Whatever
the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. –Napoleon Hill
What a great quote, except I’m going to rewrite it.
“Whatever the mind of a woman can conceive
and believe, it can achieve.”
There,
now it’s more fitting.
It’s taken me a few weeks to figure out how to share this blog post. Not
because I didn’t want to share, but because I wanted it to be perfect, or as
perfect as I can make it. See when we
were in Iowa, there were many highlights for the kids. So many great things for them to do and see,
and while I’m so thankful and blessed to have experienced those things with
them, there was also a big highlight for me.
Just over three years ago, if you would have asked me what one thing I
wanted more than anything in the world was, I would have told you it was to
become a mother. I so desperately wanted
that experience, that love, that role, that I would have traded most everything
(within reason of course, I wouldn’t have given up my husband or family) else
in a heartbeat. And that is why on April
29th, 2010 my dream came true, I jumped two feet in and submerged
myself, my complete self in being a mom.
I loved it, I still do. It is the
best (and most challenging) role, I’ve ever held (I can say that today as it is
the kid’s first week back to school). I am blessed.
Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams.
Live the life you have imagined. –Henry
David Thoreau
But in that action of jumping both feet in and becoming a mother, I gave up
parts of myself from my previous life, that truthfully speaking, I do miss. One aspect of myself I gave up was that of a
runner. I loved running. Running was a passion of mine from when I was
in high school. I love the feeling of
pushing oneself, to pass the person in front of you in a race, the competition
of improving your time from one meet to the next, and the motivation to set and
achieve goals. All aspects of running I
loved in my younger days.
Running continued to be an important part of my life, even as an adult. After Jarrett and I were married, running
became my exercise of choice and when life presented us with struggles and
stressors, running was my answer.
Something magical happens as one runs mile after mile, big problems
don’t seem all that big, and stressors seem to become more manageable. I remember one Saturday morning going out for
a run after learning Jarrett (mid-treatment at this time) was dropped from our
insurance carrier. As luck would have
it, the notice from the insurance provider sharing the unfortunate news, came
the same day as our “running-total” bill from The Mayo Clinic where he was
getting chemo treatments. With the medical
bills balances looking like a modern day Powerball Jackpot amount, I was,
understatedly, very stressed.
At mile one I felt like the weight of the world was going to make me throw
up. There didn’t seem to be any answers
to solve this problem. By mile 5, I’d convinced myself that we’d just take on
the big insurance company and have them reinstate his coverage. Jarrett is a great attorney, he could take
them on (never mind the fact he had zero experience in insurance-related law). By mile 12 I had calmed myself down enough,
reasoned with the fact that this wasn’t the worst thing that could ever happen
in our life, and that together Jarrett and I would figure it out. I still had him with me and if that meant
we’d have to sell everything we’d ever owned, live in a box in our parent’s
backyard and work for the rest of our lives to pay back the hospital, well than
that’s what we’d do. At least he was
still with me and that was the most important thing. Returning home a few miles later, I felt like
I had the power back and the encouragement to hurdle this obstacle too. Running solves lots of problems.
While I loved running so much, I love my children more. In the short time, (overnight) we had
becoming a family; I gave up running (overnight) and focused on my new
challenge. And truthfully speaking since that wonderful day back in 2010 when I
became a mother, I can count on about 2 hands the number of days I’ve gone for
a run since. That statement makes me sad.
You can imagine then the thoughts that went through my mind when I got the
following email from my cousin Michelle just two days before we were scheduled
to fly to Iowa…
Good morning!!! I was wondering
yesterday morning during my run, do you still run? Jonas
said yes this morning. :) So, I am currently training myself
for my first 10k in September. For my Tuesday morning runs I am adding
half a mile a week. Next Tuesday's run will be 5 miles and something
about that number kinda scares me. So, I was wondering, would you want to
do it with me? I will probably start about 4:45am, I know that is early
but I have to get it in before work and watching the sun come up during it is
kind of nice. I don't usually talk much, I listen to music loud enough to
not hear my panting. I go pretty slow, between 11-12 minute miles
usually. If it doesn't work, that's ok!!! Please don't be
afraid to tell me no. :) If it does though, that would be awesome!
Five miles! Yikes! I hadn’t even run one mile in over a year,
how would I do 5 with less than a week to prepare? Telling myself this was my chance, I didn’t
give it too much more thought (which in my mind means worry) and I hit reply as
soon as I could.
Hi Michelle!
The honest truth about me running is this… I
love it, I really do. The sad reality is I haven’t been consistently
running since before we got the kids. L YIKES! I am sure I
could list every single excuse in the book, but really in the end it is just an
excuse, so I won’t waste your time.
That being said, I would be happy to attempt
to run with you next Tuesday morning. J I can’t promise I’ll be able to do
all 5 miles, heck I can’t even promise to be able to run 1 mile but I’d love to
try and even to just get to spend a few minutes running quietly alongside you
while we rock out to our own music, would be fun! And yes 4:45 is early
but if I can barely remember 3 years ago when I was training for a race, those
moments when you see the rising sun meet the horizon, are some of the best
moments of any day. …
I did it, I had committed to do it and so for two mornings before we took
off for Iowa, I got my butt up on out of bed, laced up my dusty running shoes
(which still have my race tags on from the last marathon I did in Jan 2010) and
went out for a run. It was
glorious. Not the weather, the weather
sucked. It was well over 98 degrees and
the humidity was terrible. The rest of
the experience was great. On the first
day I made it home to a warm congratulations from Jarrett. He said, “You did it, getting started is the
hardest part.” And on the second day
when I returned home he said, “Well, how did today go?” I replied, “Well I was able to run the whole
way.” “That’s great he said, you know
the second day is always the hardest day.”
I turned, smiled at him, remembering his comment from the day before and
I retorted, “Especially if you only run to the mailbox and back” (roughly a
half of a block from our house). So that
was it, my 2 day intensive training to go back and run with the winner.
Truly, a winner, as most recently crowned, “The Biggest Loser”, meet my
cousin Michelle.
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| Michelle and my brother Jonas after working out together. |
Too many of us are not living our
dreams because we are living our fears- Les Brown
Michelle and I grew up together in the same small Iowa town. Being the same age, in the same small town,
we were in the same grades together from Kindergarten through High School. And while we each had different best friends
and even different social circles, we were comfortable knowing the paths in our
lives would be forever crossed.
Michelle is brilliant. She has always been. At least since I can remember, I always knew she was way smarter than me and when we went to school, indeed my predictions were confirmed. She was a member of TAG (Talented and Gifted) as well as many other advanced programs, I don’t remember the acronyms for (obviously I wasn’t a member). She excelled in areas I didn’t and for that I think I felt intimidated sometimes being around her (I don’t think I ever told her). And successful she was. After graduation we left our small town to start building our own lives, and our paths diverted. While it was always nice to catch up at the family holidays and summer potluck, that’s about as often as we talked.
After being in Arizona for a few years, one afternoon in January I was talking to my mom when she shared the news that Michelle had gotten engaged. I was so happy for her as I know how much her boyfriend Jason made her happy. They made each other happy. I know that had been one aspect of her life she definitely wanted, so to hear the news of her engagement truly made me so glad for her. As the months went on and the wedding plans were finalized, Michelle’s world was completely shattered on the afternoon of April 19th. The day of the accident. Michelle fiancé Jason was called home by God and she was left behind, her heart in pieces.
For months we prayed for her and that God would give her strength to keep going and courage to find joy out of life again. As Michelle was going through hell, my dreams were coming true. For months before learning about Gabriel and Michael, I looked at my life, while feeling sad life didn’t go as I had planned, and felt disgust. How could I not see all the gifts I had been given and to be thankful for them? While sometimes feeling sad for myself, I was reminded things could be worse and of how grateful I should be.
While life keeps going, I think for a while Michelle struggled with what direction to turn next. Until this past spring. While checking my Facebook friends status updates for the day, I saw a note posted by Michelle that she was signing up to be in The Biggest Loser competition for our hometown. It was a great article (if only I could find it online) where she talked about how the loss of her love Jason turned her life upside down, but how she was ready for a new start, a reason to feel happy again and how this challenge was going to give her that and so much more.
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| Early on in the competition Michelle and her sister Dawn, enjoying a workout together. |
And so the weekly, sometimes more frequently, FB workout pictures would be
posted and the results were definitely apparent. Although I was more than a thousand miles
away, I was seeing a transformation happening in front of my Facebook viewing
eyes. Like a flower opening up with the
sun’s warming touch, that was happening for her. Happiness was screaming from her updates,
inspiration and pure pride. It was truly
heartwarming to watch and again I could see her eyes sparkle with the happiness
that had been missing.
 |
| Michelle with our cousin Stefanie at another workout. |
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| And Michelle with an exhausted MaeLyn who was unable to keep up. |
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| Michelle and Kacee after yet another workout. Can see you see the sparkle back in Michelle's eyes? |
When one door of
happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door
that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. –Helen Keller
And with each weigh in and victory on the scale, the final weigh in was
approaching. On June 8th, I
logged in to see this.
She had done it. With almost 22%
weight loss (more than 50 lbs gone), she took the title and was crowned the first Female Biggest Loser
of Chickasaw County. Now that’s
impressive! All those workouts, all
that self-discovery, the hard work, the self-reflection and growth; it had paid
off. She was right there on that stage winning it all.
You
can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the
shore. –Christopher Columbus
As I read about her victory, I wondered what courage she must have had to
just get started. How easy it would have been to ignore the opportunity and
continue living life as she had before.
Yet something stopped her and made her say yes. Her results are truly inspiring, but as I
think about it, was inspires me most is the fact that she had the courage to say yes to the
challenge.
The
way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. –Walt Disney
And that’s why I had to say yes when she asked me to run with her. How could I not say yes to share a morning
together with a winner. I felt
completely honored to be asked. And
while it would be the truth that I second-guessed my big mouth for saying yes
several times, especially the night before our early morning meeting, I’m so so
thankful for showing up and for doing it together.
Eighty percent of success is showing
up- Woody Allen
In the dark, we greeted one another, laced up our shoes, positioned our
I-pods and readied the music. Michelle
said there was one rule and that was that there would be minimal talking. I
agreed. As the sun reached the horizon
and the yellows, oranges and reds of the sun met the lusciously green country
side, it was a glimpse, I believe, of Heaven.
While there were little words
actually exchanged, I believe we bonded more in those 55 minutes than we had ever
bonded in the 30 years before.
As we completed mile after mile after mile, the glimpses to my past came
back. It felt so right to be running in
the place where my passion for running started.
The smell and feeling of the cool, damp and freshly cut grass brought
back memories of so many track meets and great personal runs. The feelings of being rejuvenated, motivated
and encouraged about what the day held came back, just as they had for me in
every run for so many years. I had forgotten
about what a gift it is to see the sun rise and in that morning, it came
back. It all came back. The drive, the desire and the realization
that both can be possible. I can be a
mother and also still a runner.
Change your thoughts and you change your
world. –Norman Vincent Peale
While I don’t think Michelle realized it, that morning she gave me more
than just a great workout. She gave me
the gift of inspiration. She is an
inspiration and she has inspired me. I’ve
started running again since we’ve gotten home and while my rusty legs have a
lot of work to get back to the way they were a few years ago, I’m motivated to
keep it up. I feel so much better,
better equipped to solve those life stressors, and I’m again reminded about the
daily blessings to give thanks for.
Congratulations on all your success Michelle. You should be very proud as we are very proud
of you. Keep following your dreams, find
your happiness and remember…
It
does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. –Confucius
I
love you girl! Way to go!
Until next time,
Angie
