I'm way behind on posting so forgive me as I try to catch up for a few months.
In late May I celebrated my 3?(Yay I"m still in my 30's)th birthday. It was a low key birthday, actually one I dreaded but it came and it went and I survived.
One of the highlights of it was my great friend made me this A-MAZE-ING cake. Seriously it was the best birthday cake I have EVER received. It was georgous, tasted delicious and it was of course, in my favorite colors. Sonya and her daughter Acadia made this yumminess together and I feel so lucky that they did it for me.
They even put yummy candies on top and cotton candy around it. They know me all too well!
On top of the great cake, I got to celebrate with two families that I consider family. We've been friends for many years and we have been so blessed to have such great people in our lives. They've been there to celebrate with us in the good times and to comfort us in the hard times. They are incredible people, their children great friends of our kids and their kindness is inspiring.
We had such a nice dinner and it was fun to be with them.
Is that not the prettiest cake? So lucky!
Some of the greatest friends anyone could hope for! Their kids are great too!
Love them!
Even the cake had opposite frosting than the layers in the cake. I can't even imagine the time that went into making this. It was SOOOOO good!
Everyone approved!
My birthday was one that I dreaded coming but there were many blessings even in that day. So many great friends I have to give thanks for. Such beautiful and thoughtful gifts shared with me. And a reminder that in everyday there is something beautiful.
Thank you to my special friends who always make my birthday special and for building rainbows into our gatherings. The extra effort you go to celebrate and remember Noah means so much. Thank you friends.
We've been in the middle of baseball season since January 6. Yes January. And we hope that by the end of next week (June 6th) we will be wrapping up the final team's season.
It's been a fun one with Michael and Gabriel playing on one team together and Gabriel on two others. There has been no shortage of baseball in our lives.
In fact we are just coming off a 7-day straight series of games (sometimes more than 1 each night) for the past week. We are all tired.
Madelyn and Isabelle have made their most of the season but even they are saying, "Another baseball game?"
We were excited when Gabriel tried out against many other kids for one of only 28 spots on the JV and Varsity teams for his school. He was one of only 3 sixth graders to make the team. We were happy for him. Here's a shot of their team with their second place trophy.
Gabriel is number 12.
After his school season ended, he ended up joining his school coach's team to help work on his pitching. The few pictures below are from that team.
When I look at him walking to the plate to play catcher, sometimes I have to take a double take as I feel like I"m watching a high school of college team.
Doesn't he look so grown up?
Here he is at bat.
On his other team he's number 15.
Here's a recent video of him stealing home while the pitcher had the ball.
He told me he was going to do it, I told him I thought it was a bad idea. He said, that makes me want to do it even more!
Here's another recent hit from Gabriel
It has been a fun season but we are ready for a few weeks of not running to the ball field.
We love watching the kid play and they both did a great job with a lot of improved growth.
We won't know what to do with our nights... wait, I take that back. Everything that's been on hold since January will be on my list.
Until next time,
Angie
PS: Here are a few final videos of the boys in their playoff games. While they didn't get first, they played hard and it was so fun to watch them!
Today was a busy day as we tried to spread kindness and celebrate Noah's life.
We started the morning by taking a visit to his final resting place... it's so peaceful with a water fountain, beautiful flowers, chirping birds and shady benches. It is less than 3 miles from our house at our church. It's not big, kind of tiny, and that's just one of the many reasons why we think its perfect for him.
I love the fountain and the pretty flowers.
The train we left for Noah's first birthday and the kindness stones near his memorial.
After spending a few minutes there, we were off to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children. The kids kept asking me who was joining us, if anyone else was going to meet us there... I said no. Today it's just us. At first I think they were disappointed, but soon were okay that it was just a family day. Sadly Madelyn was too little to help, so she had to spend a good chunk of the day at school. We stopped there to drop her off and got to see "Aunt" Stacey... the kid's preschool teacher who we love and consider family. She gave us all hugs and told me how often she thinks of Noah too.
We arrived at Feed My Starving Children and just like last time, continue to be impressed and moved by the experience. Today we got to bag food for children in Guatemala, as they try to regroup and find food after the volcano that killed so many. We learned that of the rice bags we packed that contain soy, nutrients and vegetables that for just $80.00 it can nourish a starving child back to health and the food will last the entire year. $80 a year to feed a child. It made me feel guilty for how much I spend a week on groceries. We are so fortunate here.
Don't we look great in hairnets?
Gabriel is thrilled about it messing up his hair. Jarrett's excited because he thinks it makes him look like he has hair.
This is a replica of a house for a family of 5. Michael was intrigued how a family of 5 could live there.
A highlight from our experience was that several players from the ASU football team were there volunterring their time and we got to help bag food with them. They were extremely kind, funny, hard working and made the experience even more enjoyable. Gabriel continued to stare at their muscles and just how buff they are, I think he was dreaming of how he'd like to look someday. Afterwards we asked to take a picture with them, they were all so polite and happy to do so.
Our work station.
After our packing of food was done we returned to the lobby where they shared with us the statistics of how much food we had prepared to send off. It was very impressive with us bagging more than 59,000 meals which means we were able to feed 162 children for a year.
This is impressive but the statistics they shared are that every single day in this world 6,200 children (aged 6 or less) die from starvation. 6,200 children!!!! How can that be?
At the end we got to try the food. Definitely not something to write home about, Isabelle didn't seem to mind it.
Then the host shared with us a story of a little girl. She shared that their missionaries on the ground for a little girl a few years ago and at the time they first found her she was 19 months and weighed only 9 pounds. She was within days of dying... blank stares, protruding stomach with skeleton ribs, couldn't cry and anymore and would barely respond. When they found her, they weren't sure if she would survive but they gave her grandmother the food to provide nutrients for her and instructions to help improve her health. They shared that they had returned a year later to find that she was alive and thriving, thanks to the food. Then the host said, "And actually we want to share with you some other exciting news." She continued, "She is here today because of the food people like you helped pack to send, and today she is celebrating her 3rd birthday." My tears had already been flowing down my face, from the moment they shared about how close to death she was. When she mentioned she was celebrating her 3rd birthday and thriving I couldn't control my emotions.
This is the girl, sorry the picture is hard to see
It hit me... If we had not lost Noah, we most likely would have never gotten involved with FMSC. While he did, she lived. I am so grateful we got connected to FMSC because it makes me realize that his life is still helping to give to others. While it makes me sad we don't have him, I am glad that this baby girls family still has her. And if we can do something to make sure other families don't have to lose their children, than I want to do what we can to help.
So moving. So proud we could spend a few hours having fun as a family while helping other babies across this world.
We also stopped by the post office to mail off a few care packages for other special babies we know from the NICU.
This afternoon the kids wanted to make Noah a birthday cake. They love mint chocolate chip so we made a mint chocolate chip cake with mint ice cream, fudge and of course sprinkles on top. We did it together and then we sang happy birthday to Noah.
Madelyn was excited it was chocolate!
Isabelle was in charge of sprinkles
Gabriel just scarfed down the cake.
Guess both of the girls did too. There was a LOT of chocolate in that cake!
Madelyn liked it too!
Oh how I wish he was here. I smile seeing our kids we get to have here, love on him, talk about him and he still brings us all together. Even tonight walking to the car, both boys came up and put their arms around me... as preteens this doesn't happen often. Both said, "Mom, we love you." Moments I think that remind us we have things to be thankful for.
As a final node to Noah's legacy tonight the boys and I went to the NICU with treats for the staff. Ice cream and fruit bars to share with the hard working team. Walking into the hospital, I am starting to feel like I get PTSD with each visit. I hoped as time passes it would get easier, but so many things have happened at that place, it gives me mixed emotions each time. Until, I walk through the doors of that NICU and then all I feel is love. Smiling faces from nurses I've never met but who say, "It's so nice to meet you, we LOVE Noah and Noah's kindness Project!" And then the familiar faces, the ones who gave us love three years ago this moment. I'll forever be grateful our lives came together. Another gift Noah's life brought.
Driving the boys to swim practice tonight the sky was setting and it was a mixed of many colors. While I looked for a rainbow all day, I guess I had seen my sign many hours early when I first woke up and got out of the shower... I picked up my towel off the mat to dry off and underneath it was Madelyn's rainbow socks. Not sure how they got there as those socks had been put in the laundry basket a few days earlier. But there they were and I said then, Noah Happy Brithday!
As I crawled out of the car and walked into the house after a long day, I said out loud, "Noah I hope we made you proud. Happy birthday buddy. I love you."
Happy 3rd birthday buddy! I wonder what you
are doing today in Heaven to celebrate. Do you have cake in Heaven?
Is there ice cream too? Do all the little kids who left this earth too
soon celebrate with you?
I so wish I knew what your last 3 years have been like. I guess they must
have been wonderful, I have been told Heaven is like the greatest place we can
dream about, so I hope its been that way for you. With each
year that I celebrate your birth, I sadly miss you more. Dad and I lay in
bed at night at talk about what life would be like to have you, at 3 years old
running around our house. I wonder if you’d have the same amount of
energy your oldest brothers had when they were 3. Or if you’d be more like
Madelyn’s personality, mellow, inquisitive and able to play quietly. Dad
and I lay in bed and while I dream what life would be like, Dad goes back to
the moment he got to hold you on his chest. He tells me he can still feel
the sensation of you on his skin.
We talk about how strong you were, even
in those final days, that you wanted to pick your head up and turn it towards
dad’s voice, it’s just that the tubes keeping your lungs full of air wouldn’t
allow you to turn so freely. Now you have so restraints, nothing to
hold you back. Your freedom, my sadness, but I’d rather suffer every day
to know you never have to endure pain again.
I often see little boys and guess if they are around your
age and wonder what you would be like. What color hair would you
have? Would you have blue eyes or brown? Would you reach up to grab
my hand as we leave the grocery store or would you race out in front of
me. Just some of the millions of questions I wonder about. Questions
with no answers.
Noah, I
can still remember the night you were born like it was only a few months
ago.I remember how scared I was that
you were coming so early and we worried how you would survive labor.But you did and even a tiny cry from you
reassured me you were determined to stay.Oh what I’d give to go back and record that moment.Dad and I were in so much shock, we forgot to
take pictures after you were born and those first moments while they worked on
you to keep you alive.
oh to touch those fingers again...
I remember seeing
you for just a quick moment before they raced out of the door and to your only
home here, the NICU.I remember the
wheelchair ride up the three floors to meet you officially, how tiny you looked
but oh so full of life.I remember my heart
filled with so much love it hurt.Your
body was perfect, so small but perfectly formed in every way.
The doctors and nurses said you were a
fighter, a feisty one, that those were good qualities to have.Noah, I remember being wheeled back down to
my recovery room in antepartum and wanting nothing more than to return to your
side.I waited just a few hours and
walked myself up there alone, oh the hospital halls are quiet at 3 am.
I stood by your bedside and I whispered I
love you’s over and over.Just you and
me, our momentstogether.
Noah I
will always cherish the 12 days we got to spend together, the 2 am diaper
changes and feedings, I tried to make every one, no matter how tired I
was.
I always believed in my deepest
core that I’d get to bring you home.Maybe it was my naive heart, maybe it was my hopeful heart.Life didn’t go the way I wanted, pleaded,
prayed or hoped.I feel forever guilt I could
not save you and keep you growing inside of me.Noah, I am sorry I couldn’t give you the life you so deserved to have
here.Asmuch as I miss you and wish you were eating the birthday cake we made
for you, I hope you know your life had greatpurpose, huge meaning and in your short time here, you changed this
world for the better.
So much
love and kindness entered into the world because of you.So much was shared with us.To know your life mattered is healing for my
heart and so today we honor you, we celebrate your life, by trying to do what
was shown to us… Kindness matters, kindness is powerful, kindness gives hope.Today we volunteer our time, share gifts,
think of others the way so many thought of us… to celebrate you.Your Life.
Noah,
while I don’t get to give you a birthday kiss or help you open your gifts, I
hope you can feel just how much we love you.I’m not sure what a birthday in Heaven looks like, but I think if I’d
have a say there’d be lots of love, celebration and rainbows.Keep sending us thosesignsthatyou are near… we watch for
them and find comfort in how perfectly time so many of them are.
Noah,
may you always know you are one of the greatest gifts in my life.May you never stop feeling my love.Happy 3rd birthday buddy.
