Back to School 2017

Just over 75 days ago I posted this picture as the kids finished their last day of school.

Today the kids summer break ended and the fall semester started, although it was still over 100 today and the humidity around 70%.  It was sticky, yucky, and hot.

Today was a big day in our household, for not only did Gabriel begin 6th grade, (Middle School), but Michael became a 5th grader and Isabelle, our baby girl, started Kindergarten.  Yes Kindergarten.  It seems like yesterday she was like this...

and today I sent her off into the world of elementary school.  Hard to believe my baby girl now looks like this...

And then there's our "big dog" on campus (as he likes to say), or on the elementary school playground.  Our fifth grader Michael.  He's super pumped about this year, not only because he's a part of the 5th grade class, but also because he has so many of his friends in his class.  I remind him that means he can't just sit and talk with them all the time.  He just rolls his eyes, like "oh typical mom."

And when did he get permission to grow up so much? To me he should be about this old...

 or this

Where did my baby go?

 

He, again being the big dog, decided to go off and play the minute he got onto the playground today at drop off.  There was no sticking around to chat or make sure Belle was with a friend. 

 I was able to sneak this picture of him lining up for class once the bell rang.

Of course I can't leave out my biggest baby of all, ahem don't tell him I said that or this is the look I'll get...

 

Here is our official middle schooler on his way to his first day of 6th grade. I had to tease him because he insisted on sitting in the front seat and even made Dad sit in the back with Madelyn, so he wouldn't appear to look like "a baby."  Isn't that funny.  I replied, "oh because Gabriel pulling up to middle school in your family's minivan is SO COOL!  Again, this is the look I got.

As much as he's become too cool for us, he's still such a lovable and good kid.  He even kissed his mom, dad and baby sister bye in the parking lot before heading off to start a new big adventure.  

Madelyn wasn't too happy her big brother was leaving her behind.

I am excited for him to begin this adventure but I'm not going to lie, middle school scares me.  Everything that encompasses middle school is frightening, especially the girls.  On the drive to drop him off I used every moment possible to advise him about all the dangers. Unlike Isabelle's list of warnings, "Make sure to flush the toilet, and wash your hands okay Isabelle?" , Gabriel's went something like this... "Gabriel, you're going to see and hear and be exposed to some crazy things in middle school, possibly drugs, people pressuring you and just remember to tell us and do try to always do the right thing, okay?  Oh and remember stay away from girls, they are bad and don't do anything with them and I mean ANYTHING!"  With that, dad, in the backseat, burst out laughing and Gabriel rolled his eyes.  "Oh mom, you worry too much."  

"Oh no Gabriel, see these girls walking into school that look like they are dressed for the nightclub... I have every reason to worry. Stay away from them!"

And with that I watched as my little boy (still in my eyes) got out of the car, hugged us goodbye, said I love you and walked into the big world of middle school...

I can't even look at these without crying.  My boys were such babies.  And today...

 

While a horrible picture of me, its clear he's won the battle of who's the tallest. 

 Yes, all the kids have grown so much.  I can hardly believe it. 

 And while I've talked about the three big kiddos that went to school today, it was also a fun day for Madelyn.  Without even asking her Madelyn went and lined up right next to her siblings and started saying "CHEESE"  She knew what they were doing before I even had to say it. She wanted to be a part too.

Here's a video of me trying to take their pictures this morning.  Madelyn saying "CHEESE" and the boys fighting as Michael tries to appear taller than he really is, and Gabriel is having none of it.  Just a typical day in our lives. 

 After dropping the kids off and saying a prayer that their days went well, I returned home.  So much of the day I spent thinking about Noah.  I wondered what his first day of school would have been like.  He would be in preschool, probably at the same place Gabriel, Michael, Isabelle went and Madelyn will be going too.  And our favorite preschool teacher would be there to watch over him.  As happy as these days are, I always feel a twinge of sadness that there's a little boy missing in our pictures on "first day of school." 

All day long I wondered if we'd see a sign from Noah.  If he'd send us a rainbow and make us feel like he was a part of the day. As like so many important days past, today was no different, our sign we did receive. 

As I made dinner Jarrett sent me a picture text, while he was still at work.  The message said, "Hi Mom and Dad..." with this picture...

Oh how those images make me feel so happy.

I smiled and texted back, "Hi baby! Sure hope you had a good day at Heaven's school"   

and then I said to Jarrett, "Oh how I wish he was still here." 

Even though we talked through text, I could tell the emotions in our hearts were the same.  So grateful for the blessings we have here, still hurting for the one we had to say goodbye too early to.

The evening tonight went on as the kids shared with me how great their days at school were.  Each one, excited about different things.  Isabelle the fact she gets to go to Kindergarten for 180 days, Michael the fact all his friends are in his class and Gabriel about how different middle school is and that there are pretty girls to talk to (and that they talk to him) (although he didn't put it in words so clearly).  

As I tucked the kids into bed, I was reading to Isabelle when my phone started beeping.  I didn't look but wondered if they were texts from friends sending me signs of my little boy in Heaven.  I quickly finished Isabelle's book, said prayers with her, kissed her goodnight and left the room. I looked at my phone and saw several text pictures and knew they were from Noah.  I called Jarrett on my way outside and he said he was just leaving work.  I said watch for rainbows I think they are everywhere.

I carried Madelyn and walked outside to see this..

 While so hard to see there are actually 2 rainbows there.  The sky was lit up like Heaven itself was shining down and directly above a neighbors tree was a rainbow coming straight down.  I called Jarrett back and the second he answered he said, "I'm staring at the most beautiful rainbow."  I knew we were looking at the same thing. 

 I told Jarrett how I felt it was Noah telling us he had had a great day too and he was happy.  I know it sounds strange and like I'm crazy but I just feel it in my heart. 

I feel like he was telling us to be happy and that he's well.  As I talked to Jarrett on the phone and Madelyn and Gabriel admired it next to me, I looked at the image in front of me and I was taken back to the first sign my angel sent me, the sign back in the hospital right after he passed.  This was the image of the first rainbow I saw that very difficult day...

 

The image of the rainbow above the tree has appeared to me several times since.  

In the days immedately following his passing, my first run I saw this...

 

Tonight when I saw this, I felt so strongly in my heart it was him.  And that, as much as my body aches in missing him, is so comforting.

Talking to Jarrett as we watched the beauty unfold in front of us, we said how much we miss him, how we love him so and that he came to say he had a good day.  And then, almost as if he was happy we knew what he was trying to do, the rainbow disappeared and the sky darkened.  It was if he turned away and walked back to the place he calls home.  I looked up to the sky and said, "Bye Noah, I love you."  And wiped tears away as I walked back into the house.

Today we celebrate new beginnings, we pray for a good year for all the kids as they begin their new adventures.  I hope they are challenged, they find great friends and find and share kindness in abundance and I hope they know how much we love them.

Yes today was a good day.  It's back to school and as I look at the picture of them above, I give thanks for how lucky I am to be their mom.

Until next time,
Angie