This morning as Jarrett and I were getting ready for work, as usual we had 2 children at foot (one decided to sleep in), one in the bouncer staring as us and the other just hanging out talking as we got ready to begin the day. I had been blow drying my hair and as I finished, I started wrapping up the cord and complaining about how I was already sweating and I hadn’t even left the house. That’s when Jarrett chimed in and said, “Man I’m ready for winter and for summer to be over.” From there we continued our conversation talking about how he was excited for college football and I was excited for Halloween. As we talked Gabriel played with Isabelle talking silliness to her, until he stopped looked up and said with more excitement than I’ve seen from him in months, “Oh I can’t wait for Christmas!” “I know exactly what I’m going to ask Santa for and he’ll have to bring it to me!” “What?”, I asked him, but knowing what his answer was going to be. “I’m going to ask for an I-Pad and I can’t wait to get it. Oh and I’m going to tell Michael to ask for one too, that way we won’t have to share!”
Thinking quickly to myself about what an appropriate response would be, I said, “Gabriel, I don’t think you are old enough yet for an I-Pad.” “Oh yes Mom, I am, and don’t worry, you don’t have to buy it, Santa can bring it.”
And with that, I had no response. I sure hope Santa wins the lottery otherwise Gabriel might be getting an “IOU I-Pad” for Christmas.
Until next time,
Angie
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Still on a high....
Since Friday we've all been living on a high. The daily stresses about getting to work on time, or deciding what to make for dinner, who didn't listen and got in trouble for 100th time about the same lesson we've been teaching for 2 years. It all doesn't matter. The stresses that come across my desk, I deal with them and I move on. Really, it isn't that big of a deal.
The main stressor in my life has been lifted and each day when I race home from work to see the three little faces (usually one covered in sweat from playing outside, one covered in ketchup from lunch several hours early and one covered in drool), I am grounded. I am happy. I am home... I am blessed.
I don't think I realized just how much time I had spent worrying about what could happen, the what if's, the scaryness of the unknown. Although she is not yet offically ours, taking that one step closer gives me so much relief, I realize now, how important last Friday was for us.
And although that day will be very important to us for the rest of our lives, we look to the future now. To the date when the judge delcares she is ours forever. So we now prepare the legal paperwork and start dreaming of what her adoption party should look like.
I'm so much more enjoying this aspect of the what ifs. For now I spend my spare time looking at Pintrest to decide if we should have this type of party, or this type of theme, or no, what if we have that menu? Those details are so much more fun to think about and plan.
Until next time
Angie
The main stressor in my life has been lifted and each day when I race home from work to see the three little faces (usually one covered in sweat from playing outside, one covered in ketchup from lunch several hours early and one covered in drool), I am grounded. I am happy. I am home... I am blessed.
I don't think I realized just how much time I had spent worrying about what could happen, the what if's, the scaryness of the unknown. Although she is not yet offically ours, taking that one step closer gives me so much relief, I realize now, how important last Friday was for us.
And although that day will be very important to us for the rest of our lives, we look to the future now. To the date when the judge delcares she is ours forever. So we now prepare the legal paperwork and start dreaming of what her adoption party should look like.
I'm so much more enjoying this aspect of the what ifs. For now I spend my spare time looking at Pintrest to decide if we should have this type of party, or this type of theme, or no, what if we have that menu? Those details are so much more fun to think about and plan.
Until next time
Angie
Friday, July 13, 2012
Friday the 13th! What a WONDERFUL day!
I've always been superstitious. Since a young kid when someone taught me about how stepping on a crack will somehow break your mothers back. Even to this day, when I think about that, I avoid cracks. Seriously, who would want to be known as the child who broke her mother's back. Not me.
And my superstition continued on in high school as a track athlete. Before each meet I would follow the same pre-race ritual. I ate the same food, read the same pages in a motivational book Jarrett gave me, listened to the same songs, visualized running the race in my head and said the same prayer before every race. Seriously, if you would have asked me back then to deviate even slightly from that pattern, I would have responded very firmly and probably with some anger, NO WAY. For I believed if I would have changed something slightly I wouldn't perform at my best and somehow mess up the race. Silly I know to some people, but that routine and believing I had found the key to winning the race, was that important, no matter how many crazy looks I got from the superstitious skeptics.
As so here we are today, Friday the 13th, a day some people are convinced are doom and gloom days even before they pull their head off the pillow. I never believed it was that dire, but I will say, on Friday the 13ths in the past, I have waited for the floor to drop, for that one thing to go arye and for me to just write it off to the fact that it was just the 13th and Friday.
That all changed for me today and I will never, and I mean NEVER, look at a Friday the 13th the same way. Today was the day Jarrett, the boys, and I had been counting down from since April 27. Today we went back to the court with high expectations that severance would be granted for Isabelle and that she would become legally free for adoption. To say it has been a long road getting here would be a vast understatement. I've shared my feelings before but I've never shared exactly how difficult these past few months have been. The truth is, I don't know how to find the correct words to share in the constant stress, the weight of the unknown and the worry that comes with being in a state of limbo. I don't even know if I had any idea how difficult this process would have been back on that 7th of February when we said yes.
The fear about losing or having to give back our precious baby, was a weight of a 1,000 lbs I carried around in the back of my mind since day one. I fell in love with her from the moment my eyes met hers and I knew then I would never want to experience the pain of having her leave my arms. That has been the hardest part. The easiest and the best part... loving her. We've loved Isabelle the same since day one and no matter what happened we knew we would have given her the all the love, care and support she could have ever needed. Loving her is easy. And that is what has kept me going. The fact that she is the first thing I wake up to in the morning and the last thing I go to sleep with at night. It is the baby kisses, the tugging of my hair from her hand, the spit up and drool marks I wear to work each day on my outfit. Those are the things I've clung to, when the worry seeps in.
I, by nature, tend to be a worrier, which I'm sure doesn't help things. It is a gene that was passed down from my parents and grandparents. I should thank them for that right?
So today, as you can imagine, as we prepared to go to court again, the worry was right there square and center on my mind. I guess it started creeping back in a few days ago. I didn't notice it so much, but others kept asking me if I was nervous. They said they could see it, I was quieter and more serious. I kept telling myself not to worry, if our adoption is delayed another 3-4 months because of another mistake the attorney made, I can deal with that. As long as she continued to be ours. There's something about the permanency that that special piece of court paperwork, that says Jarrett and I are her parents, will give. A sense of peace, I haven't felt for a while. So prepare for the worst and hope for the best is what I did. Mentally I was there, I had accepted it. I had grieved through the process of having to wait another 4 months. I tried to look at the bright side... well, then we could adopt her before Christmas and what a great gift that would be. That's not a bad thing right?
I woke up this morning determined to make today a good day. I believe in signs and there were many today. It started when I woke up early to go walking and Isabelle decided to wake up extra early too. I decided to take her with me, so we quietly snuck out of the house to seize the day. As I followed the same route I usually do, I prayed that God would give us the news we were looking for today and that she would be ours forever. Each time I'd look down from the clouds as I prayed, there she was, looking right in my eyes and giving me a smile from ear to ear. And then after getting out of the shower and getting dressed, I went to put on my jewelry when I spotted it. It was a cross necklace MaeLyn and Aaron gave Michael last July for his baptism. Unfortunately, I thought we had lost it in Iowa as we haven't seen it since. And I've spent hours hunting for it, even when we went back to Iowa this year, I looked for it. It wasn't until this morning that I stood looking at my necklaces when there it was, right in front of me. I'm positive it hasn't been there the whole time, I reach into the compartment daily, I would have noticed it, I'm sure of it. But there it was, I picked it up, turned it over and written on the back of the cross it said, "Believe." A sign from above, I'm sure.
I got myself ready and couldn't stand to wait around at the house any longer. I had to get there, even if I was going to be very early. I arrived at the court house 45 minutes before our hearing time, leaving Jarrett to drive separately, because I just had to get there. As I pulled in the parking lot I grabbed my purse and reached to make sure my wallet was inside. I pulled it out to make sure I had my license in case I need to show who I was, when something fell out. I reached down to my feet to pick it up. Grasping it in my hands, I saw it was a book mark my grandmother, the one who passed away in 2005, gave me. I've carried it in my wallet for many many years as it makes me think of her. Written on there was a special note in her beautiful cursive handwriting. Iit says, "To Angie with love from Grandma Virginia... I hope you will use this to mark your page" Instantly I felt like she was looking down from Heaven saying it was all going to be okay. To me, another sign, as my grandmother had always looked forward to me becoming a mom. On her last Christmas with us she gave me a collectible baby doll and said, "Someday you can share this with your daughter". In that moment, I felt my grandma's support from above also.
I was ready to go inside, even though I was 40 minutes early, I needed to be there. Once inside I read a quote from a motivational book I keep in my purse (The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination), I visualized exactly what was going to happen in the court room, and I said yet another prayer. In those moments I had created a ritual that reminded me of the old days of track. I was ready for to it to start, I believed it was all going to work out the way we wanted.
As the minutes passed and I waited outside the court doors, the attorneys arrived, Carrie, Isabelle's case worker arrived, as did Jarrett. We made small talk and from the initial discussion with the attorneys and Carrie they sounded like things were going to go as we had hoped, that severance would be granted. Moments later then they were calling us in. As the hearing began, the attorneys explained what had been done in the past 3 months and that they would like the judge to approve severance from her biological parents. Carrie testified and explained what has happened the past 5 months and that Isabelle has been thriving in our home. Jarrett and I sat quietly in the back of the court, while I told myself not to cry. Things were going the way I had hoped and not the way I had prepared for. The judged continued and said something to the effect of, after reviewing the evidence presented and hearing the testimony, it it my recommendation that severance be granted. Seconds later she had issued the order, Isabelle's parental rights with her biological mother and father had been severed. It was granted, meaning she is legally free for adoption.
At this point, tears had welled up in my eyes and I was telling myself to control my emotions. You know that point when you just start to cry when the tears come and your vision is all blurry. Yes, that is where I was, when the judge turned to Jarrett and I, after the attorney said, "Judge also I want to share that she has a new name." The judge looked and asked what it was. Not wanting my voice to crack, I barely spit out Isabelle and hoped I didn't look too foolish as I couldn't even see her clearly.
With that court had been adjourned and we were walking out of the court room. The attorneys congratulated us and Carrie started giving us detailed step by step instructions of what happens next. Although I tried to listen and I have an idea of what will happen, I was still overwhelmed with just what had happened.
Walking out of the courthouse Jarrett and I hugged as the rain came down on us and tears again were there. Happiness and relief. The weight lightened. One step close to making the dream of having her forever come true. Jarrett and I celebrated talking together in the car, while the rain came down all around us. We both talked about how wonderful this day had been and how adoption, the finalization, is the next step.
As we left the parking lot in separate cars, we reached for our phone to start calling family with the news. I called MaeLyn, Aaron and the boys first, as Gabriel had asked me to come along this morning. He wanted to tell the judge he wanted to keep his sister forever. I called and words into the conversation the tears streamed out of my eyes, and rolled down my face as fast as the raindrops were flowing down the windshield. Happy tears. A weight lightened... one step closer to our dream becoming a reality. MaeLyn and Aaron had seen first hand the stress and how it had impacted us. They had said prayers the night before and this morning provided encouraging words that it would go well. Aaron joked that his prayers had worked because he's got a special connection to God, after all he's been through in the past two years.
After talking with them I made the rest of our calls and drove to work. I sat down in my desk to begin working, when I noticed a text from Aaron. It said, "God is crying tears of joy over your house!" and with that the tears came again. This whole process has been very emotional, filled with many many highs and plenty of worrying lows. I'm so thankful for the support from family and friends and for our faith. Although it is hard to not worry and let fear take control, I do believe God is working to make us a forever family.
So on every Friday the 13th from her going forward, I will no longer dread the day. In fact I think I'll look forward to them. For Friday the 13th of July in 2012 will always be the day, Isabelle Grace and us became one giant step closer to being a forever family.
Until next time,
Angie
And my superstition continued on in high school as a track athlete. Before each meet I would follow the same pre-race ritual. I ate the same food, read the same pages in a motivational book Jarrett gave me, listened to the same songs, visualized running the race in my head and said the same prayer before every race. Seriously, if you would have asked me back then to deviate even slightly from that pattern, I would have responded very firmly and probably with some anger, NO WAY. For I believed if I would have changed something slightly I wouldn't perform at my best and somehow mess up the race. Silly I know to some people, but that routine and believing I had found the key to winning the race, was that important, no matter how many crazy looks I got from the superstitious skeptics.
As so here we are today, Friday the 13th, a day some people are convinced are doom and gloom days even before they pull their head off the pillow. I never believed it was that dire, but I will say, on Friday the 13ths in the past, I have waited for the floor to drop, for that one thing to go arye and for me to just write it off to the fact that it was just the 13th and Friday.
That all changed for me today and I will never, and I mean NEVER, look at a Friday the 13th the same way. Today was the day Jarrett, the boys, and I had been counting down from since April 27. Today we went back to the court with high expectations that severance would be granted for Isabelle and that she would become legally free for adoption. To say it has been a long road getting here would be a vast understatement. I've shared my feelings before but I've never shared exactly how difficult these past few months have been. The truth is, I don't know how to find the correct words to share in the constant stress, the weight of the unknown and the worry that comes with being in a state of limbo. I don't even know if I had any idea how difficult this process would have been back on that 7th of February when we said yes.
The fear about losing or having to give back our precious baby, was a weight of a 1,000 lbs I carried around in the back of my mind since day one. I fell in love with her from the moment my eyes met hers and I knew then I would never want to experience the pain of having her leave my arms. That has been the hardest part. The easiest and the best part... loving her. We've loved Isabelle the same since day one and no matter what happened we knew we would have given her the all the love, care and support she could have ever needed. Loving her is easy. And that is what has kept me going. The fact that she is the first thing I wake up to in the morning and the last thing I go to sleep with at night. It is the baby kisses, the tugging of my hair from her hand, the spit up and drool marks I wear to work each day on my outfit. Those are the things I've clung to, when the worry seeps in.
I, by nature, tend to be a worrier, which I'm sure doesn't help things. It is a gene that was passed down from my parents and grandparents. I should thank them for that right?
So today, as you can imagine, as we prepared to go to court again, the worry was right there square and center on my mind. I guess it started creeping back in a few days ago. I didn't notice it so much, but others kept asking me if I was nervous. They said they could see it, I was quieter and more serious. I kept telling myself not to worry, if our adoption is delayed another 3-4 months because of another mistake the attorney made, I can deal with that. As long as she continued to be ours. There's something about the permanency that that special piece of court paperwork, that says Jarrett and I are her parents, will give. A sense of peace, I haven't felt for a while. So prepare for the worst and hope for the best is what I did. Mentally I was there, I had accepted it. I had grieved through the process of having to wait another 4 months. I tried to look at the bright side... well, then we could adopt her before Christmas and what a great gift that would be. That's not a bad thing right?
I woke up this morning determined to make today a good day. I believe in signs and there were many today. It started when I woke up early to go walking and Isabelle decided to wake up extra early too. I decided to take her with me, so we quietly snuck out of the house to seize the day. As I followed the same route I usually do, I prayed that God would give us the news we were looking for today and that she would be ours forever. Each time I'd look down from the clouds as I prayed, there she was, looking right in my eyes and giving me a smile from ear to ear. And then after getting out of the shower and getting dressed, I went to put on my jewelry when I spotted it. It was a cross necklace MaeLyn and Aaron gave Michael last July for his baptism. Unfortunately, I thought we had lost it in Iowa as we haven't seen it since. And I've spent hours hunting for it, even when we went back to Iowa this year, I looked for it. It wasn't until this morning that I stood looking at my necklaces when there it was, right in front of me. I'm positive it hasn't been there the whole time, I reach into the compartment daily, I would have noticed it, I'm sure of it. But there it was, I picked it up, turned it over and written on the back of the cross it said, "Believe." A sign from above, I'm sure.
I got myself ready and couldn't stand to wait around at the house any longer. I had to get there, even if I was going to be very early. I arrived at the court house 45 minutes before our hearing time, leaving Jarrett to drive separately, because I just had to get there. As I pulled in the parking lot I grabbed my purse and reached to make sure my wallet was inside. I pulled it out to make sure I had my license in case I need to show who I was, when something fell out. I reached down to my feet to pick it up. Grasping it in my hands, I saw it was a book mark my grandmother, the one who passed away in 2005, gave me. I've carried it in my wallet for many many years as it makes me think of her. Written on there was a special note in her beautiful cursive handwriting. Iit says, "To Angie with love from Grandma Virginia... I hope you will use this to mark your page" Instantly I felt like she was looking down from Heaven saying it was all going to be okay. To me, another sign, as my grandmother had always looked forward to me becoming a mom. On her last Christmas with us she gave me a collectible baby doll and said, "Someday you can share this with your daughter". In that moment, I felt my grandma's support from above also.
I was ready to go inside, even though I was 40 minutes early, I needed to be there. Once inside I read a quote from a motivational book I keep in my purse (The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination), I visualized exactly what was going to happen in the court room, and I said yet another prayer. In those moments I had created a ritual that reminded me of the old days of track. I was ready for to it to start, I believed it was all going to work out the way we wanted.
As the minutes passed and I waited outside the court doors, the attorneys arrived, Carrie, Isabelle's case worker arrived, as did Jarrett. We made small talk and from the initial discussion with the attorneys and Carrie they sounded like things were going to go as we had hoped, that severance would be granted. Moments later then they were calling us in. As the hearing began, the attorneys explained what had been done in the past 3 months and that they would like the judge to approve severance from her biological parents. Carrie testified and explained what has happened the past 5 months and that Isabelle has been thriving in our home. Jarrett and I sat quietly in the back of the court, while I told myself not to cry. Things were going the way I had hoped and not the way I had prepared for. The judged continued and said something to the effect of, after reviewing the evidence presented and hearing the testimony, it it my recommendation that severance be granted. Seconds later she had issued the order, Isabelle's parental rights with her biological mother and father had been severed. It was granted, meaning she is legally free for adoption.
At this point, tears had welled up in my eyes and I was telling myself to control my emotions. You know that point when you just start to cry when the tears come and your vision is all blurry. Yes, that is where I was, when the judge turned to Jarrett and I, after the attorney said, "Judge also I want to share that she has a new name." The judge looked and asked what it was. Not wanting my voice to crack, I barely spit out Isabelle and hoped I didn't look too foolish as I couldn't even see her clearly.
With that court had been adjourned and we were walking out of the court room. The attorneys congratulated us and Carrie started giving us detailed step by step instructions of what happens next. Although I tried to listen and I have an idea of what will happen, I was still overwhelmed with just what had happened.
Walking out of the courthouse Jarrett and I hugged as the rain came down on us and tears again were there. Happiness and relief. The weight lightened. One step close to making the dream of having her forever come true. Jarrett and I celebrated talking together in the car, while the rain came down all around us. We both talked about how wonderful this day had been and how adoption, the finalization, is the next step.
As we left the parking lot in separate cars, we reached for our phone to start calling family with the news. I called MaeLyn, Aaron and the boys first, as Gabriel had asked me to come along this morning. He wanted to tell the judge he wanted to keep his sister forever. I called and words into the conversation the tears streamed out of my eyes, and rolled down my face as fast as the raindrops were flowing down the windshield. Happy tears. A weight lightened... one step closer to our dream becoming a reality. MaeLyn and Aaron had seen first hand the stress and how it had impacted us. They had said prayers the night before and this morning provided encouraging words that it would go well. Aaron joked that his prayers had worked because he's got a special connection to God, after all he's been through in the past two years.
After talking with them I made the rest of our calls and drove to work. I sat down in my desk to begin working, when I noticed a text from Aaron. It said, "God is crying tears of joy over your house!" and with that the tears came again. This whole process has been very emotional, filled with many many highs and plenty of worrying lows. I'm so thankful for the support from family and friends and for our faith. Although it is hard to not worry and let fear take control, I do believe God is working to make us a forever family.
So on every Friday the 13th from her going forward, I will no longer dread the day. In fact I think I'll look forward to them. For Friday the 13th of July in 2012 will always be the day, Isabelle Grace and us became one giant step closer to being a forever family.
Until next time,
Angie
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Checkers anyone?
Several years ago Jarrett received a game basket from him mom and dad. Jarrett loves to play chess and this was a gift he really enjoyed. Recently Jarrett has been teaching the boys how to play checkers and chess. And now the boys have mastered, well not quite mastered, but are really good at playing.
They were playing so nicely and I was enjoying watching them play. That is until they added a new move to the checkers game. It was a move called, "flick the checker at the other player" and before I knew it the boys had scraped the game of checkers and were have a dodge ball fight with pieces.
The boys have insisted Dad taught them all their skills in playing this game. Now I've haven't played with their dad recently and maybe that is how boys play checkers but I've never seen it played that way.
Until next time,
Angie
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
5 Months!
This past weekend Isabelle turned 5 months. It is amazing how much our little girl has changed. Just the other day I was looking back at our first pictures of her from the hospital. I remember so many feelings from that time and as I look at her I thought, I hardly remember that baby. Of course I do, but Isabelle has changed so much, I feel almost like she is a different baby. So tiny and small, I don’t have that same tiny baby in front of us. Instead we have a baby that seems to change daily and is growing like the weeds in our yard.
Isabelle is now over 13 pounds and 26 ½ inches long. She’s still in stage 1 diapers and I’m finally beginning to think she will one day out grow them. Some of Isabelle’s favorite things to do are drool and chew on her fingers, my fingers, her toys, her books, anything she can get her hands on. This has been going on for over the past month and people keep telling me she’s going to be getting teeth soon. So far I haven’t felt anything jab my finger when she bites down, but I know one day soon, I’m sure to feel something sharper than her soft gums.
Also in the last month, we’ve seen her strength in her core and her legs grow significantly. She’s been practicing how to sit up and with the help of a friend’s bumbo (yet another baby invention I wish I would have invented so I could become a stay at home mom), she’s been getting really good at it. She can now sit in the corner of the couch for a few minutes without falling forward. She also is learning to prop herself up with her arms when she starts to fall forward. When she does this I think she looks funny and when I start laughing, she looks up at me, and then starts smiling too.
Her other recent development is that she loves, loves, loves to stand. She’s figured out she can push herself up while we hold under her arms and standing tall is where she wants to be always. MaeLyn, who has been staying at home with the kids while I returned back to work full time, threatens me every day to get Isabelle a walker, an activity center or a jumper because the girl LOVES to stand. MaeLyn complains about her arms hurting from holding Isabelle up so she can practice with her legs. It is really cute and been fun to see her personality come out with this development. It is cute because you can see it in her face. When she stands up and I say, “Isabelle, are you a big girl?” she responds with a huge grin and a tilt of her head as if to say, “Yes, I am mommy, look at me!”
And speaking of personality, she definitely has one. She continues to be a very easy baby, reason number 5,789,453 (and counting) that we love her so much. She’s content to play on the floor with her toys, she’s happy to be held and carried around and as long as she’d fed, she’s happy doing anything. Recently MaeLyn and I were talking and we wonder if as she gets older she will be shy. Sometimes now when we talk to her, give her lots of love and play with her, she has this cute face she makes. She turns her cheek to one side and turns her chin down like she’s trying to hid from all the attention. Of course, her being so adorable, just makes us want to give her more attention.
Finally, I’ve realized that the time is quickly coming for me to child proof our house. We have a mobile baby in our house. Although she currently only moves a few inches and it is only in one direction, backwards, she’s become mobile. The other day she was playing on her mat and I had to go into the boy’s room to help them with something. When I came back, only moments later, Isabelle had scooted herself almost 3 feet off her mat and onto the carpet. She was talking and Jack was at a safe distance away but looking at her like, “Oh no, now the thing moves.”
Each stage of Isabelle’s growth has been enjoyable and we are all loving having her in our family. The boys adore their sister, begging to take turns feeding her, getting diapers to help change her and giving her lots of love. Each morning when the boys awake, they look for her, give her a kiss, tell her they love her and then move onto getting their breakfast. I’ve watched in amazement but not saying a word to anyone about it. This morning I had put Isabelle in her chair in front of the mirror as I got ready for work. When Gabriel came into see her, he looked in her bassinet, didn’t see her and immediately panicked. He said, “Mom, Isabelle’s gone, where did she go?” I said, “Gabriel she’s right here, motioning for him to come into the bathroom.” As he walked in and saw her, he bent down to be at her level in her chair, kissed her on the forehead and grabbed her hand with his. He then said, “I love you Isabelle. Good morning!” It was the sweetest thing and as I put makeup on, I tried to hide the water that had welled up in my eyes.
It isn’t just mommy and daddy that love her so much. It Is all of us.
Happy 5 month birthday baby girl!
We love you!
Until next time,
Angie
Isabelle is now over 13 pounds and 26 ½ inches long. She’s still in stage 1 diapers and I’m finally beginning to think she will one day out grow them. Some of Isabelle’s favorite things to do are drool and chew on her fingers, my fingers, her toys, her books, anything she can get her hands on. This has been going on for over the past month and people keep telling me she’s going to be getting teeth soon. So far I haven’t felt anything jab my finger when she bites down, but I know one day soon, I’m sure to feel something sharper than her soft gums.
Also in the last month, we’ve seen her strength in her core and her legs grow significantly. She’s been practicing how to sit up and with the help of a friend’s bumbo (yet another baby invention I wish I would have invented so I could become a stay at home mom), she’s been getting really good at it. She can now sit in the corner of the couch for a few minutes without falling forward. She also is learning to prop herself up with her arms when she starts to fall forward. When she does this I think she looks funny and when I start laughing, she looks up at me, and then starts smiling too.
Her other recent development is that she loves, loves, loves to stand. She’s figured out she can push herself up while we hold under her arms and standing tall is where she wants to be always. MaeLyn, who has been staying at home with the kids while I returned back to work full time, threatens me every day to get Isabelle a walker, an activity center or a jumper because the girl LOVES to stand. MaeLyn complains about her arms hurting from holding Isabelle up so she can practice with her legs. It is really cute and been fun to see her personality come out with this development. It is cute because you can see it in her face. When she stands up and I say, “Isabelle, are you a big girl?” she responds with a huge grin and a tilt of her head as if to say, “Yes, I am mommy, look at me!”
And speaking of personality, she definitely has one. She continues to be a very easy baby, reason number 5,789,453 (and counting) that we love her so much. She’s content to play on the floor with her toys, she’s happy to be held and carried around and as long as she’d fed, she’s happy doing anything. Recently MaeLyn and I were talking and we wonder if as she gets older she will be shy. Sometimes now when we talk to her, give her lots of love and play with her, she has this cute face she makes. She turns her cheek to one side and turns her chin down like she’s trying to hid from all the attention. Of course, her being so adorable, just makes us want to give her more attention.
Finally, I’ve realized that the time is quickly coming for me to child proof our house. We have a mobile baby in our house. Although she currently only moves a few inches and it is only in one direction, backwards, she’s become mobile. The other day she was playing on her mat and I had to go into the boy’s room to help them with something. When I came back, only moments later, Isabelle had scooted herself almost 3 feet off her mat and onto the carpet. She was talking and Jack was at a safe distance away but looking at her like, “Oh no, now the thing moves.”
Each stage of Isabelle’s growth has been enjoyable and we are all loving having her in our family. The boys adore their sister, begging to take turns feeding her, getting diapers to help change her and giving her lots of love. Each morning when the boys awake, they look for her, give her a kiss, tell her they love her and then move onto getting their breakfast. I’ve watched in amazement but not saying a word to anyone about it. This morning I had put Isabelle in her chair in front of the mirror as I got ready for work. When Gabriel came into see her, he looked in her bassinet, didn’t see her and immediately panicked. He said, “Mom, Isabelle’s gone, where did she go?” I said, “Gabriel she’s right here, motioning for him to come into the bathroom.” As he walked in and saw her, he bent down to be at her level in her chair, kissed her on the forehead and grabbed her hand with his. He then said, “I love you Isabelle. Good morning!” It was the sweetest thing and as I put makeup on, I tried to hide the water that had welled up in my eyes.
It isn’t just mommy and daddy that love her so much. It Is all of us.
Happy 5 month birthday baby girl!
We love you!
Until next time,
Angie
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Independence Day...
With the fourth of July falling in the middle of the week this year, we didn't get the opportunity to make it a big holiday gathering.
But it was still nice to have a mid-week break and celebrate we did.
Tuesday night we attended (for the first time since moving to the valley) fireworks in person. Usually we just stay at home, the boys fall asleep, followed soon thereafter by me and poor Jarrett and Jack watch the fireworks on PBS alone on the couch. Really we celebrate big time right?
This year, for some strange reason, maybe it was because MaeLyn was in town, we decided to go. It didn't hurt that the weather was gorgeous, not even 100 and so with Popsicles in hand we watched in awe as the sky above Ahwatukee lit up in various different colors.
MaeLyn decided to photography I believe every firework launched. Perhaps she was really into using our camera or she was bored with us and wanted to pass away the time some how. Turns out, she's not that bad of a photographer and captured the display pretty well.
Following that we returned home for bed. On the 4th we enjoyed sleeping in until 7 a.m.! It was glorious. Not that the boys slept in until then but they actually let us sleep in until then. And Isabelle waited patiently singing songs and babbling on and on next to us in bed. What a difference that extra time with our head in the pillow made. Glorious!
To make it even more enjoyable, it turns out a rain storm hit the valley and when we did finally crawl our lazy bones out of bed, we awoke to the peaceful sounds of rain falling from the sky. I've learned as a Phoenician, rain is something one grows to love.
So off to the movies we went, along with thousands of other valley folk. We took the boys and Isabelle to Brave. I wondered how Isabelle would do for her first movie but she was a trooper. She sat and watched the big objects on the screen, she jumped at every surround sound moment and 20 minutes into the movie, she fell asleep for the rest. Whew... I was worried I might have to cut the movie short, hence driving two cars to the theater, but she was on her best behavior and we all enjoyed the film.
As the afternoon progressed the sky began to clear and soon the sun was setting. Moments later the sky began to fill with booms and sprinkles of light. And after going outside to see where the fireworks were being set off from, we decided to have a little 4th celebration of our own. Here's a few photos to show the fun that was had.
Here's hoping you and your family had a great 4th. We sure did!
Until next time,
Angie
This year, for some strange reason, maybe it was because MaeLyn was in town, we decided to go. It didn't hurt that the weather was gorgeous, not even 100 and so with Popsicles in hand we watched in awe as the sky above Ahwatukee lit up in various different colors.
 |
| Jack wasn't very interested in the fireworks. He made sure to position himself directly under dad's feet to make sure he'd be safe. |
MaeLyn and Michael were trying to spell their names.
And then dad decided he should try to do it also.
Here's hoping you and your family had a great 4th. We sure did!
Until next time,
Angie
Thursday, July 5, 2012
FCRB
Acronyms…They are everywhere around us. From the good old U.S.A to work acronyms like A.S.U. and even personal ones Jarrett, the kids and I use “W.” (to mean walk so Jack doesn’t hear the word) We all use acronyms and most often we don’t think twice about it, that is unless we are unsure what the acronym actually stands for.
Recently we added a new acronym to our vocabulary. FCRB. Any guesses?
Forty couples racing bears… no
Fantastic children running barefoot… nope, not that either.
FCRB stands for Foster Care Review Board and recently I participated in one. Since Isabelle is technically our foster daughter, until we can legally adopt her, we get to participate in all aspects related to her being a foster child. The FCRB is a group of citizens that gather together every few months to review cases and make recommendations to the judge prior to a hearing. We have a hearing coming up next Friday, July 13 where we will hopefully get to move forward in our plan of adoption. This past Monday the FCRB met to discuss Isabelle’s case and make recommendations to the judge.
Never having participated in a FCRB, I admit I was nervous. The case workers assured me it was nothing to worry about that that I could simply submit a statement if I couldn’t/didn’t want to be there in person or on the phone. Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker said, “They usually only take a few minutes so don’t feel like you have to drive all the way down there to meet.” I decided I’d call in. But then the more I thought about it, and knowing my neurotic self, I also decided to submit a written statement… what is my phone battery dies?, what if I can’t get through?, what if no one answers?… I want them to hear our perspective. I want to share how great Isabelle is doing, in my own words (although I trust our case workers whole heartedly). Seriously writing this here, I think it sounds crazy, but in my head it all made sense. So submit a written statement I did, but not without running it through our case workers eyes first.
I know it sounds crazy but through this whole process, I can’t help but feeling judged, evaluated and screened with a fine tooth comb. In reality they are just doing their job and I of course want them to make sure children are in good homes with loving families. I know 100% that we offer that and that we can/do/will give our children a good life. I just want to make sure all of the others “judging us”, see that too. It is like walking a tight rope, you don’t want to lean too far to one side or the other or, we all know what happens if you do. And depending on who we are being presented up in front of, we always show that we love her (which is easy), but you don’t want to seem too pushy or demanding, because technically speaking, our case workers represent us and legally at this point we are only “foster parents”. So we walk a fine balance of respecting the rules in place and the procedures that have to be followed. We also sit back quietly while we find out others are not doing their jobs as thoroughly as they should, because they are over-worked, have too many cases and to them, we are just a file number. They do not see the emotions, the heart strains and the nights spent praying that our family stays together forever. To them we are a file piled up among many others sitting on someone’s desk. So, on this journey of proving ourselves over and over, I have become somewhat of a political candidate, participating in as many “town halls, meetings, debates, ice cream socials,” you name it, just so I can share my thoughts, insert my opinions and hopefully in the end, become the winning ticket.
Perhaps it is all for naught, but I’d like to believe it helps. So far, we’ve only received positive feedback. When we attended the first court hearing where we learned what the process would be, the judge recognized us in the courtroom and commended us for being there. She said she appreciated us attending and boy am I glad we did, for it seemed we were more informed than the attorney representing our little baby.
And so when I received the letter that the FCRB was coming up, I made it a priority and counted down the days to it, like a milestone in training for this marathon, where the finish line is still 20 miles ahead). For anyone who has run a marathon, it really isn’t about starting at mile 1 and getting to mile 26.2. Instead, it is almost like running 5 separate races and crossing the finish line at mile 6, 12, 18, 22 and 26.2. The small victories help to get you to the big one. The FCRB is just one of those small milestones.
So submit my glowing statement of support and call in I did. When I couldn’t originally get through and continuously called back only to receive their voice message, I thought to myself, boy am I glad I submitted a statement. Then, trying one last time, I finally got through and reached a receptionist. I told her who I was and she said she’ d have them call me right back. Moments later my phone rang, (with a fully charged battery) and connected I was to this panel of faceless names who were reviewing our credentials and making a recommendation for Isabelle’s future. They welcomed me and said they had already read my statement and that Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker had given her statement. Only 1 minute into the scheduled meeting time, I worried they must had started earlier and I was already presenting not the best image, being 1 minute late to joining the meeting. They then went on to recap what was said and what their job was. They reread Carrie’s statement for me to hear and asked her if she had anything to add or change . As they read her statement, it was very matter of fact… how much she weighs, how long Isabelle is, what she is eating, developmentally where she is at. And then at the end she said, she thinks Isabelle is in a wonderful home and strongly recommends for moving to adoption as quickly as possible. When they asked if she had anything else to say she said, “I just want to thank the foster family and recognize how great they are. Isabelle is thriving and doing so well, because of them.” I’m sure they could tell over the phone but I had a smile from ear to ear. Then they read my statement and asked me if I had anything else to add. I said, “I think my statement covers everything but I’d just like to reiterate how wonderful she is and how much we love having her.”
From there, the committee, of faces I shall probably never know or see, made several motions, just like a junior high student government. One motioned to accept the notes, the other motioned to approve them. And then the head chair started giving her recommendation. Like music to my ears, the chairperson said, “From the information presented to us, we are recommending to the judge that Isabelle’s case plan state Adoption and that it happen as soon as possible. I’d like to commend the foster family on taking her in with such short notice (responding to the whole making a decision about becoming parents again in less than 2 hours) and for taking such great care of her. Following the chair’s statement, several motioned to accept it, they all voted in support. Just like that the meeting was ending. I thanked all of them and as I was preparing to hang up, the chair said, I wish you the best and I hope we don’t have to meet about Isabelle again (meaning they hope they next time her case file comes up for review, there won’t be one, because she will have been adopted). I responded, “I hope so too.”
Looking back 5 even 10 years ago, if I would have heard the acronym FCRB shared in a conversation among a group of friends, I would have been clueless about what it meant. In the crazy way life twists and turns without anyone expecting, today, it is an acronym of very importance to us. Not only is it one race on my route to completing this marathon of adopting my daughter, but it is one more person, one more group of people that we have proved our worth, our ability and our strong desire to give love to this little girl to.
I wanted to share this experience and my raw emotion because I believe in the future, I will not fully remember the pain and happiness, the ups and deep downs of this process has provided us. I hope, I believe and I dream about the day when Jarrett and I are old, sitting on a swing in our front yard, while we watch our children, Gabriel, Michael AND Isabelle bask in the wonder that is parenthood. I can see them now, racing through the yard chasing their Fantastic Children Running Barefoot in the luscious green grass.
Until next time,
Angie
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