Last month Isabelle turned 9. Not quite sure how the last 9 years have gone by so quickly but somehow here we are.
We celebrated Isabelle's special day by doing what we've done the last year... we stayed home. We tried to make it as special as we could. Nana and Papa came over and we shared some food and watched the super bowl. Isabelle actually was half-way excited about the game and was cheering for Brady.
Every year around each of the kid's birthdays, I look back to the years before and reminisce about how special each year of their life has been and how they complete our lives because they are here.
As I look back at the pictures of Isabelle each year, I am reminded about just how blessed we are to have her in our lives. Her story, unique is special and cherished in so many ways.
I wish for all my children to know that they are always loved, that they are capable of being all they hope and dream for and that Dad and I would do what ever we can to help them. While we try to teach them values, morals and the importance of doing what is right, they might see us remind them to stay on the right path or correct their mistakes. While we are not trying to come down upon them, we are just trying to guide them to be the best person they can be.
I hope Isabelle will always find the courage in her heart to try the things she dreams of. She is kind beyond her years, considerate, thoughtful, determined and a fighter. These things will help her through all of the days in her life. No matter what, I hope she knows that Dad and I will always be there to cheer her on, to reach out a hand when she needs help getting back up after a stumble and that she is always always loved more than she will ever know.
Isabelle on your 9th birthday (sorry this is belated), we see you growing and changing in front of our eyes. These next few years will take you on a journey into a young woman (or a (pre-)teenager) and while those years can be hard, we hope you will always come to us, find comfort in knowing we will support you, and that you can do all you put your mind to.
This past year has not been easy. In fact the longer the pandemic drags on, it seems the time has become more difficult. While we hold onto hope for better days ahead and trust God has a plan greater than any I could hope or dream for, I'm trying to soak up the simple moments of joy and happiness that are still around. As long as I take the time to look for them.
Here are a few of the good moments, that help us through the hard...
This little guy... he is into everything and with that, he makes us see the world anew each and everyday. His mind never stops thinking and he is always trying to figure out something new. From wearing Madelyn's shoes, to using Michael's exercise band and gathering tools for his next adventure, he is a blessing each and everyday.
Over spring break I took the kids to the train museum... it's been one of our first outings testing the waters of reintroducing ourselves into society. It was mainly outside and not busy, so we felt comfortable. And the kids loved it. Here's two busy men at work...
Jennings looking up at the big trains.
These two, they are the best of playmates and boy does Madelyn know how to tease Jennings. I think she learned it from how well her big sister teases her. Having two bigger sisters, who being girls scream a lot, Jennings has mastered the art of screaming too. Our house is not quiet.
Getting ready to leave for one of our adventures out of the house during spring break.
This beautiful girl is growing up right in front of our eyes. I hope she always knows how beautiful her smile is and how it radiates the love and light of her soul.
Michael was given a speed boat to race in the water, and lets just say he drew a crowd of fellow spectators within minutes. The neighbor boy heard him racing the boat and had to come see, and of course Michael's shadow Jennings was there to admire his big brother's new toy too.
Why we ever buy toys I'll never know... thankfully with our Amazon orders to sustain us through the pandemic, there have been enough "box" toys to entertain the kids for hours. Look at at big brother again being such a fun playmate to his little brother.
One of our favorite things to do during this pandemic has been to have family movies. Recently we set up the air mattress and let the kids eat popcorn and Skittles while we watched a movie together. They thought it was awesome!
These two have been having a lot of fun playing strategy games on their phones with each other. This day in age, why play battleship on the actual board game, when you can play it on each of your phones and compete that way... or chess, or billiards, or checkers!
The girls were able to make some new jewelry with beads over the break.
And there was lots of time to play outside. The kids turned our side yard into a sand box (we have plenty of that here in the desert right) and made a city, complete with roads, buildings and the like. So much for our side yard looking landscaped, it's all good, it provided them hours of entertainment. All of them... ages 1-13.
I also took them to Ripley's Believe it or Not Exhibit recently and they really liked it. We saw the 2-headed cow, the 4-legged chicken, the 110 piece burnt toast exhibit featuring Albert Einstein and the 9 foot tall man.
We also visited our neighborhood park this past weekend where we realized Jennings has never been on a swing. When we went into lock down a year ago he was only 8 months old. Almost his entire life has been spent at home so to watch him experience a park swing for the first time, not only made me kind of sad of what this past year has been like, but also grateful for these moments and a fresh realization of what to NOT take for granted. He was nervous at first but managed to smile and laugh within a few seconds.
As we navigate the coming days and hope for our world to become more peaceful, joy-filled and with healing... the other day as we played outside I felt like God remined me to keep the faith.
In all our troubled times since losing Noah, the rainbow has been a reminder that after every storm there is beauty and goodness.
It just so happened sitting outside the clouds forms, the moisture sprinkled from the sky and minutes later the sun appeared... and then this...
I'm not going to lie, the moisture dropped from my eyes too. There is hope. I believe walking through the storm, there will be better days ahead, as I strive to focus on all the good still around us.
This morning the kids woke up to the tradition that St. Patrick had once again made his appearance. He again left a trail of coins to a the kitchen table where each of the kids found a few small gifts.
We had to wake up extra early today as Dad had to leave for work by 6 so it was extra hard for teen to get out of bed..... hence only pictures of the littles.
St. Patrick's Day has always been a fun holiday for us to celebrate since the boys came home that first year, and while they have outgrown the fun, the little ones haven't. And it is so fun watching them come up with ideas of how to trap the Leprechaun.
The trail of coins, never mind the new play area the girls have taken over on the steps.
Jennings and Isabelle were picking up the coins to put in their piggy banks.
And the littles got a new ball which they were excited about playing with.
I hope this St. Patrick's day bring joy and luck to all.
As we begin 2021 with great hope and anticipation that it is better than 2020, I wanted to take a moment to reflect back on last year was.
When the year began we were filled with optimism that 2020 was going to be one of the great years. You know, it had a nice ring to it, it was a milestone year, one to accomplish a lot, to look back on and think... Yep that was a great year.
By mid-March we were hunkered down in our homes, trying to avoid catching the Coronavirus and watching as the world was changing in a moment each and every day. We had no idea then that when we followed stay at home directions, it would be now January 2021 and we are still following the same orders. I guess maybe there is some good in not knowing the future and just living in the moment.
We have been very cautious in following the guidelines and doing what we can to stay safe. Some think we are living in fear, some think we are being paranoid and missing out on life. I look at it a different way, I look at it as a way of protecting my family. I feel like in life there isn't too much we can control, but my family's safety is something I will try to do my best to protect and if that means I should stay at home with them, then that's what we've done. I guess we all have to live life the way we see best.
As isolating and hard as it feels to stay at home each and everyday and limit our social circle to pretty much our immediate family, we have also had to realize that isolation and being at home comes with other challenges too. The kids have been online for school since March and while some have thrived, others have struggled. It is interesting to see how some of the kid's personalities either fit or clash with online schooling. As a result we had to weigh hard decisions and made the decision to send a couple of the kids to school in person, while making sure safety measures were in place that could help keep our family safe. It reminds me that the social interaction is so important for all of us. Through it all, we have tried to find ways for each of the kids to have some sort of normalcy with life. For Jennings I think he's adjusted to thinking there isn't a life outside the walls of this home and our front yard (except when he goes to Nana and Papas), he's as happy as a camper.
Life this fall went from crazy to insane. The kids were online for school as we started in August, dad and I tried to balance watching the kids and working from home and then nursing school started. I knew it was going to be a lot, but holy cow, I was in for a loop. Nursing school pretty much consumed every moment of life outside of caring for the family, working and sleeping (well it consumed sleeping hours too). I told myself my goal was to pass each block, while I've maintained a 4.0 GPA through all my pre-requisites and schooling thus far, I was not naïve to realize that taking 15 credit hours, plus working, and trying to help the kids with homeschooling was going to be super hard. Surviving is the word I think I most frequently used in my response to "how are you?" And that word truly became the word for all of us. We lowered our expectations, gave ourselves grace and just tried to make it.
Thankfully we did but honestly it was rough. I think had the pandemic is partly to blame but also just the lives we lead. We thankfully cut down on almost all extracurriculars so there wasn't the running like normal but there was the other challenges that seemed to be replaced. For example trying to run a Zoom meeting with your colleagues while watching a 1 year old. Minutes into the meeting after Jennings dumped an entire bottle of water on the carpet and started screaming, I realized just how hard it is to try to balance a professional life, and mom life mixed. Thankfully my co-workers were understanding and let me reschedule, but still felt like another mom/professional worker fail.
As December came to a close as we finished the semester, we all desperately looked forward to this break to find a way to recharge. Our batteries have been in the red for too long. I think we all have enjoyed the lazy mornings, the family movies and the time just spent at home without the list of tasks to power through. I am proud that I was able to finish my first nursing block and keep my GPA where it was, and that the kids had a nice Christmas. Michael thrived this fall, worked his tail off at school and has really stepped up in his maturity and responsibility. He desperately wanted to go to Iowa to visit family and so last minute we decided to let him go (he was the only kid who has been online for school since March) and we felt he had earned some restful time away). He had a blast and while we missed him for the holidays, I hope he was able to recharge his battery, as the rest of us did. Again, this is the time when we strive for just making it through, rather than having it be pretty.
Looking forward to 2021, I think back to 2020 and while the hard things we encountered seem to still rise to the surface, the truth is there was still a lot of good. Looking back at the fall here are some of the great things that happened that I didn't have time to blog about...
Madelyn went to preschool... Mid-October we made the decision to send Madelyn for in person pre-school at the elementary school where Isabelle was going. They have many safety measures in place and a mask policy. I've learned the littler kids don't even question wearing a mask the correct way, it just what you do. Madelyn was so excited to go to school, she loves it, her teachers, the friends she made and looks forward to learning. She can't wait to go back to school on Monday. Here are some pictures from her first day.
Halloween COVID style...
So much of life changed, even the way we celebrated the holidays in 2020. We decided instead of going trick or treating for Halloween, we would change our holiday and again spend most of it at home (surprise). Instead of going trick or treating in the neighborhood, we went to one of the neighbors homes and just did our normal daily walk around the block in costumes and masks and then came home. We carved pumpkins, did a scavenger hunt and played Halloween games. It was different than normal, but honestly not any worse.
How we set up our treat bags for the trick-or-treaters who did go out. Honestly we had a lot left over so we feel most people followed the requests to stay home.
Watching Jennings grow...
When we first went into quarantine, Jennings was only 8 months old, and here we are now 10 months later. I've realized that most people haven't seen him since he was a baby and he's definitely not that anymore. He's a full-fledged toddler with more energy, curiosity and spunk that I remember any of the other kids having. Maybe its because he's the first baby boy we've been able to raise, the big boys were 3 and 4 when they came home, so this is kind of new. Jennings is not a good sleeper, he is up multiple times in the night, we've resorted to driving the freeways in the middle of the night to try to get him back to sleep. This Christmas his favorite thing to do was to rearrange (destroy) the decorations on the trees. Everything on the bottom three feet of the trees were either empty or extremely messed up, we just let it go as part of fitting in with the theme of 2020.
Jennings loves to climb on things, break things and try to keep up with doing what his big siblings are doing. I don't mean to be mean when I say he likes to break things, its just that he seems to be really good at it. He's broken two doors off of our cupboards, slammed open our bedroom door to the point the door stopper broke off and he punctured a hole in our dry wall and he broke the door to our furnace closet... the duct tape holding the door shut is part of the classiness we are carrying into 2021.
As much as he is in full toddler mode, he is also a ton of fun. He seems to learn something new each and everyday, learns new words, enjoys singing songs like "twinkle twinkle" and he's a huge Frozen 2 fan. We watch the same 7 minutes of the movie, at least 7 times a day. He also loves to be outside, he likes to hit the ball of the baseball tee, draw with sidewalk chalk and visit the neighbors yards with frequency. His big brothers adore him and he adores them. I wondered about the age gap between the big boys and Jennings and how it would play out, but honestly it has been a real gift. Gabe talks about how much he loves Jennings and would do anything for him. And Michael and Gabe both love to "wrestle" with him on the floor. They both talk about how they look forward to watching him grow up.
He wanted to participate in virtual school too.
Jennings loves to throw things away, at one point during the quarantine he had thrown away at least one of each pair of shoes he had, so we had to resort and call upon his sisters shoes she had outgrown. He didn't mind one bit.
One of his favorite words is "hot"
Loves to be outside
Someone is tired, who do you think it is?
Proof that he does sleep, because sometimes it feels like he never does.
We also spent time at home working on chores... and fixing up things around the house.
Our small trips to Flagstaff.... like so many other family's, the vacations we had planned to take in 2020 were canceled. We had looked forward to a family cruise in October, which obviously didn't happen along with other hopes to go to the beach in California. Instead our vacations turned into short couple day trips up north to Flagstaff. Turns out, while we had really not spent a lot of time in Flagstaff, it became a wonderful destination we grew to love. Maybe it was just that we were all so desperate for time out of our house, but we found ourselves enjoying the simple things... the clean air, the grass and the peacefulness of the outdoors. We were able to visit a few state parks, have picnics in the forest, play tag on the NAU grassy lawns and see the top of the highest peak in Flagstaff. Each time we got away, we felt like we made the most of it and had a really wonderful time.
Tag on the NAU grass
We visited the Museum of Northern Arizona and Isabelle was thrilled because she had been learning about the Hopi tribe at school.
Noah's Kindness Project...
Like everything else, Noah's Kindness Project was also different this year. Instead of getting to spend the day with so many people we cherish as family and friends, we instead make up kindness packets that families could participate in the safety and comfort of their home. We definitely missed getting to spend the day with others and hope by next fall we can be together again. Having Noah's Kindness Project be different was still okay. Here are some of the ways we as our family participated and remembered Noah's life. Thank you to those who celebrated with us, we really do appreciate the love and support from so many.
We wrote thank you cards to local first line responders and send Christmas cards to soldiers.
We colored kindness stones.
We tried to take a family photo.
And we made blankets for children in foster care.
The boys were confirmed...
In a service where only immediate family was invited, our boys received their first confirmation. They had been working on it for two years and had to do a lot of work. They had to volunteer a set amount of hours, attend intensive workshops to learn about scripture and examine their own personal faith journey, write sermon notes and attend youth group. They put in a lot of time and at the end of September they were confirmed. We are proud of both boys and hope that they know that their faith will be something that continues to grow and be an important part of their life forever. At least for me, when life seems most challenging, my faith has been something that has guided me and given me hope. We pray the same for our boys (actually all of our children)
Yes we made it through 2020, a little stronger than we were before, a bit more resilient in our quest to look forward to tomorrow, and together. The road was rough, but we made it.
