8 years ago today...

We started this blog as we had learned we would be getting to become parents to two little boys that would go on to change our lives forever!  Here's that first post again!

I remember feeling such joy and happiness and love like I had never felt before.  I was scared, nervous... would I know what to do, would I be any good at being a mother.  Would they be scared, would they love us back?  So many emotions but overall such anticipation, love and joy of what was to come.

These last 8 years have been a whirlwind.  I look at Gabriel and Michael now and think where has the time gone.  In less than 8 years they will be spreading their wings and leaving us (well in a certain sense I hope) again.  I hope we've instilled in them the courage to take risks, the discipline to keep trying even though you will fail, the power of kindness and compassion in helping others and the firm belief that they were the greatest answer to our prayers.

Today the boys and I talked about what happened 8 years ago and Gabriel said, "I can't believe it's been that long."  And then we went back to the first blog book I had printed (from my entries on here) and we read it. 

I can hardly believe the two grown boys that charge through this house.  Gone are the days when they would pretend to be super heroes (although Michael insists on being a real life batman- maybe its just he loves the tools and his cars), and no longer do they have high pitched voices that screech when they yell.

 Instead they are constantly hungry, roaring boys who are growing and changing, beginning and moving through this difficult stage of puberty and trying to figure out the world of beginning independence. 

Sometimes I think about how our lives were brought together because if I'm being honest I can't imagine my life without them.  And yet I am not naive to realize so many moving parts had to fall into perfect coordination to make it happen... and they did. 

As we sat today looking at the first blog post, I snapped a picture of them with the book.  While I look at two boys who've grown so much and are turning into young men in front of me, I find myself seeing them still as the two boys in the picture behind them here..

Our relationship has changed over the years and while I still worry about how I'm doing as a mom and a parent, I've found the answers to a few questions I had back 8 years ago.  When the boys met us they may have been scared but they didn't show it.  They with their genuine, trusting hearts saw us as good from the start.  And they loved us from the beginning too. 

While I think we've grown a different deeper love, one that's seen many good days and hard days too.  Love that shows no matter how angry or hurt we may be, our foundational love is a constant.  I can see that as a mother my love for them will continue to grow in different ways.  As they get older and are interested in girls, that someday (sooner rather than later) that I'll have to share my love with them in yet a different way.  A way that my mother-in-law graciously did for me when I married her son. As the season of girlfriends starts, I'm hoping for lots of time to figure this all out.

For the life of me I can't seem to get the image of my 3 and 4 year old boys out of my head.  While they may have grown already to be taller than me.  I hope they know the love I have for them started before I knew they would be ours, and again when my eyes met theirs, and each and every day they share life here with us. 

We didn't celebrate this 8th year too much, just the normal running to a doctors appointment, laundry, cleaning, playing outside and cooking, but in a way I think it was the perfect way.  Today was the living dream I had many years ago.  I dreamed of days when I wanted to hear my kids fighting, when I could make food to share with my children and that life was safe and comfy and good all within the walls of our home.  Today was one of those days.  So glad our dream came true 8 years ago today.

Until next time,
Angie
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Dad's next Chapter

When  we moved here in  2005 Jarrett came first, so he could study for the bar and find a job.  The place that  welcomed  him with open, friendly arms was Lubin and Enoch PC, a labor and employment firm that focused on helping the worker.  One of the many things he liked about working there was that he felt he was able to make a difference in the lives of the everyday worker.... just trying to provide for their family.

Lubin and Enoch was more than a job, it was a place where they worked hard, they laughed  and joked together and Jarrett felt greatly supported as he grew in his experience and became a partner..  When he was diagnosed with cancer in 2007, they supported him and offered to pay his salary even if he wasn't going to be able to be in the office while he had treatments.  They were there for us when we became parents and adopted the boys and Isabelle.  They offered compassion and support in many ways when Noah came early and Jarrett had to abruptly leave his work to be with me.  And when Noah passed away, I remember everyone from their office who was there for his wake and funeral.  They have been some of the biggest participants in Noah's Kindness Project and they celebrated with us when Madelyn came to heal our hearts. The people behind the name  Lubin and Enoch was like another family in every sense of the word.

So  that's the place that Jarrett has called his work home for the past 13 years.  And he enjoyed it.  He grew to love those he worked with and  they became like a family.  That  is why it was a very difficult decision for Jarrett decide it was time to try another opportunity that came along.  

Three weeks ago, I took these pictures as Jarrett walked into the office as a member of the Lubin and Enoch team for one of the last times. He's always one to approach new situations with excitement and optimism and this time was no different, except I could tell in his heart he was truly going to miss those he got to see almost everyday.

They say that we take the experiences we have and they shape us to be who we are in the present. The experience Dad was given at Lubin and Enoch was one that helped him in multiple ways to become who he is today.  He (and I) will always give thanks to the ways Nick and Stan welcomed him into the firm and how the whole team there became such an important part of his life.  

While we look forward to what is ahead in his new chapter, we give thanks and celebrate the place where his career all started.  

Best wishes Dad as you start a new chapter of work.  We are proud of you!

Until next time,

Angie

Reunited.

I've been following the news of Barbara Bush's passing and while it makes me sad to know they lost a beloved family member, I find great admiration in how they are approaching their loss.  They have shown grace, dignity, acceptance and peace with it.  Maybe that is one of the many valuable lessons Barbara Bush taught them in her 92 years. 

Of the many stories I've listened to as they recount her life, highlight her love with George H and her joy in family, the one story that has found an extra tender spot in my heart is reading about the loss she suffered as a mother losing her baby girl Robin at only 3 years old.

Here's the story:
https://www.today.com/parents/barbara-bush-remembers-child-lost-cancer-t127268 

I watched it.  I cried.  Tears in knowing just how they felt.  Tears of sadness in living so long with such heartache.  Tears to think of how long she waited to see her baby again.  I think all parents who lose a child can relate to the true heart break that comes with that wrong-sided goodbye.  Parents are supposed to go first.  I watched and admired, she said, "Robin's death isn't a tragedy, I think of her as my angel"  I love it.  I can relate to that feeling too.  While I never met Barbara Bush or even know much about her, I would bet a lot, that there wasn't a day that went by she didn't think of her angel.  I think its just how it works. 

On that difficult day when a parent is forced to say goodbye, there is one new day that blooms.  It's a day that lives on hope, is based on faith and is strength-giving when you feel all your strength gone.  The day that blooms on the day our beloved babies die, is the long awaited day, when you'll get to see them again. 

So tonight when I scrolled through my Instagram feed, there was one image, that appeared over and over and although it was the same, each new appearance, made my heart warmth with hope.  This is it.  This image is love.

I can only imagine the view of those watching on as the gates of Heaven welcomed Barbara home.  And as a little girl ran to her white haired momma.  An embrace I'm sure that lasted long after the stars went to bed.  

As I thought about what magic must have been seen in Heaven last night, I wondered about the spectators, the other little babies waiting for their mommy's and daddy's to be reunited.  And I wondered, just maybe, maybe our someone special was there to watch too.   And I hope he knows, that the hope of meeting again is a hope I long to have come true.  I hope that when my time here is through, if God doesn't abandoned me and grants an answer to my prayer, that oh what a great moment it will be.  

Reunited:  While Barbara Bush leaves her loved ones behind, I am sure the reunion of those who she got to meet yesterday was pretty special.  Rest in peace to a wonderful woman.  

Until next time,

Angie

Just because...

Without going into too much more detail about the sickness raging through our house, I thought I'd just give an update that we have (fingers crossed) hopefully crossed over the mountain of illness we climbed.  (hopefully- key word).

The 10-day fever and super-strong ear infection Madelyn had finally broke last Saturday after she got two antibiotic injections at the doctor. Thank goodness because our next option, the pediatrician said was to go to the hospital for testing.  

I'm still unable to hear in my right ear, understand I've got nerve damage which means hearing loss (probably not likely to return) but I'm trying to remain optimistic and remember, it could be worse.  Asking people "what" a 100 times a day and saying "Huh" might get old but at least its something I can live with. 

So there's that.  We are trying to push forward and celebrate moments where the kids are healthy (and fighting) and I'm trying to be grateful... at least I can't hear all of the fighting that happens between the walls of our house.  How's that for trying to look at the glass half full.

So with that, I wanted to share just a few random photos I've taken lately, in between all the sick visits.

Here are a few photos I took recently that made me stop and give thanks...

Here are the kids working on a poster for their dad. I love when they can all work together on something.  Even though there is 10 years between them, there are some special bonds they share.

Dad recently climbed the Grand Canyon (a future post) to celebrate 10 years of being in remission from Cancer.  The kids made him a banner to congratulate him as we came home.  

Its officially swimming season for the younger kids.  Gabriel still thinks its too cold, so he just sat and watched but Isabelle and Michael... LOVED it.

Madelyn has learned what time out is and here she is putting herself in time out because I told her not to jump on the couch, that it was dangerous.  She walked (not crying at the time) over to the time out spot, sat down, started crying and then sat there for a little bit.  When I came over to her I went through our normal talk and then said, "Say sorry and give me a hug."  She said Sorry, hugged me and then went on her way.  

I know this won't last but darn its nice not to have be the only enforcer around here.

Madelyn was also slightly happy that she got a new hat today.  Can you tell she likes it?

A few weeks ago we planted a rose bush and I was so excited to wake up this morning to see beautiful rose buds waiting to open up.  I seriously don't have even a tinge of green in my thumb so this is huge for me.  

The flowers make me think of my grandma, she had the prettiest flower gardens.

Well it didn't take long (actually only a few hours after this picture above was taken) that my flowers were no more.  The boys decided to play baseball right over my bush and broke off the flowers. 

Isn't that so nice!?  "But Mom we were just practicing baseball"

So Nice.

I tried to salvage this one by bringing it inside and putting it in this vase my grandma gave me.  I'm trying to make a rose out of a broken rose bush. 

Speaking of my grandma, the other thing Madelyn has started enjoying to do was to comb my hair with her dolls brushes.  Usually they get stuck and pull out several strands of my hair, but it reminds me of what I use to do to my grandma when I was her age. 

Man do I look tired!

Oh an in another grateful moment I happened to capture...

Michael and Isabelle (our oil and water sibling combination) have actually started playing together, mostly without arguments on rare occasions.  Here they are out front talking about something and making a pack, because a few minutes before I snapped this picture, they shook hands.  I knew I needed to get out my camera to record this forever... they will never believe that they ever got along when they are grown, so here's my evidence to prove it.

And then there's these two who love each other so much, sometimes they get sick of one another and when they get into it, Isabelle always loses.  And by loses, I mean loses a huge handful of hair.  Madelyn, that stinker she has found Isabelle's weakness is her long beautiful hair.  Perhaps Madelyn is jealous.... but Madelyn seems to be able to rip it really good and the next thing I hear is Isabelle crying and running to me saying, "Mom, she pulled out even more of my hair this time!"

Maybe that's why Madelyn knows the time out spot so well.  Lord help me, we are just over a month away from her turning 2.  These next two years are always scary.

Today Isabelle said, "Mom, I think Madelyn is the baby Boss of our house.  To which Gabriel and Michael chimmed in in agreement.  Isabelle then turned to the boys and said, "Brothers, we have to find a way to take away her power.  If only she wasn't so cute." 

Moments of gratitude.  Trying to recognize and celebrate them, among the craziness.

Until next time,

Angie

What's that you say? Sickness Saga...

So I posted a week ago about how the sickness had returned.  If I had only known the force of what was still ahead.

We finally got the boys on antibiotics long enough to get them well enough to go back to school (Gabriel has Strep and Michael both Strep and Ear Infection) but as the early week went on Madelyn and I got worse... way worse.  And then there was Isabelle who had never really gotten better but never complained about a sore throat, or ache ears.  She just had yucky (and I mean a yucky) stuffed nose.  So much so that she had a sore in her nose from wiping it so much.

On Thursday I decided enough was enough and made an appointment for her and I to go to the doctor.  When I showed up to go to get medication, it turned out the clinic was closed, as their providers were sick.  Awesome.  I decided I could wait a day (wrong decision).

I ended up getting Isabelle to the doctor and while I was there, her pediatrician said, "You better get yourself to the doctor you sound terrible."  I knew it was getting worse, stupidly I thought, I can wait til the morning.

Isabelle was diagnosed with sinus infection and some sort of infection in her nose caused by the yuckiness going on inside her head.  We left with 2 prescriptions.

In the middle of the night, after going to bed with my throat feeling like it was on fire, I woke up to my ear throbbing in pain.  It WAS terrible!  I took some Tylenol and tried to back to sleep.  By 3:30 it was almost unbearable... feeling my heart beat through my ear and the pressure like a tea kettle about to scream.

When it was time to finally get the kids up, I held my head in throbbing pain, woke them up, asked Jarrett to help me get the dog to the groomer (because of course I would have made an appointment for him to be seen at 7 am).  My head was hurting so badly, my balance was thrown off and I felt dizzy.  My legs were shaking in pain (even though I had taken 600 mg of ibuprofen) just an hour before and I told the kids, don't talk, don't make any noise as we drove to school.

Of course this would be the morning Gabriel would forget not only his baseball stuff in the back of dad's car which was now downtown, but also he'd forget his school backpack at home (after we left) and it wasn't until we got to Michael's school he realized he forgot his backpack too!  SERIOUSLY CHILDREN! Of all days.  I wanted to scream but knew it would just make my pain worse.  So I just pushed the door of the van to open and motioned for them to get out.

Gabriel was embarrassed riding in the car with me, but I think he felt sorry enough that he didn't make a comment.  He whispered if I could just drop him off for school a block early so the kids didn't seem him.  I obliged.  

I drove Isabelle, Madelyn and I to not one, or two but three different urgent care places, til I found one that was open and thank GOD only one other patient was ahead of us.  I was out of my mind in pain, so much so I told Jarrett it was almost as bad as labor. My legs were shaking out of my control in pain and I was doing the breathing exercises while I tried to tell myself to calm down.

Horrible.   The lady at the front counter saw me pacing back and forth and got the nurse to call us back.  They took Isabelle's vitals...
Oh about her... that evening after I had taken her to the doctor, I was getting her showered an ready for bed when I saw she had several red welts on her body.  They instantly reminded me of MRSA Michael had when he first came to us.  I was worried. I thought. oh no, that's definitely not something we need.  I decided to keep her home from school... washed everything she touched on sanitary that night and took her with me to the doctor before seeing if she was contagious too.

Back at the doctors they took us back.  Took our vitals and the lady said, "I'll have the doctor come right back."  By this point I was crying, again it was out of my control, the pain was TERRIBLE.  Soon the doctor came in and said, Hi I'm (don't even remember her name) and what seems to be the trouble today.  Before I could even respond, she looked at me and said, "Mom, let's look at you, you seem to be in some serious pain."  I hopped up on the table like I was 6 again and I explained how my throat hurt, I felt miserable and my ear pain was killing me.  I think I might have ear infection and  said, "I feel like I'm dying my ear hurts so much."  She first looked in my left ear which didn't hurt at all and then she came around the other side.  Touched the top of my right ear to pull it back, put her light scope in and she said Oh you have a raging ear infection and oops....

Instantly the pressure got better.  For a moment I felt relief.  Awe that's so much better... and then I felt warm liquid running down my ear and my neck.  She said, "I'm sorry your ear drum just ruptured."  I turned my head to the right side, you know that feeling when you have water in your ear after swimming and you turn you head to shake it out.  I did the same.  And then all of my hearing in my right ear was gone.  Nothing but ringing and a constant feeling of pain and fullness.  She gave me a cotton ball to put in my ear and then went to listen to my breathing.  She said, you are definitely wheezing and are not filling your lungs like you should.  You have the start of pneumonia too. She said, one moment, let me step out to see if your Strep Test came back positive.

She was gone and then came back in.  Congrats you have that too.  I'm seriously a walking petri-dish of bacteria, virus and sickness.

And then it was Isabelle's turn. I explained Isabelle was on antibiotics for a sinus infection and that I had just noticed the welts spreading last night.  She explained to my relief that it wasn't MRSA like I thought and they originally suspected, but that it was a type of staph infection because her immune system was probably compromised, it probably was able to take over.  So more prescriptions and creams for her.

The lady sent our prescriptions and off we headed to the pharmacy at Fry's to pick up our loot.  On the way there I listed to Madelyn cough, wheeze and sneeze behind me in her car seat.  When I picked her up she felt warm too. I couldn't decide if it was because it is already in the flipping 90's here or if it is because she was feeling crappy too.

I walked into Fry's, saw that their minute clinic was open and decided, "Heck, I might have well make it a triple play today and take her too.  So I signed her up, got her and low and behold she had a double ear infection too!  What a trooper, girlfriend never complains!

...

Except she was wanting to be held an awful lot and slept more than normal.

The doctor also said she was wheezy and we needed to resume breathing treatments for her every 4 hours.  Awesome!  Because I really don't have anything else to do every 4 hours (other than distribute every other child's medication) so sign me up! 

I'm honestly joking, if it makes her better, I'm happy to do it.  But I might not be joking that it sure would be nice if we didn't ALL have to be sick ALL at the same time.

Thankfully Madelyn thinks her breathing treatments are a game and she's pretty good now about taking her medication, especially if I turn on Frozen.

So that's how we rolled this weekend.  All bundled up in our house, going through Kleenex boxes like they are poker chips in Las Vegas, bleach wipes like water, and medication like...

Well just take a look below.  This is currently just the prescription medications the kids and I are on. 

It was a a great weekend for Dad to be gone.  He's the only one who hopefully will escape this plague.  So far he's okay, but I'm not making any promises.

It's been interesting this weekend at our house since I'm literally unable to hear anything out of my right ear.  The kids talk and I have to say, "WHAT?" almost every single time.  And then there's been a few times when I've been talking to the kids and Gabriel will say, "Mom you're shouting, you don't have to talk that loud."  It's awesome.  NOT.  I just hope after all this my hearing comes back.  The doctor told me there's a chance it won't and even a possibility I'd have to have surgery to repair it.  Fingers crossed that doesn't happen.

 I'm headed back to the doctor tomorrow as it turns out the antibiotic I'm on doesn't seem to be doing anything.  The pus oozing from my ear is getting worse, the pain unchanged (seriously I'm counting down the minutes on the clock til I can take my next dose of meds).  Here's hoping this week is healthier for all of us.  We could really use a few nights of pain-free sleep.

(Update- decided to wait to post this till I got back.  My suspicions were right. The antiobiotic last week prescribed did nothing, but now the infection is  worse.  Having spread down into my neck and into my jaw- no wonder everything  hurts.  The drainage from my ear is constant and looks like something you'd see on a lake infected with toxic waste (YUCKY).  I go back tomorrow to see if the new medication is working (please pray it is), plus they want to do a hearing test to see how much damaged has been caused (I can already tell them- I literally only hear ringing out of my right ear-nothing else) and then again on Thursday to make sure the infection is getting under control.  I don't want to think they were alarmed by what they saw today but the doctor did say, "Wow this is definitely worse than I suspected it to be".  That's never a good thing to  hear. 

Prayers please- that they can get this infection under control and that the damage  to my ear can heal to my hearing can return.  Never realized I how much I took my hearing for granted.

Until next time, back to the infirmary,

Angie

Easter

Man am I behind.  Since we got back from our cruise we have been racing non stop!  Lots of big changes, lots of sickness (that's a whole different post) and lots of good updates (another post). 

Here are a few pictures from Easter including my favorite surprise the Easter Bunny had for the kids on Easter morning.  Remember Easter fell on April fools this year...

The Easter Bunny must have come really late on Saturday night/Early Sunday morning.  It's almost like he wasn't quite ready for the holiday.

But there were eggs all over the house and the kids were thrilled to start picking up all the eggs the minute the clock struck 5:45 am.

They were thrilled, until a few of the eggs cracked up and they found this....

\

In fact they may have found 147 carrots to enjoy! (not that anyone counted).

Madelyn decided with the "crap" the bunny left them in the eggs, she would rather stomp on the eggs than look to see where the candy was supposed to be.

Here's Michael with all the carrots they ended up with.  Doesn't he look excited!

It wasn't really as bad as the kids appear in the pictures and videos.  They ended up going downstairs and eventually found a few gifts that were redeeming enough to not make their Easter horrible (as they may have previously stated).

Paw Patrol coloring book

And a musical keyboard for the girls

And the boys got some outdoor toys, which turns out they went out to use right away and I realized I didn't get any pictures of them.

We went to church that morning and I feel like I got to spend even a few minutes with Noah.  Here's the stained glass artwork that lights up the nursery at our church.  Isn't it pretty.  I sat in the rocker there next to the picture and watched Madelyn play.  I so wish things were different but I guess I don't get a choice, so I tried to be thankful that he was with me in a different way and helped bring Madelyn into our lives. 

I hope each of you had a wonderful Easter and that not too many April fools were pulled on you.

Until next time,

Angie