Superman and Batman

The boys are very creative.  They love to play pretend and dress up as long as it is super hero's.  Gabriel has had a Superman costume for 2 years but unfortunately we haven't come across a batman costume for Michael.  Therefore recently Michael has decided to take matters into his own hands.  The other day I came home from work and could tell the boys were playing superheros.  There were toys everywhere.  Gabriel had been dressed in his street clothes and moments later had to attend to a "call for help"  so disrobed to become SUPERMAN!

Meanwhile, Michael was in the other room at his art/project table working on coloring something.  He had on black pants and a black t-shirt which I thought nothing of.  He's still working on perfecting his ability to pick out matching clothes.  I continued to greet everyone at home and was holding Isabelle to tell her hi when I heard an announcement from the other room that Superman and Batman were there to assist.  As I looked over I saw Gabriel all dressed as Superman but with a new accessory on his head and when I looked at Michael I saw that he created his very own Batman suit.

I have to give it to them, they are very creative and if they are missing something they are pretty resourceful to make what ever they have around to fit their need.

I proudly revel to you the super hero's of our house Batman and Superman...

The mask Michael drew himself after looking at a batman toy he had, and Gabriel decided he didn't have the spit curl look that superman had so he drew it on paper and taped it to his head.  It works right?

My very serious super hero's, fighting crime is serious stuff at our house... don't smile boys okay.

Didn't take him long to break a smile...

And then they were both smiles.

I'm so thankful and lucky for the boys, oops, I mean super hero's I've got. 

Until next time,
Angie

I'm tired. I"m really really tired.

Have you ever been so tired you can’t function? It is the type of exhaustion and pure tiredness that makes your head hurts, your eyes water continuously and your stomach feels like it has been doing summer circles over and over? It is the type of tired that no matter what you try to wake up, to focus, to become productive, it is all a lost cause. Well today I’m there. I’m so tired I can hardly function enough to get the words out on this virtual paper.

Isabelle and I spent the night, and by night, I mean the entire night bonding (her choice not mine) and as a result I’m dragging today. I have been day dreaming of my bed, it has been calling to me, since I drove to work this morning at 7. I’ve been begging for the pounding in my head to stop, as I know it is only caused by the lack of sleep. It is almost as if my brain is knocking on the front door of reason in my head, asking for some time to rest. There is a list of things I need to do tonight that is growing longer by the minute, but in this second, the only thing I want to do is throw on my pjs, snuggle up on my bed and cash out. I’m so tired.
I know parents all across this country go to work with probably less sleep for multiple days in a row. Seriously I shouldn’t complain, I won’t. Instead I’ll just record exactly how tired I am. Then I’ll throw on my pjs, give my children as much love and attention as I can give them for the next couple of hours, and put them to bed. Footsteps later I’ll join them in slumber as I pray and hope for a restful night.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake up more rested, more alert. I won’t even ask to be completely rested; even partly rested. If I can be even just slightly above exhausted, I’ll be happy. I just don’t want to feel the way I feel today. For today I’m tired, I’m really really tired. And I don’t have time to feel this tired anymore.

Until next time,

Angie

tooth times...again

Our stories of losing teeth seem to revolve around one child, and although he is the oldest and should be losing his teeth first, he seems to have a lot of excitement that goes along with each wiggle in his mouth.

Take for example his two front teeth.  They've both been loose for at least the last 6 months.  In fact I know it has been longer than that because I have pictures of dad trying to pull it from back in January.  Even with Gabriel's consistent pleas to have them pulled, at the time, they just weren't ready.  Perhaps mom and dad were too queasy to think about pulling them, but we didn't tell Gabriel that.

And pulling Gabriel's teeth has been the focus of many a conversations this summer with MaeLyn and Aaron.  Take for example our 4th of July.  In the middle of fire works, Gabriel insisted his tooth be taken out right then and there.

He tried everything, pulling it with his own fingers, having MaeLyn try with hers.  There was even several go arounds with floss being tied around and around the slippery tooth which was STILL not ready to come out.

MaeLyn loves that I've shared these pictures of her looking like a rabbit or a wood chuck, but I told her I just had to share them.

There was even Gabriel's efforts at throwing himself onto the top of Isabelle's crib rails to get it to come out.  See below.  Instead it only left him with a chipped front tooth and blood stains for mom to get out of Isabelle's sheet.

And then there was yesterday.  Again, Gabriel had a day where he insisted that his tooth get pulled out right then and there.  Aaron had promised him that before he and MaeLyn leave to go back to Iowa that he would make sure his tooth was out.  With less than a week left, Gabriel decided it had to be the day.

So Aaron attempted to grab it with his hands, no such luck.  And then Gabriel went to get his trusty piece of floss. Together him and Aaron wrapped it around and around to the point that there was no other way for the floss to come out of his mouth than without the tooth with it.  A few minutes into the task Gabriel started to get cold feet about Aaron pulling it and decided MaeLyn should do the job instead. 

After her failed attempts it was back to Aaron to "attempt to get the floss off."  Of course Mom wanted to get it all on video but had filled up all her memory cards and  the boys couldn't wait until I could get another one.  Mark it down for another one of Mom's mistakes.  As Aaron pretended to try and unwrap or look at the floss Gabriel pulled his head away in fear.  Minutes later as I sat watching I saw a piece of floss fly through the air with a tooth on the end.  Before I could even realize was had happened, Gabriel's eyes bulged out of his head and he said, "You'll got my tooth!!!! You pulled my tooth!!!"

And with celebrations, cheers and laughter, we celebrated bloody mouth Gabriel as he beamed in pride he had lost his first front tooth the good old fashion way, by pulling it himself (of course with Aaron's help).

Celebrations turned to excited recounts by each of the boys and immediately preparations got underway to prepare for the Tooth Fairy's arrival.  Gabriel went to the counter, pulled out a baggy to put his tooth in and immediately started walking to his room to put under his pillow.

Meanwhile Michael disappeared into the other room to his art table.  In all the commotion we didn't notice what he was going until he appeared back in the kitchen to retrieve a baggy of his own.  When I asked him what he was doing he said, "Look I lost a tooth too!"  and inside his baggy was a tiny square piece of white paper he had cut out.  He said, "Mom, I'm going to trick the tooth fairy so I get money too!"  I responded, "Oh really Michael, you think you can trick the tooth fairy?" "I am mom, I'll show you my money in the morning" and off he went to put his baggy under his pillow.

Early this morning before the sun rose, I found the boys in their bathroom having a very excited conversation  Although I couldn't tell what they were saying as I approached the door, I knew they were excited because they were speaking loudly although I could tell they were trying with all their might to whisper.  As I opened the door they said, "MOM!!!! The tooth fairy came.  Gabriel said, "Mom, look what I got...

and attached to it was a baggie with some quarters in it.

He was so proud he read the message with his now Jack-O-Lantern smile. 

And then I saw Michael holding something too.  I said, "Honey, what did you get?"  He bashfully smiled and with his I'm instigating a plan in my head look, he said, "look mom"...

He said, "Mom, the tooth fairy knew it wasn't a real tooth. How did she know?"  I responded, "Michael, the tooth fairy is smarter than you think." 

The famous "tooth" Michael left for the smart fairy"

He then went onto laugh and laugh and laugh about how he almost pulled a trick on the tooth fairy.  Both Gabriel and Michael carried around their notes all morning.  And when Aaron and MaeLyn joined us that morning they each excitedly described the story of the tooth fairy's visit over and over.

There's something special about being a kid and believing in all the impossible.  There's also something special about being a mom and believing in the impossible, or at least helping to make the impossible possible.

Until next time,
Angie

Compliment Jar...

Well, it actually isn’t a jar, more of an old cool whip container. But slap some duct tape on it, write a name, paste some stickers, cut a slit in the top of the plastic lid and you’ve got yourself a compliment jar. It isn’t the prettiest but it works.

The brainchild of the compliment jar came from me spending many a nights fretting over how not being the best mom i can be and how some days, scratch that most days, I feel like all I spend my time doing is correcting behaviors and providing discipline. Don’t get me wrong, Gabriel and Michael are not terrible, in fact, most of the time they can be great. However, in my duty to try and make them be the best children and future adults they can be, I feel like most of the words coming out of my mouth are “Don’t do that, NO, I said what I meant, Why did you think that (fill in the blank) was okay to do” and so on.

Some days I admit it, they get the best of me and what comes after the best isn’t pretty. I give up; the frustration and the lack of patience pushes me to the edge and I yell at them. I have many many faults and I feel guilty for the days when I let their bad choices get the best of me. But the truth is, it happens, I say I’m sorry, tell myself to do better next time, and then go forward.

The other day, at dawn, I was out at walking before anyone else in the house stirred (and from my previous posts you know it has to be early), taking my 45 minutes of the day for myself (which by the way will be another post as I didn’t realize just how important that time is and what I was missing). While I looked up at the sky as the sun started to meet the horizon, I reflected back on the night before when the boys decided to have a “challenging” day. I pondered what I could do to turn the consequence train around and replace it with something chugging in a positive direction.  That’s when I came up with the duct tape compliment jar.

Before I go any further, let me share with you that we’ve tried many things to encourage positive choices. We’ve used bribery, sticker charts, bribery, trips/vacations, bribery, rewards systems; did I say bribery?  I feel like we’ve run the gamut of options and although intentions start out great, often 2 or 3 days into it, the boys loose interest, we lack the follow through and soon the boys are back to their old tricks.

Returning from my walk, the boys were up and playing. I told them to come to the kitchen as I had a surprise for them. I explained that I/we wanted them to work on trying to do make as many good choices as they could to get as many compliments as possible. For example, if you listen and do what is asked on the first time and you receive a compliment, you get a penny. If you do something on your own without asking (for example, help change a load of laundry or set the table), you will get 3 pennies. I said, “ You keep track of how many compliments you think you get, and at the end of each day, over dinner, we’ll talk about it. Before bed you get to add your pennies to your compliment jar” Jarrett immediately expressed concern thinking we were going to go bankrupt in the first week, but I assured him we wouldn’t, for there is a second part of my plan. I then went onto explain, that for each compliment you get, you will have at least one penny added to your jar, however, if you decide to make a bad choice, you will lose one penny. Hearing that second part, the relief was clear for Jarrett, indeed, we would not go bankrupt on my new plan.

Unlike the sticker chart, our excellent efforts at bribery, and the reward systems, this was also a plan that involved mom and dad’s active participation as well. See I’ve become really good at giving consequences. It seems sometimes the timer on the microwave (what we use for timeouts) resets itself to the exact time I need for how long the boys spend in the time out chair or their room. That just gives you an idea of how often it is used sometimes. So giving consequences, I’ve mastered.  Giving positive reinforcement and compliments,  I have NOT. It isn’t that I never do it, it is just that I expect the boys to behave in a certain way and when they do it, I guess I just take it for granted and don’t verbally give them the praise they need. Or I look at a period of a day and instead of complimenting them on the 50 things they did well, I focus on the 2 choices that weren’t so great. It is one of my many bad habits and one I need to break. I need to be more aware of and encouraging of the positive behavior.

The other benefit is that the boys are interested in saving their pennies so they can go to “Toys for Me” as Michael calls it also know as, “Toys R Us” to buy something they’ve long wanted. So far they’ve each picked out a Spiderman web shooter. We stopped by another store on Sunday to show them the web shooter and to see how much it costs so we know how many compliments they have to get to buy it. Although they’ll be working at it for a few weeks, I told them if they can get to a certain amount, Mom and Dad will help pay for a few dollars of it too. Jarrett reminded me pennies don’t go too far these days, and most people, if they see a penny on a street, won’t even pick it up. Not this cheap mom, I love to find pennies, but I digress.

 So here we are day 4 into our compliment jar as so far it has been going well. I am quite determined to keep up this efforts as I at least want to see the plan through the boys getting to purchase their first reward on their own. By then I hope they’ve learned they have to work hard to earn enough money to get a toy, that positive choices and compliments are far more enjoyable than consequences and time wasted in time out, and that mom can give more compliments than consequences.

And the lessons to be learned are not exclusive for the two boys. There are very important lessons here for mom to learn as well. That praise and encouragement can go a lot farther than frustration, yelling and punishments. That demonstrating my love instead of my anger is how I want them to remember me when they are grown, and that in the whole spectrum of problems or choices, to let a few of the minor ones go by the wayside.

 My hope is, that with two gaudy looking duct tape jars sitting for all to see on the high counter in our kitchen, I will be reminded daily to make more of an effort at encouraging.

 Please wish us good luck.

Until next time,

Angie

The monster....

at the end of this book.

As a child, it one of my favorite books. And now it is a book I get to share with my sons.

The other night I asked Gabriel to read it to us.

Michael paid very close attention as you can see here.

and here, still playing close attention.  But Gabriel really liked the story and laughed as he turned each page and Grover became even more angry.  If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it for your kids! 

Gabriel continued reading and at the end I asked them to get together so I could take a picture.

 Smile!

It is amazing to me how big the boys have gotten, in some ways it seems they should still be small. But then I look at them and realize they've already grown so much.

And how can it be that Michael has learned to start reading?  He's doing such a great job and we are very proud of him.

As he read it was Gabriel's turn to listen.  And even though Michael didn't listen too well to Gabriel's story, Gabriel played close attention to Michael's and was a great helper when Michael needed help sounding out a new word.

I am proud of the boys and each new accomplishment they reach.  Each stage of them growing up has been fun and I look forward to all that they can and will accomplish as they get older. 

It still appears we need some help finding matching pajamas but, I've learned now with three kids, you can't sweat the small stuff.

Until next time,

angie

Christmas in July?

This morning as Jarrett and I were getting ready for work, as usual we had 2 children at foot (one decided to sleep in), one in the bouncer staring as us and the other just hanging out talking as we got ready to begin the day. I had been blow drying my hair and as I finished, I started wrapping up the cord and complaining about how I was already sweating and I hadn’t even left the house. That’s when Jarrett chimed in and said, “Man I’m ready for winter and for summer to be over.” From there we continued our conversation talking about how he was excited for college football and I was excited for Halloween. As we talked Gabriel played with Isabelle talking silliness to her, until he stopped looked up and said with more excitement than I’ve seen from him in months, “Oh I can’t wait for Christmas!” “I know exactly what I’m going to ask Santa for and he’ll have to bring it to me!” “What?”, I asked him, but knowing what his answer was going to be. “I’m going to ask for an I-Pad and I can’t wait to get it. Oh and I’m going to tell Michael to ask for one too, that way we won’t have to share!”


Thinking quickly to myself about what an appropriate response would be, I said, “Gabriel, I don’t think you are old enough yet for an I-Pad.” “Oh yes Mom, I am, and don’t worry, you don’t have to buy it, Santa can bring it.”


And with that, I had no response. I sure hope Santa wins the lottery otherwise Gabriel might be getting an “IOU I-Pad” for Christmas.


Until next time,

Angie

Still on a high....

Since Friday we've all been living on a high.  The daily stresses about getting to work on time, or deciding what to make for dinner, who didn't listen and got in trouble for 100th time about the same lesson we've been teaching for 2 years.  It all doesn't matter.  The stresses that come across my desk, I deal with them and I move on.  Really, it isn't that big of a deal.

The main stressor in my life has been lifted and each day when I race home from work to see the three little faces (usually one covered in sweat from playing outside, one covered in ketchup from lunch several hours early and one covered in drool), I am grounded. I am happy. I am home... I am blessed.

I don't think I realized just how much time I had spent worrying about what could happen, the what if's, the scaryness of the unknown.  Although she is not yet offically ours, taking that one step closer gives me so much relief, I realize now, how important last Friday was for us.
And although that day will be very important to us for the rest of our lives, we look to the future now.  To the date when the judge delcares she is ours forever.  So we now prepare the legal paperwork and start dreaming of what her adoption party should look like.

I'm so much more enjoying this aspect of the what ifs.  For now I spend my spare time looking at Pintrest to decide if we should have this type of party, or this type of theme, or no, what if we have that menu?  Those details are so much more fun to think about and plan.

Until next time
Angie

Friday the 13th! What a WONDERFUL day!

I've always been superstitious.  Since a young kid when someone taught me about how stepping on a crack will somehow break your mothers back.  Even to this day, when I think about that, I avoid cracks.  Seriously, who would want to be known as the child who broke her mother's back.  Not me.

And my superstition continued on in high school as a track athlete.  Before each meet I would follow the same pre-race ritual.  I ate the same food, read the same pages in a motivational book Jarrett gave me, listened to the same songs, visualized running the race in my head and said the same prayer before every race.  Seriously, if you would have asked me back then to deviate even slightly from that pattern, I would have responded very firmly and probably with some anger, NO WAY.  For I believed if I would have changed something slightly I wouldn't perform at my best and somehow mess up the race.  Silly I know to some people, but that routine and believing I had found the key to winning the race, was that important, no matter how many crazy looks I got from the superstitious skeptics.

As so here we are today, Friday the 13th, a day some people are convinced are doom and gloom days even before they pull their head off the pillow.  I never believed it was that dire, but I will say, on Friday the 13ths in the past, I have waited for the floor to drop, for that one thing to go arye and for me to just write it off to the fact that it was just the 13th and Friday. 

That all changed for me today and I will never, and I mean NEVER, look at a Friday the 13th the same way.  Today was the day Jarrett, the boys, and I had been counting down from since April 27.  Today we went back to the court with high expectations that severance would be granted for Isabelle and that she would become legally free for adoption.  To say it has been a long road getting here would be a vast understatement.  I've shared my feelings before but I've never shared exactly how difficult these past few months have been.  The truth is, I don't know how to find the correct words to share in the constant stress, the weight of the unknown and the worry that comes with being in a state of limbo. I don't even know if I had any idea how difficult this process would have been back on that 7th of February when we said yes. 

The fear about losing or having to give back our precious baby, was a weight of a 1,000 lbs I carried around in the back of my mind since day one.  I fell in love with her from the moment my eyes met hers and I knew then I would never want to experience the pain of having her leave my arms.  That has been the hardest part.  The easiest and the best part... loving her.  We've loved Isabelle the same since day one and no matter what happened we knew we would have given her the all the love, care and support she could have ever needed.  Loving her is easy. And that is what has kept me going.  The fact that she is the first thing I wake up to in the morning and the last thing I go to sleep with at night.  It is the baby kisses, the tugging of my hair from her hand, the spit up and drool marks I wear to work each day on my outfit.  Those are the things I've clung to, when the worry seeps in.

I, by nature, tend to be a worrier, which I'm sure doesn't help things.  It is a gene that was passed down from my parents and grandparents.  I should thank them for that right?

So today, as you can imagine, as we prepared to go to court again, the worry was right there square and center on my mind.  I guess it started creeping back in a few days ago.  I didn't notice it so much, but others kept asking me if I was nervous.  They said they could see it, I was quieter and more serious.  I kept telling myself not to worry, if our adoption is delayed another 3-4 months because of another mistake the attorney made, I can deal with that.  As long as she continued to be ours.  There's something about the permanency that that special piece of court paperwork, that says Jarrett and I are her parents, will give. A sense of peace, I haven't felt for a while.  So prepare for the worst and hope for the best is what I did.  Mentally I was there, I had accepted it.  I had grieved through the process of having to wait another 4 months.  I tried to look at the bright side... well, then we could adopt her before Christmas and what a great gift that would be.  That's not a bad thing right? 

I woke up this morning determined to make today a good day.  I believe in signs and there were many today.  It started when I woke up early to go walking and Isabelle decided to wake up extra early too.  I decided to take her with me, so we quietly snuck out of the house to seize the day. As I followed the same route I usually do, I prayed that God would give us the news we were looking for today and that she would be ours forever.  Each time I'd look down from the clouds as I prayed, there she was, looking right in my eyes and giving me a smile from ear to ear.  And then after getting out of the shower and getting dressed, I went to put on my jewelry when I spotted it.  It was a cross necklace MaeLyn and Aaron gave Michael last July for his baptism.  Unfortunately, I thought we had lost it in Iowa as we haven't seen it since.  And I've spent hours hunting for it, even when we went back to Iowa this year, I looked for it.  It wasn't until this morning that I stood looking at my necklaces when there it was, right in front of me.  I'm positive it hasn't been there the whole time, I reach into the compartment daily, I would have noticed it, I'm sure of it.  But there it was, I picked it up, turned it over and written on the back of the cross it said, "Believe."  A sign from above, I'm sure.

I got myself ready and couldn't stand to wait around at the house any longer. I had to get there, even if I was going to be very early.  I arrived at the court house 45 minutes before our hearing time, leaving Jarrett to drive separately, because I just had to get there.  As I pulled in the parking lot I grabbed my purse and reached to make sure my wallet was inside.  I pulled it out to make sure I had my license in case I need to show who I was,  when something fell out.  I reached down to my feet to pick it up.  Grasping it in my hands, I saw it was a book mark my grandmother, the one who passed away in 2005, gave me.  I've carried it in my wallet for many many years as it makes me think of her.  Written on there was a special note in her  beautiful cursive handwriting.  Iit says, "To Angie with love from Grandma Virginia... I hope you will use this to mark your page"  Instantly I felt like she was looking down from Heaven saying it was all going to be okay.  To me, another sign, as my grandmother had always looked forward to me becoming a mom.  On her last Christmas with us she gave me a collectible baby doll and said, "Someday you can share this with your daughter".  In that moment, I felt my grandma's support from above also.

I was ready to go inside, even though I was 40 minutes early,  I needed to be there.  Once inside I read a quote from a motivational book I keep in my purse (The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination), I visualized exactly what was going to happen in the court room, and I said yet another prayer.  In those moments I had created a ritual that reminded me of the old days of track.  I was ready for to it to start,  I believed it was all going to work out the way we wanted.

As the minutes passed and I waited outside the court doors, the attorneys arrived, Carrie, Isabelle's case worker arrived, as did Jarrett.  We made small talk and from the initial discussion with the attorneys and Carrie they sounded like things were going to go as we had hoped, that severance would be granted.  Moments later then they were calling us in.  As the hearing began, the attorneys explained what had been done in the past 3 months and that they would like the judge to approve severance from her biological parents.  Carrie testified and explained what has happened the past 5 months and that Isabelle has been thriving in our home.  Jarrett and I sat quietly in the back of the court, while I told myself not to cry.  Things were going the way I had hoped and not the way I had prepared for.  The judged continued and said something to the effect of, after reviewing the evidence presented and hearing the testimony, it it my recommendation that severance be granted.  Seconds later she had issued the order, Isabelle's parental rights with her biological mother and father had been severed.  It was granted, meaning she is legally free for adoption. 

At this point, tears had welled up in my eyes and I was telling myself to control my emotions.  You know that point when you just start to cry when the tears come and your vision is all blurry.  Yes, that is where I was, when the judge turned to Jarrett and I, after the attorney said, "Judge also I want to share that she has a new name."  The judge looked and asked what it was.  Not wanting my voice to crack, I barely spit out Isabelle and hoped I didn't look too foolish as I couldn't even see her clearly. 

With that court had been adjourned and we were walking out of the court room. The attorneys congratulated us and Carrie started giving us detailed step by step instructions of what happens next.  Although I tried to listen and I have an idea of what will happen, I was still overwhelmed with just what had happened. 

Walking out of the courthouse Jarrett and I hugged as the rain came down on us and tears again were there.  Happiness and relief.  The weight lightened.  One step close to making the dream of having her forever come true.  Jarrett and I celebrated talking together in the car, while the rain came down all around us.  We both talked about how wonderful this day had been and how adoption, the finalization, is the next step.

As we left the parking lot in separate cars, we reached for our phone to start calling family with the news.  I called MaeLyn, Aaron and the boys first, as Gabriel had asked me to come along this morning.  He wanted to tell the judge he wanted to keep his sister forever.  I called and words into the conversation the tears streamed out of my eyes, and rolled down my face as fast as the raindrops were flowing down the windshield.  Happy tears.  A weight lightened... one step closer to our dream becoming a reality.  MaeLyn and Aaron had seen first hand the stress and how it had impacted us.  They had said prayers the night before and this morning provided encouraging words that it would go well.  Aaron joked that his prayers had worked because he's got a special connection to God, after all he's been through in the past two years. 

After talking with them I made the rest of our calls and drove to work. I sat down in my desk to begin working, when I noticed a text from Aaron.  It said, "God is crying tears of joy over your house!" and with that the tears came again.  This whole process has been very emotional, filled with many many highs and plenty of worrying lows.  I'm so thankful for the support from family and friends and for our faith.  Although it is hard to not worry and let fear take control, I do believe God is working to make us a forever family.

So on every Friday the 13th from her going forward, I will no longer dread the day.  In fact I think I'll look forward to them.  For Friday the 13th of July in 2012 will always be the day, Isabelle Grace and us became one giant step closer to being a forever family.

Until next time,
Angie

Checkers anyone?

Several years ago Jarrett received a game basket from him mom and dad.  Jarrett loves to play chess and this was a gift he really enjoyed.  Recently Jarrett has been teaching the boys how to play checkers and chess.  And now the boys have mastered, well not quite mastered, but are really good at playing. 

Just the other morning I woke up to them playing by themselves.  Gabriel was even being nice and letting Michael "king" him, so Michael didn't feel so bad about getting slaughtered by Gabriel's more experienced moves.

They were playing so nicely and I was enjoying watching them play.  That is until they added a new move to the checkers game.  It was a move called, "flick the checker at the other player"  and before I knew it the boys had scraped the game of checkers and were have a dodge ball fight with pieces.

The boys have insisted Dad taught them all their skills in playing this game.  Now I've haven't played with their dad recently and maybe that is how boys play checkers but I've never seen it played that way.

Until next time,
Angie

5 Months!

This past weekend Isabelle turned 5 months. It is amazing how much our little girl has changed. Just the other day I was looking back at our first pictures of her from the hospital. I remember so many feelings from that time and as I look at her I thought, I hardly remember that baby. Of course I do, but Isabelle has changed so much, I feel almost like she is a different baby. So tiny and small, I don’t have that same tiny baby in front of us. Instead we have a baby that seems to change daily and is growing like the weeds in our yard.


Isabelle is now over 13 pounds and 26 ½ inches long. She’s still in stage 1 diapers and I’m finally beginning to think she will one day out grow them. Some of Isabelle’s favorite things to do are drool and chew on her fingers, my fingers, her toys, her books, anything she can get her hands on. This has been going on for over the past month and people keep telling me she’s going to be getting teeth soon. So far I haven’t felt anything jab my finger when she bites down, but I know one day soon, I’m sure to feel something sharper than her soft gums.

Also in the last month, we’ve seen her strength in her core and her legs grow significantly. She’s been practicing how to sit up and with the help of a friend’s bumbo (yet another baby invention I wish I would have invented so I could become a stay at home mom), she’s been getting really good at it. She can now sit in the corner of the couch for a few minutes without falling forward. She also is learning to prop herself up with her arms when she starts to fall forward. When she does this I think she looks funny and when I start laughing, she looks up at me, and then starts smiling too.

Her other recent development is that she loves, loves, loves to stand. She’s figured out she can push herself up while we hold under her arms and standing tall is where she wants to be always. MaeLyn, who has been staying at home with the kids while I returned back to work full time, threatens me every day to get Isabelle a walker, an activity center or a jumper because the girl LOVES to stand. MaeLyn complains about her arms hurting from holding Isabelle up so she can practice with her legs. It is really cute and been fun to see her personality come out with this development. It is cute because you can see it in her face. When she stands up and I say, “Isabelle, are you a big girl?” she responds with a huge grin and a tilt of her head as if to say, “Yes, I am mommy, look at me!”

And speaking of personality, she definitely has one. She continues to be a very easy baby, reason number 5,789,453 (and counting) that we love her so much. She’s content to play on the floor with her toys, she’s happy to be held and carried around and as long as she’d fed, she’s happy doing anything. Recently MaeLyn and I were talking and we wonder if as she gets older she will be shy. Sometimes now when we talk to her, give her lots of love and play with her, she has this cute face she makes. She turns her cheek to one side and turns her chin down like she’s trying to hid from all the attention. Of course, her being so adorable, just makes us want to give her more attention.

Finally, I’ve realized that the time is quickly coming for me to child proof our house. We have a mobile baby in our house. Although she currently only moves a few inches and it is only in one direction, backwards, she’s become mobile. The other day she was playing on her mat and I had to go into the boy’s room to help them with something. When I came back, only moments later, Isabelle had scooted herself almost 3 feet off her mat and onto the carpet. She was talking and Jack was at a safe distance away but looking at her like, “Oh no, now the thing moves.”

Each stage of Isabelle’s growth has been enjoyable and we are all loving having her in our family. The boys adore their sister, begging to take turns feeding her, getting diapers to help change her and giving her lots of love. Each morning when the boys awake, they look for her, give her a kiss, tell her they love her and then move onto getting their breakfast. I’ve watched in amazement but not saying a word to anyone about it. This morning I had put Isabelle in her chair in front of the mirror as I got ready for work. When Gabriel came into see her, he looked in her bassinet, didn’t see her and immediately panicked. He said, “Mom, Isabelle’s gone, where did she go?” I said, “Gabriel she’s right here, motioning for him to come into the bathroom.” As he walked in and saw her, he bent down to be at her level in her chair, kissed her on the forehead and grabbed her hand with his. He then said, “I love you Isabelle. Good morning!” It was the sweetest thing and as I put makeup on, I tried to hide the water that had welled up in my eyes.

It isn’t just mommy and daddy that love her so much. It Is all of us.

Happy 5 month birthday baby girl!

We love you!

Until next time,

Angie

Independence Day...

With the fourth of July falling in the middle of the week this year, we didn't get the opportunity to make it a big holiday gathering.

But it was still nice to have a mid-week break and celebrate we did.

Tuesday night we attended (for the first time since moving to the valley) fireworks in person.  Usually we just stay at home, the boys fall asleep, followed soon thereafter by me and poor Jarrett and Jack watch the fireworks on PBS alone on the couch.  Really we celebrate big time right?

This year, for some strange reason, maybe it was because MaeLyn was in town, we decided to go.  It didn't hurt that the weather was gorgeous, not even 100 and so with Popsicles in hand we watched in awe as the sky above Ahwatukee lit up in various different colors. 

MaeLyn decided to photography I believe every firework launched.  Perhaps she was really into using our camera or she was bored with us and wanted to pass away the time some how.  Turns out, she's not that bad of a photographer and captured the display pretty well.

Following that we returned home for bed.  On the 4th we enjoyed sleeping in until 7 a.m.!  It was glorious.  Not that the boys slept in until then but they actually let us sleep in until then.  And Isabelle waited patiently singing songs and babbling on and on next to us in bed.  What a difference that extra time with our head in the pillow made.  Glorious!

To make it even more enjoyable, it turns out a rain storm hit the valley and when we did finally crawl our lazy bones out of bed, we awoke to the peaceful sounds of rain falling from the sky.  I've learned as a Phoenician, rain is something one grows to love. 

So off to the movies we went, along with thousands of other valley folk.  We took the boys and Isabelle to Brave.  I wondered how Isabelle would do for her first movie but she was a trooper.  She sat and watched the big objects on the screen, she jumped at every surround sound moment and 20 minutes into the movie, she fell asleep for the rest.  Whew... I was worried I might have to cut the movie short, hence driving two cars to the theater, but she was on her best behavior and we all enjoyed the film. 

Jack wasn't very interested in the fireworks.  He made sure to position himself directly under dad's feet to make sure he'd be safe.

As the afternoon progressed the sky began to clear and soon the sun was setting. Moments later the sky began to fill with booms and sprinkles of light.  And after going outside to see where the fireworks were being set off from, we decided to have a little 4th celebration of our own.  Here's a few photos to show the fun that was had.

MaeLyn and Michael were trying to spell their names.

And then dad decided he should try to do it also.

Here's hoping you and your family had a great 4th.  We sure did! 

Until next time,
Angie

FCRB

Acronyms…They are everywhere around us. From the good old U.S.A to work acronyms like A.S.U. and even personal ones Jarrett, the kids and I use “W.” (to mean walk so Jack doesn’t hear the word) We all use acronyms and most often we don’t think twice about it, that is unless we are unsure what the acronym actually stands for.

Recently we added a new acronym to our vocabulary. FCRB. Any guesses?

 Forty couples racing bears… no

Fantastic children running barefoot… nope, not that either.

FCRB stands for Foster Care Review Board and recently I participated in one. Since Isabelle is technically our foster daughter, until we can legally adopt her, we get to participate in all aspects related to her being a foster child. The FCRB is a group of citizens that gather together every few months to review cases and make recommendations to the judge prior to a hearing. We have a hearing coming up next Friday, July 13 where we will hopefully get to move forward in our plan of adoption. This past Monday the FCRB met to discuss Isabelle’s case and make recommendations to the judge.

Never having participated in a FCRB, I admit I was nervous. The case workers assured me it was nothing to worry about that that I could simply submit a statement if I couldn’t/didn’t want to be there in person or on the phone. Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker said, “They usually only take a few minutes so don’t feel like you have to drive all the way down there to meet.” I decided I’d call in. But then the more I thought about it, and knowing my neurotic self, I also decided to submit a written statement… what is my phone battery dies?, what if I can’t get through?, what if no one answers?… I want them to hear our perspective. I want to share how great Isabelle is doing, in my own words (although I trust our case workers whole heartedly). Seriously writing this here, I think it sounds crazy, but in my head it all made sense. So submit a written statement I did, but not without running it through our case workers eyes first.

I know it sounds crazy but through this whole process, I can’t help but feeling judged, evaluated and screened with a fine tooth comb. In reality they are just doing their job and I of course want them to make sure children are in good homes with loving families. I know 100% that we offer that and that we can/do/will give our children a good life. I just want to make sure all of the others “judging us”, see that too. It is like walking a tight rope, you don’t want to lean too far to one side or the other or, we all know what happens if you do. And depending on who we are being presented up in front of, we always show that we love her (which is easy), but you don’t want to seem too pushy or demanding, because technically speaking, our case workers represent us and legally at this point we are only “foster parents”. So we walk a fine balance of respecting the rules in place and the procedures that have to be followed. We also sit back quietly while we find out others are not doing their jobs as thoroughly as they should, because they are over-worked, have too many cases and to them, we are just a file number. They do not see the emotions, the heart strains and the nights spent praying that our family stays together forever. To them we are a file piled up among many others sitting on someone’s desk. So, on this journey of proving ourselves over and over, I have become somewhat of a political candidate, participating in as many “town halls, meetings, debates, ice cream socials,” you name it, just so I can share my thoughts, insert my opinions and hopefully in the end, become the winning ticket.

Perhaps it is all for naught, but I’d like to believe it helps. So far, we’ve only received positive feedback. When we attended the first court hearing where we learned what the process would be, the judge recognized us in the courtroom and commended us for being there. She said she appreciated us attending and boy am I glad we did, for it seemed we were more informed than the attorney representing our little baby.

And so when I received the letter that the FCRB was coming up, I made it a priority and counted down the days to it, like a milestone in training for this marathon, where the finish line is still 20 miles ahead). For anyone who has run a marathon, it really isn’t about starting at mile 1 and getting to mile 26.2. Instead, it is almost like running 5 separate races and crossing the finish line at mile 6, 12, 18, 22 and 26.2. The small victories help to get you to the big one. The FCRB is just one of those small milestones.
 So submit my glowing statement of support and call in I did. When I couldn’t originally get through and continuously called back only to receive their voice message, I thought to myself, boy am I glad I submitted a statement. Then, trying one last time, I finally got through and reached a receptionist. I told her who I was and she said she’ d have them call me right back. Moments later my phone rang, (with a fully charged battery) and connected I was to this panel of faceless names who were reviewing our credentials and making a recommendation for Isabelle’s future. They welcomed me and said they had already read my statement and that Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker had given her statement. Only 1 minute into the scheduled meeting time, I worried they must had started earlier and I was already presenting not the best image, being 1 minute late to joining the meeting. They then went on to recap what was said and what their job was. They reread Carrie’s statement for me to hear and asked her if she had anything to add or change . As they read her statement, it was very matter of fact… how much she weighs, how long Isabelle is, what she is eating, developmentally where she is at. And then at the end she said, she thinks Isabelle is in a wonderful home and strongly recommends for moving to adoption as quickly as possible. When they asked if she had anything else to say she said, “I just want to thank the foster family and recognize how great they are. Isabelle is thriving and doing so well, because of them.” I’m sure they could tell over the phone but I had a smile from ear to ear. Then they read my statement and asked me if I had anything else to add. I said, “I think my statement covers everything but I’d just like to reiterate how wonderful she is and how much we love having her.”

From there, the committee, of faces I shall probably never know or see, made several motions, just like a junior high student government. One motioned to accept the notes, the other motioned to approve them. And then the head chair started giving her recommendation. Like music to my ears, the chairperson said, “From the information presented to us, we are recommending to the judge that Isabelle’s case plan state Adoption and that it happen as soon as possible. I’d like to commend the foster family on taking her in with such short notice (responding to the whole making a decision about becoming parents again in less than 2 hours) and for taking such great care of her. Following the chair’s statement, several motioned to accept it, they all voted in support. Just like that the meeting was ending. I thanked all of them and as I was preparing to hang up, the chair said, I wish you the best and I hope we don’t have to meet about Isabelle again (meaning they hope they next time her case file comes up for review, there won’t be one, because she will have been adopted). I responded, “I hope so too.”

Looking back 5 even 10 years ago, if I would have heard the acronym FCRB shared in a conversation among a group of friends, I would have been clueless about what it meant. In the crazy way life twists and turns without anyone expecting, today, it is an acronym of very importance to us. Not only is it one race on my route to completing this marathon of adopting my daughter, but it is one more person, one more group of people that we have proved our worth, our ability and our strong desire to give love to this little girl to.

I wanted to share this experience and my raw emotion because I believe in the future, I will not fully remember the pain and happiness, the ups and deep downs of this process has provided us. I hope, I believe and I dream about the day when Jarrett and I are old, sitting on a swing in our front yard, while we watch our children, Gabriel, Michael AND Isabelle bask in the wonder that is parenthood. I can see them now, racing through the yard chasing their Fantastic Children Running Barefoot in the luscious green grass.

Until next time,

Angie