I'm sitting in here in labor and delivery room 21 at Banner Desert Medical center, with Jarrett next to me getting ready (or induced), hoping to meet our next baby today.
It's so surreal in so many ways to be here. We've held this news close to our hearts for the last 9 plus months. Pregnancy is such a scary and unknown road, we always have great hope but know it doesn't come without risks, complications and the truth of possible heart ache. We also know that every journey that involves risks, can be hard but usually in the end it is worth it 1000% times over.
So that is where we are today. I'm currently hooked up to Pitocin to induce labor, a labor that we, just like when I was pregnant with Madelyn, had to take every measure possible to push off, as I seem to have the worlds crankiest uterus. For 20 plus weeks we did everything we could to prevent this baby from coming too soon, and now here we are trying to evict the baby. Isn't it ironic?
Of all the hopes we have, the one at the top of our list is that we (both the baby and I) have a successful labor and are able to return home to our full house in the near future, this time baby in toe.
With this being our last baby, Jarrett graciously went along with my request to not find out the baby's gender. So we are extra exciting to know who the tie breaker will be? Girl or boy, we shall see.
I was just talking with Jarrett asking him how he feels. They have me hooked up to the monitor so we can hear the baby's heartbeat. It is always such a reassuring sound for me. Hearing that heartbeat is music to my ears. In asking Jarrett how he feels he responded, "I'm excited and hopeful. It also brings me back to this place where we were just 4 years ago. For many nights and days, he would sit next to me in antepartum, listening to Noah's heartbeat. In a way we almost memorized how it sounded, the patterns, the rise and fall in the beats.
No child will ever replace Noah, and while we will always have heart ache in missing him, we've found joy in life again and look forward to all the memories, hopes and dreams as long to have with this baby.
It is now 11 am and I"m currently on 4 ml of Pitocin trying to get things moving along. I'm dilated to a 3 and around lunch Dr. Alperin will be by to break my water. Then I know things will really get moving. I'm nervous, a tiny bit scared, but trust I am in good hands not only with the doctors and nurses here, but that God is with us too. So many have sent prayers and well wishes this morning, I am so grateful.
We've already heard the baby lullaby song play once this morning and just now we hear the initial cries of a newborn baby's cries. Each noise a sign of exciting joyous news!
1:00 pm Dr. Alperin just came in and broke my water. Now the contractions are really really picking up. Its amazing to me how they can go from being like a muscle cramp to a full on pain like you've been hit by a truck. I've tried to breathe through them but find myself making moaning noises like my insides have been ripped apart. The contractions are now every 2 minutes. I told Amy I feel a lot of pressure way low and after she checked me I was already dilated to a 6. In the "break" between the contractions I told her I'd like an epidural like 20 minutes ago. She told me it would take about 20 minutes for the anestiologist to get into our room. I turn to Jarrett and give him the look.... no need to voice words, I can't between the pain, but he understands he needs to do everything he can to make sure that doctor is here within 20 minutes.
Yep its really hurting now!!!!
1:35: The epidural doctor arrives and I pray he can just shove the needle in my back the minute he walks through the door. I immediately try to sit up and assume my position on the side of the bed. I remember from the last few times, I'm ready doc, please make this pain go away. Instead the doctor, just doing his duty, explains to me in a good 10 minute conversation all about the risks associated with having an epidural. In between me moaning through the pain, I listed for about 20 seconds as he goes on and on about the risks. Thankfully I can't actually get words out, otherwise I would have told him that I wouldn't care if it made my left leg fall off, just shove the long-A** needle in my back and give me some relief. I nod yes that I understand the risks and agree to assume any complications.
He moved to my back and I feel the pop of the medicine to numb the skin and soon I can tell a needle is in my back. GLORIOUS!!!! I know relief is quickly on its way. He tells me I should feel relief in 20 or so minutes.
1:55 I tell Amy, the pain is better up high near my diaphragm but I still have A LOT of pain down low and pressure like I need to go to the bathroom and not just pee. Amie calls for the anestologist to come back and give me an extra bolus. She says, I wonder if you're going faster than we thought and checks again. No wonder I'm feeling this pain, Amie says you're already at a 9! You can start pushing soon! Within a few minutes she wheels in the cart with the delivery necessities.
2:15 p.m. The pain with each contraction remains and I beg Jarrett to ask when the epidural doctor will come back. As soon as I finish my ask, a different doctor walks into the room and says, "Wait to have that baby until I give you this medicine!" He then injects the bolus of medicine into my IV line. He says, "that should kick right in and help." I look at him and give him a glance of appreciation... "THANK YOU!" I exclaim.
2:30 p.m. The extra pain medicine has now kicked in and I see Amie prepping the room so I can start to push. She positions the bed and for around 20 minutes I try to push. I tell her I'm sorry but I can't feel anything and I fear that I'm not able to do the job I need to. Within a moment of worrying about that, I soon find myself not as concerned because now I'm feeling so sleepy. Amie tells me to push with the next contraction. As she's talking I start to feel extremely tired... so much so that even with each contraction, I find myself getting more and more sleepy. Soon I find myself dozing off. I remember Jarrett trying to wake me up, I open my eyes to glance at him but can't stay awake. Back to sleep I drift off. With a feeling of such sleepiness that I can't open my eyes or stay awake, I was strangely aware of the conversations happening in the room. I hear Jarrett and Amie talking about my blood pressure falling very low, and then I hear her say to Jarrett, "I've always said a woman could never sleep through active labor, but your wife is proving me wrong." I then hear her call on her vocera for another nurse to come into the room. She tells Jarrett she's going to go get some medicine to bring my blood pressure back up. I can tell Jarrett's concerned just by the tone of his voice but with being so so so sleepy I can't bring myself to open my eyes. A few minutes later Amie is back in the room and pushing epinephrine. She says, "This should help."
I'm not exactly sure how long I was sleeping but around 4:00 I remember looking at the clock and feeling like I could at last try to keep my eyes open. Amie asked me if I was up to pushing some more and I agreed. The contractions seemed to be consistently strong and in a regular pattern. Amie coached me through, being ever so encouraging and telling me how to move the baby down. A few times she said, "I can see the baby's head and they have dark hair." Her play-by-play made me want to push harder to get he or she here as quickly as I could. And yet with each push I found myself not making too much headway to get the baby out. I apologized, I"m sorry I don't think I'm moving the baby like I should, I can't feel much.
After more than an hour of pushing, and not being able to feel much, Amie suggested we turn off the epidural so that I could regain feeling back in my lower half to push. I found myself feeling like I was living a deja vu from Madelyn's birth experience. I looked at Jarrett as he knew what my fear was... what if they don't turn it back on and it all becomes so excruitiatingly painful? I asked Amie about my fear and she reassured me they could turn it back on. I agreed to turn it off.
With each contraction I could start to feel more and tried to focus on pushing the baby out. Around 5:30 I remember Dr. Alperin coming in to check on how things were going. He watched as I pushed and told me I was very close to getting the baby's head to come down and past my pubic bone. I felt like I had run 2 marathons and told him I was getting tired. I worried that maybe this baby was too big too and like Madelyn I couldn't get him or her out. He must have read my mind or maybe I verbalized my fears and don't remember, but he looked at me in the eye and said, "You are so close, you can get this baby out.
With a few more pushes, by this point I could feel pretty much everything, I finally felt the baby's head move into a position where I knew he or she must have moved down. The next thing I knew was that the room became a really hectic place. Amie started prepping the baby's warming bed, the "delivery tray" was ripped open and she proceded to get everything in place. And Dr. Alperin got garbed up as he told me to not push. I asked if I could and he said, "No, just one moment and we will be ready." I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe this is actually happening."
Dr. Alperin and Amie got into position. Amie held my right leg and Jarrett my left, Dr. Alperin said okay with the next contraction one big push and the baby will be here. And just as he said, with the next contraction, I put my chin to my chest, pulled back on my legs and pushed. Dr. Alperin said, great job, the head is out. I looked at Jarrett and I'm sure had super wide eyes of shock. Dr. Alperin guided me through the next few pushes and within a minute it seemed, the baby was out. Amie told Jarrett, you get to call the gender. Dr. Alperin held up the baby and Jarrett said, "Its a boy!"
Then they told Jarrett he got to cut the cord. Jarrett was nervous and they had to tell him a couple of times where to cut. Dr. Alperin held the baby up and then placed him on my chest. I started crying the most happy of tears as two nurses rubbed his head and body to get the vernix off and to stimulate his crying. The best sound in the world.... newborn baby cries.
I remember staring at him, talking to him and thinking the world was perfect yet again. The feeling one has after bringing a life into this world is unlike any other feeling in the world. Nothing compares in my opinion and I feel so grateful to have experienced it multiple times. As congratulations were exchanged around the room, Dr. Alperin asked us what his name was. I looked at Jarrett and he smiled back. I said, "I don't think we've decided upon a name yet. Is that okay?" I'm not sure who answered but they were reassuring and said, "It's okay."
Dr. Alperin proceeded to stitch me up for what seemed like a very long time and it was then that I heard them asking, "what was the exact time of birth?" Amie responded, "6:09 pm"
I looked over at Amie and said, "you stayed past your shift, thank you." And then I thanked Dr. Alperin for being there. He wasn't on hospital rotation that night but came after work to be there to deliver for us. He's such a great doctor, I'm so thankful for his amazing care. As we were talking, my favorite L & D nurse in the whole world walked through our door... it was Kristal. The same nurse who cared for us when Noah was born and she was also there with Madelyn. And now she was there with our newest addition.
Everyone welcomed her to the room and we exchanged hugs. She said, "You didn't wait for me." jokingly. I told her it had just happened. Amie and Kristal exchanged notes and officially handed off our case. Kristal looked at the baby, shared how adorable he is and asked if were ready to have him weighed. At this point Dr. Alperin had finished his work, congratulated us and told us he'd be back tomorrow to check on us. We thanked him for all his effort and care and soon he was gone.
Kristal took our son over to the bed warmer, and proceeded to take his footprints, weighed him and completed the paperwork. She asked us about his name and that's when Jarrett and I looked at each other and in 30 seconds decided finally about his name. I said, "We are going to name him Jennings Jarrett Haskovec.
She put Jennings on the scale and we found out he weighed, 6 lbs, 12 oz. I knew upon seeing him for the first time, that he was a peanut compared to Madelyn but I didn't realize just how tiny he was. I watched as Jarrett and Kristal worked on Jennings and got him all situated. Dad held Jennings and then Kristal turned her attention to me. She got me cleaned up and I asked her if I could use the restroom. The feelings in the lower half of my body had pretty much returned by then and she told me I could get up to use the bathroom. She asked that I sit on the edge of the bed for a minute though before standing just to make sure I didn't get dizzy. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. She helped me and without going into details, Labor and Delivery nurses are incredible in the care they provide. She gave me tips on what to do to make my recovery easier. Since giving birth vaginally to a 1 lb, 11 oz baby is very different than a 6 lb 12 oz baby. My lady parts were not to happy and pretty traumatized, but he was here safely and that's all that matters.
Next it was time to share the news with the family. Our parents had been waiting in the waiting room and we had texted them with a picture of Jennings and a simple "Baby is here." We didn't tell them gender, and given that the hospital hats are pink and blue, we knew they had to be guessing. Jarrett had also texted Hannah who was home with our other kids, and asked her to bring them to the hospital. Jarrett and I talked and we decided he could go to the waiting room and share the news that baby was a boy, but that we'd wait to share his name until they all came in to meet him.
Jarret left the room to go share the news and Kristal and I got to catch up. One of the many things I Love about Kristal is that it seems no matter how much time goes in between us getting together, we can catch up like no time at all has passed. Kristal handed me the phone to order dinner as the kitchen was going to be closing soon, she thinks of everything! Jarrett returned to the room and shared their congrats. We then heard that the kids had arrived and thought it was time for everyone to get to meet him in person.
Krsital volunteered to go and get everyone for us. My dinner was delivered and I started scarfing it down... man I was hungry. She disappeared and Jarrett and I swooned over Jennings for a bit and soon our parents and our kids, Kristal and Hannah were coming into the room. I loved to watch everyone's face as they entered. The first thing the kids asked, "Is it a boy or a girl." We said a boy and the three big kids cheered. Madelyn was trying to figure out what was going on. She was a bit scared of me, I think because of all the needles and IV's hanging off my arm. Plus I think her seeing me in a hospital bed threw her off.
The next question was "So what's his name?" I looked at Jarrett to share and he said, "You can share mom." I then told them his name is Jennings Jarrett. Side note: When we picked Jennings we knew it was unique and that most people probably hadn't heard of it. I think it was just one of the many reasons why we liked it. It was a name that Jarrett and I both liked and we feel it fits him perfectly. As we shared the name it was clear the family was surprised. We said it a few times and then Isabelle said, "I don't like it, can we call him Riley instead?" We laughed and I told her if she wanted to call him Riley she can.
We tried to take a few family pictures quickly and then the kids were headed back home with Hannah as it was getting late. Each of the grandparents took turns holding him and we talked about his birth. Jennings slept through all of it.
By this time it was almost 9 pm and it was time to move upstairs to post-partum. Our parents left the room and said they'd wait outside for us to come out and then go with us to the post-partum room. As we were getting packed up, I asked Kristal if Bilha (another one of my favorite nurses from my time with Noah) if she was working. Kristal called on her vocera and Bilha was not only working but said she would come over to say hi!
Seeing Bilha was like a cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. We quickly talked as I was sitting in the wheelchair getting ready to move to our new room. Bilha and I made plans to try to connect in a few weeks!
Then it was time to go upstairs. I held Jennings as they carried up all of our stuff. Our parents were outside the entrance to Labor and Delivery and Jenning's entourage followed us upstairs. We arrived in our new home for the next 2 days and Kristal helped us get settled before she turned us over to our new nurse. We reluctantly said our goodbye to Kristal, selfishly I wanted her to be our nurse all night but I knew she probably had patients waiting for her down in L&D that needed her.
We hugged goodbye and I asked if she could come see us tomorrow as she had to work Tuesday evening too.
Jenning's arrive went about as textbook as a delivery could. He tolerated the contractions okay, and arrived safely. The most important thing. I was blessed to have the great care of Dr. Alperin, Amie and Kristal as they made his birth memorable and dare I say enjoyable?
We are so thankful our little 6 lb, 12 oz, 19 in long peanut is here. And now that it is all over, Jarrett and I are glad we waited to find out his gender until his arrival. It was a fun way to enjoy the pregnancy and gave us hours of guessing fun.
Jennings' addition to our family truly makes it feel like our family is complete. We have prayed for his safe arrival every day of our pregnancy and rejoiced as each week we got with him. We now look forward to him growing with our family and to millions of memories we can hopefully create as a family of 7.
We are truly blessed.
Until next time,
Angie
