it, but once you find it, you can learn how to find the way back to living a life with purpose.  That’s the journey I’m on.

Laurie knew how hard it was for me to verbalize those words and as sad as it made me to say it, she knew just what to say to pull me back up and make me see the light in the sea of darkness.  She asked, “What did Noah give you?”  At first I looked at her with a look of uncertainty.  She repeated her question, “What did Noah give to you?” 

I responded, “ Well, he was our miracle baby because he showed us that Jarrett and I could get pregnant, we could have a biological child.” 

She said, “And isn’t that great?  Actually that is amazing.  Noah proved all those doctors who told you it wasn’t possible, that they were wrong.  Right?”  I smiled, “yes.”

“What else?” she asked.

Well, he gave me the gift of getting to be pregnant, something I’ve wanted to experience my entire life.” 

And he also gave you the gift of feeling what it’s like to have a baby move around inside of you.  That’s the best feeling in the whole world is it not?”  I smiled, “yes.”

“What else?”

Well, through his birth and the fact that he came so early, we were shown so much love and kindness by so many people, we never thought we’d be given nor do we feel we deserve. 

I looked over a Laurie, she leaned back in her chair and this time she smiled.  “Look at all these amazing gifts Noah gave you. And I’m sure we can sit here and count on many hands, the number of gifts he continues to give you, even though he’s not physically in your arms.” She stated.

I sobbed into my arms… I cried, that ugly cry that no one else wants anyone else to see.  Yes, that was me.  I cried, not because of the burden from the grief, because of the joy in all the gifts Noah has given me.  What an amazing little boy, that in his 12 days of life, he gave me some of the greatest gifts I have ever wanted.  And Laurie’s right… he continues to give me gifts each and every day.

Am I happy that Noah’s not with me.  NO.  Will part of my heart remain in heaven until the rest of my spirit arrives?  Yes.  Am I thankful beyond a doubt that even though I live with heartache, that Noah was real, was one of the greatest blessings and that he was, will always be, a part of me? Absolutely. 

Laurie is helping me to cut through the clutter and the many beliefs I hold, to find the truth in this life.  Is truth always easy to hear or even swallow? No.  But does it relieve the burden brought on by ugly grief… yes.  And that is helping me to find the light in this sea of great darkness. 

Noah’s death wasn’t a bad thing.  Yes, that is the truth.  What is also the truth is that Noah’s Life was beautiful and  I am so thankful for him.

Until next time,

Angie 

Noah's Kindness Project: #10 Make a difference and donate.

When narrowing down the list of all the things we brainstormed to do on October 3, it became apparent very quickly that if we had the means and endless time, we could be doing 120, or 1,200, even 12,000 acts of kindness in memory of Noah.  The reality is, there are so many great causes, needs to be served, and kindness to be given, that our list could go on and on.

As we narrowed down the selected acts, one of the options that floated to the top was giving to our friend Jennifer as she trains for a marathon and is fundraising with Team Fox to find life-saving treatments for Parkinson's.

Support a fundraiser… Before becoming parents to Gabriel, Michael, Isabelle and Noah; Jarrett and I walked another difficult road.  It was the battle against cancer.  Thanks to the support from so many, and the answered prayers from God, he won his battle and has gone onto lead a wonderfully blessed life. In fact, just two days ago we learned we get to celebrate him beginning his 8th year of being in remission.  A blessing we are both thankful for each and everyday.

 Following his journey, our journey, down that scary and unknown road, we both wanted to do something to test our personal strength while making the lives of others forced to face a similar battle better.  We raced, hiked, and biked to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.   When we asked for others to help donate to our fundraising efforts, we were shown extreme kindness through those acts and raised several thousand dollars to help find a cure. At the time, when I was training for the marathons, and logging all of those miles, knowing so many had given to our cause helping us and so many others, made each and every painful mile all worth it.

When I saw that Jennifer had committed to racing the Chicago Marathon, coming up here in a few weeks, I could put myself in her shoes and immediately understood the importance of donating to her efforts.  Jennifer is racing with Team Fox, the Michael J. Fox Foundation because her life, her family's life has been directly affected by Parkinson's.  Jennifer is racing in honor of her mother.

Team Fox, the Michael J. Fox Foundation’s purpose is to accelerate the delivery of life-changing treatments, and ultimately a cure for people with this disease.  While Jennifer's life is directly affected each day as she and her family help her mother, we too know friends whose life has been changed due to the diagnoses of Parkinson's.  

On October 3, we will be donating to Jennifer’s fundraising efforts.  If you'd like to help contribute to Jennifer's goal, and the hope for so many people who are living with Parkinson's, caring for a loved one with it, or even that mother, father, son, daughter, sister or brother just diagnosed... your gift no matter how big or small can make a difference.
I've seen first hand how efforts by organizations like Team Fox, or the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society save lives... I'm living with my partner in this life because so many of you gave a gift.

To support Jennifer please CLICK HERE.

Or if you'd like, pick a cause close to your heart; an organization that can help you or a loved one with a challenge you or they face... there are so many great causes.  Pick one that is important to you and give.  Then sit back and pat yourself on the back... your gift has made a difference, you have made a difference.

Until next time,
Angie

Noah's Kindness Project #9: Thank a Police Officer, Firefighter or EMT....

My brother is a volunteer fire fighter and when I hear about the fires and emergencies he responds to, most of the time the first thought into my mind is that I worry and pray everything will be okay.  

I can't imagine the worry spouses, children, parents or relatives must experience when their loved one serves us through the role of a firefighter, police officer and even an EMT. I'm sure for those families, every time they hear sirens or see the flashing lights of a police car, a firetruck, and ambulance, they must think of their loved one and hope that they come home from their next shift at work.  

Jarrett and I have only had to call upon the services of the police, firefighters and the EMT, once after we were attacked by a dog.  It was a scary situation and one that I'll never forget.  As scary as it was, the moment the firefighters and police arrived, they were calm, so helpful, taking command of the situation thus serving as a calm in the storm.

On October 3, we plan to say thank you to our local firefighters, police officers and EMT's by taking them some homemade treat.  We ask that you consider joining us in a similar effort for your local hometown heroes.  If you don't have time to make anything or the means to bring them treats, just write them a note, take it to the station and say thank you.   

We plan to say thank you by dropping off some homemade treats that will hopefully make them feel appreciated.

Will you consider joining us to do the same?

Until next time,
Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: #8 Neighborhood Beautification.

When we first got our boys we instituted the routine of taking a family walk around our neighborhood and to the park near our home.  Mainly it started as a way to still give the dog his 10 minutes of glory in getting out of the house, but it also allowed us some time to have uninterrupted time as a family at the end of the day to talk.  In those first walks I noticed something about the boys and it is a habit they've continued to keep.  They have always been great at picking up trash or litter and putting it where it needs to be so that our park, the neighborhood around us, and Mother Earth can still look nice.  I'm proud to say its a habit they developed on their own (not by our instruction or guidance) and it something they still do today.  

When Jarrett and I were talking about ideas of things we wanted to do in honor of Noah, one of the things we talked about was doing something for the earth and to make something even a tiny bit more beautiful.  For Noah was beautiful in our eyes and by making something else beautiful, we would be reminded that there is beauty all around us.  

So hence our project number 8:  Neighborhood Beautification.  This is something that anyone and everyone can do.  It doesn't have to cost anything nor take up a whole lot of time.  

On Saturday, October 3, we hope you'll join us in finding some way to make our wonderful Mother Earth just a bit more beautiful.  Pick your neighborhood park, or a ditch (those of you back in Iowa will know what I'm talking about), or an abandoned yard and spend some time making it look better.  Paint, pick up trash, trim landscaping, plant some flowers or a tree... what ever it needs, please consider donating your time and energy to make a piece of this wonderful world nicer.

For our contribution we plan to spend some time sprucing up the Memorial Garden at our church.  While it is already a beautiful and extremely peaceful place, we plan to spend a bit of time giving it an extra bit of TLC.  The memorial garden is a special place for many people at our church and its also a special place for us.  This is Noah's Final resting place.  

When deciding where he should be laid to rest, we found the larger cemetery to be overwhelming and that he was just too little to be buried in such a large place.  When our church shared with us about the memorial garden, (a place we didn't even realize the church had), we toured it and immediately knew... we had found the place for Noah to be.  It is small, quiet, filled with beautiful trees and flowers, and a water fountain.  It is private and only those with loved ones there are given a key to come and visit any time they would like (so much like the NICU).  We feel thankful to have found such a nice place for him to be.  And someday, when Jarrett or I are called home, Noah can be moved to be buried with one of us.  Yet another nice option the memorial garden provides to us.  

Thank you for joining us in donating a bit of labor and a lot of heart to make the world around us beautiful.

Until next time,
Angie

Isabelle and Baby Noah...

Isabelle only met baby Noah once but for three years old she really understood what was happening.  Those that were watching the kids for us while Jarrett and I lived pretty much at the hospital would tell us, she would talk about Noah, that he was at the hospital and ask to go there.

After Noah passed Isabelle asked me most mornings where baby Noah was and that we should go see him.  I mainly wrote it off as her trying to understand what had happened in our lives.  And while she asks a lot of questions, talks many times a day about baby Noah, there have been some things she's said that make me stop and say, "huh?"  

The day of Noah's wake, our family loaded up into the car, all dressed as we would for a funeral, unable to fully process, that this trip was for our beloved son and brother.  As we drove, the boys sat quietly, and as Dad drove, I reached my hand out across the center consul, Jarrett placed his hand in mine. As the car was mostly quiet until we heard Isabelle say, "Baby Noah don't sit on the floor. Mommy doesn't want you to sit on the floor."  

And then this morning.  Isabelle walked into our room before 5 a.m. and even before she got to our bed I had heard her talking in the hallway.  It was quiet enough where I couldn't understand what she was saying until she stood at the foot of our bed.  I heard her whisper... "Let's go show Mommy.  Come one, let's go tell Mommy."  I wasn't sure what she was trying to say or do as normally she walks right to the side of my bed and starts to crawl in.  This morning was different though.  She just stood at the end of our bed talking.  After listening  her repeat herself, "Come, lets show Mommy."  I finally whispered, "Isabelle what are you doing?"  To which Isabelle said, "Baby Noah, is that you?"  I paused for a moment, and then said, "Isabelle, no its mommy."  

At that point Isabelle turned to me, now sitting up in bed and came around to my side.  I then asked, "Isabelle what are you doing?"  to which she ignored my question and said, "Mommy, can I sleep with you?"  I helped Isabelle back up into our bed and she snuggled into my side as I laid there staring at the ceiling wondering what I had just watched.

This hasn't been the first, nor the second or even the tenth time Isabelle has said something or done something that makes me wonder if she sees or feels things even more intensely than the rest of us.  

I know I've mentioned it on here before, but Isabelle is the one of our children who talks about Noah the most.  She sings to him, she dances for him and she talks about him frequently at night.  Sometimes it seems she is actually talking to him.  A couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling overwhelmed by the sadness in my heart, I was getting Isabelle ready for bed.  I was living, but not actively participating in the game of life. Like an empty shell of a person, just going through the motions, doing just the bare minimum to get by while still meeting my responsibilities.

Our bed time routine with Isabelle goes like this... read story, brush teeth, carry her to bed, tuck her in, say prayers, turn on Elsa light, kiss her head, say goodnight, go get her a cup of water to drink, give water to her, kiss her again, tell her I love her, shut door.    The same routine every night. 

On this particular night, I had followed everything as we normally do, but as I bent over he head to kiss her, before going to get her water, I started to say, "I love you." when she interrupted me.  She said, "Mommy, baby Noah loves you."  I paused, looked down at her, smiled and tears dripped from my eyes.

I'm not sure what the connection is between Isabelle and baby Noah, but each and every time I hear her say his name, dance in his honor, or talk to him like he's right near her, I feel great peace.

They never got a chance to play, or do the millions of things siblings should get to do, but there is still a strong connection and a bond that hasn't been broken, even though Noah is not with us physically.  I pray that never goes away.

Until next time,
angie   

Noah's Kindness Project: #7 Another Act of Kindness--A Food Drive

Another Act of Kindness:  A Food Drive

As a part of Noah’s Kindness Project, we are hosting a food drive for St. Mary’s Food Bank Alliance.  Our family and friends were incredibly generous to us during our stay at the hospital, both before and after Noah's birth, arranging and bringing supper to our home virtually every evening for fully seven weeks.  We thought it fitting to include a food-related activity as a part of the overall Kindness Project.

St. Mary's, the world's first food bank, is a non-sectarian, nonprofit organization that alleviates hunger by efficiently gathering and distributing food to the hungry.  According to the food bank, nearly 17.8% of Arizonans are food insecure, and 28.2% of Arizona children face hunger.

We will be collecting food at three different sites:
(1) Gethsemane Lutheran Church and School, 1035 E Guadalupe Rd, Tempe, Arizona 85283.  Food will be collected at our church between Sunday, September 20 and Sunday, October 4.  The school will also be taking part in the food drive.  In addition to other collection times, we will also be collecting food at the church on Saturday, October 3, between 9 am and noon.
(2) ASU Career Services on the Tempe campus (Angie's office).  Food will be collected during business hours on weekdays from Tuesday, September 22 through Friday, October 2.
(3) Lubin & Enoch, P.C., 349 N. Fourth Avenue, Phoenix, AZ 85003.  Food is presently being collected at my work and will be accepted during business hours through Friday, October 2.

St. Mary's has identified a number of foods and other items as the most needed, including canned foods and diapers.  Please see the list at http://www.firstfoodbank.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Top-Ten-Most-Wanted.pdf.

We look forward to seeing you at one of the collection sites!

Noah's Kindness Project: Act of Kindness #5 and #6

#5: Eat out:   Yes, you read that correctly.  For our fifth act of kindness on Saturday, October 3, we will be dining out for kids.  

Please consider dining out at Charleston's in Mesa, AZ . 10% of sales will go to support the Child Crisis Center and the Crisis Nursery.  Before Jarrett and I became parents, I volunteered weekly at the Child Crisis Center.  While I loved the time I got to spend there, many times I left feeling sad that so many of the children had had to endure such a difficult life prior to coming to the center.  The Child Crisis Center and Crisis Nursery provide a loving, safe environment for children, thus breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect.  Please enjoy dinner out, and feel good about it because while you get to enjoy a tasty meal, you are also supporting a great organization focused on saving our community's children.

In order for the Child Crisis Center and Crisis Nursery to benefit from this cause, you must present the flyer when you dine at Charleston's.  If you would like a copy of the flyer, please let us know, or you can print out a copy of your own form here. 

And going along with our act of dining out for kids, on Saturday, October 3, we plan to give a hardworking service professional, another reason to smile...

6) Service industry professionals:  How many times do you pick up your morning coffee, and wonder about the life of that person who just made it for you?  Or what about the person at the salon who makes you look and feel better?  Or the waitress who works extra-long shifts to save a few extra dollars to be able to afford a birthday party for her son?  How often do we interact with service oriented men and women and take the great customer service we receive for granted?  Not today… as you drive through Starbucks, enjoy your lunch at your favorite restaurant (Charleston's perhaps), stay in a hotel that’s been cleaned so nicely for you… thank the person who helped to make your life better.  Leave a tip, write them a note,pass along one of Noah's Kindness cards and give them the extra money you were saving for the pair of shoes you really wanted, or that handbag you just have to have.  Think about how much an extra generous tip could mean someone who didn’t expect it.  Please share your “tips of service” with someone who has served you.  That’s what we’ll be doing on October 3.

Until next time,

Angie

Three Months....

Noah, its so hard to believe that it has been three months since my eyes met your beautiful body outside of mine.  Some days it seems like it was yesterday and the next day it seems it was a lifetime ago, that I got to spend so much time with you in the NICU.

My mind often wonders to what our life would be like now if you were still inside of me  And then I think about what our life would have been like if you were still in the NICU.  I wonder how much you would have weighed at this point, I wonder if you would have followed me with your eyes or gripped my fingers so tightly when I came to be at your bedside.  I wonder so many things.  

And sometimes it breaks my heart to think of those things.  Most days that is.  It makes me sad but only because I miss you so much.  I promised to remember the 13th of each month for the blessings you brought us and while my heart aches, there are so many blessings.

Tonight I share some of the quotes that have reminded me in the last 3 months just how lucky I am to have had you.  To have gotten to feel you inside of me.  To have experienced the love you made me feel that I never knew I'd ever get to experience.  These are some of the quotes that have encouraged me to keep going...

These remind me of Noah and the gift that he is...

And the following give me some encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other... especially on those extra difficult days.

 And this one....

Noah, you coming into our lives was the greatest unexpected surprise.  While I always wanted to give birth and bring a baby into our family, it wasn't until you slipped away, that I realized just how much more I wanted you than I ever really knew.  

Noah, I continue to remember your birthday with only the greatest memories and feelings of love and joy.  These last three months have been the hardest of my life, but I look back now and realize, I've been able to find a way to get out of bed each morning and try my best to get through each day.   

Noah, I miss you so much.  I love you more and more with each passing day and I thank you for giving me reminders you are still with me, with us. 

Please continue to be with us... to be that rainbow in the sky... to be that friend who reaches out on those days when the grief seems too much.  Thank you for always being one of my greatest blessings and for teaching me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was.  

I love you my baby boy. 

Until next time,

Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: #4 Arizona Safe Baby Haven

      Every newborn baby deserves a fighting chance… Arizona Safe Baby Haven

Just a couple of weeks ago, I read the news story about a newborn baby boy found deceased in a dumpster.  I thought about our Noah and how we didn’t have a choice to say goodbye, and then I thought about that precious baby boy that didn’t even get a chance.  

The headline to the story read.... Dead Newborn Baby Found in Dumpster.  To read this sad story, click here

While I can't imagine nor should I judge what a mother must think as she places her newborn, still breathing baby in a dumpster,I do know and can say this... there is always another choice.  The Arizona Safe Baby Haven is a program where mothers can drop off their newborns or infants in a safe place, often a hospital or fire station and leave their child with no questions asked.  

In the many years Jarrett and I struggled to become parents, I often though about how I would have given anything to become a mother.  I would have loved, cared for, and cherished every and any child, God brought into my life. Now 12 years later, that feeling is even more confirmed, as I get to look daily in the eyes of my three beautiful children I am privileged to raise.  While I am not the one who gave them life, I am charged with helping them create the best life possible. 

In my opinion, every child, every infant, every baby deserves a chance to have a great life.  

And so, that's why on Saturday, October 3rd, one of our 12 acts of kindness will be giving a monetary donation to the Arizona Safe Baby Haven in memory of our 4th angel... Noah James.  

We hope our donation can go to help educate pregnant mothers, not prepared to care for their baby, that there are other options for their precious miracle, than to simply throw them out with the trash.  Please consider making a donation to the Arizona Safe Baby Haven organization or to a similar organization you are connected to.  There are many ways you can help, click on their “donate” link from their homepage.  

We are here today because our mothers made the choice that we deserved a chance at a great life.  Please help us to raise awareness, so the next story we see on the news, is not one of a baby whose life was cut too short and found in a dumpster, but instead, a success story of a mother who knew what options she had, and made the choice to give her child a chance at a better future.

I found this poem as I read about the Safe Haven laws and decided it was time for me, for us, to do something about it.  Will you?

I read about a newborn baby
found cold and shivering in a dumpster
with little hope of life.
I became angry and said,
“Why did you permit this?
Why don’t you do something about it?”
For a moment God said nothing.
Then He calmly replied,
“I did do something about it,
I made YOU.”

Until next time,

Angie

40 Under 40

Today was a good day.  (It seems like it's been a very long time since I've said that- the last time I can remember saying that and truly feeling it in my heart was Father's Day when Jarrett and I spent the day with our new youngest son, followed by some time with our other beautiful children.  Boy so much has happened since then).  But today was a good day.

And tonight we celebrated my spouse, Gabriel, Michael, Isabelle and Noah's amazing daddy, our rock in this world...tonight we celebrated Jarrett.  He was recognized as one of Phoenix Business Journal's 40 under 40 award recipients.

We had known about the award for several months but tonight was the awards ceremony.  If I'm being honest, I never really took the time to learn about the event details, to know where it was or how long the ceremony was going to be.  See there are many days, its still a struggle to see or face people.  My normal routine of dropping the kids off at school, going to work, picking the kids up, going to the grocery store (while I still don't like it), and church are about all the places I've adjusted to going to.  New places, people I haven't seen yet, and strangers... I'm just not there yet.

So this awards ceremony where I knew networking was a key aspect, it didn't seem, compared to staying home in my space of comfort, was all that appealing.  But then today came and I reminded myself to just be in the moment.  So I tried and you know what... it turns out, it took a whole lot of pressure and stress off.  I gave myself permission to just be the best I could be at the moment I was in.

Thankfully, my networking was limited to those family and friends (Jarrett's colleagues) that have been supportive all along.  The reception was very nice, the music from the 90's band pretty fun to watch, and the feelings of being so proud of my husband, wonderful.

I have always felt blessed and lucky to have Jarrett as my partner in this life.  I think we were placed on this earth to be with one another.  And as I think back to all life has thrown and blessed us with, each moment of bliss and every minute of heartache we get through, because we go through them together.

These last 4 months have been our most difficult beyond a doubt, but Jarrett has stood by my side, picked me up when I wasn't able to do that for myself, and forced me to not give up, when I felt I had nothing left.  He has shown me, love, partnership, and commitment like I never knew existed.

So tonight, when he was recognized in front of hundreds of other people, is written about in the Phoenix Business Journal for millions of others to read, and was selected from a pool of hundreds of other amazing candidates, I couldn't help but think, just how lucky I am to get to be with him.

The Phoenix Business Journal's 2015 Class of 40 under 40 is awarded to recipients who demonstrate an exceptionally high level of achievement within their area of work, but also go above and beyond to give back to the community, to serve others through their talent.  The emcees of the evening talked about how many people are considered for this award and as they spoke I realized just how big of an honor this award is.

I am proud of Jarrett every single day I have known him.  He embodies so many amazing talents and I could list them here.  The accolades would go on and on, but if I had to sum it up into just a few words, it would be this... Jarrett is one of the good guys... the man who'd give you the shirt off his back if it left him without.  He does his best in everything he does and strives daily to make a difference, not for anyone to notice, but because its the right thing to do.

I am so lucky to get to spend my life with him. I'm so proud of you Jarrett.  Congratulations!

Until next time,
Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: Act #3 Operation Gratitude

The price of our freedom comes for many at the ultimate price.  

For millions of others, their service and dedication to our country and our freedom, gave them scars and battle wounds they will never forget.  For even with those scars, nightmares and images they can never erase, they were the lucky ones... they got to come home.  

The United States Defense Manpower Data Center, a body of the Department of Defense, states that as of January 31, 2015, there were close to 1.4 million people serving in the U.S. armed forces.  As we think about the selfless acts, the lives so many are willing to put on hold to serve, the loved ones they say goodbye to, never knowing if it will be the last time they say it, how often do we thank them for their service? 

I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it has to be to put your life on hold for the sake of our country and yet, everyday so many heroes among us do just that.  For them we are eternally grateful.

And so that's why on Saturday, October 3, another act of kindness in Noah's memory will be to participate in Operation Gratitude.

Operation Gratitude is a letter writing campaign where we will take time to write notes of encouragement, letters of thanks to those soldiers, sailors, airmen or airwomen and Marines who have served our country.  

We will be writing letters to current service men and women as well as those veterans who have put their lives on the line in the sake of our freedom. 

Over lunch on October 3rd,  we will be meeting to write letters that will be shipped to the folks at Operation Gratitude. Our letters will then be included in care packages that are shipped to our active military as well as veterans.  As of tonight a total of 1,275, 066 care packages have been shipped to a hero among us.  Their goal is to reach 2 million packages by March 2016.  They are looking for volunteers to help write letters of appreciation to share.  

This is a great activity to get your kid's and the whole family involved with.  Talk about the dedication our service men and women give to keep our country safe and ensure our freedom.  Please have your kids participate, they can draw a picture, or write a letter... I'm sure their words or drawings will bring a smile to the face of their letter's recipient.  And even encourage your child's teacher or their class to participate as well.  What a great learning activity this could be for your child and their peers

 Will you please help us, help thank them?

There are a variety of ways you can participate.

1) Join us for lunch and to write letters of thanks on Saturday, October 3.  If you'd like to join us, please click here to sign up.

2) Write a letter of your own and mail it or give us to us to send with our stack of thank you letters to share.  Please make sure we have received your letters by Wednesday, October 7th as we will mail them to Operation Gratitude on Thursday, October 8th.

  

3) Write a letter on your own and mail it directly to Operation Gratitude in honor of Noah's Kindness Project.  You can send your letter's directly to:

OPERATION GRATITUDE

17330 Victory Boulevard

Van Nuys, CA 91406

The freedom we have today has come at the price of many lives lost.  I think back to what courage it must have taken my grandfather, back in the winter of 1943 to volunteer to go fight in World War II, at the age of 18.  He was not naive to know that many men came home in caskets to their families, and yet he volunteered... I will go willingly he said.  

I've talked about my grandfather and the service he's given to our country many times, but shared last November why I consider him to be my hero in this post. 

Thanks to God my grandfather, and Jarrett's grandfather (who was also in WWII), were the lucky ones who came home.  And we have life today, because they lived.  

I'm sure all of us have personal connections, family or friends, maybe both, that have served our country, and helped ensure we continue to live in this great country... in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Will you please join us as we write letters of thanks to those brave men and women... for they are heroes so deserving of our thanks.

Once again to sign up to participate click here.

Until next time,

Angie