14 years baby!

Jarrett,

So here it is the eve of our anniversary, 14 years can you believe it?  How can we be married for 14 years?  The time is flying by.  And that’s not even counting all those years we dated.  Lord all mighty, now THAT’S a long time!

I know we promised each other we weren’t going to do anything even down to not getting each other a card but I thought writing a blog post really isn’t much right? 

I just wanted to take few minutes to say thanks for being the best partner one could ask for.  Thanks for always being there, for all the hard work you put in for our family, for putting out the trash, taking care of the dog at night, paying the bills, taking care of the cars, for pulling back in the trash and for the million other things you do which I never say thanks for.  Can you tell I really appreciate you taking care of the trash? J

As crazy as our life is, and our life is definitely that, I can’t imaging sharing this chaos with anyone else.  I was just thinking back the other day to one of the first dances we went to together in high school and how we were just babies (BABIES I TELL YOU!) and now here we are flying through our 30’s on our way to the top of the big 40 hill.  How can we slow down that train?  That’s another post for another day.

When I lay down my head at night and pray for a night with as minimal amount of interruptions as possible, I say my prayers and give thanks that the person lying beside me (well actually besides Madelyn since she sleeps in the middle of us) is you. I think it’s funny that each morning we get up and compare stories about who got less sleep, between the dog wanting to eat at midnight and then pee at 3 am or Isabelle coming to visit us at 2 to ask if she can sleep with us too, or Madelyn and her unpredictable routine of “party at night- sleep during the day” and Michael’s sleepwalking.  It’s just one of the many bonds and connections we get to share together in this life we’ve created.

When you were 16 and crushing on a girl with curly (mostly frizzy) hair who wore sweatpants every day, did you think fast forward 20 years that you’d be married to that girl, a dad to 5 kiddos, a divo dog, a business owner and have more responsibilities than you can count?

I always envisioned us together but I never thought it would be like it is.  In the last 14 years (well actually 21 years together if you consider how long we dated) we’ve weathered some pretty hard times.  Some moments that I didn’t know how we’d ever get through, now looking back I see I couldn’t have gotten through them without you.  You have been a rock for me through every valley and a source of strength as we climb every hill.

I used to wonder how my grandma and grandpa could finish each other’s sentences and correctly respond to each other’s questions that were never vocalized, and now we do the same for each other.  I love that after all this time our minds seem to switch topics and land on the same one without even as a hint to what the other is thinking.  I hope we never stop being surprised when that happens because you know what, I think it’s a part of this special thing we’ve got going on. 

As hard as the hard times have been to face, I look back now and realize it was in those times that we grew the most, not only as individuals but in our relationship too.  I don’t know if I would have survived losing Noah if it wasn’t for you by my side, making me walk forward each day and carrying me on the days when I just couldn’t put my one foot in front of the other.  Thank you for saving me.

Thank you for showing me the beauty and blessings that are still abundant in life, even after such heartbreaking loss.  I smile each day now knowing that our life is so wonderful because of the four actively wild and crazy (healthy) kiddos we get to parent here in this life, now.

Thank you for building this life together with me.  Thank you for being willing to journey on a path of unknown for riding alongside of me with my crazy and adamant ways.  Thanks for saying yes when I know you want to say no.  Thank you for always calming my fears, my silly worries and for telling me it’s all going to be alright, even when you’re unsure yourself.

The past 14 years have truly been a journey.  A journey we promised to take together, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer…. we’ve experienced them all.  And boy haven’t they been great?  You’re still my best friend I married 14 years ago and I’m even more in love with you today than back then. 

Thanks for being my everything and giving me everything I wanted out of life.  You made me a wife, partnered with me to become a mother, supported my personal goals and  continue to stand by me through it all.  I love you Jarrett and wish you a very special anniversary.  Our wedding 14 years ago was sure a lot of fun and while tonight we won’t be doing anything like the dancing and celebration we did back then, I’ll still enjoy sitting around the full table with you and our four kiddos who will no doubt be trying to talk at the same time and fighting when they’re not talking.  Let’s promise to just sit back and take it all in for a moment.  For we’ve come a long way baby to get to this point and as busy and hectic and overwhelming as it sometimes is, I wouldn’t trade it for a second.

Love you always

Happy Anniversary,

-Your-middle-aged, still frizzy hair-sweatpants-wearing-wife

Angie 

Maddelyn and Belle... The two best friends...

 Maddie and Belle are two of a kind.  Its been fun to see them play together and bond.  Madelyn is Isabelle's shadow and.  Madelyn watches Isabelle's every move and they are each other's very best friends. 

Here's a few photos of them recently...

CHEEZE

"What's that you say Isabelle?  It's so hot watching big brothers swim?"  I AGREE!

Every night after dinner Isabelle and Madelyn perform in a band or dance in the kitchen.  I guess their group is called the Batgirl Dirty Rock band.  They are so funny!

Even though Madelyn is 4 years younger than Madelyn, Madelyn is about as big as Isabelle.  Maddie tries to sit on Isabelle's lap, and I think it's pretty funny.  Here Isabelle is reading to Madelyn. 

And here the girls are taking turns combing each others hair. 

Yep, even on the morning of taking pictures.  Each time we tried to take just Isabelle's picture, Madelyn would follow her and say "CHEEZE"  She loves her big sister!

 And here's one of the whole group of them.  I think they really enjoyed being able to spend lots of time together this summer. 

Until next time,

Angie

Back to School 2017

Just over 75 days ago I posted this picture as the kids finished their last day of school.

Today the kids summer break ended and the fall semester started, although it was still over 100 today and the humidity around 70%.  It was sticky, yucky, and hot.

Today was a big day in our household, for not only did Gabriel begin 6th grade, (Middle School), but Michael became a 5th grader and Isabelle, our baby girl, started Kindergarten.  Yes Kindergarten.  It seems like yesterday she was like this...

and today I sent her off into the world of elementary school.  Hard to believe my baby girl now looks like this...

And then there's our "big dog" on campus (as he likes to say), or on the elementary school playground.  Our fifth grader Michael.  He's super pumped about this year, not only because he's a part of the 5th grade class, but also because he has so many of his friends in his class.  I remind him that means he can't just sit and talk with them all the time.  He just rolls his eyes, like "oh typical mom."

And when did he get permission to grow up so much? To me he should be about this old...

 or this

Where did my baby go?

 

He, again being the big dog, decided to go off and play the minute he got onto the playground today at drop off.  There was no sticking around to chat or make sure Belle was with a friend. 

 I was able to sneak this picture of him lining up for class once the bell rang.

Of course I can't leave out my biggest baby of all, ahem don't tell him I said that or this is the look I'll get...

 

Here is our official middle schooler on his way to his first day of 6th grade. I had to tease him because he insisted on sitting in the front seat and even made Dad sit in the back with Madelyn, so he wouldn't appear to look like "a baby."  Isn't that funny.  I replied, "oh because Gabriel pulling up to middle school in your family's minivan is SO COOL!  Again, this is the look I got.

As much as he's become too cool for us, he's still such a lovable and good kid.  He even kissed his mom, dad and baby sister bye in the parking lot before heading off to start a new big adventure.  

Madelyn wasn't too happy her big brother was leaving her behind.

I am excited for him to begin this adventure but I'm not going to lie, middle school scares me.  Everything that encompasses middle school is frightening, especially the girls.  On the drive to drop him off I used every moment possible to advise him about all the dangers. Unlike Isabelle's list of warnings, "Make sure to flush the toilet, and wash your hands okay Isabelle?" , Gabriel's went something like this... "Gabriel, you're going to see and hear and be exposed to some crazy things in middle school, possibly drugs, people pressuring you and just remember to tell us and do try to always do the right thing, okay?  Oh and remember stay away from girls, they are bad and don't do anything with them and I mean ANYTHING!"  With that, dad, in the backseat, burst out laughing and Gabriel rolled his eyes.  "Oh mom, you worry too much."  

"Oh no Gabriel, see these girls walking into school that look like they are dressed for the nightclub... I have every reason to worry. Stay away from them!"

And with that I watched as my little boy (still in my eyes) got out of the car, hugged us goodbye, said I love you and walked into the big world of middle school...

I can't even look at these without crying.  My boys were such babies.  And today...

 

While a horrible picture of me, its clear he's won the battle of who's the tallest. 

 Yes, all the kids have grown so much.  I can hardly believe it. 

 And while I've talked about the three big kiddos that went to school today, it was also a fun day for Madelyn.  Without even asking her Madelyn went and lined up right next to her siblings and started saying "CHEESE"  She knew what they were doing before I even had to say it. She wanted to be a part too.

Here's a video of me trying to take their pictures this morning.  Madelyn saying "CHEESE" and the boys fighting as Michael tries to appear taller than he really is, and Gabriel is having none of it.  Just a typical day in our lives. 

 After dropping the kids off and saying a prayer that their days went well, I returned home.  So much of the day I spent thinking about Noah.  I wondered what his first day of school would have been like.  He would be in preschool, probably at the same place Gabriel, Michael, Isabelle went and Madelyn will be going too.  And our favorite preschool teacher would be there to watch over him.  As happy as these days are, I always feel a twinge of sadness that there's a little boy missing in our pictures on "first day of school." 

All day long I wondered if we'd see a sign from Noah.  If he'd send us a rainbow and make us feel like he was a part of the day. As like so many important days past, today was no different, our sign we did receive. 

As I made dinner Jarrett sent me a picture text, while he was still at work.  The message said, "Hi Mom and Dad..." with this picture...

Oh how those images make me feel so happy.

I smiled and texted back, "Hi baby! Sure hope you had a good day at Heaven's school"   

and then I said to Jarrett, "Oh how I wish he was still here." 

Even though we talked through text, I could tell the emotions in our hearts were the same.  So grateful for the blessings we have here, still hurting for the one we had to say goodbye too early to.

The evening tonight went on as the kids shared with me how great their days at school were.  Each one, excited about different things.  Isabelle the fact she gets to go to Kindergarten for 180 days, Michael the fact all his friends are in his class and Gabriel about how different middle school is and that there are pretty girls to talk to (and that they talk to him) (although he didn't put it in words so clearly).  

As I tucked the kids into bed, I was reading to Isabelle when my phone started beeping.  I didn't look but wondered if they were texts from friends sending me signs of my little boy in Heaven.  I quickly finished Isabelle's book, said prayers with her, kissed her goodnight and left the room. I looked at my phone and saw several text pictures and knew they were from Noah.  I called Jarrett on my way outside and he said he was just leaving work.  I said watch for rainbows I think they are everywhere.

I carried Madelyn and walked outside to see this..

 While so hard to see there are actually 2 rainbows there.  The sky was lit up like Heaven itself was shining down and directly above a neighbors tree was a rainbow coming straight down.  I called Jarrett back and the second he answered he said, "I'm staring at the most beautiful rainbow."  I knew we were looking at the same thing. 

 I told Jarrett how I felt it was Noah telling us he had had a great day too and he was happy.  I know it sounds strange and like I'm crazy but I just feel it in my heart. 

I feel like he was telling us to be happy and that he's well.  As I talked to Jarrett on the phone and Madelyn and Gabriel admired it next to me, I looked at the image in front of me and I was taken back to the first sign my angel sent me, the sign back in the hospital right after he passed.  This was the image of the first rainbow I saw that very difficult day...

 

The image of the rainbow above the tree has appeared to me several times since.  

In the days immedately following his passing, my first run I saw this...

 

Tonight when I saw this, I felt so strongly in my heart it was him.  And that, as much as my body aches in missing him, is so comforting.

Talking to Jarrett as we watched the beauty unfold in front of us, we said how much we miss him, how we love him so and that he came to say he had a good day.  And then, almost as if he was happy we knew what he was trying to do, the rainbow disappeared and the sky darkened.  It was if he turned away and walked back to the place he calls home.  I looked up to the sky and said, "Bye Noah, I love you."  And wiped tears away as I walked back into the house.

Today we celebrate new beginnings, we pray for a good year for all the kids as they begin their new adventures.  I hope they are challenged, they find great friends and find and share kindness in abundance and I hope they know how much we love them.

Yes today was a good day.  It's back to school and as I look at the picture of them above, I give thanks for how lucky I am to be their mom.

Until next time,
Angie

All Star Baseball

This summer Gabriel was selected to play for the Chandler American All Star baseball team.  He's been fortunate enough to play the last three years.  The team practices everyday in the heat of the summer and plays an intense shortened schedule against several teams from the area.  Those that win continue on to play regional games and eventually state.

Each year I am continuously impressed at the level of quality players in this state or even local leagues.  So many amazingly talented players at such a young age.  I think back to when I was 11 and I'm not even sure I knew how to match clothing let alone play a sport at such a competitive level.

While Gabriel and his team didn't fair very well in the playoff games, they had fun and it was enjoyable to watch, even if it was 115 outside at 6 p.m.

Here are a few photos of Gabriel and his team. 

Doesn't he look so old in this picture?  Where did my little baseball player go?

He was 4 here and let me tell you, it seems like this was yesterday.

One of his favorite parts of the game... trying to steal home!

Thankfully he got back just in time.

Ignore the fence, all lined up for roster announcements.

Yep that tall, skinny kid... that's mine!

We look forward to watching the kids play again next year.  Hopefully it won't be 100 plus degrees outside!

Until next time,

Angie