Tomorrow Gabriel (or Gabe as he wants us to call him in front of his friends) starts high school. I can't believe it. Honestly, I think I'm in denial. All day today, as I tried to help him begin his freshman year how none of us could have ever predicted it could start, will start by him waking up early and sitting down at his computer in our home. Yes online.
This has been quite the year and while I wish he would get the traditional experience of starting high school in person, I am glad his health and that of our family's will be a bit more protected because we will be at home.
As crazy as it is for me to think he will start high school at home tomorrow, it isn't even that that I'm worried or sad about. It's the fact that tomorrow starts yet another chapter in his life, our life as a family, as he begins the process of building the strength in his wings so in just a few short years he can set off to fly on his own.
Honestly it feels like yesterday we were picking him up for the first time with his cheery smile and his big eyes. And I honestly can still remember the first day of taking him to kindergarten and fighting back tears as his teacher read, "The Kissing Hand" before we wished him well on his first day of school. Today I sat down and found the blog book that has the story of his first day of kindergarten and I reminisced about how excited he was for that first day of school. I think today he's still just as excited to begin this new chapter, although I don't think he's going to be waking up any extra early (unlike his first day of Kindergarten when he was in our bedroom before the 5 am hour seeing if it was time to go).
As much as I have enjoyed seeing him grow and him start to gain his independence and skills as a young adult, I have to remind myself not to do too much for him and to teach him how to do these things he will be expected to do on his own. How to write emails for himself, how to get himself ready for online school, to organize his materials. I know he is capable and will be just fine, I just don't want him to struggle or fail. Maybe this is how it is to be a parent. We want to fix it so life isn't too hard for them. But that is how we become adults... by solving problems, by trying and failing and by picking ourselves up to try again.
Last Friday we were driving to the pediatrician's office and when we got to the place, we noticed a little boy probably around 5 walking out of his school with a backpack too big for him on his back. The boys said, "Mom, look how cute that little boys is, that is going to be Jennings in a few years." And they are right. (Please Lord slow time down). When I looked over at the little boy, I thought you're right boys that will be Jennings, but as I looked at them, I thought, "boys that was you just a few years ago too."
People always say the time goes so quickly and I truly feel it daily. I sometimes feel the stress of the moments in raising 5 children, while trying to work and go to school in the middle of the pandemic, and I wish for a time when things will be easier. I'm not sure if things ever get easier, they may get quieter as the kids grow and leave the house, but tonight as I sit here, thinking about how fast the years have gone from Gabriel's first day of kindergarten until now, I feel a twinge in my heart and a swelling in my eyes.
I will miss these days. As proud as I am of the young men Gabe and Michael are becoming, I think a part of me will always see them as the two little boys are were constantly getting into things, who loved to play super heroes and who were going to change the world taking down the bad guys.
Since you wouldn't let me take a first day of school picture, here's what I got!
Gabe, on the eve of your first day in high school, here's a few pieces of advice from your mom (who you think doesn't know much) but who might just have a good nugget or two of info for you to remember in high school....
- Do your best always. Don't be lazy and just do enough to get by. Try your hardest everyday... it might not be perfect and that's okay but if it was your best, you should never have regrets.
- Be kind to everyone, and find friends who are loyal and true. Unlike middle school when you are afraid to let anyone see any faults of fears... in high school this is the time to find those friends who will have your back and care about you no matter how silly, unpopular or not-cool you are. Some of the greatest friends I have are my friends from high school who accepted me for me and I didn't have to impress them or do anything but be myself (your dad being one of those friends). Look for those friends, and make sure your just as good of a friend back to them.
- Try new things and don't be afraid to fail. Try things you'd never think of trying in the past... like choir (so proud of you for taking this). Join clubs, organizations, volunteer to help with things, do extra for your teachers. Sometimes the things you try that you'd never thought to try in the past will be the things you love for your future.
- Know that you will fail but don't let it stop you from trying harder and going farther. You will have hard days, school might be a challenge in certain subjects and you will have to work harder than you probably ever have in your life. It's part of growing up... something you seem so excited to do. But don't let your struggles stop you from achieving your dreams. Just pick yourself up, brush off the dust (the hurt, the sadness, the feelings of defeat), adjust your strategy, and try harder. We will cheer you on.
- Finally, know you have a family and support system that loves you and wants nothing but happiness and success for you. Does that mean we are going to make it easy for you... hahahaha Gabe you know me by now. I'm going to be the one making you work the hardest, expecting more and pushing you... because I know what your capable of and while you might not be able to see it now, I know your destined for greatness... and I'm excited to watch you accomplish it.
It all starts tomorrow. Excited for you Gabe. Do your best. No excuses. I love you. I'm proud of you.
Love you always,
Mom and Dad.
