Four years ago at this moment, I was frantically racing around from home trying to prepare, to at work- preparing to take leave, and back to the hospital- where our precious daughter was waiting for us to take her home. Four years ago tomorrow, we left the hospital with three children, including our newborn daughter, in the back of our van and our hearts overflowing with love and happiness.
Fast forward 4 years and as I drive around with three much
bigger children, and one God willing blessing on the way, I can describe my
heart the same way… overflowing with love and filled with thankfulness of all
the blessings that have been included in this life.
It seems almost like the blink of an eye since those days,
but somehow its been 4 years. Gone are the baby clothes and toys, the padding we kept along all the sharp edges of our
furniture and the toddler proofing that was a staple. Instead in front of me is a girl, already
half as tall as I am, who is smart, funny, strong-willed and one of the
greatest blessings in our lives.
Isabelle, while still so innocent and in-awe wonder at
simple things in this world, has literally been a saving grace for me this
year. In what has been some of the
hardest, darkest days of my life, Isabelle has appeared at my bedside, morning
after morning with her blanket, a smile and a “Mommy, I sleep with you?” While
each member of our family plays such a vital role in keeping each other going,
Isabelle’s role has been great in saving me.
I think in part its because she’s the youngest and still needs the most
help with those day to day tasks the boys have mastered on their own. What’s also to thank though is her connection
to her brother in heaven and her constant reminders that Noah continues to be
with us. From seeing a rainbow on TV in
her favorite show Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood to spotting them out the window
in the car when we are driving. I didn’t
know how to explain dealth to a three year old, but what I’ve learned is that I
really don’t have to. Isabelle never sees Noah as gone. Where as an adult I look for the body and
baby I should be holding in my arms, Isabelle doesn’t need that. She sees Noah in everything and reminds me
that while he’s not physically here, he is still here. Guess the biggest lesson to be taught wasn’t one
led by me, but instead my little girl to me.
As a four year old Isabelle is learning her letters, writing
them very well and ready to be in Kindergarten.
She asks when she can go to the boys’ school and I told her it when she
knows her letters and numbers.
Thankfully her preschool teacher is WONDERFUL and teaches her so many
things. Just yesterday she came home
from school after learning the letter U.
She said, “Mom, Umbrella, Under, Unicorn and Underwear starts with U.” Sometimes I think I’m looking at a six year
old, not a newly turned 4 year old.
Some of Isabelle’s favorite things now are Paw Patrol- she
learned about them from friends and school and it may be an understatement to
say she’s obsessed. She has all the characters
(except a couple of the bad characters- but she’s got her sights set on
obtaining them), and many of the accessories and talks Paw Patrol for much of
the day. She loves to go on adventures
with her Paw Patrol friends and Nana and Papa.
Her imagination and creativity are fun to watch, as she makes up stories
and talks in different characters as the adventure unfolds.
Her other favorite things include chicken nuggets, French fries
and Cheetos. I don’t think she thinks restaurants have any other food but
chicken nuggets and French fries and she is wildly disappointed if they are
unable to accommodate her order. She’s a
good eater, like her brothers, while more picky than them, she is pretty good
about trying all of her food and cleaning her plate… especially if that means
she gets dessert.
Isabelle recently went to the dentist, thanks to Nana and
Papa and has found a new profession of interest. She thinks she’d going to be a dentist and
proudly shows others her teeth the dentist cleaned for her birthday- Her
words. While I’m unsure what
professional careers await her future, I can see her excelling at many
things. She LOVES to talk! I think she talks most of the day, and if no
one else is listening, she’ll talk to herself.
So I’m thinking a career with strong communications skills would be a
good fit. She loves to sing and dance so
maybe something in theater or performing arts.
Honestly whatever she wants to be we will support and be proud of
her.
There are so many moments I look at her and think, “Where
did my baby go?” With the boys I remember feeling this way too, but unable to
stop time or change their growing in front of my eyes, I accepted it with them
and embraced them reaching each new accomplishment. Prior to Noah and this baby girl I carry
inside, I thought Isabelle was going to be our last chance to experience the
wonder and awe of infancy and childhood.
While I’m so thankful for the opportunity that those days will hopefully
not be over for us, I can’t help but ask God, please don’t let her grow up so
fast.
I love watching life through her eyes… I love the innocence
when she asks me if I’m going to throw up the baby to get the baby out. Or if I can help her put her shoes and socks
on cause she’s too “busy” (another word
for, I’m too lazy mom, you bend over and do it for me). Or if we can go on a Paw Patrol Christmas
adventure with Santa. For sadly I know
those moments are fleeting and soon she’ll be racing out the house, just like her
brothers, to play with her friends down the street. When the questions turn into more difficult
ones, “Why does that politician have to say terrible stuff about the other one.” Or “Will this baby die too or if this baby
big enough to live if she’s born today?”
that the boys ask me now.
The truth is each stage of raising kids has its blessings
and while they change and grow and quickly as the kids do, there is so much to
give thanks for. I am thankful for our
beautiful four year old, who brings us so much happiness, love and laughs. I’m so thankful for that phone call just over
4 years ago asking us to make a split second decision if we wanted to parent a
newborn baby girl. It was a life
changing moment and one that has brought us so many great things.
Isabelle you will always be one of the greatest gifts God
has blessed us with. We feel so fortunate
to be your parents and your forever family.
You are an amazing girl who will grow up to achieve so much. For if these past four years are any
indication of the greatness you bring to the world… I can only imagine what’s
instore.
We love you always,
Mom and Dad
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