5 Months today... and counting our blessings.

Five months ago today we said goodbye.  My heart longs so badly for you, the tears in my eyes flow and I wish so badly that you were here with us, on the eve of Thanksgiving in my arms.  Oh what a wonderful reality that would be.  How I imagined our life to have been just a few 6 months ago.

Today I know that those dreams will never become a reality and my heart aches so much... oh just to feel you again.

While I long so badly to feel you close, to soak up your beautiful innocent, perfect smell, I find blessings all around me and so I must give thanks.

I give thanks for the health of my three living children, that they can run, can play, can laugh and can share in all the world has to offer.  I realize now just what a gift that is.

I give thanks for the most wonderful partner to share this life with, to help carry this burden with me.  I give thanks for his health, for his strength, for the love he continues to give, and for constantly being there for me on days like yesterday, when the sadness becomes too great.

I give thanks for family and friends.  Those who reach out, who call and text to check in.  Simple messages to say you continue to hold us in prayers, who share their love and kindness.  For new friends, Noah brought into our lives and to established friendships that have weathered the test of time.

So many blessings among such sadness.  Never did I imaging this life back in February when we learned Noah was coming into our lives and never did I imagine 5 months ago today, being able to crawl out of bed so many days since.

Life doesn't get easier, instead I think one finds a way to live with the pain, to function in a way that seems "normal" to society, to push down the hurt and heart ache until in the comforts of home when its okay to feel all that this reality brings.

Noah, I miss you.  We all miss you.  On this Thanksgiving eve, I want you to know my number one blessing this year is you.  You surprised us, showed us miracles can happen, The happiness, the joy and the love that we feel because of you, is such a gift.  Noah while I only carried you for 24 weeks, and touched you for 12 days, the impact you've left on my heart, in my soul is permanent.

I love you my precious Noah.  Life is full of more blessings because of you.

Happy Thanksgiving my baby.  I love you forever....
Mom