Saying good bye.... Grandma Hazel

(I started this blog posts a few weeks ago and decided to finish it today)

How do you say good bye when you know it’s going to be the last time you’ll get to say it?  Honestly, I don’t know. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been comfortable with death.  I hope I’m not alone.  I’ve had a very blessed life and in that time I haven’t lost a lot of people.  And for those who I love and who have left this earth for Heaven or eternal happiness, or whatever one believes,  I know saying good bye was NOT easy and something I wish we never had to do.  In this journey of life though, death is as much a part of it as birth is, and so, while hard to talk about, is something that’s a reality we all face.

Sadly Jarrett’s grandmother, Hazel is entering into her final journey here on Earth and preparing for what awaits her beyond us here.  In a way, I guess we are all doing this; though as I type this today, Hazel’s just a bit further down the path than we are.  Hazel has lived a very good life.  She has brought five wonderful children, now grown adults into this life, who have gone on to have wonderful families of their own.  From the first time I met Hazel now 18 plus years ago, she reminded me of my grandmother and immediately I knew she was a wonderful, wonderful lady. 

Hazel is the essence of someone who shows care and concern for others, while compassionately giving of herself and asking little if nothing in return.  While I didn’t know Hazel for most of her life, I do know she has always been a hard working woman and mom.  As a young mom she helped work on the farm, while later going to work in town.  In her later years, she volunteered so much of her time to help those who needed it, to keep company with those at the hospital who were sick and to visit those who couldn’t get out to visit themselves.  We often joked that every time we’d call to talk to Grandma Hazel she’d be hosting someone for lunch, for coffee or for cards.    

Of the many stories I’ve heard about Grandma Hazel, and the hundreds of others, I was there to witness, there is always one common thread.  Her love.  Grandma Hazel puts her love into everything she touches.  From the family tradition of lefse she made for each and every holiday, to her handwritten and detailed birthday cards, making sure to mention something that was happening back in town, of course the weather, and always concluding it with, Love always, Grandma Hazel.  It was obvious, she gave her love freely and openly.

I sometimes wondered how her heart was so full of love and selfless.  Grandma Hazel, while having a blessed life, also faced moments of extreme heartbreak.  I understand when she was young, her family was in a car accident and her mother was killed.  As if losing a mother at such a young age wasn’t enough to scar one’s heart, as a mom herself, she received the devastating news that her daughter, Connie, a teacher, fainted upon hearing the news that one of he students was in an accident, and  fainted resulting in injuries she succumbed to.  Having to bury your child?  I cannot imagine the pain and permanent heartache.  Yet that was the struggle Hazel faced with unwavering faith and believe Connie was called home to be with her God. When Connie would come up in conversation, she talked about what had happened matter a factly, and I think it was only because of her strong faith in knowing Connie is in Heaven with God that she was able to find peace.

And it seems peace is where she is today. Sadly she is in the hospital fighting with pneumonia and complications from lymphoma but she’s at peace with how this struggle may play out. Jarrett’s parents are back home with her and keep us posted on how she’s doing.  From here, we feel helpless and hope that the prayers we send are reaching her.  Jarrett’s mom, Sharon shared with us that her mom’s mantra as of late has been “Please Lord take me home.”  It brings tears to my eyes to know that she’s ready to leave, and I know it makes her entire family’s heart ache about what’s to come.  To not be afraid of dying but to welcome it, is a true testament to the faith that Grandma Hazel must have.

(written today) 

Just this past January, I made a quick trip back to Iowa for two days.  While there, I stopped out to see Grandma Hazel, who had already moved from her own apartment into an assisted living facility with her awareness she needed some extra help.  It was mid-morning and I figured it was plenty late to stop in and say hi.  As I arrived Hazel was just rising as she had been up most of the night in pain.   I felt bad for not calling ahead to ask if I could visit and for dropping in unannounced.  I apologized profusely, but she would have none of it.  That’s just the person she is.  Instead she apologized for not being dressed and for not having something made to feed me, she was as welcoming as she always was, fussing about me and not thinking twice about herself.   Thinking of others always before herself, that's just the way she was.

I remember leaving that visit with Grandma Hazel and thinking that was probably one of the last memories I'd have of us being together.  I could tell her heath was declining but her spirit and ever present love was as strong as ever.  This past Friday, Jarrett and I made the decision to drive back to Iowa to be with her and his family.  We knew the purpose for this trip would be filled with heartache as we knew we'd have to say good bye.  

We drove 28 straight hours, arriving at 11:30 p.m. on Saturday night.  We went straight to the nursing home arrive in time to say our final good bye.  She was surrounded by family who prayed continuously and dotted on her like she had done for all of us for so long.  One of the great staff members at the home, Roger, brought in the keyboard from the main gathering room and played hymns  as we shared our final words with her. While we knew our good bye messages would not be returned by her voice, we are confident she heard us tell her how much we loved her.  Grandma Hazel passed away less than 13 hours after our arrival.  We later learned that Jarrett was Grandma Hazel's last grandchild to see her in the last month.  Some of the family believes she was waiting for us to arrive before she left us.  

Losing a loved one is never easy and we will miss her deeply. When I think of what it means to live a good life and to be a good person, I can't help but think of Grandma Hazel.  She lived by the word of God, giving of herself, sharing love with all she met, and left this world a better place.  We say our final good bye to her in two days but the lasting impression she left on our lives and in our hearts will always be with us.  

All our love to you Grandma Hazel. You will be truly missed.

Until next time,

Angie