Where did January go?

Where did January go?

I’ve been asking myself that all month.  I keep thinking, oh I’ll catch up on this day, or this day.  Truth is, I seem to feel like I’m falling further behind.  So instead of getting to post on this blog daily, like I had hoped I’m instead going to give the January recap… it seems so much has happened.

 

Man I love those kiddos!

The boys started flag football.  They love it.  The both fully believe they will be playing in the NFL in 10 years.  I tell them I’d love to watch them play as long as they remember they would then be a role model for younger kids and to make sure they don’t show boat.  It’s a big topic in our house, I always want my kiddos to remain humble.  Like Tim McGraw's song, “Humble and Kind”  They don’t have to be millionaires, president of the united states , or even a famous celebrity… I’ll be more proud of them for being humble and kind than any other title (well maybe the title of Mom and Dad would make me proud too).  That being said, the boys think" dabbing" is the coolest thing ever and asked if they win the super bowl if I’d be okay with them spiking the ball in the end-zone and dabbing.  I told them, instead of spiking the ball in the end zone to celebrate, what would be even better would be to take the ball to the fans and find a little kid watching and to pass the ball onto them.  Think of the message that would send to younger children I said.  Michael, who always one step further ahead in thought said, “You know mom, that would be cool, but you know what would be the best thing to do?”  “What?” I said to Michael, knowing I’d probably find myself disagreeing in my head, but complimenting his creativity later.  He said, “If I was a kid in the stands, I think the coolest thing ever would be to get a ball from the play that had just been spiked in the end zone. So maybe that’s what I’ll do, I’ll spike the ball and then gently hand the football to the little kid.” Don’t you think that’s a good idea mom?”  No, I smiled, just hand the ball over kindly.  Michael just smiled, knowing full well his plan was superior to anything mom suggested.

Nana, Papa, Lindsay and Isabelle watching the boys play football... too bad I forgot to take a picture of the boys actually playing!

Back to football.  The boys are doing great, love playing and are having fun.  That’s really what this league is about and I think that’s why we support it.  They learn basic skills, but their teams are more concerned with having fun rather than playing for blood.  Sadly we’ve seen those coaches out there, just fortunate our boys aren’t on those teams.

Here's Gabriel super excited because he got an old phone from Grandpa and Grandma's house.  What he didn't realize is that it is a landline.  It was crazy for me to explain to him what a dial tone was, that he had to plug it into the wall and that it didn't have the option of playing games.  Yes, my kids are growing up in a completely different world!

Also this month Isabelle started soccer.  It’s the first real organized sport we’ve put her in and we are one week in.  Her practice/game was last Saturday morning and when we arrived at 7:45 a.m. it was 38 degrees out.  Needless to say, she was more concerned with how cold she was and where the snack was, instead of performing the drills.  Some of it seems pretty typical given the age, Michael was the same way.  We hope once it warms up and she gets use to it, she might be more “into it”.  And if not, that’s okay too.  I won’t complain about one less activity.

Maddie getting ready to go out in the cold to watch her siblings play in their respective sports.

My little girl is getting SO BIG!

We also went to the eye doctor this month!  It was Isabelle's first time and she thought it was funny to look like a princess pirate.

Other things that happened this month.  A trip to New Orleans.  I had a conference I attended for work and was fortunate enough to go to NO.  It was such a blast and I got to see some beautiful sites in the city.  Such a fun culturally rich place that is clearly still recovering from Hurricane Katrina.  The people there were amazing and made me love the south even more.

The view out my hotel room.

Walking through the streets, I found a movie being filmed.

The director and others were sitting under this tent watching what was being filmed.

I think this is some sort of government building

What a cool view right?

Another view from my hotel room, 36th floor

Where one of our college friends had their wedding reception, such a pretty place.

no caption needed

Doesn't look like much but this is Preservation Hall, where the music all started, I understand.

That hotel behind is right across the street from where I stayed, and tonight I saw it on TV as the place where the ladies from the Bachelor stayed.  I was right there!

I just happened to be in New Orleans on inauguration day.  As I was getting ready to check out I noticed a large commotion going on outside my window.  Turns out there was a big protest where people blocked off the road and in true NO fashion had a jazz band and played music while they marched down the street.  Down below you can see they had Lady Liberty in a coffin.  

The Super Dome, I couldn't help but think of the people who sought refuge there during Katrina.

Madelyn continues to grow faster than we’d like.  I’ll post her 8 month update shortly (when I get it written) and it almost pains me to think that in a few short weeks she will be officially as old as the time I carried her in my stomach.  Man do I miss those moments of feeling her move around inside of me.  Never did I ever think I’d say that.  Now she just moves around outside of me and is becoming more and more mobile with each passing day.  Still the happiest baby in the world (I’m biased), she has taken on a new role in her 8^thmonth… stay tuned.

Finally this month Grandma, Grandpa and Grandpa Ray came to visit and while I missed seeing them when I was in NO, the kids had a lot of fun. 

Great Grandpa Ray, Sleepy Maddie and Isabelle.  

Here Belle wanted to be held like Maddie.  

Here we are celebrating Grandpa Ray's birthday. Nevermind Belle's missing eyes.... we are growing out her bangs and she just took the clips out.  She does have eyes under there.

Here are some pictures to recap the last few weeks…

This kid must be growing again... I can't keep him fed.  He's ALWAYS hungry.

This big brother has been just that, a great big brother by playing nicely with Isabelle and helping her at soccer.  Its nice to see him growing and maturing.

This girl is growing up in front of my eyes and I can hardly believe my baby is going to be turning 5 next week!  Say it isn't so!

And then there's this pumpkin... she's moving all over and hardly wants to sit down.  Man do we all love her so much.


Awe yes, January, you've been so busy.  It's almost a blur.

Thanks for the memories... onto February!

Until next time
Angie

Dear Sara,

I know that I am only one person in a sea of thousands that has been thinking of and praying for you feverishly these last days, weeks and months.  And I would be lying if I told you that the updates I've read lately about how you are doing, weren't breaking my heart (and so many others I"m sure as well).  And while the ache in my heart compares nothing to what I am sure you, Justin, Bailey and Jordan are experiencing, I hope you know that you, your life, and your unsurpassed determination, strength and optimism are awe-inspiring.

Sara, since day one of learning you were handed this road to walk, I never once saw you flinch in your determination to beat it, while always remaining aware at just what a gift, each and everyday we get here is.  Now I know I'm not there for the daily struggles, nor the moments when you must feel like you've been punched in the gut, or those days when the rain cloud seems to hover, but even still Sara, I know there wouldn't be so many people rooting for, praying for, or storming down God's inbox, if it wasn't for how amazing of a person you are.  

And Sara as I thought about you and the battle you've faced, I realized that never once did you make your story about you and your battle, but instead, you shared of yourself, your love, even more.  I know, because you shared your love with us.  When we were going through the most heart warming and heart breaking time when Noah was born so early, and fighting for his life in the NICU, I read your messages of support, and I know you had your prayer warriors praying for us.  I know because I now have friends I've never met in person, but call them friends, because you connected us.  And just as you offered support, your prayer warriors supported us as well.  Yes Sara, when our world came crashing down and I felt like my world had ended, you were there to offer support and love, even amidst your own struggles you faced.

 While we live hundreds of miles apart and I think the last time we saw each other in person was at the Meyer Christmas of 2014, thanks in part to Facebook, I don't really feel like it's been that long at all. Sara, I will never forget the support you gave us when we welcomed and lost Noah.  Your gifts mean more than words in this world will ever be able to convey.  But it wasn't just the support in the difficult times.  What makes it even better is that you celebrated with us in the good.  Like this past May when our hearts rejoiced again in love as we welcomed our rainbow baby girl, Madelyn.  You were the first to help us share the news on Facebook.  I smile knowing that it was party because of you, the messages of love and support came flooding into us.

Yes indeed, Sara, in the midst of your struggle you shine light of love, hope and happiness into the world.  No matter what you face, you make the lives of others better.  You, are, in my mind, an angel on earth. 

Several months ago I sent you a note after you were on my mind continuously.  I wrote...
Hi Sara, I hope today is a day of less pain and more smiles.  I was just leaving church and throughout our service today I couldn't stop thinking about you.  The sermon was about tough times and keeping the fair and hope.  Our pastor shared that often times our faith can grow the most when we walk through troubled times.  I can see that now looking back on losing Noah, but at the time it was so fresh, I wasn't sure at all.  And then I thought of you, your constant smiles, happiness and hope, while you've walked a very difficult road.  And I thought...That Sara, she's a wonderful model for how we should live this life.  Hugs and prayers and love to you and your whole beautiful family.  

And it wasn't long after I sent that note that you responded right away.  And in your response, I was continued to be reminded of just what a messenger of faith, of hope and of love you are.  You said...

 Thank you for thinking of me, Angie.  I certainly don't think of myself as the model you speak of... mostly just trying to get by.  A long time ago, probably when I was first diagnosed in 2011, I thought I could either ask myself, "why me" and cry in the corner, or I could ask, "why not me" and keep my head up to deal with this.  I guess... and I know you understand... when you have kids you get in the mode of thinking about them, how you want them to see you deal with things.  Thanks again for thinking of me... Sara

Sara, I know from Justin's update that the way we all wanted your story to read, is not the way God's writing it.  I can only imagine the emotions that each of you must face and with tears in my eyes, I continue to ask God to let you have more time.  For Justin's sake, for Bailey, for Jordan and everyone who loves you.  That being said, I am not expert on how to say goodbye and I personally believe that even when we take our last breath on this earth, it is never a permanent goodbye.

Sara, I want you to know that the legacy you've created in your two beautiful children, and the hundreds of children you've taught over the years will continue to go on shining brightly with love like you share with us.  But it doesn't just stop there Sara, you have taught all of us so many valuable lessons.  When we knew Noah wasn't going to be with us here very much longer, I heard someone say that some people live a very long life and their impact can be small, and some who live a shorter life create a legacy that never ends.  Sara, I assure you that your legacy is one written in stone.  You've taught all of us how to live life to the fullest, to never take for granted another day and to share love wider than one believes they can personally share.

Sara, I don't believe in forever goodbyes, because I pray one day we all get to be together again. And in the time we can't be together, I find signs from above (for me they are from Noah) to be healing reminders that life beyond here must be wonderful as well. Perhaps there's signs we can all see someday if we're looking.

Sara, I don't know if I'll get to give you a hug in person or tell you face to face the impact you've made in my life, so I thought I'd write it here.  As I told you in my note a few months ago, you really are the perfect model for how we should all live our life.  You've reminded me to give my kids an extra kiss, to stop and appreciate the chaos when I feel like pulling my hair out. :-), and you've taught me that giving more of myself is what I should strive to do more of.

Sara, I pray that these coming days are filled with overwhelming love for you, Justin, Bailey and Jordan.  That what you've given to us and to so many, I pray it is returned to you 100 fold.  And I pray for peace for however the chapters are written, for comfort, for no pain.  Finally I pray for you, Justin, Bailey and Jordan the gift of guided faith.  A faith that provides the strength of HOPE today, tomorrow and forever.  

My love to you always.
Until next time,
Angie

Madelyn's 7th month...

Where is the time going and how do I get it to slow down.

Madelyn at 7 months!  How can it be... its getting hard to get her to sit sill

I’m writing this now as Madelyn begins her third week of her 7^th month.  It is so hard for me to believe it.   I don’t meant to sound like a broken record, but I’m going to sound like a broken record.  Madelyn is simply a joy to have and remains the move happy-go-lucky baby around.  She loves to take in everything around her, remains cool and content as a cucumber and is still as smiley and chunky as she’s been for the past many months. 

This month we are really starting to see her come into her own personality, as she lights up when Mommy, Daddy, her brothers and sister, or Nana and Papa come into a room.  She’s finally starting to show preference (much to mom’s delight-all those nights of middle-of-the-night feedings finally show reward) as she reaches for me or whimpers when she sees me but is being held by someone else (mostly daddy).  Nothing against Daddy, as we remind him, its just that mommy’s fun and she has the food.  I don’t kid myself, I know it’s the food desire more than just me.

Madelyn has been sitting up like a pro for the last few months but this month she’s started to become mobile.  Not fully able to crawl yet, she likes to go from sitting position to reaching forward as far as she can to shifting to a belly lay.  And then, for her final act of the trick, she rolls from her stomach to her back and kicks her feet in the air.  This video is a classic example of the shows she gives us.

Madelyn also started her 7^th month and the new year by saying a new word… it is my favorite.  I’ll let you watch for yourself.  Hearing her say those momma babbles causes an involuntary response to hold my chest, to keep my heart from bursting through.  Hearing momma from your baby is one of those life moments, I’ll never forget. 

Madelyn is also interested in starting to pull herself up on things.  I’m totally NOT ready for a mobile child yet, (note to self: must childproof the house), but it is fun to see her starting to gain strength in her legs and her inquisitiveness start to spike.  Along with becoming more mobile, we have officially moved into the teething time of her infancy… she loves to chew on anything she can.  I forgot what it was like when Belle was a baby cutting teeth, she just seemed to get ear infection each time a tooth would pop through.  Madelyn on the other hand, she just chews, has a running nose and doesn’t sleep.  Yes, I said that correctly… my really good sleeper of a baby has regressed to a not-so-good sleeper.  I’m not sure if it was a growth spurt or the fact that her teeth were hurting her, but much of her 7^th month she has been up every couple of hours during the night.  Jarrett’s been helping me more, which is nice, as I told him one morning, I was so desperate for sleep, I didn’t know how I’d get through the day.  Now we have a routine, where I get her when she wakes up, feed her, change her… hand off the wet diaper to him and he sometimes helps me burp her. 

Everyone talks about how tired you will be with a new baby and I honestly didn’t bat an eye at it too much… Lord knows I didn’t sleep when I was pregnant very well.  But there comes a point in these months when the cumulative effect of not sleeping seems to hit a point of complete exhaustion. On Friday night, after taking the kids to zoo lights, we got home, put the kids to bed and I decided at 8:45 I was going to shower (yes for the first time that day- no judgements please).  After showering I came out of our bedroom with my jammies on, to see Jarrett getting ready to take the dog for a walk.  He said, “I wondered where you went.  I thought maybe you fell asleep with Madelyn.”  I said I just showered for the first time that day and he left to go get the mail and give the dog his 10 minutes of attention for the day.  Seeing the piles of things around me and the bottles that needed to be washed, I decided instead I’d just sit on the couch for 5 minutes, until Jarrett got back.

Here mom was trying to keep Madelyn up a bit later, so Mom could get some sleep during the night.  Madelyn wasn't too impressed.  This is also the first picture where I can totally see Jarrett (or Bennett our nephew).  

The next thing I felt was a nudge on my shoulder to see Jarrett telling me it was after 10 and I should just go to bed.  He said, “I tried waking you up several times but couldn’t get you to wake up.”  I guess I should have known…. Never sit down until you are completely done. 

Another funny story about just how tired one can be, just happened last night.  Madelyn got up at 3 to eat, so I fed her and changed her diaper.  Jarrett, half awake, rolled over and said, “I’ll take the diaper” meaning he was going to throw it away.  He held out his hand, I put the diaper in and then expected him to get up, sleep walk to the bathroom garbage, throw it away and come back to bed to sleep.  Instead he just held his hand out, while lying on his back and proceeded to go back to sleep- I know because the snoring resumed.  I sat there in bed, burping Madelyn for the required 20-30 minutes and at first debated if I should just take it back and throw it away myself.  After several minutes of watching and waiting for him to wake up enough to throw it away, he didn’t, I decided it could be my form of entertainment while I burped her.  Five minutes went by… sleeping like a baby he was.  Then 10, yep, still sleeping with his arm straight out, and a wet diaper in his hand.  A full 20 minutes went by, arm as stiff as a stick.  Madelyn was fast asleep and fully burped so I decided to lay her back down.  As I was crawling out of bed to put her back, he woke up enough to ask me again for the wet diaper.  I laughed, told him he’d been holding it the whole time and then if he planned to hold it the rest of the night.  Oh the things that happen when you’re trying to function on minimal sleep.

Madelyn loves to share Mom's water bottle with her.  

And that’s not to mention the nights when it isn’t just Madelyn up.  Some nights, all you can do it laugh when it alternates between the dog barking because he wants a midnight meal, then Isabelle coming in because she wants to sleep with us, Michael and Gabriel turning on every light they can when they get up to go to the bathroom and then Madelyn wanting to eat.  Oh it’s a circus… but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Wow, sorry for the tangent… back to Maddie.

Madelyn has been expanding her palette this month from peaches, to mixed vegetables, green beans, peas, kale, spinach, squash and other fruits.  Her favorite remains sweet potatoes and a new treat… Fruit and Veggie melts. They are these little, almost chocolate chip shaped drops of vegetables that she can chomp or suck on til they melt.  She loves them and now with her two front bottom teeth she has gotten down the idea of biting into things.  Mostly she likes to bite my chin, I realize not the best thing to bite.  But I was happy to see she’s now able to eat a more solid substance.  I have a feeling table food will be coming very soon. 

The other day I received an update from one of the formula companies who sends us coupons which thankfully we haven’t had to use (we have lots of milk) and they referred to Madelyn as a toddler now.  I thought-“Wait, what, I thought I had a few more months before she’s a toddler.”  I asked Jarrett, who knows me so well and that I am dreading the end of the baby stage, who immediately said, “Mom, she is still a baby. Don’t stress about that.”  He gets me so well.  I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been together so long. 

So before I continue this long drawn-out post  here are some of the photos from Madelyn’s 7^th month.

Jack and Maddie have become good friends

naptime

Until next time,

Angie

One of the greatest men I know...

is celebrating his birthday today.  Like he says himself, he's not to big about promoting the number of candles on the cake, instead he's more about celebrating that he gets to have another birthday.  Personally, I think that's the way to be.

Yes, one of the greatest men I've ever met is celebrating his birthday and I'm lucky enough to get to call him my grandpa.

My grandpa, me pregnant with baby Noah - the only picture I have of us three.

Grandpa Ray and I go way back... actually about 36 years back and almost from the beginning we've been close.  I am his first grand-daughter and being fortunate enough to live so close, I saw my grandpa almost everyday growing up.  I know, pretty lucky I'd say.

 My parents and grandparents worked together and before our family moved to the house located at the business where they worked, my grandparents lived there and that meant I got to spend a lot of time there too.

My grandpa and I have shared many memories together, some more he can remember than I.  Like taking me to preschool and me being afraid to let go of his hand for fear, no one was going to come back and pick me up.

Or the time they took me at 5 years old with them to Las Vegas and we stayed at the Circus Circus.  As a little girl we were in the parking lot of the hotel when a rouge kangaroo got loose and came charging through the lot.  Grandpa said he's never seen someone climb the leg of another person so fast.  I'm guessing you can guess who was the person who the climber and who was the leg of the climbed?

Then there are the memories of getting to stay overnight and Grandma and Grandpa's house many weekends while my parents worked at the Ballroom.  Every Sunday morning we'd wake up and Grandpa would make his famous runny eggs with sausage links and bacon, while Grandma would make toast, juice, and rolls and we'd listen to the Leo Greico show.  And most Sunday's we'd wait to have the breakfast until Meet the Press was over.   I think to this day, I was a Tim Russert fan because my he was a fan of my grandpa's too.

My grandpa was (still is I'm sure) the best person to go fishing with.  He didn't mind that he didn't get to do any actual fishing.  Instead he just bated the worms on our hooks and took the fish we caught off the hooks.  I like fishing, just not the parts where you get dirty.  And it was actually really suprising we caught anything.  Because between my sister Megan, my brother Jonas and my baby sister Maelyn, all trying to fight,  I mean fish, its pretty shocking we didn't scare all the fish away.  At least that's what he would say.

And speaking of what Grandpa use to say, some of the best lines I know about life come from my grandpa.
"I got the world by the tail on a downward pull."  Referring to his greatly blessed life with my Grandma.

Or "Hi Brown eyes..." - what he calls me when I talk to him each morning.
Or "Say our prayers, do the best we can, and let it go at that."  - about something in life that is troubling, worrisome or bad.

When I think about the life my grandpa has had, he is a man who never took a short cut, always took pride in his work, never expected to to be given anything and always appreciated what he had.  Yes, my grandpa is one of the greatest men I've ever met and the lessons's he's taught me are countless.  Lessons of how to live a quality life.  Lessons of how to be grateful for what we have and not to take for granted the simple gifts... like our freedom.  My grandpa knows first hand the price of freedom, he fought in WWII for ours.

In 2005 my grandpa lost his soul mate of more than 60 years, and as heart breaking as it was for us, his grandchildren I can only imagine the pain he had endured.  After losing Noah, I have come to respect and appreciate Grandpa even more.

While he longs to be with my grandma again, he never once questioned God for why she had to go, he never once harbored any anger that he didn't get to say goodbye the way we all hope we get to do.  Instead he says, "I'm grateful God took her the way he did.  We didn't get to say goodbye, but she never suffered.  And even if I got the chance to say goodbye, I wouldn't have been able to say it anyway."   And I guess right there shows me what a smart and honorable man he is.

Since I've lost Noah, I've come to understand a bit more about how my grandpa has carried on now 10 plus years later without part of his heart with him. I guess maybe its because I can relate to the feeling of having a broken heart.  And when we talk about what happens when we leave this world, it doesn't feel morbid or sad.  Thanks to our faith we have hope for another day.  Instead we talk about how wonderful the day will be when we arrive at Heaven's gate to see Grandma and Noah and our other loved ones waiting for us.  This is just another lesson my grandpa has taught me.  Death isn't the end.  It's a new beginning.

I found this picture today and when I came across it, I stopped right in my tracks.  I couldn't help but think it was Grandma and Noah.  Who would have thought several years ago when it was taken, it would one day come to have so much meaning for me.  

While my grandpa lives in Iowa and were here in Arizona, I don't get to see my grandpa nearly as often as I'd like.  But that doesn't mean he isn't far from my mind most of the day.  We talk on the phone each morning and its a gift to my life each day.  I hope he never doubts the impact he's had on my life, and on so many others as well.

Grandpa, as you celebrate being here another year, I hope you know just how much you are loved.  Words will never truly convey the gifts you've given to me, the love you've shared and the way you've enriched my life.  I'm so grateful to have gotten to grow up with you in my life and having my children get to know you and love their Great Grandpa Ray has been pure joy for me.

I look forward to celebrating with you this weekend and to creating another set of memories I will cherish forever.

One of my favorite pictures from when you came to spend Christmas with us

I love you always and forever.

Happy Birthday Grandpa,
your Angela Kay