FCRB

Acronyms…They are everywhere around us. From the good old U.S.A to work acronyms like A.S.U. and even personal ones Jarrett, the kids and I use “W.” (to mean walk so Jack doesn’t hear the word) We all use acronyms and most often we don’t think twice about it, that is unless we are unsure what the acronym actually stands for.

Recently we added a new acronym to our vocabulary. FCRB. Any guesses?

 Forty couples racing bears… no

Fantastic children running barefoot… nope, not that either.

FCRB stands for Foster Care Review Board and recently I participated in one. Since Isabelle is technically our foster daughter, until we can legally adopt her, we get to participate in all aspects related to her being a foster child. The FCRB is a group of citizens that gather together every few months to review cases and make recommendations to the judge prior to a hearing. We have a hearing coming up next Friday, July 13 where we will hopefully get to move forward in our plan of adoption. This past Monday the FCRB met to discuss Isabelle’s case and make recommendations to the judge.

Never having participated in a FCRB, I admit I was nervous. The case workers assured me it was nothing to worry about that that I could simply submit a statement if I couldn’t/didn’t want to be there in person or on the phone. Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker said, “They usually only take a few minutes so don’t feel like you have to drive all the way down there to meet.” I decided I’d call in. But then the more I thought about it, and knowing my neurotic self, I also decided to submit a written statement… what is my phone battery dies?, what if I can’t get through?, what if no one answers?… I want them to hear our perspective. I want to share how great Isabelle is doing, in my own words (although I trust our case workers whole heartedly). Seriously writing this here, I think it sounds crazy, but in my head it all made sense. So submit a written statement I did, but not without running it through our case workers eyes first.

I know it sounds crazy but through this whole process, I can’t help but feeling judged, evaluated and screened with a fine tooth comb. In reality they are just doing their job and I of course want them to make sure children are in good homes with loving families. I know 100% that we offer that and that we can/do/will give our children a good life. I just want to make sure all of the others “judging us”, see that too. It is like walking a tight rope, you don’t want to lean too far to one side or the other or, we all know what happens if you do. And depending on who we are being presented up in front of, we always show that we love her (which is easy), but you don’t want to seem too pushy or demanding, because technically speaking, our case workers represent us and legally at this point we are only “foster parents”. So we walk a fine balance of respecting the rules in place and the procedures that have to be followed. We also sit back quietly while we find out others are not doing their jobs as thoroughly as they should, because they are over-worked, have too many cases and to them, we are just a file number. They do not see the emotions, the heart strains and the nights spent praying that our family stays together forever. To them we are a file piled up among many others sitting on someone’s desk. So, on this journey of proving ourselves over and over, I have become somewhat of a political candidate, participating in as many “town halls, meetings, debates, ice cream socials,” you name it, just so I can share my thoughts, insert my opinions and hopefully in the end, become the winning ticket.

Perhaps it is all for naught, but I’d like to believe it helps. So far, we’ve only received positive feedback. When we attended the first court hearing where we learned what the process would be, the judge recognized us in the courtroom and commended us for being there. She said she appreciated us attending and boy am I glad we did, for it seemed we were more informed than the attorney representing our little baby.

And so when I received the letter that the FCRB was coming up, I made it a priority and counted down the days to it, like a milestone in training for this marathon, where the finish line is still 20 miles ahead). For anyone who has run a marathon, it really isn’t about starting at mile 1 and getting to mile 26.2. Instead, it is almost like running 5 separate races and crossing the finish line at mile 6, 12, 18, 22 and 26.2. The small victories help to get you to the big one. The FCRB is just one of those small milestones.
 So submit my glowing statement of support and call in I did. When I couldn’t originally get through and continuously called back only to receive their voice message, I thought to myself, boy am I glad I submitted a statement. Then, trying one last time, I finally got through and reached a receptionist. I told her who I was and she said she’ d have them call me right back. Moments later my phone rang, (with a fully charged battery) and connected I was to this panel of faceless names who were reviewing our credentials and making a recommendation for Isabelle’s future. They welcomed me and said they had already read my statement and that Carrie, Isabelle’s case worker had given her statement. Only 1 minute into the scheduled meeting time, I worried they must had started earlier and I was already presenting not the best image, being 1 minute late to joining the meeting. They then went on to recap what was said and what their job was. They reread Carrie’s statement for me to hear and asked her if she had anything to add or change . As they read her statement, it was very matter of fact… how much she weighs, how long Isabelle is, what she is eating, developmentally where she is at. And then at the end she said, she thinks Isabelle is in a wonderful home and strongly recommends for moving to adoption as quickly as possible. When they asked if she had anything else to say she said, “I just want to thank the foster family and recognize how great they are. Isabelle is thriving and doing so well, because of them.” I’m sure they could tell over the phone but I had a smile from ear to ear. Then they read my statement and asked me if I had anything else to add. I said, “I think my statement covers everything but I’d just like to reiterate how wonderful she is and how much we love having her.”

From there, the committee, of faces I shall probably never know or see, made several motions, just like a junior high student government. One motioned to accept the notes, the other motioned to approve them. And then the head chair started giving her recommendation. Like music to my ears, the chairperson said, “From the information presented to us, we are recommending to the judge that Isabelle’s case plan state Adoption and that it happen as soon as possible. I’d like to commend the foster family on taking her in with such short notice (responding to the whole making a decision about becoming parents again in less than 2 hours) and for taking such great care of her. Following the chair’s statement, several motioned to accept it, they all voted in support. Just like that the meeting was ending. I thanked all of them and as I was preparing to hang up, the chair said, I wish you the best and I hope we don’t have to meet about Isabelle again (meaning they hope they next time her case file comes up for review, there won’t be one, because she will have been adopted). I responded, “I hope so too.”

Looking back 5 even 10 years ago, if I would have heard the acronym FCRB shared in a conversation among a group of friends, I would have been clueless about what it meant. In the crazy way life twists and turns without anyone expecting, today, it is an acronym of very importance to us. Not only is it one race on my route to completing this marathon of adopting my daughter, but it is one more person, one more group of people that we have proved our worth, our ability and our strong desire to give love to this little girl to.

I wanted to share this experience and my raw emotion because I believe in the future, I will not fully remember the pain and happiness, the ups and deep downs of this process has provided us. I hope, I believe and I dream about the day when Jarrett and I are old, sitting on a swing in our front yard, while we watch our children, Gabriel, Michael AND Isabelle bask in the wonder that is parenthood. I can see them now, racing through the yard chasing their Fantastic Children Running Barefoot in the luscious green grass.

Until next time,

Angie