Thoughts...on an upcoming surgery....

In two days I am going in for surgery.  This will be the biggest surgery I've ever had in my life and something that has me thinking.... 

• Maybe it's being in medicine now and knowing all the possible things that could go wrong, but it has me nervous. 
• Maybe its the fact that coming to the decision to have this surgery has been more than 2 years in the making, and it has me thinking... if I've lived with it this long, why don't I just keep living this way.
• There's also an emotional component to this that, well it has me kind of a ball of emotions. 

Making the decision to have surgery has been something I've wrestled with for a very long time, and I don't think anyone goes into a surgery not hoping that in the long run it will be worth it.  But the truth is, that the changes happening are permanent and once they go in, it will never be the same.

I've never been good with change.  I inherited a worry gene, and if there is one thing I'm really good at, it is worrying.  I lay awake at night thinking and pondering and wondering and thinking, and pondering and wondering.  

As I go into this surgery, I've had the time to ponder if this isn't a surgery I come out of, what would I want my legacy to be, and how would I want to be remembered.  I've always said being a mom to my children and partner to Jarrett will always be my legacy.  I hope I am remembered for being kind, for sharing my talents with others, for sharing how I felt so others knew they were cared about.  At the end of my days here though, I am most proud, most thankful for, and lived for my family.  I hope they will always know how much I cared for them, how much I tried my very best to give everything I could to them and how I'll always be so honored I was selected to be in their lives.

I don't mean to sound down or negative, but truthfully, this is what has been racing through my mind, and I thought I want them to know.  I'm confident things will go well, and I'm so hopeful in several weeks I'll feel better.  Someone told me the road will get harder first after the surgery but to be hopeful it will be better in the long run.  

I look forward to having time to hopefully rest, to find comfort in what was repaired and to be okay with just sitting and resting (that doesn't happen often in this house).

I'll wrap up tonight with a simple ask... if you happen to have time to drop a prayer to God on Thursday of this week... can you ask for prayers for a successful surgery, for my surgeons to do their best work, and for a recovery filled with rest and comfort.  I'd so greatly appreciate it.  

And look forward to writing many more future blog posts.

Until next time,

Angie  

Happy 18th Birthday Gabe!

 Happy 18th birthday Gabe!  Today (well technically tomorrow but it's almost tomorrow where you are anyway and I have to work tomorrow early so I thought I better post tonight) begins your official journey into adulthood.  I am excited for you.  I am nervous, you wouldn't expect anything less than that from me would you?  I am happy to watch you work toward your dreams and aspirations.  And honestly, I'm a bit sad that it has all gone so quickly.

Our first picture bringing you home

One of my favorite pictures of you.  Those eyes can tell so many stories. So beautiful Gabe.

This week I've spent a lot of time thinking back to the last 14 years we've spent together and how I can still remember the moment of your first birthday we shared together.  While it was your 5th birthday, it was the first for us to celebrate together.  I remember thinking we had all the time in the world to show you all the things we wanted to share, to teach you all the wisdoms you'll need to be successful in life, and to guide you to be all you can be. 

I wish I could say we got all of those things accomplished, truthfully we didn't.  And while the last few years have been spent in a way I don't think any of us could have anticipated or dreamed of, I wanted to share with you a few thoughts.

• While 18 might seem like you're an adult and on your own to do what you want to do, I want you to know, we will still be here to cheer you on.  Heck, I'm 43 and I still call my parents multiple times a week because there is something I don't know, or advice I need from them.  Remember we are only a phone call or text away.
• Work hard and even when you're tired, rest for a bit, and then get back to working hard.  I know I've told you this for years, but there is no short cut for hard work.  Do everything you can with quality and try as hard as you can.  Always keep an open mind for learning, listen to those who know more, and who are willing to share knowledge.  
• Make good health choices.... Gabe my birthday wish for you is that you make choices that make yourself proud and that make you the healthiest you can be.  Listen to that feeling in your gut, it won't lead you astray.  And then at the end of the day, you can hold your head up, that you did right.
• Give to others and don't expect anything in return.  Some of the best moments in my life have been when I've given to others and watched them find happiness and joy; without wanting anything in return.  I often try to think of what others would like that can make them happy and then I try to do acts of kindness.  Some of the happiest moments I've had are when I feel like others' lives are better because of the little bit of kindness shared.  I know how much this will remind you of Noah, and I want you to know that it hasn't gone unnoticed that you wear Noah's bracelet.  That act alone Gabe has made me feel happiness and brought me joy... bet you didn't even know you wearing his bracelet gave happiness to others. 
• Love genuinely and completely.  I know how much you care about Suzy and how deeply you feel about her.  My advice for love is this... build a strong foundation on honesty, care and concern for the other.  Know that when hard times come, it will be the foundation you've built that will keep you moving ahead.  
• Find joy in the small moments.... life is hard.  There will be days when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and wonder how you'll ever get to where you need to be.  Remember life is about the journey.... not where we all end up.  Find moments everyday of gratitude.  Even taking 2 minutes to find something to be happy about, or to give thanks in, will help you to stay in the moment and find joy as you get where you're headed. 

And finally Gabe I want you to know this... I have loved you from the first day I met you and I'll love you beyond my last day here.  I know we've had many good times, our share of hard times and that life hasn't been what we hoped the last few years.  That being said, I'm thankful we've come over that hard time and I look forward to what awaits in the future. Earlier today I read the message I wrote you on your 5th birthday and the wishes I sent for you.  What I realized is that my wishes for you are the same.

Here's a little flashback in case you'd like to read.

Gabe, happiest of birthday's to you.  Wishing you the very best today, tomorrow and always.

Love you always,

Mom and Dad

Happy Halloween

 This year we reused an oldie but a goodie family costume set and we all went as the Wizard of Oz.  It was a fun evening although we cut things a bit shorter than past years, because we wanted to get home to watch the D-Backs in the world series.  

My favorite parts of the nights were 

• that Michael and Isabelle still joined us and participated in the family costume (even though I'm sure it wasn't the cool thing to do)
• watching Finn run as fast as he could to try and keep up with this siblings.
• seeing Jennings understand the deeper part of Halloween, the giving part.  What warmed my heart the most is when we got home and each of the kids were going through their haul of candy, the doorbell rang with trick or treaters at the door.  Immediately Jennings threw all of his candy into his hat and he ran to the door.  When we opened the door and I stuck out the bucket with our candy to give away, Jennings stuck out his hat and said, "Here you can have some of my candy too!  You can take a few pieces!  Before he reached into his hat, grabbed several pieces of candy, and then put it into the kids' bags.  I literally was so touched, I didn't even think to grab my phone to capture the moment.  Even today, now days later, I found Jennings in the pantry filling a sack full of treats for anyone who comes to our door to share with them.
• One more memory from earlier in the day was watching Madelyn trot off to school fully dressed in her Glenda the Good Witch costume.  While most of the kids thought she was a fairy princess, the teachers and principal thought her costume was a hit!  

Here are a few of our photos from Halloween night.  Moments to cherish!

Cutest lion in all the land!

This was BEFORE any candy was consumed!  Jennings just runs high on life.

Dorothy hadn't made her arrival yet.

Fun times!

Until next time,

Angie

Weekend Recap!

 This past weekend was glorious... but before I get to a recap of that, I have to start with the girl who is going to be asking for two front teeth for Christmas!

Yep Maddie lost her last of her front teeth at school today!  I'm honestly amazed it made it to school because it was barely holding on.

This past weekend I was supposed to work but was lucky enough to be canceled and so I got to spend more time with the family.  It was wonderful.

It seems like we hardly see this kid anymore... not really a kid, but he's so busy doing his thing it was nice to spend a few hours with him.  

This was before Jennings hit Madelyn accidently in the face with his head and almost knocked out her tooth!  She was super happy to be swimming!

It was super fun for all the kids to go swimming.  Thankfully Michael was kind enough to give the three little ones a ride around the pool on the floatie.

They loved it!

This was after the accidental head to the face!  (What movie does this remind you of?) :-) *Hint... definitely not a movie I'd want any of my kids to see

Then there's this guy... he LOVES Blippi and swimming, and well, he pretty much loves life.  He's a happy little dude.

Jennings is super excited about Halloween this year and is already trying on costumes and helping decorate the house.

Saturday, since I was canceled I got to see the girls play volleyball.  It was super fun and makes me proud of them to be learning a new sport.  Belle was picked to be the player of the week!  She was super excited and surprised.

Here's her cat picture she made with a friend1

Overall such a nice weekend to get to spend with the family.  I'm grateful for these moments.

Until next time,

angie

Noah's Kindness Project 2023- On September 16, 2023!

 This year we will celebrate Noah's Kindness Project on the afternoon of  Saturday, September 16. 

We'd love for you to join us for any or all of the following activities.

1-2 pm:  We will take gifts to the hospital where Noah spent his 12 days of life.

2-4 pm: We will be volunteering for Feed My Starving Children in Mesa AZ (must be 5 years or older to volunteer) 

4:30- 6 pm:  We will help prepare a meal for the families at the Ronald McDonald House near Banner Desert Medical Center. ( Must be 16 years old or older to volunteer, please visit this link to learn more about their volunteer instructions https://rmhccnaz.org/wp-content/uploads/Dinner-Instructions-v3.pdf )

I will provide specific instructions to those who reach out to volunteer with us, as the date approaches.

If you would like to volunteer for any or all of these, please email angela.haskovec@gmail.com with the details related to what activities you plan to participate in.

We would love to have you join us and are so grateful for your help in spreading kindness while honoring Noah.

Until next time,

Angie

Coyote on the run!

 This past weekend I went on my daily run and following my usual route I put in my noise canceling headphones and headed on my way.  I always follow the same route which takes me on a path behind our neighborhood and over by a research park where there is a pond and often ducks and geese.   

As I ran along listening to my music I got this feeling that someone was behind me.  As I turned around, much to my surprise I saw a coyote!  It was right behind me.  Without evening thinking my immediate reaction was to scream at the top of my lungs as loud as I could.  Thank God it spooked the coyote and it took off.  I then fumbled with my phone to take a photo because I 1)couldn't really believe that it had just happened and 2) wanted to show Jarrett and the kids.  

After feeling like the crap had been scared out of me, I continued my run and soon came upon a security guard who was tracking down the coyote.  I'm not sure if it had confronted others working in the area or how he knew.  I wasn't too interested in finding out more and instead ran home (in record time), processing what had happened.  

I think it has to be the extreme heat is causing them to come into our living areas looking for water and food, but I'm feeling like the wild wild west is a bit too close to home.

From now on, I'll definitely be watching behind me and making sure I run in daylight.  Gosh that was scary!

Until next time,

Angie

Happy 20th Anniversary to Us!

 Twenty years ago tonight, Jarrett and I, along with 400 of our closest family and friends were tearing up the dance floor until the early hours of the following morning.  It was our wedding day and boy was it fun!  From the moment I woke up that morning the moment my eyes closed, our wedding day was everything I dreamed of and more.  Last night we dug out our wedding video and watched it together and it was a whirlwind of emotions.  I wish I could go back and relive that day again, not only to experience the love and feelings of support from so many, but also to talk again to so many of those we love who have left this Earth.  And also to again share with Jarrett that special day.  Knowing now what our lives would be like for the next twenty years, I'd sign up immediately again to do it all over.

Here are a few photos from our wedding album (for some reason I can't figure out how to shift them to be the correct way).

And here are a few videos from that special day...

Here's the video I made for Jarrett the night before we got married...

As I think about the last 20 years, I can't help but think back to our wedding vows...

for better, for worse, 

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health

to love and to cherish

and honestly in the last 20 year's we've been through all of these things.  There have been so so many good times, our share of hard times, times of sickness, but thankfully more times of health.  and all times to love and to cherish.

Its hard to encompass all that the last 20 years have brought us, but here are a few photos that remind me of just how blessed we have been in this life together..

 As we begin the journey of our next 20 years, I'm so grateful Jarrett to be able to spend this life together with you. I am so blessed to have you as my partner in this life and thankful for your unending love and support.  Thank you for walking hand in hand with me and for building a life I dreamt of as a little girl.  Who would have thought we'd have such a big family or embrace chaos like we do, but at the end of everyday when we collapse from exhaustion in our bed, I'm so grateful it's you I share it with.  I love you Jarrett Joshua, even more than I did 20 years ago tonight.  I didn't think it was possible back then, but I was wrong.

Cheers to the next 20 years.  Cheers to love.  Cheers to us.

Until next time,

Angie