Jennings first day at daycare.

 Today was a big, hard day in our house for Jennings and for mom and dad who worried about him.  Today was Jenning's first day at daycare.  When the pandemic began what seems like 15 years ago, Jennings was just a baby and only 7 months old.  He had been fortunate enough to have been able to stay at home or with his Nana and Papa who helped watch him on the days we went into work.  Since Jennings had the rough go at 2 months old and was unable to get certain vaccines because of his incident with the incarcerated hernia, his pediatrician had told us way back then that if we could keep him out of daycare for the first year, that would be best (to keep him from getting sick).  Who would have ever guessed we'd be facing a global pandemic a few months after his birth and be home for over a year.

Nana and Papa have continued to help us out and we are so grateful for their help.  Jennings LOVES spending time with them and I think pretty much would pick to go to Nana and Papa's house anyday over hanging out with me.  This summer they have some trips and want to get away and much deserved we are happy for them.

 

With me having my time occupied a bit more now with Finn and still having nursing classes this summer, it has been a bit of a challenge to keep up with Jennings who is in the stage of "I'm going to get into, climb into, or investigate anything and everything I can."  His newest adventure is to climb the cupboards and turn on the water and run it all over the floor.  We've now restricted the water at the sinks to just one faucet to prevent another water spill.  

Jarrett is back to work and always has enough work for an army to do, so it is harder for me to ask him to be able to help when he's got so much to do.  That being said he does help me a lot and I'm thankful for that.  

 

With all that being shared, sending Jennings to daycare has been something we've been talking about and trying to find the right time to begin this process.  Truthfully we worry about sending him.  We worry about him getting sick (we know what happens with germs at daycare) and we worry about him bringing home something to Finn, Jarrett, the other kids or even me.  On the other hand, it is pretty much an impossible task to get anything done during the day when he is home helping get into everything and I usually go from cleaning up one mess to go to another room and find he's made another one.  Its just the age and the stage right?

 

After a hard conversation of swaying back and forth, we came to the decision we were going to try to test out the daycare waters today.  I knew my emotions couldn't take it, and thankfully Jarrett thought of it too, and volunteered to take him.  I tried to explain to Jennings he was going to go to school like the girls and that he would have fun.  I knew he didn't understand but I tried to convince myself it was helpful.  I have to remember that all of our kids, I think it is all kids in general, have a hard time starting daycare around these ages and parents have to endure the guilt of leaving them.  I wondered all day if he will be scarred by this.  On top of it, I think it is worse for Jennings because he's never known anyone other than Jarrett or I or Nana and Papa staying with him or caring for him.  Even when my parents came out when Finn was born, it took him a while to warm up to him.  As isolated as we've been from social interaction, he has had the same experience but he knows no different.

Jarrett came home from taking Jennings to school and I asked how it went, although I already knew the answer to it.  Jarrett shared that he snuck out when the teachers were distracting him but that we he went back to check before leaving, he found him crying.  It broke my heart and at the same time I knew I wanted to get as much as I could done in the hours he was at school, so that I could maximize the time we could spend together when he and the girls got home.  I called the school a few times during the day and each time I called they said he was okay but still crying.  Oh the guilt and pain I felt in making him go there.  I know once he adjusts he will like it there, as our other kids did, but still it is hard to think of him crying.  I wondered if he thought we wouldn't come back for him or if he wondered all day where we had gone.

We knew when Finn arrived that the transition would probably be the biggest for Jennings, he has definitely been the baby of the house and rules our roost.  And it has been a transition, I think Jennings misses the extra mom time that he had previously gotten, but he has also adjusted to having more daddy time.  He still calls out for me in the middle of the night and while Jarrett tries to take Jennings and I Finn, sometimes I go from putting Finn down to crawling back into bed to only have Jennings wake up and want me.  Guess it's good to feel wanted.  

And I want to share that as much as it has been a transition for Jennings, he is incredibly good with Finn.  He understands "be gentle" and he rubs his legs and arms with kindness and very gentle hands.  He does love his brother which is a great outcome compared to some other stories people have shared with us about what they wanted to do with their little brother or sister (flush them down the toilet, or return them to the baby store).  So I count my blessings he's been overall really really good.

This afternoon Jarrett picked up Jennings from school and got the report that he pretty much cried all day long.  :-(  Makes me so sad and I missed him all day.  I hope he doesn't get sick and that he will eventually transition to liking it.  That being said, as much guilt as I have in taking him, I have to admit that I was able to get an incredible amount of work done today and that tonight I felt an extreme amount of weight or stress lifted off my shoulders and I was able to be present and in the moment with the family tonight, because I didn't have so much weighing my mind down.  Isn't that the hard part of parenting?  Responsibilities never go away and as guilty as I feel, I have to say I felt like a better "mom" this evening because they didn't get the stressed out mom, trying to figure out how late she was going to have to stay up to get it done but they got the mom who felt accomplished and less stress who could laugh, play and have fun with them.  That's the mom I want to be.

So as hard as today was for this little guy, he hopefully met some new friends, was able to play with some new toys and he knows tonight Mom and Dad love him the same and will always come back to get him.  

We love you Jenner-Benner.  

Until next time,

Angie