Jennings at 3 months

Tomorrow Jennings turn 4 months, I am in denial.  Seriously.  I look at him and see just how much he has grown and I can't believe how quickly the last four months have gone. Don't get me wrong, some of the days seem long, that's because the nights are so short, but it blows my mind how I wake up one moment it is Monday morning and I blink and it is Sunday night.  The time is flying by.

Isabelle insists that she and Jennings are twins because they have similar eye colors and well I'm not sure why else.  We go right along with it.  I hope she feels like she can be super close to him all throughout her life.  Twins in spirit for sure! She loves him so much and he loves her.  He smiles and coos constantly around her.

Madelyn shared a cold with Jennings recently and even though we don't make her wear a mask, she thought it was pretty fun to do so she did it anyway.

 Hi Dad! 

Mom thought this was a cute outfit, Jennings wasn't so sure... "But Mom it's still 90 outside!"

Jennings continues to be (dare I say) a very good sleeper.  He's still on his schedule of once a night and lately wakes up for his morning feed about 10 minutes before my alarm goes off so I can feed him and then get up for the day and not be late.  

I worried after the hospital if his sleeping would be off and it's changed slightly but for the most part, still very good.  

When Jennings turned three months I prayed that it would be a quiet month that he would have lots of time to rest and heal as he had a very difficult second month.  Thankfully it was pretty quiet and I can see him getting better I think each day.  I also feel like I've seen him grow and change developmentally so much these last four weeks.

This month he has really stretched out and really really filled out.  I guess after that traumatic hospital stay he and I wanted to spent a lot of extra time these few weeks cuddling and eating.  He's packing on the pounds and I'm interested next week to see how much he will weigh. I'm thinking definitely more than 16 lbs.  My back and shoulder seem to notice too... man he's getting heavy! And the more he eats and grows, the more I see him looking like Madelyn.

Don't they look alike?

He's getting really good at tummy time and has rolled over with help a couple of times.  I don't think he's in any hurry to do it on his own, and to be honest, I'm okay with it too.  He's our last baby and I know I will miss all of this.

Jennings continues to love his bath, he gets so excited each night when we draw the water.  He still loves the water to be really warm and he talks constantly during his bath.  Speaking of talking, he has truly found his voice.  I would almost say he sings to us as he talks and when we become quiet and give him his moment of peace and quiet, he is not one to sit and be quiet.  And yet, when the other kids are talking and the house is loud with rambling noises, he is so observant.  Maybe that's why when its just he and I getting ready for his bath, that he takes every chance he can get to fill me in on what he thought of throughout the day.  I love his voice.

I'm beginning to also think that teething is closer than I am ready for.  We are breastfeeding.  Ouch.  Jennings has found his hands and specifically his fingers.  He chews on them constantly and his long fingers often find their way to the back of his throat and he gags himself, multiple times a day.  I continue to pull them out of his mouth but back in along his gums they go.  We've started giving him teethers and that works for a few minutes until he can get those long fingers back in there.  They must taste yummy.

And speaking of yummy.... Jennings smiles and laughs are oh so yummy.  When the world seems stressful and like there isn't enough time in the day and no way things are going to be okay, Jennings giggles and all of those troubles drift away.  I love to hold Jennings and dance with him in the kitchen, he smiles and we sway back and forth.  I try to soak up those moments with him resting his head on my shoulder and how he giggles when we dance.  Tonight when I was getting him ready for his bath I blew on this stomach and he thought it was hilarious.  He giggled and his belly with his growing rolls giggled up and down.  Yummy moments I savor.

A year ago last night, November 13, 2018 I found out we were expecting when I decided to take a pregnancy test.  When I saw the positive lines my immediate prayer was "God please bring this baby safely into our lives and let us raise him or her for our lifetime." As slowly as the first four months of our pregnancy went, I think the time fast-forwarded to catch up in his first 4 months here.  I am so grateful everyday that here is here, healthy and I can touch, kiss and hug him.  My prayer to get him here safely and healthy... answered.   It was my prayer every single day of the pregnancy and even now, "Lord thank you for bringing us Jennings, please let him stay with us so we can create a lifetime of memories together."  Something about losing a child changed me and I think Jarrett too.  Our fear of having to give back God's greatest gifts too early is more than either one of us can think to bear, and so we worry.

But tonight we give thanks that he is here.  That we've been able to spend going on 4 months with him.  Selfishly I hope for 60 or so years or more.

Jennings we are loving every minute of having you in our lives.  You brighten all of our days and are everything we prayed for and more.  We love you more and more.

Love, 
Mom

October whirlwind...

Here we are in the second week of November and I'm still trying to catch up from the end of September.  Oh who am I kidding its more like catching up still from last September.
These last few months have been a whirlwind and it doesn't seem to be slowing down.

Here's a post from a few weeks ago I didn't get to finish until now.

I was honestly looking forward to October.  Since we had Noah's Kindness Project earlier this year I thought, oh we can enjoy the "fall" month of October and adjust as I went back to work and dad was set to go on his leave.

What we didn't expect was our last minute decision to take the kids on a 2 day fall break vacation would have turned into one of the scariest times in our lives, as we had to rush Jennings to the hospital to find out he had an incarcerated hernia that would require emergency surgery. Only then to find out that his intestines were severely damaged from the hernia and that less than 36 hours after his first surgery they would have to take him back into the OR to do another surgery to see if too much of his intestines has died.  Thankfully they didn't have to cut out part of his intestines, but thank God they did find out he had a Meckel's Diverticulum which would have no doubt required another emergency surgery when he is around 2 or so.

So there is the very short version.  Everything happened so quickly and I tried to keep record of it all through Facebook and Instagram and finally I'll try to capture it here, so someday Jennings can read about how scary it all was.  We are so thankful for the prayers and love so many shared with us and how

My dear friend Mary had her friends at the gym praying for Jennings and one of them made these satin ribbon crosses for him.  So thankful for all the prayers.

We were home for less than a day when Jennings took another turn and we headed back to the hospital. 

October 6: 1:47 am
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earlier today we had a scare with our precious baby Jennings and after being in the er for a short tome, he was rushed off to emergency surgery. He had an incarcerated hernia that was cutting off blood flow to his intestines.

Jennings made it through surgery (thanks for the prayers) and after being transferred to a higher level care floor after the first post-op team decided he was more serious. We spoke to his surgeons and they were able to fix the hernia l, however they are very concerned about his intestinal tissue may have suffered too much from the lack of blood. So now we wait, they will monitor him very closely and we pray for the tissue to heal. If not he will have to have another surgery to remove the damaged tissue and stitch together his intestines that are okay. We pray that he can get better without that. He has been showing signs of fever, throwing up and screaming in pain... My heart aches tonight after watching helplessly as our baby has gone though so much. Please keep praying. Just 14 hours ago he seemed fine, was smiling and here we are praying for his healing. The nurse told me as we got transferred to another floor, “he is a very sick little baby.” We so appreciate the prayers, please keep them coming
#jenningsjarrett .

Link to post: 

October 6, 1:30 pm

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Jennings updates: since the morphine in the early morning hours, Jennings was finally able to relax enough to sleep for a couple of hours. It was a welcome sight for many reasons including it helped his high blood pressure (137/79). This morning he woke up very hungry and couldn’t get comfortable so the surgeon and pediatrician agreed to let him try feeds. Pedialyte went okay but the milk did not, he threw it all up (one of the red flag signs we need to be concerned about). We start back over again. He just got an xray of his belly to see if they can see a blockage so we pray they’re isn’t one. I really won’t want him to have to endure another surgery. The pain meds are helping better today Although he winches and cries in pain with each movement. we are thankful he is able to get some sleep and we hope his gut is healing. Thank you for all the prayers, well wishes and love. We could feel it. We’re not out of the woods yet, we have a long way to go, but at least he’s not constantly screaming in pain, his fever has remained low grade and hes come a long way already. #thanksforthsupport #thanksfortheprayers #thanksforthelove #jenningsjarrett

October 7, 7:43 am
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Hope in the new day. Where to start? Jennings was able to tolerate some pedialyte yesterday and then became uninterested in eating around dinner time last night. By 9 PM he had started spiking a fever Which made the team here really nervous. They ended up increasing his fluids to give his body more to handle whatever was causing the fever and watched him very closely. Around 2 AM the fever broke and we started to see his edema change. He slept really well and woke up this morning with the look in his eye that I come to recognize and cherish in my baby. I hope we’ve turned a corner and that we can try feeding again today. In the hospital we celebrate big things like alert eyes, wet diapers and bm’s, all of which we can celebrate Jennings has done in the last 24 hours. His x-ray results yesterday looked encouraging too Thank you for all of your prayers thoughts love and well wishes. We are so thankful and truly believe they are just as important as the medicine going through his IV. We haven’t seen the doctors yet but hope they’re happy with the progress he’s showing and that the dreaded second surgery is getting farther and farther away in his case plan. Pray today that he can eat and tolerate the food and for signs that is intestines are healing. Thank you again for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers🙏🏼💙 #jenningsjarrett

October 7, 1:23 pm
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And just like that this journey takes another turn. After my hopeful post, things turned and Jennings isn’t doing that well. They are concerned about his fever, his inability to eat and his pain. He just went back in for surgery again and we need your help please. They feel like his intestines where it was incarcerated have suffered too much and are damaged to the point they are not functioning. Please pray for our little guy that he will get better soon, that the surgery is a success and his pain is less. This is so heartbreaking to watch him go through such pain. I’m trying to remind myself there are blessings even in this hard time... the surgery nurse was wearing rainbow shoes and when his team here couldn’t get a vein to draw labs, in walked our friends from the nicu who are excellent at getting those tiny veins to work. Please send prayers. We really appreciate it and Jennings really needs them. 🙏🏼

October 7, 2019 5:27 pm

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Jennings is out of surgery. They found his intestine to be in better shape and functioning and concluded they did not have to remove part of it (although they did remove something unrelated and minor so that it wouldn’t be an issue in the future). Thank you for all the prayers, they worked! We are in recovery with him now. He’s just waking up and in pain but we are so thankful the intestines will be okay Thank you all for your care and support. We hope that was the last twist in the road and he start to recover now

Thank you you all for your prayers and support. We really appreciate it.

October 8, 7:39 am
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_^OAs much hope as we woke up to yesterday, I feel double that amount today. As much as we dreaded Jennings having to go through a second surgery, we watch the sun rise this morning with confidence his intestines are doing what they are supposed to and are not compromised beyond his body’s repair. This information we would never have been sure about if not for the events that transpired yesterday. So I guess even in the “bad” there is “good”. They kept Jennings sedated overnight to give his body time to rest after all he’s been through. I haven’t slept much since we check in so it was a welcomed quiet night. Jarrett has to leave for a work trip so we hope his travels are safe. We will see what the doctors say today. We’ve made some new friends here and are thankful for the great care he is getting. His blood pressure is still running high but his heart rate remained in his normal range overnight (after surgery he had some irregularities that concerned us but they said it want too worry about unless it became sustained). Another prayer answered. Jennings’ room is on the “penthouse” of the hospital and while I’m hoping we aren’t paying extra for this view, todays sunrise was so beautiful. It reminded me of the early mornings when I’d drive here to see Noah. There’s something special about the mornings and today again we find hope rising in us, just like the morning sun. Jennings and our family thank each of you for holding him in your thoughts, and prayers.#jenningsjarrertt

October 8, 7:13 pm
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There were several times today I couldn’t member what day of the week it was. Things kind of blur together at this point. Here’s where we stand as of tonight. Hope was today that we could lower the pain medication and start feeding to hopefully leave here in the next couple of days. We left the pain medication the same as the night which allowed him to sleep and he was very peaceful. This afternoon we started to introduce milk, a very small amount with the hopes he could keep it down. We also lowered the pain medication to just Tylenol it was very clear that he was in pain and uncomfortable. He also threw up the milk within minutes of eating. So we start back over with trying to eat. And tonight as I share this he is experiencing desats in his oxygen, throwing up again and clearly he is in pain even after we went back up on his pain meds. Please pray for him again. That We can figure out where the pain is coming from, that we can get the throwing up to stop and that he can be comfortable.

October 9, 10:14 am
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What a whirlwind 12 hours. In my last post l I shared Jennings stats were all over the place. They called the doctor to look at him and they thought he was in pain. So on top of his high level pain medication they decided to give him morphine. When the nurse went to flush his iv to give him the med, it looked to me that it didn’t flush so I asked and they thought it would be okay. When they flushed his iv and as they tried to push the medication Jennings screamed in pain even with the highset medication already on board. It didn’t seem right. After that he continued to be fussy and his numbers were all over the place, even after changed leads, new monitors etc. I called a friend who works in pediatric medicine for their opinion. They’ve been following along with his hospitalization and they asked me many questions and to look for certain things. That’s when we found his iv had been compromised and all the flushes, medication and iv had been draining into the tissue in his leg not the veins. His leg was so tight with fluid it was scary. That coupled with the continuous high blood pressure, low o2 stats, erratic heart rates and pain was enough. I asked to talk to the senior nurse and doctor as I just couldn’t convince myself that he didn’t need more attention and more intensive care. After several conversations and meeting with the senior pediatric physician on at nights as well as the cno we expressed our concerns and they acknowledged areas where he needed more attention. He didn’t get moved in the end but extra tests were done, a new machine to take his bps was brought in and his care level increased. I asked they his iv he left out as I didn’t want him to be poked again unless he absolutely could justify to me why he needed it. He and I were both at the point of exhaustion and finally got to sleep around 3 am. This morning I see signs that we are on the right track mainly because he smiled at me (and he’s such a smiley baby normally). We also are starting to feed again thank God the first two attempts to feed have stayed down. He needs to eat longer, 3 minutes every 5 hours isn’t enough, don’t want dehydration. Thanks 4 thinking of him.

October 9, 9:23 pm
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What a difference a day can make. Last night was one of our worst nights but today brought our best day. The first picture is Jennings from last night and the bottom is him this morning, what a difference. Jennings woke up and from the moment he smiled at me, I had hope it was going to be good. I held my breath all day waiting I guess, trying to prepare myself for when the next curve ball was coming, but it didn’t. Jennings was happy, smiling, cooing even laughing a few times. I’d look in his eyes and I could see his personality coming back. It was indeed a good day. He was able to eat and he tolerated the food well. He ate enough we didn’t have to put the iv back in. He had a follow up ekg, still waiting on those results but if nothing else pops up tonight, we should be headed home tomorrow. I think both of us are ready for that. We’ve been here 5 days and as much as I’m ready to go home, I see the little kids with cancer riding by our room in their wagons and I realize how blessed we are. Some spend months here and this place becomes their home. While we were so worried and heartbroken watching Jennings go though all he did these past days, I realize just how lucky we are. Thanks to our parents who helped with the big kids and to our friends and family who all helped us through this. From the food, to the cards, gifts and the prayers. The medication they gave him while we were here was necessary but I’m convinced the prayers were just as helpful. Thank you again. Tomorrow I’ll hopefully share a picture of us going home and then, in the future, I hope it’s just pictures of him growing and thriving. Thank you all. We are so grateful for each of your wishes and kindness. 💙🌈🙏🏼💙 #jenningsjarrett

October 10, 2:10 pm
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No caption needed! #imgoinghome #sohappy #jenningsjarrett #thankyoufortheprayers

October 11, 10:02 pm
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Here we go again. Something is definitely still wrong with Jennings. We are back at the hospital and we just met with the er doctors and surgeons. We don’t know exactly what is wrong but they feel he is sick enough they need him to stay. They are running tests. We thought he was doing okay and then as the day went on he became more and more agitated and completely inconsolable, just like he was before we ever went to the hospital. I am sorry to ask again but please pray for him. 💙🙏🏼😔

October 12, 1:09 pm
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At this moment we sit with more questions than answers. Jennings was admitted overnight to Phoenix Children’s Hospital and after screaming and crying in pain for many many hours they gave him fentanyl for pain. It helped to calm him so he could sleep, and he did overnight (if you call 3am-6am overnight). The surgeon came in to talk with us and thinks his intestines are okay and that the problem isn’t going to require surgery, so they turned him over to another pediatrician who is looking into a few things including why his wbc and hemoglobin are elevated. He is sleeping peacefully and in this quiet room I’ve had time to think. We wait and we pray that God will help the doctors find what is wrong. I shared with a friend who has also had to watch her child go through very hard medical things, that my heart hurts watching all he’s been through and how I didn’t realize how strong she was in all she’s been through with her daughter. She replied to me and said “we are both strong, that’s part of why we get to be mommas” ❤️ I wanted more than anything to be a mom. had I known how hard it was going to be before I got the gift, I would have doubted my ability to handle all its required, but there one thing for sure... I would have never changed my wish. Getting to love Jennings and his brothers and sisters and be their mom is my greatest honor. May the medical team find answers and may Jennings begin to feel like his happy, smiley, and easy-going self. Thanks for all the support

October 12, 7:08 pm
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After xrays, ultrasounds, blood draws and observation they couldn’t identify where his pain is coming from. They think his body is still trying to recover from all he has been through the past 6 days. Thankfully he was pretty calm and able to sleep over the afternoon and we hope tonight is the same. We were given the choice if we wanted to go home and follow up with our pediatrician next week. While I still worry there is something else going on, going home is what we really want. Tonight as I put his pajamas on, I think he realized where we were and I could almost see him sigh in relief. Tonight, we are home.

October 16, 9:25 AM 
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We’ve been home for four days and needless to say we don’t have any desire to go back to the hospital. Jennings got home just in time to be celebrated at church on Sunday. He was originally supposed to have Ben baptized but we asked that he be baptized before going into his second surgery last week. We appreciate Pastor Jerry racing to the hospital and baptizing him in the pre-op room before he was taken back. Thank you for all the notes to check in on Jennings and to see how he is. Each day I think he gets a little bit better. We still are waiting for the super smiley baby he was before to come back. I think he’s leery after all he’s been through. Yesterday he turned 3 months and today we followed up with his doctor. She is hopeful his intestines are healing as there are no signs that they aren’t other than more spit up than normal. His blood labs are returning to normal range, she guesses the abnormal counts were his body’s way of adjusting to the trauma and surgeries. She shared that we will always need to be aware of the risks that his intestines could close up due to the trauma and that belly aches are something not to take lightly for him. She also shared how lucky we were that the surgeons found his Meckels’s Diverticulum during the second surgery. Turns out this is something only 2% of the human race have and Jennings was “lucky” enough to have one. The doctors said if they hadn’t found it, we would have found ourselves in another emergency surgery experience around his 2nd year. So there’s another blessing in last weeks adventure. We will follow up with the surgeons again next week along with his pediatrician, but they are encouraged that he’s doing well. We are so thankful. Here’s to praying for continued healing and a very quiet, boring third month of life 🤞thanks4theprayers. #jenningsjarrett

Until next time,
Angie