It happened…

As I child, one of my greatest fears was being lost. I remember one time, I was probably 6 and we were shopping at Target. With my younger sister and baby brother in the cart, I was allowed the freedom to be outside of the cart. Now as a mom, I truly appreciate the confines of the shopping cart. I can control the boy’s movements and can steer the cart in directions to avoid them reaching out and touching objects (or everything within their reach). Although Gabriel is getting too big for the cart, I still continue to make him get in, it relieves the amount of stress I feel when I take them both shopping. I digress.

On that particular day of shopping, twenty some years ago, I remember thinking it was a fun game to run into the clothing racks and hide in the middle of the rack, you could say I was playing hide-and-seek. Knowing that my mom probably wasn’t too interested in playing hide-and-seek didn’t stop me from running from one hiding place to the other. However, my little game backfired… After waiting what seemed too long for her to find me, I remember coming out of the clothing rack to see that she had disappeared. I remember turning in a complete circle and looking as far as I could see, and I didn’t see her. I walked along the aisle and called out “Mom” and no one responded. With every passing second, I remember the anxiety and fear in my body was doubling in compounding measures. It was terrible and immediately thinking that I’d never see my mom or family again, I decided to start running through the store, while screaming MOM!

Within a couple of minutes I was thankfully reunited with my mom who gave me a very firm talking to about the dangers of not staying by her side and how it was not the best choice to play hid-and-seek in the clothing racks. Besides the time my parents left me, my sister, brother and I in a running car, that my sister somehow shifted into reverse and started backing into the street; being lost from my mom was the 2nd scariest time in my childhood.

So when I dreamed about being a mom and the many different scenarios that “future mom’s” play out in their mind, one of the scenarios I prepared for, was how I would make sure I would never lose my child or children. And even when the boys came to be with us, Jarrett and I spent a good amount of time talking with the boys about how they can’t run off, how they need to stay by us and basically how the world is a scary place, that you can’t trust anyone you don’t know and how there are bad people out there who hurt little boys (I know isn’t that scary and sad all at the same time?). Okay, we didn’t say it as bluntly as that but to put it simply, you get the point.

I was prepared… I had planned it out in my mind and still it happened. This weekend we were invited to one of Gabriel’s friends birthday parties at a local train park by our home. We were all invited, which was really nice. Unfortunately Jarrett had to work so I went with the two boys. It was a beautiful weekend here in Phoenix and I knew the park would be busy, but man when we arrived, I had no idea there would be so many people and kids out and about. As we walked up to the location of the party, it was centrally located between the main playground equipment and the swings, bathrooms. To be honest they couldn’t have found a better spot. Before turning the boys free to run wild, I bent down and told them, that they needed to stay in this area and could not leave the set boundaries I had identified walking up to the party. If they went out of the area I told them, they would be out of bounds and that would not be good. They both agreed and as I let them run free, I continuously walked in circles, under the play bridges, around slides, sand piles and through wood-chips, making sure I kept them constantly within my sight.

All was well and good until Gabriel and friends decided to split off from Michael leaving him behind while they took off running to the other side of the “in-bounds” park. I stayed with Michael and watched across the way to see Gabriel’s bright blue shirt appear every few seconds. After about 5 minutes, I decided I should go to the other side to check on Gabriel, but before leaving I bent down and told Michael where I was going, not to leave this area and that I’d be right back. Knowing that there were about 15 other parents from the party in Michael’s section, I felt a little more comfortable walking over to make sure Gabriel was okay.

I quickly walked over to check on Gabriel, it took me about 30 seconds to find him and remind him it was no oaky to jump off of a 6 foot ledge onto the ground below. After reconnecting with him I reminded him of the boundary lines and walked back to check on Michael. It had been maybe 2 minutes…And I’m sure you can tell where this story is going.

I walked back over to the playground side and returned to where I had last saw Michael. He was not there. I then went to the other place in the playground that he has been spending a lot of time at, not there either. The sand pile that he loves to play in, not there. The slides, all 6 of them, not there either. By this point, I was telling myself not to worry, stay calm, he’s probably just on the other side of the huge climby thing (how do you like that for a technical term?), I walked around to the other side, and he wasn’t there either. At that point I started to expand my search to the edges of the boundary line, he was nowhere to be seen. It then occurred to me to look across the way to the place where the train loads up kids and where there is a merry-go-round, he had asked me three times earlier in the party to ride on it and I told him maybe later. Maybe he determined the time for later had come. I walked over there, okay, raced over there, no sight of him. At this point it had been probably 3 minutes, and three minutes to a mom who can’t find her child, is like a year in terms of time. I walked back to the section where Gabriel was, again continuously telling myself he was fine, we’d find him, all while my mind was picturing the worse… I thought “Oh my God please let him be okay. I’ve waited forever to be these boy’s mom and I can’t lose Michael. Please let me find him.” Then the part where I blame myself for being in this situation started, why didn’t I make him come with me?, why did I think he’s stay put?, why didn’t I put those “help me I’m lost” cards in his pocket today?, why did I think I could do this by myself? Should I call Jarrett and tell him to race to the park to help me?” I guess it would be fair to say I slightly in freak-out mode.

I got to where Gabriel was last and he must have realized something was wrong because he came up to me and said, “What’s wrong mom?” Gabriel, have you seen Michael? “No” Gabriel, I need you to help me find Michael. Please help me. Being the wonderful boy he is, he ran over to the other section of the playground and started screaming at the top of his lungs, “Michael, where are you?” Upon the entire section of our park hear Gabriel shout from the depths of his chest, they started coming up to me and asking, “What color shirt is he wearing? Brown shirt with HURLEY written on it. Does he have pants or shorts on? Blue jeans that are a tad too short for him but I refuse to believe he is growing that fast, so I still put him in them today. He has monkey socks on and Buz Lightyear shoes that light up on the top and sides. Where did you last see him?” He was sitting right here playing with the wheel that turns.
I guess I must not only be the only parent with the overwhelming fear of losing their child because before I knew it, every parent at the party as well as a few other parents just at the park, were helping me in my search for my lost son. Feeling like a horrible mom, I continued to call out for Michael and walk around the playground equipment. Meanwhile, my brain was racing… this is a big city, I wonder how many child molesters live within walking distance of this park, someone probably offered him candy and knowing him, he’d trust anyone, why did I… The questions and blame continued to flow like a river through my mind.

Just as I was walking through the picnic table areas that was in the middle of the two play areas, I heard someone say Michael. I turned back and there was Michael right behind me. “Hi Mom, I was trying to find you.” With a tsunami or relief rushing over me, I swooped him up, hugged him, kissed him and said, “Honey, where were you? I was so worried about you? I couldn’t find you. Oh my goodness, Michael, you scared me so much.” After my onslaught of questions, I think he realized just how scared I was because he said “Mom, I’m sorry, I couldn’t find you.” Meanwhile I felt completely embarrassed as all of the parents watched me as I reunited with my little boy. I made him promise he wouldn’t do that again and I promised myself I would never leave him by himself like that again, even if I was 15 feet away checking on his brother.
Even though Michael was “missing” for no more than 8 minutes, it was the worst 8 minutes of my life as their mom. My heart dropped and it reminded me just how fast things can happen. I’m so thankful that he was fine and it turns out he was in the playground equipment the entire time. I guess he was just playing hide-and-seek.

I know I often times blog about the happy and exciting things that happen in our adventures of being a family. I decided to share this, even though it makes me embarrassed to say, that I am/was one of those mothers who didn’t keep a constant eye on her child 100% of the time. The fact is, it happened, I made a mistake and it taught me a huge lesson. I know sometimes I’m overprotective, I guard their actions, I sometimes go overboard, but from my experience this past weekend, I’ve learned I’d much rather be on the over-protective side than ever experience the feelings I did of not being able to find my son.

Until next time,
Angie

Mom, we're out of Kleenex!

As I was getting dinner ready tonight Gabriel shouted from the bathroom that we were out of Kleenex.  I said, Thanks Gabriel for letting me know.  I went on about the evening preparing dinner, then bathed the kids, walked the dog, read to each of the boys, brushed their teeth and put them to bed.  I closed the door and as as I walked back to the kitchen, I unknowingly walked right into a disaster.

All of a sudden I found myself slipping on the tile floor in a huge pool of water.  Thankfully the sofa table was there as it helped me to catch myself and when I regained my balance, I wondered, how in the world did all of this water get on the floor, under the sofa table and even under the couch.  Then I noticed the Kleenex box on the table and as I picked it up, the answer to my question was in my hand.

What does a 5-year-old do with an empty Kleenex box?

Why nothing less than fill it to the top with water, carry it out of the bathroom, leave it on a wooden table and wait for the results...


Oh and in other news... Michael and his little girlfriend Raven decided it would be a good idea today to see how many wood chips could fit in Michael's ear.  Just as I walked outside to the playground to pick him up, I see Raven taking a sand shovel full of tiny wood chips and pouring it in Michael's ear.  So, if anyone has any advice for how to get wood shavings out of a tiny ear, I'm all ears (no pun indended).
Until next time,
Angie

How did you know?

Gabriel is getting to be very good at getting himself up, making his bed, getting himself dressed and ready for school. It is WONDERFUL! This morning as he came into the kitchen all dressed and ready to head out the door, he was asking me questions about something (honestly there are so many questions I’m asked each day, I can’t remember even a tenth of them) and doing what I call the potty dance. Usually performed by his younger brother Michael, the potty dance is a series of side steps back and forth and sometimes even includes a forward and a back step depending on the degree of how bad they have to go potty. The potty dance starts spontaneously, often without the boys even realizing they are doing it and usually I’m the first one to notice. So, I ask them if they have to go potty, to which I always receive the same response, “No mom” My next step in confirming it is indeed the potty dance is having them stop dancing and stand as still as they can while asking me their barrage of questions. Usually after about 10-15 seconds of trying to stand still, they realize the potty dance is calling them and they respond, “Mom, I have to go potty now.” It is amazing. It really works!

So getting back to this morning and Gabriel, he was in the kitchen asking me a series of questions and all of a sudden he started doing the potty dance. As he finished one question, I interrupted and asked, “Gabriel, do you have to go to the bathroom?” Immediately he said, “No!” and went back into asking questions. I waited until he had finished asking his next question and then said, “Gabriel please stand still while you ask me your questions.” He complied. He continued, “Mom, why do we have to d….. Mom, I have to go potty now!” and ran off to the bathroom. Thinking my morning interrogation had been put on pause for a few minutes, I set Gabriel’s cereal on the table to only hear, “MOM” being shouted from the bathroom. “Yes Gabriel?” “Mom, how did you know I had to go potty?” I responded, “Gabriel, sometimes mom just knows.” I guess my answer wasn’t good enough because the next thing I heard in the bathroom was Michael say, “Gabriel, how did mom know you had to go potty?” Gabriel responded, “Mom learned that in college.”

Until next time,

Angie

My eyes are broken…

Yesterday when I woke Michael up for school, he wasn’t too interested in getting up. He said, Mommy, I’m too tired to get up.” Usually I just give him a few more minutes to lay in bed while I get other stuff organized. It usually does the trick because before I know it, he’s up taking off his pj’s and putting on his clothes. Yesterday though, he continued to lay in bed and when I asked him if he was going to get up he said, “Mommy, I can’t get up. My eyes are broken.” I looked at him and said, “Honey, your eyes are not broken, they are just tired. Mine are too, we’ll go to bed earlier tonight okay?” “No Mommy, they are broken, see there are pieces coming out of them.” I looked to see that he had sleepy (or matter, or whatever the medical term is for it) in the corners of his eyes. I smiled and said, Oh honey, I can fix that and wiped the corners of his eyes. Thinking we had ended that conversation and could move forward with the day, Michael responded “Mommy, how do you know how to fix eyes”

The questions… they’re never ending.

Until next time,
Angie

Be good…

Every morning I drop the boys off at school my parting words are “I love you honey, be good at school today okay?” This morning after I had dropped Gabriel off, I walked Michael to his room, bent down and kissed his forehead and said, “Michael, I love you. Be good at school today okay?” He responded, Okay Mommy, you be good at work too okay?”

Until next time,
Angie

A birthday party!... An Adult birthday party!

This weekend we are invited to a birthday party for one of our friends who is celebrating a big milestone as far as birthdays go.  We met this couple D and T when we started taking our adoption classes and have got to know them pretty well as we traveled on the road to adoption together.  We look forward to celebrating this big birthday with D!  For the first time since the boys came to us, we have been invited to an adult birthday party.  Infact, the birthday party is just for adults.  When Jarrett and I received the invitation, I think we both were excited at the idea of having an adults night out.  To be honest, there has only been one time since we’ve gotten the boys that Jarrett and I have gone out and done something fun, just as a couple.  Now we’ve had sitters for the boys on several occasions as Jarrett and I have had commitments we had to attend to, but I don’t think work requirements, volunteer commitments and other schedule conflicts can count as a “date night”.  So, when we got the invitation to go the birthday party, we’ve been looking forward to it.  Jarrett and I made the mistake about talking about the party and who we would ask to watch the boys over dinner last weekend.  Upon the boys hearing our discussion and the word baby sitter, immediately Michael piped in and said, “Mom, I want to go with you.”  And then Gabriel asked, “Mom, why can’t we go with you to the party?  I like parties.”  I explained, “Gabriel the invitation says the party is just for adults.”  Then he responded, “Mom, I know how to fix it.  We can just write on the invitation that kids can come too!”

Until next time,

Angie

I didn't know they gave awards for this...

On Monday, I went to the boys' school and had a parent teacher conference to see how each of them were doing.  Unfortunately Michael's teacher had to cancel so that gave Gabriel's teacher, Ms. Stacey, more time to chat with me about Gabriel's progress.

We discussed a lot of things and she shared how lucky she thinks she is that she has Gabriel in her class.  She said he is smart, funny, compassionate, and well above his age in wisdom.  We talked about how much he has learned in 6 months and how she believes he's more than prepared for Kindergarten.  What a great report! I'm very proud of him.

Just as any parent teacher conference, she also gave me a couple of suggestions of things he can work on.  Thinking it was going to be something academic based, she surprised me when she asked, "How does Gabriel eat at home?"  Catching me off guard I said, "Well, he eats a lot and he always cleans his plate."  She then said, "Have you noticed how fast he eats?"  and I replied "Yes, I guess I have."  She said, "I'd like for Gabriel to work on slowing down when he eats."  She continued, "Here at school Gabriel is always, and I mean always the first one done eating, even when we purposely serve him last. Then he asks if he can have more."  It was then that it hit me.  He does the same thing at home.  I guess it is usually because we are racing out the door in the morning or oblivious to what is going on at night after a full day of work, but it is true.

Gabriel is always the first one to scarf down his food and he can eat two heaping bowls of cereal before I can get half way through mine, and I'm a pretty fast eater too.  Ms. Stacey and I then talked about how his fast eating may be a something he doesn't realize he's doing, but is a behavior he learned from when he was still with his birth mom and having a meal wasn't always a guarantee. 

I know Gabriel doesn't worry about having food with us, because, well, we have food all the time and I don't think the boys have ever felt hungry since being with us.  But Ms. Stacey brought up a good point, if from the time you were born and for the first several years of your life, food wasn't always a sure thing, I too would probably respond in a similar way. 

I told Ms. Stacey I would talk with him about it and together at home and at school we'd try to create a new habit for him.  When I talked with Gabriel about eating slower and how Ms. Stacey and I were going to help him together, he was all for it.  He said, "Mom maybe I can even beat Michael on being a slower eater."  I laughed because with Michael we have the exact opposite problem... the minimum amount of time it takes Michael to eat a meal is 45 minutes (no joke). 

So on Monday with every meal I'd set a timer and ask Gabriel to spread out his meal over the timer (that was Ms. Stacey's suggestion and it worked!).  Gabriel celebrated as it took him an entire 7 minutes to eat his lunch.  Then for dinner we set the timer to 10 minutes and again he was successful.  On Tuesday morning when I dropped him off at school, I whispered in his ear, "honey remember to eat slowly okay?" and off he went.

Everyday this week I picked him up he said, "Mom, I ate slowly" and then for dinner he'd ask, "Mom, can you set the timer for me?" 

And then today when he came home, he came running in the house screaming, "Mom!!!! MOM!!!! MMMMOOOOMMMM!!!! where are you?" I responded and in he came running with a piece of paper. He yelled, "Mom, look what I got!"  I turned around to see him proudly hand me this ...

Can you tell how proud he is?

In case it is hard to read it says, "This award is presented to Gabriel for "eating slow" on 1/21/2011 signed Ms. Stacey." All Meals-- Great job!

Although I don't ever remember my pre-school, elementary, middle, high school or even college teachers ever giving out an award like this, I'm so very proud of Gabriel for getting it.  It shows me he's an eager learner and willing to try very hard to improve himself. 

What a wonderful little boy and I'm so lucky to have him and Michael as my sons.

Until next time,
Angie