Madelyn's Fifth Birthday!

 This past weekend our rainbow baby, turned 5!  I'm still trying to figure out where the past 5 years went and how we will be sending Maddie to Kindergarten in just a few months.  

I still remember how happy I was that morning when she was born after what seemed like a super long labor, but the feeling of relief, of overwhelming joy and of utmost love ran through my body like a river overflows its banks when the rains pours.  It was such a wonderful day, a day that felt like so many prayers had been answered and that part of my broken heart was healed.  

In all the days since her birth, Madelyn has brought us love.  She embodies kindness, she is funny and she is so smart.  Aunt Stacey our beloved friend who was each of the kid's (minus Jennings and Finn) preschool teachers and she has become family, bought Madelyn a level 1 reading box full of books as we hoped to work on reading or at least sounding out words this summer to get ready for Kindergarten.  Last night when she was over to watch Madelyn open her gift, Madelyn was thrilled and sat on her lap and went through each book.  Much to all of our surprise, Madelyn was able to read each and every book and she didn't need help from us, other than a few times mostly to pronounce names of some of the characters that are kind of tricky.  We were all surprised. And she loves math too.  She can count to well over 100, she understands how to add and subtract double digit numbers and she is even understanding basic multiplication too.  I wish I could say it is because I sit down with her daily and teach her, no its thanks to Number Blocks on Netflix (sure worth that $20 a month or what ever it is).  

Madelyn is our ray of sunshine and she is probably one of our easiest kids.  While she looks like me, she has Jarrett's laid back personality and that "middle child" attitude of just going with the flow.  She loves to play with her siblings and friends at school, but she is also perfectly content to play pretend, Barbies, Paw Patrol or what ever by herself.  

I wish I could put into words just how much she means to me.  She greets me each morning with a hug and a "I love you mom." and each night she says, "Don't forget to wake me up in the morning." as if I've ever forgotten to wake her up and I didn't remember from the 3,000 prior night reminders.  But I always smile to myself, and say, "Yes I will wake you up." And on the nights when Dad tucks them in to bed he always returns downstairs with a message from Madelyn.  "I'm supposed to tell you to make sure you wake them up in the morning."  Boy do I love her.

Her birthday was again low key but she didn't mind, we had pizza and cupcakes and we decorated the house.  She was, just like always, happy and excited. 

While there are thousands of pictures I could share from the last 5 years that we've taken to capture the moments shared, here are just a few of some of my favorites that seem to capture Madelyn's spirit and true awesomeness!

We love you Madelyn Faith. You were truly an angel sent from above to heal our hearts, to remind us that prayers are answered and that no matter how hard of times you fall upon, there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm.  You are truly incredible, we are so honored to be your mom and dad, and we love you more than words can ever truly convey.  Happy fifth birthday beautiful.  Love you always, Mom and Dad.

Jennings first day at daycare.

 Today was a big, hard day in our house for Jennings and for mom and dad who worried about him.  Today was Jenning's first day at daycare.  When the pandemic began what seems like 15 years ago, Jennings was just a baby and only 7 months old.  He had been fortunate enough to have been able to stay at home or with his Nana and Papa who helped watch him on the days we went into work.  Since Jennings had the rough go at 2 months old and was unable to get certain vaccines because of his incident with the incarcerated hernia, his pediatrician had told us way back then that if we could keep him out of daycare for the first year, that would be best (to keep him from getting sick).  Who would have ever guessed we'd be facing a global pandemic a few months after his birth and be home for over a year.

Nana and Papa have continued to help us out and we are so grateful for their help.  Jennings LOVES spending time with them and I think pretty much would pick to go to Nana and Papa's house anyday over hanging out with me.  This summer they have some trips and want to get away and much deserved we are happy for them.

 

With me having my time occupied a bit more now with Finn and still having nursing classes this summer, it has been a bit of a challenge to keep up with Jennings who is in the stage of "I'm going to get into, climb into, or investigate anything and everything I can."  His newest adventure is to climb the cupboards and turn on the water and run it all over the floor.  We've now restricted the water at the sinks to just one faucet to prevent another water spill.  

Jarrett is back to work and always has enough work for an army to do, so it is harder for me to ask him to be able to help when he's got so much to do.  That being said he does help me a lot and I'm thankful for that.  

 

With all that being shared, sending Jennings to daycare has been something we've been talking about and trying to find the right time to begin this process.  Truthfully we worry about sending him.  We worry about him getting sick (we know what happens with germs at daycare) and we worry about him bringing home something to Finn, Jarrett, the other kids or even me.  On the other hand, it is pretty much an impossible task to get anything done during the day when he is home helping get into everything and I usually go from cleaning up one mess to go to another room and find he's made another one.  Its just the age and the stage right?

 

After a hard conversation of swaying back and forth, we came to the decision we were going to try to test out the daycare waters today.  I knew my emotions couldn't take it, and thankfully Jarrett thought of it too, and volunteered to take him.  I tried to explain to Jennings he was going to go to school like the girls and that he would have fun.  I knew he didn't understand but I tried to convince myself it was helpful.  I have to remember that all of our kids, I think it is all kids in general, have a hard time starting daycare around these ages and parents have to endure the guilt of leaving them.  I wondered all day if he will be scarred by this.  On top of it, I think it is worse for Jennings because he's never known anyone other than Jarrett or I or Nana and Papa staying with him or caring for him.  Even when my parents came out when Finn was born, it took him a while to warm up to him.  As isolated as we've been from social interaction, he has had the same experience but he knows no different.

Jarrett came home from taking Jennings to school and I asked how it went, although I already knew the answer to it.  Jarrett shared that he snuck out when the teachers were distracting him but that we he went back to check before leaving, he found him crying.  It broke my heart and at the same time I knew I wanted to get as much as I could done in the hours he was at school, so that I could maximize the time we could spend together when he and the girls got home.  I called the school a few times during the day and each time I called they said he was okay but still crying.  Oh the guilt and pain I felt in making him go there.  I know once he adjusts he will like it there, as our other kids did, but still it is hard to think of him crying.  I wondered if he thought we wouldn't come back for him or if he wondered all day where we had gone.

We knew when Finn arrived that the transition would probably be the biggest for Jennings, he has definitely been the baby of the house and rules our roost.  And it has been a transition, I think Jennings misses the extra mom time that he had previously gotten, but he has also adjusted to having more daddy time.  He still calls out for me in the middle of the night and while Jarrett tries to take Jennings and I Finn, sometimes I go from putting Finn down to crawling back into bed to only have Jennings wake up and want me.  Guess it's good to feel wanted.  

And I want to share that as much as it has been a transition for Jennings, he is incredibly good with Finn.  He understands "be gentle" and he rubs his legs and arms with kindness and very gentle hands.  He does love his brother which is a great outcome compared to some other stories people have shared with us about what they wanted to do with their little brother or sister (flush them down the toilet, or return them to the baby store).  So I count my blessings he's been overall really really good.

This afternoon Jarrett picked up Jennings from school and got the report that he pretty much cried all day long.  :-(  Makes me so sad and I missed him all day.  I hope he doesn't get sick and that he will eventually transition to liking it.  That being said, as much guilt as I have in taking him, I have to admit that I was able to get an incredible amount of work done today and that tonight I felt an extreme amount of weight or stress lifted off my shoulders and I was able to be present and in the moment with the family tonight, because I didn't have so much weighing my mind down.  Isn't that the hard part of parenting?  Responsibilities never go away and as guilty as I feel, I have to say I felt like a better "mom" this evening because they didn't get the stressed out mom, trying to figure out how late she was going to have to stay up to get it done but they got the mom who felt accomplished and less stress who could laugh, play and have fun with them.  That's the mom I want to be.

So as hard as today was for this little guy, he hopefully met some new friends, was able to play with some new toys and he knows tonight Mom and Dad love him the same and will always come back to get him.  

We love you Jenner-Benner.  

Until next time,

Angie

Finn's First Photos...

I've probably increased the photo usage on my phone by a few thousand pictures in the first three weeks of Finn's life.  I truly believe the time of having our children as babies goes by so quickly that I try to capture as much of it as I can. And given that I especially love the newborn phase, I'm constantly taking photos because I don't ever want to forget a moment of it.

Here are some of Finn's photos from his first moments at home and from leaving the hospital.  

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a huge fan of chocolate chip cookies.  Therefore, when I saw this pajama, I just HAD to get it.  I mean newborn babies and chocolate chip cookies... a match made in Heaven in my mind.

I could just eat him up, he's so cute!

Look at this tiny hand and how long his fingers are!  Even his fingernails were long when he was born. He has me wrapped around everyone of his tiny fingers.

Scrumptious! 

One of our dear friends shared this gift with Finn along with the story of what elephants do when another elephant momma gives birth.. It's so inspiring and made me cry.  Here's a picture of the print she shared with us too for Finn's room.

If you are like me and hadn't heard about this... google it.  It will touch your heart.  Or let us know and if you'd like to come over and meet Finn, we'll show you the story about this too.

Still little.

Big Brother Jennings is a BIG fan of Finn's and calls him "baby" about 100 times a day.  He has to constantly know where Finn it and we've quickly taught him the word "Gentle" so he knows he has to be kind when he touches him.  It's been fun to see just how much Jennings checks on Finn, and gently rubs his tummy, his feet or his arms.  Although he still remains very interested in Finn's head and eyes.

Finn and our family were given several beautiful bouquets of flowers.  I loved having them next to me for many days while I finished up the semester studying for finals while Finn slept next to me.

I also decided to try to take Finn's newborn photos at home.  Here's one that I like just because his eyes are open so wide and at only 4 days old, I was impressed just how strong his neck was to hold his head up.  Again, I think he's so so cute!

And I love baby wrinkles and folds.  While he's definitely put on some weight and is starting to get official baby rolls now, I love this picture too, as it shows just how much hair he has and how extra cute his little back is.  

And just in case anyone wondered, while I think babies get cuter with each passing day, the same canNOT be said for me.  This momma is TIRED as you can see.

But boy is she happy to have this little guy here.

(this was at the hospital on the night it was just he and I, he loved having skin to skin and being wrapped up in my robe).  Turns out it was pretty comfy for both of us, since he was right back almost where he had been for the past 9 months prior. 

Until next time,

Angie