Isabelle and Baby Noah...

Isabelle only met baby Noah once but for three years old she really understood what was happening.  Those that were watching the kids for us while Jarrett and I lived pretty much at the hospital would tell us, she would talk about Noah, that he was at the hospital and ask to go there.

After Noah passed Isabelle asked me most mornings where baby Noah was and that we should go see him.  I mainly wrote it off as her trying to understand what had happened in our lives.  And while she asks a lot of questions, talks many times a day about baby Noah, there have been some things she's said that make me stop and say, "huh?"  

The day of Noah's wake, our family loaded up into the car, all dressed as we would for a funeral, unable to fully process, that this trip was for our beloved son and brother.  As we drove, the boys sat quietly, and as Dad drove, I reached my hand out across the center consul, Jarrett placed his hand in mine. As the car was mostly quiet until we heard Isabelle say, "Baby Noah don't sit on the floor. Mommy doesn't want you to sit on the floor."  

And then this morning.  Isabelle walked into our room before 5 a.m. and even before she got to our bed I had heard her talking in the hallway.  It was quiet enough where I couldn't understand what she was saying until she stood at the foot of our bed.  I heard her whisper... "Let's go show Mommy.  Come one, let's go tell Mommy."  I wasn't sure what she was trying to say or do as normally she walks right to the side of my bed and starts to crawl in.  This morning was different though.  She just stood at the end of our bed talking.  After listening  her repeat herself, "Come, lets show Mommy."  I finally whispered, "Isabelle what are you doing?"  To which Isabelle said, "Baby Noah, is that you?"  I paused for a moment, and then said, "Isabelle, no its mommy."  

At that point Isabelle turned to me, now sitting up in bed and came around to my side.  I then asked, "Isabelle what are you doing?"  to which she ignored my question and said, "Mommy, can I sleep with you?"  I helped Isabelle back up into our bed and she snuggled into my side as I laid there staring at the ceiling wondering what I had just watched.

This hasn't been the first, nor the second or even the tenth time Isabelle has said something or done something that makes me wonder if she sees or feels things even more intensely than the rest of us.  

I know I've mentioned it on here before, but Isabelle is the one of our children who talks about Noah the most.  She sings to him, she dances for him and she talks about him frequently at night.  Sometimes it seems she is actually talking to him.  A couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling overwhelmed by the sadness in my heart, I was getting Isabelle ready for bed.  I was living, but not actively participating in the game of life. Like an empty shell of a person, just going through the motions, doing just the bare minimum to get by while still meeting my responsibilities.

Our bed time routine with Isabelle goes like this... read story, brush teeth, carry her to bed, tuck her in, say prayers, turn on Elsa light, kiss her head, say goodnight, go get her a cup of water to drink, give water to her, kiss her again, tell her I love her, shut door.    The same routine every night. 

On this particular night, I had followed everything as we normally do, but as I bent over he head to kiss her, before going to get her water, I started to say, "I love you." when she interrupted me.  She said, "Mommy, baby Noah loves you."  I paused, looked down at her, smiled and tears dripped from my eyes.

I'm not sure what the connection is between Isabelle and baby Noah, but each and every time I hear her say his name, dance in his honor, or talk to him like he's right near her, I feel great peace.

They never got a chance to play, or do the millions of things siblings should get to do, but there is still a strong connection and a bond that hasn't been broken, even though Noah is not with us physically.  I pray that never goes away.

Until next time,
angie   

Noah's Kindness Project: #7 Another Act of Kindness--A Food Drive

Another Act of Kindness:  A Food Drive

As a part of Noah’s Kindness Project, we are hosting a food drive for St. Mary’s Food Bank Alliance.  Our family and friends were incredibly generous to us during our stay at the hospital, both before and after Noah's birth, arranging and bringing supper to our home virtually every evening for fully seven weeks.  We thought it fitting to include a food-related activity as a part of the overall Kindness Project.

St. Mary's, the world's first food bank, is a non-sectarian, nonprofit organization that alleviates hunger by efficiently gathering and distributing food to the hungry.  According to the food bank, nearly 17.8% of Arizonans are food insecure, and 28.2% of Arizona children face hunger.

We will be collecting food at three different sites:
(1) Gethsemane Lutheran Church and School, 1035 E Guadalupe Rd, Tempe, Arizona 85283.  Food will be collected at our church between Sunday, September 20 and Sunday, October 4.  The school will also be taking part in the food drive.  In addition to other collection times, we will also be collecting food at the church on Saturday, October 3, between 9 am and noon.
(2) ASU Career Services on the Tempe campus (Angie's office).  Food will be collected during business hours on weekdays from Tuesday, September 22 through Friday, October 2.
(3) Lubin & Enoch, P.C., 349 N. Fourth Avenue, Phoenix, AZ 85003.  Food is presently being collected at my work and will be accepted during business hours through Friday, October 2.

St. Mary's has identified a number of foods and other items as the most needed, including canned foods and diapers.  Please see the list at http://www.firstfoodbank.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Top-Ten-Most-Wanted.pdf.

We look forward to seeing you at one of the collection sites!

Noah's Kindness Project: Act of Kindness #5 and #6

#5: Eat out:   Yes, you read that correctly.  For our fifth act of kindness on Saturday, October 3, we will be dining out for kids.  

Please consider dining out at Charleston's in Mesa, AZ . 10% of sales will go to support the Child Crisis Center and the Crisis Nursery.  Before Jarrett and I became parents, I volunteered weekly at the Child Crisis Center.  While I loved the time I got to spend there, many times I left feeling sad that so many of the children had had to endure such a difficult life prior to coming to the center.  The Child Crisis Center and Crisis Nursery provide a loving, safe environment for children, thus breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect.  Please enjoy dinner out, and feel good about it because while you get to enjoy a tasty meal, you are also supporting a great organization focused on saving our community's children.

In order for the Child Crisis Center and Crisis Nursery to benefit from this cause, you must present the flyer when you dine at Charleston's.  If you would like a copy of the flyer, please let us know, or you can print out a copy of your own form here. 

And going along with our act of dining out for kids, on Saturday, October 3, we plan to give a hardworking service professional, another reason to smile...

6) Service industry professionals:  How many times do you pick up your morning coffee, and wonder about the life of that person who just made it for you?  Or what about the person at the salon who makes you look and feel better?  Or the waitress who works extra-long shifts to save a few extra dollars to be able to afford a birthday party for her son?  How often do we interact with service oriented men and women and take the great customer service we receive for granted?  Not today… as you drive through Starbucks, enjoy your lunch at your favorite restaurant (Charleston's perhaps), stay in a hotel that’s been cleaned so nicely for you… thank the person who helped to make your life better.  Leave a tip, write them a note,pass along one of Noah's Kindness cards and give them the extra money you were saving for the pair of shoes you really wanted, or that handbag you just have to have.  Think about how much an extra generous tip could mean someone who didn’t expect it.  Please share your “tips of service” with someone who has served you.  That’s what we’ll be doing on October 3.

Until next time,

Angie

Three Months....

Noah, its so hard to believe that it has been three months since my eyes met your beautiful body outside of mine.  Some days it seems like it was yesterday and the next day it seems it was a lifetime ago, that I got to spend so much time with you in the NICU.

My mind often wonders to what our life would be like now if you were still inside of me  And then I think about what our life would have been like if you were still in the NICU.  I wonder how much you would have weighed at this point, I wonder if you would have followed me with your eyes or gripped my fingers so tightly when I came to be at your bedside.  I wonder so many things.  

And sometimes it breaks my heart to think of those things.  Most days that is.  It makes me sad but only because I miss you so much.  I promised to remember the 13th of each month for the blessings you brought us and while my heart aches, there are so many blessings.

Tonight I share some of the quotes that have reminded me in the last 3 months just how lucky I am to have had you.  To have gotten to feel you inside of me.  To have experienced the love you made me feel that I never knew I'd ever get to experience.  These are some of the quotes that have encouraged me to keep going...

These remind me of Noah and the gift that he is...

And the following give me some encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other... especially on those extra difficult days.

 And this one....

Noah, you coming into our lives was the greatest unexpected surprise.  While I always wanted to give birth and bring a baby into our family, it wasn't until you slipped away, that I realized just how much more I wanted you than I ever really knew.  

Noah, I continue to remember your birthday with only the greatest memories and feelings of love and joy.  These last three months have been the hardest of my life, but I look back now and realize, I've been able to find a way to get out of bed each morning and try my best to get through each day.   

Noah, I miss you so much.  I love you more and more with each passing day and I thank you for giving me reminders you are still with me, with us. 

Please continue to be with us... to be that rainbow in the sky... to be that friend who reaches out on those days when the grief seems too much.  Thank you for always being one of my greatest blessings and for teaching me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was.  

I love you my baby boy. 

Until next time,

Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: #4 Arizona Safe Baby Haven

      Every newborn baby deserves a fighting chance… Arizona Safe Baby Haven

Just a couple of weeks ago, I read the news story about a newborn baby boy found deceased in a dumpster.  I thought about our Noah and how we didn’t have a choice to say goodbye, and then I thought about that precious baby boy that didn’t even get a chance.  

The headline to the story read.... Dead Newborn Baby Found in Dumpster.  To read this sad story, click here

While I can't imagine nor should I judge what a mother must think as she places her newborn, still breathing baby in a dumpster,I do know and can say this... there is always another choice.  The Arizona Safe Baby Haven is a program where mothers can drop off their newborns or infants in a safe place, often a hospital or fire station and leave their child with no questions asked.  

In the many years Jarrett and I struggled to become parents, I often though about how I would have given anything to become a mother.  I would have loved, cared for, and cherished every and any child, God brought into my life. Now 12 years later, that feeling is even more confirmed, as I get to look daily in the eyes of my three beautiful children I am privileged to raise.  While I am not the one who gave them life, I am charged with helping them create the best life possible. 

In my opinion, every child, every infant, every baby deserves a chance to have a great life.  

And so, that's why on Saturday, October 3rd, one of our 12 acts of kindness will be giving a monetary donation to the Arizona Safe Baby Haven in memory of our 4th angel... Noah James.  

We hope our donation can go to help educate pregnant mothers, not prepared to care for their baby, that there are other options for their precious miracle, than to simply throw them out with the trash.  Please consider making a donation to the Arizona Safe Baby Haven organization or to a similar organization you are connected to.  There are many ways you can help, click on their “donate” link from their homepage.  

We are here today because our mothers made the choice that we deserved a chance at a great life.  Please help us to raise awareness, so the next story we see on the news, is not one of a baby whose life was cut too short and found in a dumpster, but instead, a success story of a mother who knew what options she had, and made the choice to give her child a chance at a better future.

I found this poem as I read about the Safe Haven laws and decided it was time for me, for us, to do something about it.  Will you?

I read about a newborn baby
found cold and shivering in a dumpster
with little hope of life.
I became angry and said,
“Why did you permit this?
Why don’t you do something about it?”
For a moment God said nothing.
Then He calmly replied,
“I did do something about it,
I made YOU.”

Until next time,

Angie

40 Under 40

Today was a good day.  (It seems like it's been a very long time since I've said that- the last time I can remember saying that and truly feeling it in my heart was Father's Day when Jarrett and I spent the day with our new youngest son, followed by some time with our other beautiful children.  Boy so much has happened since then).  But today was a good day.

And tonight we celebrated my spouse, Gabriel, Michael, Isabelle and Noah's amazing daddy, our rock in this world...tonight we celebrated Jarrett.  He was recognized as one of Phoenix Business Journal's 40 under 40 award recipients.

We had known about the award for several months but tonight was the awards ceremony.  If I'm being honest, I never really took the time to learn about the event details, to know where it was or how long the ceremony was going to be.  See there are many days, its still a struggle to see or face people.  My normal routine of dropping the kids off at school, going to work, picking the kids up, going to the grocery store (while I still don't like it), and church are about all the places I've adjusted to going to.  New places, people I haven't seen yet, and strangers... I'm just not there yet.

So this awards ceremony where I knew networking was a key aspect, it didn't seem, compared to staying home in my space of comfort, was all that appealing.  But then today came and I reminded myself to just be in the moment.  So I tried and you know what... it turns out, it took a whole lot of pressure and stress off.  I gave myself permission to just be the best I could be at the moment I was in.

Thankfully, my networking was limited to those family and friends (Jarrett's colleagues) that have been supportive all along.  The reception was very nice, the music from the 90's band pretty fun to watch, and the feelings of being so proud of my husband, wonderful.

I have always felt blessed and lucky to have Jarrett as my partner in this life.  I think we were placed on this earth to be with one another.  And as I think back to all life has thrown and blessed us with, each moment of bliss and every minute of heartache we get through, because we go through them together.

These last 4 months have been our most difficult beyond a doubt, but Jarrett has stood by my side, picked me up when I wasn't able to do that for myself, and forced me to not give up, when I felt I had nothing left.  He has shown me, love, partnership, and commitment like I never knew existed.

So tonight, when he was recognized in front of hundreds of other people, is written about in the Phoenix Business Journal for millions of others to read, and was selected from a pool of hundreds of other amazing candidates, I couldn't help but think, just how lucky I am to get to be with him.

The Phoenix Business Journal's 2015 Class of 40 under 40 is awarded to recipients who demonstrate an exceptionally high level of achievement within their area of work, but also go above and beyond to give back to the community, to serve others through their talent.  The emcees of the evening talked about how many people are considered for this award and as they spoke I realized just how big of an honor this award is.

I am proud of Jarrett every single day I have known him.  He embodies so many amazing talents and I could list them here.  The accolades would go on and on, but if I had to sum it up into just a few words, it would be this... Jarrett is one of the good guys... the man who'd give you the shirt off his back if it left him without.  He does his best in everything he does and strives daily to make a difference, not for anyone to notice, but because its the right thing to do.

I am so lucky to get to spend my life with him. I'm so proud of you Jarrett.  Congratulations!

Until next time,
Angie

Noah's Kindness Project: Act #3 Operation Gratitude

The price of our freedom comes for many at the ultimate price.  

For millions of others, their service and dedication to our country and our freedom, gave them scars and battle wounds they will never forget.  For even with those scars, nightmares and images they can never erase, they were the lucky ones... they got to come home.  

The United States Defense Manpower Data Center, a body of the Department of Defense, states that as of January 31, 2015, there were close to 1.4 million people serving in the U.S. armed forces.  As we think about the selfless acts, the lives so many are willing to put on hold to serve, the loved ones they say goodbye to, never knowing if it will be the last time they say it, how often do we thank them for their service? 

I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it has to be to put your life on hold for the sake of our country and yet, everyday so many heroes among us do just that.  For them we are eternally grateful.

And so that's why on Saturday, October 3, another act of kindness in Noah's memory will be to participate in Operation Gratitude.

Operation Gratitude is a letter writing campaign where we will take time to write notes of encouragement, letters of thanks to those soldiers, sailors, airmen or airwomen and Marines who have served our country.  

We will be writing letters to current service men and women as well as those veterans who have put their lives on the line in the sake of our freedom. 

Over lunch on October 3rd,  we will be meeting to write letters that will be shipped to the folks at Operation Gratitude. Our letters will then be included in care packages that are shipped to our active military as well as veterans.  As of tonight a total of 1,275, 066 care packages have been shipped to a hero among us.  Their goal is to reach 2 million packages by March 2016.  They are looking for volunteers to help write letters of appreciation to share.  

This is a great activity to get your kid's and the whole family involved with.  Talk about the dedication our service men and women give to keep our country safe and ensure our freedom.  Please have your kids participate, they can draw a picture, or write a letter... I'm sure their words or drawings will bring a smile to the face of their letter's recipient.  And even encourage your child's teacher or their class to participate as well.  What a great learning activity this could be for your child and their peers

 Will you please help us, help thank them?

There are a variety of ways you can participate.

1) Join us for lunch and to write letters of thanks on Saturday, October 3.  If you'd like to join us, please click here to sign up.

2) Write a letter of your own and mail it or give us to us to send with our stack of thank you letters to share.  Please make sure we have received your letters by Wednesday, October 7th as we will mail them to Operation Gratitude on Thursday, October 8th.

  

3) Write a letter on your own and mail it directly to Operation Gratitude in honor of Noah's Kindness Project.  You can send your letter's directly to:

OPERATION GRATITUDE

17330 Victory Boulevard

Van Nuys, CA 91406

The freedom we have today has come at the price of many lives lost.  I think back to what courage it must have taken my grandfather, back in the winter of 1943 to volunteer to go fight in World War II, at the age of 18.  He was not naive to know that many men came home in caskets to their families, and yet he volunteered... I will go willingly he said.  

I've talked about my grandfather and the service he's given to our country many times, but shared last November why I consider him to be my hero in this post. 

Thanks to God my grandfather, and Jarrett's grandfather (who was also in WWII), were the lucky ones who came home.  And we have life today, because they lived.  

I'm sure all of us have personal connections, family or friends, maybe both, that have served our country, and helped ensure we continue to live in this great country... in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Will you please join us as we write letters of thanks to those brave men and women... for they are heroes so deserving of our thanks.

Once again to sign up to participate click here.

Until next time,

Angie