A letter and bad names...

Yesterday when I arrived at the school to pick up the boys, I walked by Gabriel’s classroom and noticed they had a new bulletin board. The title of the bulletin board was, “In the future…” and it featured letters the kids had written. I quickly scanned over their writings searching for our Gabriel’s letter and found it in the middle. It was obvious the children had written the letters themselves and I was pretty confident Ms. Stacey had helped them with the spelling of the words, but I was truly impressed with what they had written. Gabriel’s letter with pictures of an airplane, a policeman and a fireman at the bottom.
reads,

“When I grow up I want to be a firefighter,

a policeman and a pilot. Gabriel Haskovec”

I admit, I stood in awe of his letter (actually all the kid’s letters) and couldn’t believe I was looking at the work of 5-year-olds. I may have been behind as a child, okay, I probably was, but I don’t remember being able to write like that until I was in 1st grade (or maybe even second grade). I stood at the board for a few minutes just soaking in how proud I was/am of him. It has been amazing to see him grow and learn so much in the last 9 months. I know I’ve commented on it before, but I can’t believe he can be reading and writing words, tying his shoes and doing simple math. How can it be? I have to give credit to this teacher, she truly is remarkable. I went and picked him up, as he was outside in the play ground and then walked back with him to the board. I asked him what his letter said and he read it to me word for word. I then told him how proud I am of him and he just looked up, smiled and then started to hug me. I could tell it meant a lot to him that I recognized his accomplishment.

After picking up Michael, and loading them into the car, the boys, as usual, started talking non-stop as we drove to swimming lessons. Gabriel started telling me about Kylie and Lucas and how they had some sort of jumping competition and of course, Lucas (he’s the biggest, strongest, smartest… kid in the class) won. Next it was Michael’s turn to tell a story and he started off by saying, “Mom, the boys in my class are mean to me.” Being a little surprised I said, “Why honey, how were they mean?”

He went onto say, “Mom, the boys keep calling me names.” In a very serious voice, (one that happy-go-lucky and silly Michael rarely uses), he said, “Mommy, they keep calling me naughty names, like poopoo head and messy head”

At first I didn’t know how to respond so I said, “Michael, honey that isn’t very nice. How does that make you feel?”

He said, “Sad” and then Gabriel asked, “Michael, why are they calling you names?”

Michael responded, “I don’t know Gabriel; they are mean to me.”

As he went on to explain the situation, I felt my heart aching. Michael is usually the silly one who is always doing something funny to get everyone to laugh, but I could tell he was openly sharing his raw emotions and that he was hurt by the other boy’s behaviors and that he was being called names.

I said, “Michael what did you do after they said that?”

“Mom, I told Ms. Luli” (his teacher)

And what did she say, “She said to go play with someone else and that I’m handsome.”

“Oh that’s good. You are handsome honey”

“Mom, but they keep calling me names and won’t let me play with them. Should I call them bad names back?”

I said, “No honey, it wouldn’t be nice to call the boys names, just walk away if they are not being nice and go play with someone else. That is what I do Michael if someone calls me a bad name.”

“Okay Mommy, I will play with Raven and the other girls, they are nice to me and they let me play babies with them.”

With tears coming to my eyes, I realized one of the reasons why he has been playing with the girls lately. Jarrett and I had noticed this lately, when we go to pick him up and have commented on it but we just thought that maybe he liked to play with babies. I guess it may be because he likes to play with baby dolls and be the “daddy” when they are playing house, but I guess it is also because he is being called names by some of the other boys. It makes me so sad, that kids can be so mean, even at such a young age. But just as I started to dwell on it and think like an adult, Michael interrupted the thoughts racing through my head…

“Mommy?”

“Yes Michael”

“Mommy, is it your friends at work that call you bad names?

Not realizing he had been thinking about the comment I had just made, I had to quickly switch gears and get on his page, “oh, ah, no honey, well, no one at my work calls me bad names but if they did I would walk away from them.”

“Oh, Mommy?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Mommy, are your workers (meaning coworkers) going to go to Kindergarten next year?

Now having no idea where he was coming from I replied, “No honey they are all too old for Kindergarten.”

With Gabriel laughing from the other side of the back seat, Michael asked, “Mommy, are they going to go to Heaven soon then?”

Realizing that we’ve had the “when do you go to Heaven?” conversation several times, in which we reply you don’t go to heaven until you are really old; I had followed the connection Michael made.

I started laughing, which caused Gabriel to laugh louder and then Michael realizing he had just been funny, started to crack up too.

As we arrived at swimming lessons, laughs could be heard throughout the car and our silly Michael was still there. He was back into his bubbly self, being comfortable, accepted and in an environment where he felt safe and loved.
It not only hurt Michael’s feelings that he was being called names, but I think it hurt Gabriel’s, Daddy’s and I know my own. I try to remind the boys to use careful words that don’t hurt people’s feelings because although the saying is, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, in reality, sometimes words can hurt just as bad.
Until next time,

Angie