3 years...

Miss you buddy...
love always, mom

Baseball's back Alright!

We've been in the middle of baseball season since January 6.  Yes January.  And we hope that by the end of next week (June 6th) we will be wrapping up the final team's season.

It's been a fun one with Michael and Gabriel playing on one team together and Gabriel on two others.  There has been no shortage of baseball in our lives.

In fact we are just coming off a 7-day straight series of games (sometimes more than 1 each night) for the past week.  We are all tired.

Madelyn and Isabelle have made their most of the season but even they are saying, "Another baseball game?"

We were excited when Gabriel tried out against many other kids for one of only 28 spots on the JV and Varsity teams for his school.  He was one of only 3 sixth graders to make the team.  We were happy for him.  Here's a shot of their team with their second place trophy. 

Gabriel is number 12.

After his school season ended, he ended up joining his school coach's team to help work on his pitching.  The few pictures below are from that team.

When I look at him walking to the plate to play catcher, sometimes I have to take a double take as I feel like I"m watching a high school of college team.

Doesn't he look so grown up?

Here he is at bat.

On his other team he's number 15.

Here's a recent video of him stealing home while the pitcher had the ball. 

He told me he was going to do it, I told him I thought it was a bad idea.  He said, that makes me want to do it even more! 

Here's another recent hit from Gabriel

It has been a fun season but we are ready for a few weeks of not running to the ball field.

We love watching the kid play and they both did a great job with a lot of improved growth.  

We won't know what to do with our nights... wait, I take that back.  Everything that's been on hold since January will be on my list. 

Until next time,

Angie

PS:  Here are a few final videos of the boys in their playoff games.  While they didn't get first, they played hard and it was so fun to watch them!

Michael's great base hit!

Gabriel's out of the park home run!

We tried to make you proud.

Today was a busy day as we tried to spread kindness and celebrate Noah's life.

We started the morning by taking a visit to his final resting place... it's so peaceful with a water fountain, beautiful flowers, chirping birds and shady benches. It is less than 3 miles from our house at our church.  It's not big, kind of tiny, and that's just one of the many reasons why we think its perfect for him.

I love the fountain and the pretty flowers.

The train we left for Noah's first birthday and the kindness stones near his memorial.

After spending a few minutes there, we were off to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children.  The kids kept asking me who was joining us, if anyone else was going to meet us there... I said no.  Today it's just us.  At first I think they were disappointed, but soon were okay that it was just a family day.  Sadly Madelyn was too little to help, so she had to spend a good chunk of the day at school.  We stopped there to drop her off and got to see "Aunt" Stacey... the kid's preschool teacher who we love and consider family.  She gave us all hugs and told me how often she thinks of Noah too. 

We arrived at Feed My Starving Children and just like last time, continue to be impressed and moved by the experience.  Today we got to bag food for children in Guatemala, as they try to regroup and find food after the volcano that killed so many.  We learned that of the rice bags we packed that contain soy, nutrients and vegetables that for just $80.00 it can nourish a starving child back to health and the food will last the entire year.  $80 a year to feed a child.   It made me feel guilty for how much I spend a week on groceries.  We are so fortunate here.

Don't we look great in hairnets?

Gabriel is thrilled about it messing up his hair.  Jarrett's excited because he thinks it makes him look like he has hair.

This is a replica of a house for a family of 5.  Michael was intrigued how a family of 5 could live there.

A highlight from our experience was that several players from the ASU football team were there volunterring their time and we got to help bag food with them.  They were extremely kind, funny, hard working and made the experience even more enjoyable.  Gabriel continued to stare at their muscles and just how buff they are, I think he was dreaming of how he'd like to look someday.  Afterwards we asked to take a picture with them, they were all so polite and happy to do so. 

Our work station.

After our packing of food was done we returned to the lobby where they shared with us the statistics of how much food we had prepared to send off.  It was very impressive with us bagging more than 59,000 meals which means we were able to feed 162 children for a year. 

This is impressive but the statistics they shared are that every single day in this world 6,200 children (aged 6 or less) die from starvation.  6,200 children!!!!  How can that be?

At the end we got to try the food.  Definitely not something to write home about, Isabelle didn't seem to mind it. 

Then the host shared with us a story of a little girl.  She shared that their missionaries on the ground for a little girl a few years ago and at the time they first found her she was 19 months and weighed only 9 pounds.  She was within days of dying... blank stares, protruding stomach with skeleton ribs, couldn't cry and anymore and would barely respond.  When they found her, they weren't sure if she would survive but they gave her grandmother the food to provide nutrients for her and instructions to help improve her health.  They shared that they had returned a year later to find that she was alive and thriving, thanks to the food.  Then the host said, "And actually we want to share with you some other exciting news."  She continued, "She is here today because of the food people like you helped pack to send, and today she is celebrating her 3rd birthday."  My tears had already been flowing down my face, from the moment they shared about how close to death she was.  When she mentioned she was celebrating her 3rd birthday and thriving I couldn't control my emotions.

This is the girl, sorry the picture is hard to see

  It hit me... If we had not lost Noah, we most likely would have never gotten involved with FMSC.  While he did, she lived.  I am so grateful we got connected to FMSC because it makes me realize that his life is still helping to give to others.  While it makes me sad we don't have him, I am glad that this baby girls family still has her.  And if we can do something to make sure other families don't have to lose their children, than I want to do what we can to help.

So moving.  So proud we could spend a few hours having fun as a family while helping other babies across this world.

We also stopped by the post office to mail off a few care packages for other special babies we know from the NICU.

This afternoon the kids wanted to make Noah a birthday cake.  They love mint chocolate chip so we made a mint chocolate chip cake with mint ice cream, fudge and of course sprinkles on top.  We did it together and then we sang happy birthday to Noah. 

Madelyn was excited it was chocolate!

Isabelle was in charge of sprinkles

Gabriel just scarfed down the cake.

Guess both of the girls did too.  There was a LOT of chocolate in that cake!

Madelyn liked it too!

   Oh how I wish he was here.  I smile seeing our kids we get to have here, love on him, talk about him and he still brings us all together.  Even tonight walking to the car, both boys came up and put their arms around me... as preteens this doesn't happen often.  Both said, "Mom, we love you."  Moments I think that remind us we have things to be thankful for.

As a final node to Noah's legacy tonight the boys and I went to the NICU with treats for the staff.  Ice cream and fruit bars to share with the hard working team.  Walking into the hospital, I am starting to feel like I get PTSD with each visit.  I hoped as time passes it would get easier, but so many things have happened at that place, it gives me mixed emotions each time.  Until, I walk through the doors of that NICU and then all I feel is love.  Smiling faces from nurses I've never met but who say, "It's so nice to meet you, we LOVE Noah and Noah's kindness Project!"  And then the familiar faces, the ones who gave us love three years ago this moment.  I'll forever be grateful our lives came together. Another gift Noah's life brought. 

Driving the boys to swim practice tonight the sky was setting and it was a mixed of many colors.  While I looked for a rainbow all day, I guess I had seen my sign many hours early when I first woke up and got out of the shower... I picked up my towel off the mat to dry off and underneath it was Madelyn's rainbow socks.  Not sure how they got there as those socks had been put in the laundry basket a few days earlier.  But there they were and I said then, Noah Happy Brithday! 

As I crawled out of the car and walked into the house after a long day, I said out loud, "Noah I hope we made you proud. Happy birthday buddy.  I love you." 

Happy Birthday buddy, Mom loves you forever.

Until next time,
Angie

Happy 3rd Birthday Buddy...

Dear Noah,

Happy 3^rd birthday buddy!  I wonder what you are doing today in Heaven to celebrate.  Do you have cake in Heaven?  Is there ice cream too?  Do all the little kids who left this earth too soon celebrate with you? 

I so wish I knew what your last 3 years have been like.  I guess they must have been wonderful, I have been told Heaven is like the greatest place we can dream about, so I hope its been that way for you.    With each year that I celebrate your birth, I sadly miss you more.  Dad and I lay in bed at night at talk about what life would be like to have you, at 3 years old running around our house.  I wonder if you’d have the same amount of energy your oldest brothers had when they were 3.  Or if you’d be more like Madelyn’s personality, mellow, inquisitive and able to play quietly.  Dad and I lay in bed and while I dream what life would be like, Dad goes back to the moment he got to hold you on his chest.  He tells me he can still feel the sensation of you on his skin.

 We talk about how strong you were, even in those final days, that you wanted to pick your head up and turn it towards dad’s voice, it’s just that the tubes keeping your lungs full of air wouldn’t allow you to turn so freely.   Now you have so restraints, nothing to hold you back.  Your freedom, my sadness, but I’d rather suffer every day to know you never have to endure pain again.

I often see little boys and guess if they are around your age and wonder what you would be like.  What color hair would you have?  Would you have blue eyes or brown?  Would you reach up to grab my hand as we leave the grocery store or would you race out in front of me.  Just some of the millions of questions I wonder about.  Questions with no answers. 

Noah, I can still remember the night you were born like it was only a few months ago.  I remember how scared I was that you were coming so early and we worried how you would survive labor.  But you did and even a tiny cry from you reassured me you were determined to stay.  Oh what I’d give to go back and record that moment.  Dad and I were in so much shock, we forgot to take pictures after you were born and those first moments while they worked on you to keep you alive.  

oh to touch those fingers again...

I remember seeing you for just a quick moment before they raced out of the door and to your only home here, the NICU.  I remember the wheelchair ride up the three floors to meet you officially, how tiny you looked but oh so full of life.  I remember my heart filled with so much love it hurt.  Your body was perfect, so small but perfectly formed in every way.  

The doctors and nurses said you were a fighter, a feisty one, that those were good qualities to have.  Noah, I remember being wheeled back down to my recovery room in antepartum and wanting nothing more than to return to your side.  I waited just a few hours and walked myself up there alone, oh the hospital halls are quiet at 3 am.  

I stood by your bedside and I whispered I love you’s over and over.  Just you and me, our moments  together. 

Noah I will always cherish the 12 days we got to spend together, the 2 am diaper changes and feedings, I tried to make every one, no matter how tired I was.  

I always believed in my deepest core that I’d get to bring you home.  Maybe it was my naive heart, maybe it was my hopeful heart.  Life didn’t go the way I wanted, pleaded, prayed or hoped.  I feel forever guilt I could not save you and keep you growing inside of me.  Noah, I am sorry I couldn’t give you the life you so deserved to have here.  As  much as I miss you and wish you were eating the birthday cake we made for you, I hope you know your life had great  purpose, huge meaning and in your short time here, you changed this world for the better.

So much love and kindness entered into the world because of you.  So much was shared with us.  To know your life mattered is healing for my heart and so today we honor you, we celebrate your life, by trying to do what was shown to us… Kindness matters, kindness is powerful, kindness gives hope.  Today we volunteer our time, share gifts, think of others the way so many thought of us… to celebrate you.  Your Life. 

Noah, while I don’t get to give you a birthday kiss or help you open your gifts, I hope you can feel just how much we love you.  I’m not sure what a birthday in Heaven looks like, but I think if I’d have a say there’d be lots of love, celebration and rainbows.  Keep sending us those  signs  that  you are near… we watch for them and find comfort in how perfectly time so many of them are. 

Noah, may you always know you are one of the greatest gifts in my life.  May you never stop feeling my love.  Happy 3^rd birthday buddy. 

Love you always and forever,

 Mom and Dad

Family day in the great outdoors.

A couple of weeks ago, we went as a family and only us 6 (with Jack) to the Tonto Natural Bridge.  I wrote this blog post back then but didn't post til now.

We spent the day in the great outdoors, soaking up the clean air, climbing on rocks, playing catch, walking Jack, having a picnic lunch, catching bugs and eating ice cream.

It was such a lovely day and I think we all desperately wanted/needed it more than we realized.  When we got there, Gabriel was grumpy and acting like a teenager.  Isabelle begged to go home the minute we got there and Madelyn wanted to sit in the car and watch the movie.  While we didn't have the greatest start, it was only a matter of minutes and everyone was having a lot of fun.  So much so that by the end the kids were begging not to go home.

And each of them mentioned it several times to us how much fun they had and thanked us several times for taking them.  It was a good day.  A really nice day.

Here are some pictures I took to capture the day...

Trying to get the four of them together to take a picture

Looking down in the hole to the waterfall below.

Looking for bugs.

Catching a dragonfly.

The waterfall that opens up to the natural bridge

Isn't it pretty?

This is a classic family picture for us!  I feel like this is the one I should be sending out in our Christmas cards.  

The boys and I hiked down to the bottom and went in the trail under the bridge.  It was not easy, super slippery and darn right dangerous.  I thought people who had their babies down there were crazy! 

The boys were determined to catch something.

By this point Gabriel had warmed up to the idea and was having fun.  

What is also crazy to me is that he has to take our selfies now because his arm is longer than mine and can get us all in the picture.

Seriously I don't know why he was wearing a sweatshirt... it was warm!

They found crawdads and wanted to catch them.  Michael was able to and almost everyone down at the bottom was looking over his shoulder talking to him.  He loved the attention and said, "Mom at first I thought people would think I'm strange for bringing a net, but turns out I was cool because I was the only one to catch something."

The views are spectacular

And the water filtered a beautiful blue.

The boys asking the ranger about what sorts of living animals they could find at the bottom

Back up at the top, Madelyn found a rock to give me

And Isabelle, this beautiful flower growing amidst all the dead grass - everything is so dangerously dry.  A tinder box, scary to think about the risk of fires.

I had to take a picture of this flower.  It struck me as so meaningful.  I asked Jarrett what he thought about it and he said, "Nature finds a way."  

 After our hike, we sat down for a picnic lunch.  I love these genuine happy smiles on the kid's face.

He's smiling behind that Sprite I promise!

Even we tried to get in there... I think we've perfected the "tired parent look"  Don't you think?

Isabelle decided it was a perfect place to meditate.  

I think she'd got it down!

On the way home Clark W. Griswald, I mean my husband Jarrett, pasted the ticket to his head and decided to see how far he would drive before the kids noticed.  I can't give you the exact mileage but it would be truth to say... it was a long while!

The kids wanted to stop along the way and play at a river.  Too bad the entire park lands are closed... to risky for fire.  

So instead we decided to stop for ice cream...

Madelyn had fallen asleep by this time but the big kids scored!

Coming back into the valley we passed by Fountain Hills just as the fountain was going off in the background.  We thought of my Grandpa Ray's sister who lived there and just recently passed away.  She was such a nice woman.  Memories of our time there with her were really nice.

It was such a lovely day.  I think we'll all sleep well tonight.  We need to do days like today more often.  

Until next time,

Angie