Dad's visit

My dad came to visit last week and boy was it a fun and busy one. 

The first night Dad arrived, he and I went to a Burbon tasting fundrasier event for Campbell's Crew Cares charity.  It was so so much fun... but man I learned I am a horrible bourbon drinker.  I couldn't even take a true sip!

Can you tell Dad thought it was strong?

We also of course spent lots of time at the ball park.  I realized tonight I take a lot of pictures at the games but very few of the actual games.  Either that means I'm chasing girls around or I'm too into the game to remember to take pictures.

The girls loved spending time with Grandpa chip especially after he bought them some candy here.

Can you tell Isabelle's ampted up on sugar?

While he was here we also when to the Odessea sea aquarium.  It was awesome!

I took way too many pictures.  Here are just a few of the 100's I took.  

We definitely want to go back when we have more time.

The kids loved it!  All of them!

There was a 3D movie we got to watch about the ocean.  Madelyn thought her shades would work just as well.

 Our attempt to get everyone to look for a picture.  This was the best we got.

As we went through each tank Jarrett's desire to eat Seafood for dinner grew.  Here he is dreaming of crab legs!

Smile!

Look at that fish!

And the sea turtles were beautiful!  So big!  So gentle, and they seemed to dance in the water

There are so many tanks we thought we were through and then they kept going. 

We loved the shark tanks!

Jaws anyone?

Michael said this shark looked hungry.

Isabelle was a little unsure to sit in front of it for a picture.  (actually the way they all look, I think they were all wondering about the strength of the glass)

Jellyfish... this makes Jarrett think back to our cruises a few years ago when he got stung by a pod of jellyfish.  It was not pleasant.

We all had a lot of fun at the aquarium! 

And then afterwards... we went to eat Seafood!

 Here we are on a search for a seafood restaurant that lead us to Talking Stick Casino.  I joked with my dad he must have a gravitational pull towards Casinos since he and my mom often go..
..

One other funny story is that Madelyn insisted Grandpa wear her Paw Patrol (toddler) hat.  It looked so funny on him but he wore it proudly and I don't even think on the multiple trips to Home Depot we made that he cared about the silly looks he got.  

Oh the things you do as a grandparent!

Thanks Dad for coming to visit.  

Looking forward to next time,

Angie

You got a lot of living left to do...

This week I went to the doctor to follow up on my hearing test and I learned that while some hearing has come back, I still have the problem that my eustachian tube is blocked, I guess that's why I feel like I have a cotton ball stuffed in my hear blocking my hearing still.

The doctor's "prescribed" me to pop my ears several times an hour to try to force it open.  

In the month that it has been since I had this happen I'm learning to adapt and live with only hearing certain things and by having to ask "what's that?" over and over.  And actually I find myself listening even more attentively that I did previously because it takes just that much more concentration to focus on what's being said.

In thinking about this, sometimes I feel sad.  I don't sing anymore because my hearing has changed so much it's like when you have a cold and you can hear everything you say extra loud in your head?  That's how I feel all the time, so singing... it makes me realize just how bad of a singer I am.  

And I realized I miss out on a lot of the stuff my kids say when they are passing by not directly looking at me when they talk.  I guess I say "Huh?" so much that they've gotten to just saying, "Never mind mom."  Instead of actually answering.  Maybe that's good, maybe its not.

As I was thinking about this loss of hearing, I was taken back to just a few months in my life when things were hard, horrible, not good in so many ways.  I had been doctoring for some things I was extremely afraid of and I just happened tonight to be looking back at some pictures and I found these.  I had taken them when I was at Mayo waiting for a CT scan with IV contrast to see if I had what the doctor cautioned me they were checking for... the C word. 

I remember sitting in the room waiting for them to come get me and I felt pretty down.  I thought in my mind, how do I get through this one.  How do I try to put on a brave face and move forward if this is what they are concerned about?

I remember taking the pictures and negotiating with God that I really didn't want this to be that.  I remember feeling angry and wanted to remember this moment because I felt like it was again another fork in the road.  

I stared at the floor of the waiting room and I allowed my mind to wander.  Most of the time my mind wanders to the worst case scenario... I think its so I can come up with a plan and figure out how to solve it, just in case we need to.  

Soon they called me back, the test was quick, painless, except for that feeling when they inject the contrast and I swear I peed my pants.  They told me I would feel that way and that I wouldn't actually do that, but I was convinced they were wrong.  Thankfully, I was wrong and it was just the silly sensation. 

When I was finished I was seated in another waiting room and they gave me some snacks.  A kind older gentleman, who of course was from Iowa too, sat down next to me after his scan.  He said, "I sure hope you're here for good news."  I joked, I hope we both are.  

We talked about the crackers, how the graham ones were the best.  He asked me about my family, told him I had 4 kiddos at home.  He looked at me like I was crazy.  Said, "you're too young to be here for one of these tests.  I don't want to see you back the next time I'm here.

I've lived a long life" he continued, "You still have a lot of living left to do." 

After he said that the nurse came in and told me I was okay to go.  I wished him well and as I left the room he said, "You go live a great life young lady!"  I smiled and headed toward the lobby.

As I walked outside I looked up at the sky and the pretty clouds.

Something about the breeze that day, the fear in my heart and the all-knowing in my brain that what had just been done could change the course of my life.

I walked away and heard the man's words over in my mind.  "You got a lot of living left to do young lady."  

I'm trying to be more mindful in finding things in my life that bring peace, cause less pain and bring moments of pure happiness.  As I left the clinic, I still had the fear in waiting to hear the results, but I felt peace.  I tried to soak up the beauty, the gentleness in the breeze and I tried to soak up the moment.

The next day I got an email that said my test results were posted by my doctor in the online portal.  As soon as I saw it I logged on.  The pit in my stomach sank and grew.  I could feel the anxiety, the dread, the true fear as I put in my name and password.  I clicked on the message from her and read it.

"Angela your test came back clear.  No signs of lymphoma. Repeat blood work in 6 weeks."  

RELIEF.  

PURE Relief.

I thought back to the gentleman in the waiting room we shared together for a few moments.  I wondered what his report from his doctor was like.  I pray good.  

"You got a lot of living left to do young lady"

I logged out of my computer and hear Madelyn yelling "Momma" from around the corner.  She had been eating blueberries and when I turned to see her, I found the blueberries spilled all over the floor and that her water had been dumped down her shirt.  

You got a lot of living left to do young lady.- I told myself.  

While these days I can't hear as good as I used to, I still hear that man's voice in my head.

Just a few months ago, I didn't know how I'd feel going forward when life had been so hard.  And while those hard days still come and take my breath away, I try to remember the wise words shared by a stranger.

"Yes I guess I do have a lot of living left to do.

So that's what I'm trying to do, even if I say, "Huh?" a lot more now.

Until next time,

Angie

8 years ago today...

We started this blog as we had learned we would be getting to become parents to two little boys that would go on to change our lives forever!  Here's that first post again!

I remember feeling such joy and happiness and love like I had never felt before.  I was scared, nervous... would I know what to do, would I be any good at being a mother.  Would they be scared, would they love us back?  So many emotions but overall such anticipation, love and joy of what was to come.

These last 8 years have been a whirlwind.  I look at Gabriel and Michael now and think where has the time gone.  In less than 8 years they will be spreading their wings and leaving us (well in a certain sense I hope) again.  I hope we've instilled in them the courage to take risks, the discipline to keep trying even though you will fail, the power of kindness and compassion in helping others and the firm belief that they were the greatest answer to our prayers.

Today the boys and I talked about what happened 8 years ago and Gabriel said, "I can't believe it's been that long."  And then we went back to the first blog book I had printed (from my entries on here) and we read it. 

I can hardly believe the two grown boys that charge through this house.  Gone are the days when they would pretend to be super heroes (although Michael insists on being a real life batman- maybe its just he loves the tools and his cars), and no longer do they have high pitched voices that screech when they yell.

 Instead they are constantly hungry, roaring boys who are growing and changing, beginning and moving through this difficult stage of puberty and trying to figure out the world of beginning independence. 

Sometimes I think about how our lives were brought together because if I'm being honest I can't imagine my life without them.  And yet I am not naive to realize so many moving parts had to fall into perfect coordination to make it happen... and they did. 

As we sat today looking at the first blog post, I snapped a picture of them with the book.  While I look at two boys who've grown so much and are turning into young men in front of me, I find myself seeing them still as the two boys in the picture behind them here..

Our relationship has changed over the years and while I still worry about how I'm doing as a mom and a parent, I've found the answers to a few questions I had back 8 years ago.  When the boys met us they may have been scared but they didn't show it.  They with their genuine, trusting hearts saw us as good from the start.  And they loved us from the beginning too. 

While I think we've grown a different deeper love, one that's seen many good days and hard days too.  Love that shows no matter how angry or hurt we may be, our foundational love is a constant.  I can see that as a mother my love for them will continue to grow in different ways.  As they get older and are interested in girls, that someday (sooner rather than later) that I'll have to share my love with them in yet a different way.  A way that my mother-in-law graciously did for me when I married her son. As the season of girlfriends starts, I'm hoping for lots of time to figure this all out.

For the life of me I can't seem to get the image of my 3 and 4 year old boys out of my head.  While they may have grown already to be taller than me.  I hope they know the love I have for them started before I knew they would be ours, and again when my eyes met theirs, and each and every day they share life here with us. 

We didn't celebrate this 8th year too much, just the normal running to a doctors appointment, laundry, cleaning, playing outside and cooking, but in a way I think it was the perfect way.  Today was the living dream I had many years ago.  I dreamed of days when I wanted to hear my kids fighting, when I could make food to share with my children and that life was safe and comfy and good all within the walls of our home.  Today was one of those days.  So glad our dream came true 8 years ago today.

Until next time,
Angie
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