Three Months....

Noah, its so hard to believe that it has been three months since my eyes met your beautiful body outside of mine.  Some days it seems like it was yesterday and the next day it seems it was a lifetime ago, that I got to spend so much time with you in the NICU.

My mind often wonders to what our life would be like now if you were still inside of me  And then I think about what our life would have been like if you were still in the NICU.  I wonder how much you would have weighed at this point, I wonder if you would have followed me with your eyes or gripped my fingers so tightly when I came to be at your bedside.  I wonder so many things.  

And sometimes it breaks my heart to think of those things.  Most days that is.  It makes me sad but only because I miss you so much.  I promised to remember the 13th of each month for the blessings you brought us and while my heart aches, there are so many blessings.

Tonight I share some of the quotes that have reminded me in the last 3 months just how lucky I am to have had you.  To have gotten to feel you inside of me.  To have experienced the love you made me feel that I never knew I'd ever get to experience.  These are some of the quotes that have encouraged me to keep going...

These remind me of Noah and the gift that he is...

And the following give me some encouragement to keep putting one foot in front of the other... especially on those extra difficult days.

 And this one....

Noah, you coming into our lives was the greatest unexpected surprise.  While I always wanted to give birth and bring a baby into our family, it wasn't until you slipped away, that I realized just how much more I wanted you than I ever really knew.  

Noah, I continue to remember your birthday with only the greatest memories and feelings of love and joy.  These last three months have been the hardest of my life, but I look back now and realize, I've been able to find a way to get out of bed each morning and try my best to get through each day.   

Noah, I miss you so much.  I love you more and more with each passing day and I thank you for giving me reminders you are still with me, with us. 

Please continue to be with us... to be that rainbow in the sky... to be that friend who reaches out on those days when the grief seems too much.  Thank you for always being one of my greatest blessings and for teaching me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was.  

I love you my baby boy. 

Until next time,

Angie