6 months ago tonight...

 I went to bed for the last time as a pregnant mom-to-be.  My goodness do I miss those feelings of Finn moving around inside of me.  Each time I was pregnant, while not easy, I was always aware and extremely grateful for the miracle growing inside of me.  I was never one to take pregnancy for granted, nor confident that it was going to be a happy ending (until he or she was born alive, healthy and crying did I allow myself to fully exhale the worry).  It was not easy, lots of sickness, contractions, lots of extra precautions and with that, I am ever ever so grateful for each and every one of our children (both those who grew from inside of me and those who grew in my heart the moment we were brought together).

Tonight I go to bed and I think about what a true blessing and gift Finn is.  I can't even believe tomorrow he will be 6 months old.  My goodness time is flying by.  Finn was our biggest surprise of 2020 and what an incredible one at that. Because we were home due to COVID for more than a year, I was able to keep the joy and concerns of his growing life private (except for those that Gabe shared with despite our wishes to keep private).  This was by choice.  As you can imagine being pregnant always brought with it worry after losing Noah and then when the world was being overrun with COVID, it was extremely fear provoking for me to risk getting sick and my doctor warned me to be cautious.  So that's what I did. I selfishly kept the wonderful news private and savored each day he was growing inside.  He on many days, was a reminder of the good during such hard times and he gave me hope that better days were ahead.  

When we shared the news some people were surprised and even others wondered how we could be having another child.  The truth is.... Finn is the most wonderful baby and we can't imagine our life without him.  Yes life with a big family and lots of kids is chaotic and a lot of work... but this is a life I dreamed of, wished for and wanted.  And if I'm being truthful... I'd have more children.  I want my legacy to live on in the lives of my children.  I'm not a perfect person by any means, but I hope my kids always know I did the very best for him, I tried my hardest and I got up each morning with determination and drive to teach them how to be the best person they could be. I did my best to teach them to work hard, to persevere over challenges and to try to make the world a better place by doing the right thing and caring about others along the way. 

I guess I'm getting a bit side tracked (it's been so long since I've written on here, I hope after nursing school I can get back to it, because I realize how this place has become a sort of therapy for me).  I guess what I want to say is this... since 2020 life has been hard.  Very hard. Hard for us, hard for so many others.  Lots of loss and trauma, lots of grief and lots of hardship for many.  

But in that hard and yuckiness that a COVID filled world brought, there is also good.  So much good.  And for me and our family... some of that wonderful goodness was given to us in the life of Finn.  

I wish I could put into words just how incredible he is.  From the moment he came into this world in a traumatic and scary way (I should have known it had to be eventful for he was born in the middle of a global pandemic), he instead brought a calmness, a peacefulness, a reassurance that after the storm there is always hope and good (especially when you focus on that).

As he has grown and changed these past 6 months, he continues to be the most content, happy, smiley and just the most loveable baby.  He is content almost always, and his patience is one to be admired.  He sleeps so well.  He eats so well and he plays so well with everyone.  His giggle is so contagious and his eyes tell so many stories.  Sometimes I look into his face and wonder.... I know you were sent from Heaven, but did you have special messengers from above who helped to pick the best personality traits.  

Each day that we've shared, I've done my very best to soak up each moment.  Yes they've gone too fast and yes I wish they would slow down.  But I've been very deliberate in being present in loving each and every day.  I don't hate getting up in the middle of the night to feed him and I do my best to participate in each bath... for I know this phase in life is closing with Finn.  He will be our last baby (I know I've said this before, but this time it is for sure- a surgery to ensure).  My heart twinges a little bit because I don't think I'd ever want this stage to end.  I've always loved babies and children.  I have wanted to be a mom with babies since I was 7 years old.  I know how fortunate I am to have been a mom now many times.  And I thank God the way it happened because I've been lucky enough to be a mom through gift of adoption (my God I'm grateful for Gabe, Michael and Isabelle) and through the gift of growing lives inside me. 

It has been wonderful these past 6 months and our family has all seen the hope and returned joy in our home in the 6 months he has been here.  I am ever ever so grateful he is here and tonight I go to sleep with gratitude for God bringing him into our family. 

Finn- you are truly the cherry on top of the icing on a very delicious piece of cake.  You are everything and more of what we needed to complete our family and will forever be grateful God chose me to be your mom.  Thank you for bringing so much goodness into our lives. 

I love you forever Finn and forever my baby you will be. ~ mom

Noah's Kindness Project 2021 Schedule

  Here is the schedule for what we will be doing during the 2021 Noah's Kindness Project:  We hope you will join us!  Remember you are welcome to participate in NKP however you'd like, our goal of Noah's Kindness Project is simply to share kindness far and wide.

2021 Local Schedule: 

8:30 am: Walk/Run for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

If you would like to join us for the run/walk (approximately 3.2 miles or 2 miles) please arrive at our home by 8:15 am.  We will plan to leave from our home at 8:30.  Maps will be provided day of if you would like.  

9:15-9:45 am: Cool down and breakfast

9:45-11:30 am  Kindness Activities:

•  Prepare Homeless Care Kits, 
• NICU Family Care packages (*Thank you to American Business Solutions for this year's coolers)
• NICU Baby Halloween Costumes

12-2 pm: Packing food boxes for St. Mary's Food Bank

• If you'd like to join us please meet at 
• 2831 N 31st Ave, Phoenix, AZ 85009  
• Volunteers must be 12 years or older  

2-4 pm On-going Kindness activities:

• NICU Baby Halloween Costumes  
• NICU Scent Cloths

4 pm Delivery of NICU gifts

Please reach out to Angie or Jarrett to let us know if you plan to join us in person.

Thank you!

Finn...

Well its been almost 4 months since I've been able to blog about anything and I'm especially feeling guilty that I haven't shared hardly anything about Finn.  

Truth is, just haven't been able to make time.  Maybe that's what happens when you're number 6.  That being said, I want to stop tonight and give Finn a shout out for being the most incredible baby.... seriously!

I keep saying this to him but seriously God has spoiled us with having him be our last.  Finn is the happiest, easiest-going, patient and wonderful baby ever.  I know I'm biased and that all of our kiddos have been good, but seriously if I had to give a pie to the one who takes the cake, it would be him.

I've tried to figure out how he can be so relaxed when seriously most of my pregnancy and the first 4 months of his life have been some of the most stressful of our entire lives.  But the truth is, I think he is God's living proof of peace, of joy and the reminder of good all around. 

I'm planning to copy all of the updates related to Michael's events on here but just wanted to give Finn a little shout out for being the best little brother ever in the hospital.  I think he loved it.  Quiet, peaceful (for the most part) and he didn't have Jennings screaming or trying to poke him in the eyes.  He was jsut able to eat, sleep, poop and only had to share mom with Michael.  It seemed to be a good deal for all.

A year ago right about now I would soon learn we were expecting Finn and while he was our little surprise, I said back then, God must have sent him to us.  And boy am I glad God did, because he is wonderful in so so so many ways, and I feel so blessed to be his mom, especially when he looks at me with that gummy smile and those chubby cheeks.  He's just the best and we love him so.

Thanks Finn for making our lives so happy.  You're such a great addition to the family.  We love you!

Mom

 

Schools back in session....

 Just a couple of weeks ago the girls went back to school.  They were the first in the family to return for the fall and they are well into their routine now.

Madelyn started Kindergarten (can't believe it) and Isabelle started 4th grade (can't believe it either).

Madelyn so far is loving Kindergarten, her teacher and all that she is learning.

Isabelle, now a few more years into school, isn't as excited, especially since she has 40 kids in her class (way too many in my opinion) and is starting to realize that each year brings a bit more work and less fun time and more homework.  

So far they are each doing well and we are getting used to the routine, although I kind of feel like we are all asking ourselves... where did summer go?

Until next time,

Angie

Dear Michael...

I can't believe that you will be starting high school tomorrow.  How can it be?  

Wasn't it just yesterday that Dad and I met you and Gabriel for the first time? I'll never forget that first time you reached up and grabbed my hand with your small paddy that still had baby fat in it and you told me how you liked Spiderman and McDonalds.  I can't believe you've grown so quickly and into the wonderful young man you are in record time it seems. 

Michael in looking back at these pictures I relive the moments over and over in my head and there are so many things that stand out.  

Your laugh... genuine and true.  You're funny, with a quick response and an ability to take teasing as easily as you give it. 

I don't remember what you were up to here, but I can tell from the smile on your face, you were giving us a run for our money for sure.

You loved carrots in your Easter eggs right? ;-)

You're creativity, incredible mind and your ability to build, fix and create:  Is remarkable.... You have a talent Michael many people would love to have and please know this is just one of the many reasons why you are incredible. 

You can look at something, brainstorm in your mind how to fix or improve it and then use the supplies we have around to fix it.  Seriously, this is a true skill.  

Remember this science fair that you received an award for?  

Just look at you tonight.... your wheelchair doesn't seem to be assembled correctly, so instead of waiting for us to contact the company, you pulled out the tools and fixed it yourself.   Your initiative to take on challenges and fix things will take you very far.... Just look at what you've been able to do the past few weeks.

I'm pretty sure not too many incoming high school students would take on this task if put in the same situation.

Your care and compassion... are truly beyond that of someone who is 14.  You care, think of and love unconditionally.  I know you told me one time you tell us that you love us too much and the truth is, you don't at all.  I love how you wear your feelings on your sleeve and that you share how much you love openly.  That will take you very far in life.  Michael as often as you share it, I hope you know that you are loved more than you will ever be able to truly be told in this lifetime.  I am ever so thankful you are our son and that God brought us (our family) together.  Dad and I love you always and forever.

Thank you also for your very kind gift to Dad and me on our anniversary.  Your thoughtfulness is remarkable.  Your note means even more...

 

I am so proud of the way you care for your younger siblings, how you take on the role of the big brother and do so without complaints but with pride, care and concern for them.  

Just look at this video and see how much they all love you too...

Who else would let their little brother sit on their footrest of their wheelchair... yes I did capture that picture today in church...

Your family and extended family love you as well and have enjoyed watching you grow into the wonderful young man you are.

This is one of my favorite photos (below) Michael of when you met Noah and how proud you were.  

You are such a wonderful brother and friend to your siblings.

Michael, as I look back on these pictures tonight I can't believe how quickly you've grown up.  How proud I am of you.  I love how goal driven you are, how you take initiative and work very hard to accomplish your dreams.  How you don't take no or let set backs hold you back.  How you try daily to make yourself better by learning more, by pushing yourself to be better and by trying to reach the next level of success. 

I know the past 6 weeks have been less than ideal and definitely not how you planned to start your high school career.  And as much Michael as I'd do anything to trade places with you and take away your injury, I wanted to take a few minutes to tell you about the good that has and will continue to come from this.

You have learned how to overcome adversity.  What you faced in the hospital, just think of all the firsts you had to do and how you had to do them with pain.  From transferring to a bed to be taken to surgery, to having another "clot shot", or getting out of bed that first time, to staying in bed for 5 days, to thrashing in pain when it was completely unbearable.  And I could go on.  You went through a lot and you faced each challenge with courage, with determination and a fight that will help you in every other challenge life brings.

You now know about the delicacy and fragility of life.  Most teenagers feel invincible and that nothing can harm them.  You now know how quickly life can change and in the blink of an eye you can be fine and the next not.  I'll never forget how scared I was to walk in and see you on a ventilator.  My heart dropped and I was so worried.  I will never forget how many times you told me just how grateful you were to be alive in those first few days and I see it now when we drive and how you tell me to slow down, to watch for the cars driving erratically.  While I wish this accident never happened, perhaps your new perspective on life will save you from another accident in the future.  And it will remind you how fragile life is and that sometimes being slow and safe is worth its weight in gold.  

You've learned the importance of perseverance.  I know you want to close this chapter and put this all behind you but I see you learning the value in putting in the work day after day to get the reward in the end.  I've learned in life, the reward often doesn't come until the work is put in day after day after day.  And your determination, patience and perseverance to keep the faith while not being able to see the final reward is something you will need and use over and over in life.  Another good lesson learned.

And another good... (at least in my mind)

I know mom is about the last on the list of cool people to hang out with at your age, but I have enjoyed so much getting to spend time with you, cleaning your wounds, holding your hand as you get ready for another surgery, talking about life's hurts and challenges we've faced in the last year or so, and watching you pick yourself up from some of the hardest moments you'll hopefully ever have to face in life and pushing ahead.  Michael when I saw all that you went through in that hospital and the pain you endured and yet found a way to be kind and polite to those causing the pain to help you get better, I knew you will come out of this challenge just fine.  Mom has loved getting to sleep on that cot next to you in the hospital.  I've cherished all of our deep life conversations and I've found my love for you grow even more (which I didn't honestly think was possible).

Regarding starting high school with a leg injury...Yes it is going to be hard, and tomorrow might be another day filled with anxiety and hardness, but just you remember you can and will get through this.  There have been many harder days you've gotten through just fine.  

Michael, I know you are concerned about what others will think, say or do with you being in a wheelchair, but I want you to remember these words...

Be YOURSELF, Be proud of YOU, and don't you dare put your head down

Michael you are incredible both inside and out.  Just be you and don't be afraid to let your classmates see you for who you are.  People will like you for who you are, not who you might think you need to be.  And if they aren't kind, well then find those who are.... because I promise you they are there, and probably feeling the same thing as you... just wanting to be accepted for who they are and worried they can't let their real self be seen.

Michael, these next four years are going to fly by, and I hope for my selfish sake they don't go too fast, but I know they will.

I promise you that Dad and I will be here for you every step of the way.  We will cheer you on, help you anyway we can and be there for when the days are hard and you need someone to remind you of just how amazing you are.  

Michael, thank you for being you....we love you so much.  We love you so much.  We love you so much.

Can't wait to hear how your first day goes.  I'll be thinking of you all day.

You got this.... We believe in you completely.  

Love always...

Your very proud mom and dad.