Fall break quick trip

Here we are at the end of October and I haven't had time to blog once this entire month.

During the first weekend in October, when the kids started fall break, we snuck away for a quick trip to Tucson to show the kids Biosphere II, dear friends Dick and Brita and have fun at a resort.  Little did we know our lives were going to flip upside down when Jennings got incredibly sick (that post I'm still working on), but while we were there we had fun.

And we've decided we've maxed out a hotel room..... this time Gabe slept on the floor in the closet, Michael underneath the table (because how dare we ask them to sleep in the same queen bed together) so the girls got a bed and Dad got his own bed. It all worked out.

Here are some of the pictures from our quick trip.
We started off at the Biosphere 2...super cool and fun place to visit!

Then we got to have lunch with our dear friends from Iowa, the Ream's.  We wish we got to see them more often but cherish the times we do get to spend.

and then it was off to the resort to spend some time.  It was Jennings' first time in a hotel.  7 of us in a cramped room, I'm sure he was thinking... "why didn't we just stay home."  

Gabe wouldn't be in the picture with us, he's too embarrassed by us.  You know, teenagers.

Dad was excited to get away from work for a bit. Sadly getting away from home is the only way to escape work.

 Then we went to the pool... the views were incredible from our room.  The resort had at least 4 pools most of which we could see from our room.  So pretty.

Madelyn was having a blast.

Jennings thought it was a great place to rest, although he was definitely on point with his swimming fashion. 

Dad the trooper braved the cooler weather and went in the pool... it was only in the low 100's that day.

Oh Gabe let me take his picture.... 

Then Michael wanted to join in.  

Notice a trend with Gabe?  :-)

I stayed outside the pool by Jennings. 

Crazy to think there is almost 14 years between these two.. I hope that they can become close as the years go by.  I'm sure Jennings will love looking up to his big brothers.

Belle loved the pools, this was the lazy river, she screamed her in her normal happy self, and given that we get up super early and were down in the pool area before 8, some of the guests didn't like her joyful noise.  She was shouted at to be quiet.  She said, "Geez mom, they aren't very friendly, don't they know the sun's been up for at least an hour, its definitely time to wake up."  No sleeping in at our house.

Peaceful baby... little did we know he wasn't feeling that great and less than 4 hours from when this picture was taken, we'd be in the ER and he'd be getting ready to go in for emergency surgery.  Love this little guy so much

I finally did get in the water after much convincing.  It was fun

While our fall break "vacation" was technically only about 24 hours, it was so so good to get away and to have some fun as our family of 7!

Until next time,

Angie

Alicia's bridal shower

A couple of weeks ago we got to celebrate my beautiful cousin at her bridal shower.  It was a lot of fun as we got to see family from Iowa.  We sure miss them.  

Here are some of the pictures from the fun weekend.  We look forward to seeing everyone at Alicia's wedding in January and in November at our cousin Jake's wedding in California.

Fun times were had and more fun to look forward to!

Until next time,

Angie

2 months...

Last Sunday, Jennings turned 2 months old.  Somedays it feels like he's been a part of our family forever and other days I can't believe it when I look at him and think it's already been two months since he's been born.

I'd say we are starting to get into our routine and a groove but the truth is, our lives seem to have no sort of routine.  I think we are experts at just flying by the seats of our pants doing our best to get through each day.  Thanks be to God he gave us the most easy going, go-with-the-flow baby I think he ever made.  Jennings is a true joy.  He is such a low key baby.  He sleeps, he watches the chaos, he sucks his hands to tell us he is hungry and he LOVES bath time.  Like his momma he loves hot (not warm) water and gets excited (as excited as he gets) when he hears the water turn on.

Jennings is starting to show more and more of his personality and just how he looks more and more like his daddy, his personality is almost all him too.  He is smiling a lot now, especially in the mornings when I change him, he coos and giggles (especially at the Physical therapist and pediatrician). and he is more expressive in his actions.

Jennings receives no shortage of attention from all his siblings.  They love to hold him, talk with him and play.  Sometimes the girls love of him turns into invading his personal space.  Even then he doesn't really fuss, but let's them smother him with their love.  

The only time Jennings really cries is when he's cold or if he's got gas in his tummy.  I am back to my diet of sweets (I wish I didn't crave them like I do).  I guess I should have known he was a boy when I was pregnant because the thought of sweets really didn't do much for me.  Well, that went away when he was born.  Now I crave sweets... I've tried cutting down my sugar intake thinking that was contributing to his gassy tummy at night.  I asked the pediatrician about it as his 2 month appointment and she said to cut out dairy.  Turns our that big glass of milk I drink with dinner is giving him lots of gas and hurting his tummy. 

 I've avoided anything dairy the last couple of days and he's doing great.  Then last night I sat down for dinner and took one drink of milk, then stopped.  Last night he had a tummy ache, so I think the Dr. is right.  

Speaking of night, Jennings is starting to stretch out his feedings.  He usually woke around 2 to eat but is now stretching them to 3 or 4 am and a couple of mornings he's made it until 5 am (incredible).  If only I didn't have to get up to pump I'd get so much sleep.  And if only I didn't go to sleep at midnight.  That HAS to change.

 I go back to work next week.  I have mixed feelings as I think most mom's do.  I love being home with him and the kids.  I love spending these moments together.  I also think I'm not cut out to be a full time stay at home mom.  I think that is the hardest job out there.  I think SAHM's give all of themselves to their family and kids.  Selfishly the tiny part of me inside is okay with going back to work, because it will give me a moment of me time.  I haven't been by myself, including going to the bathroom, since July 10th, my last day of work prior to leave.  

The other nice thing I guess about me going back to work is that Jarrett is supposed to now be able to take some time off to be at home.  It will be good for him to get to bond with Jennings and to learn about each other.

Jennings, I hope you always know how much we love you and how special you are.  You brighten our world, just like your big brothers and sisters  These first two months have been incredible and we look forward to a lifetime together.  Can you please do mommy a favor and stop growing so quickly?

Love you always,
Mom

Tonight's study buddy...

It's been a long week.  Here's my evidence...

Yep, take a look at that great daddy.  We are working on getting Madelyn to sleep in her own bed and she was scared so dad said he'd hold her hand until she fell asleep.  I'm not quite sure who fell asleep first... and take a look at the time there.  Yes it wasn't even 9 pm, I tell you what folks... we are some wild and crazy kids.  Everyone (well almost) in bed on a Friday night before 9.  Wow, exciting times as our house.  

So much for Jarrett and I getting a chance to talk and watch a movie rated something other than G or PG.

So instead I decided I might as well study.  I've got to learn a whole bunch of microbiology before a big exam on Wednesday so let's start with aerobic and anerobic energy production of prokaryotes and eukaryotes.  I tried multiple times to get Jennings down and he was not interested in being in the bedroom.  Then I brought him out in his bouncer next to me and for a few minutes he watched me and then he fell asleep.  He's been sleeping here soundly for quite a while now.  I'm telling myself he just wanted to spend the night close to his momma.  I'm not going to lie, I like it a lot too.

And now back to more microbiology. 

Until next time,

Angie

The wrong place at the right time...

Yesterday was September 11 and like so many American's it has become a day synonymous with reflection, sadness, unity and the realization that while each of us in this country are unique and different (and that's one of the reasons the USA is so great), when it comes down to it, we are all really the same and in tragedy we all hurt.  The country that came together on September 12th some 18 years ago is a country I hope we can all remember and strive to be like again.

Yesterday as I went about my day, the memories and heartache that was felt now so many years ago, can all come back in an instant as our hearts forever mourn the ache in what transpired that morning. And that got me thinking... I wonder how many of those family members of loved ones lost ever thought.... "why were they were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

You know, the "what if" questions that grief seems to always bring.  If only, he didn't go to the Twin Towers that morning.  What if she missed her flight, flight 93?  Why did they have to be on the 105th floor, or at the Pentagon, or a firefighter racing up those 110 flights of stairs when it all came down.  Yes, the wrong place at the wrong time.

And that got me thinking.  Life has been well crazy busy since we've welcomed Jennings home.  It's not really him, it just our lives.  We seem to have a problem (maybe I'm the instigator) of over planning.  Since August we had the kids go back to school, I went back to school, Gabe's on two baseball teams, and a swimming team, Michael is playing baseball too (on a separate team), Isabelle is in gymnastics and Madelyn and Jennings they are along for the ride. Additionally we are planning Noah's Kindness Project and preparing to get ready for that special day.  Most days are spent racing here and there, almost always racing against the clock and hoping the stoplights are in our favor.  Honestly I hate it.  I've never liked being late, it causes me stress and well I guess we can all relate to stress.

Isabelle's school starts a few minutes earlier this year and while it is only a few minutes, it has been a difference for us in getting her there on time.  Most mornings we arrive and tell her she's going to have to run as fast as she can to get onto the playground before the last class enters the building.  The first bell has already usually rung and several of the classes already inside, including hers.  On the bright side she's built up quite the endurance and should do great in the race we are doing for NKP in a few weeks.  Truthfully, it always makes me feel guilty and sad we cut it so close for her and add more stress into her life.

That is just one example and there are so many more.  Running, racing and beating the clock has become our norm.  Yesterday, September 11th, was no different.  The morning started off hectic as normal, Jarrett kindly stayed to help me get the kids off to school as I have been fighting off sickness and didn't feel well the entire night before.  When I got up, I knew that even though I still felt pretty crappy, I didn't have time to be sick so I'd just press on with my day.  I've been trying to get to the grocery store since the weekend and with basic supplies like flour, sugar, milk and bread on the list, I knew I couldn't delay it anymore.  I had 55 minutes to leave the house, get to the store, do the grocery shopping and get home before I'd have to pack up and leave for school.  It was going to be another race against the clock.  Off we went.

My two side kicks, Madelyn and Jennings were great.  Jennings slept for most of the excursion and Madelyn held onto the front of the cart and rode around as I raced throughout the store.  She talked to everyone we met, saying hi and telling them she is three years old.  Most people smiled and talked back with her.  It was senior citizen's Wednesday day so there were many nice grandparents who greeted her kindly.  I kept looking at my phone to see the time and knew I was cutting it short.  The check out lines were busy, we had to wait and with each passing moment I could feel my stress level growing.  Because we needed so many supplies, the check out lady said, I think you need a second cart.  I thought, I don't have time for a second cart, just throw them into one and I got to race out of here.  But before I could say anything, she sent the bagger out to find another cart. It took longer than normal because she had to go all the way to the parking lot to get a cart since they were out at the entrance.  That was my breaking point.... stress meter to the top.

We got to the car, I unloaded everything as quickly as I could, having already put Jennings and Madelyn in the car and started it to cool.  I pushed the carts back to the return place, ran back to the car (literally), jumped in and saw I had 12 minutes to get home, unload the car, feed Jennings, pack my lunch for school and leave.  Not realistic.  And just as it so happened, I turned out onto the road to head home and was behind someone going well below the speed limit.  Oh no, I thought. And we got to the stoplight that had been green for plenty of time for me to make it through, if they had not been in front of me, and then they stopped in a lane I could have turned right on red on, but they were not willing to turn unless it was green.  COME ON I said.  I don't have time for this.

I looked back at Madelyn in the back of the car smiling with her headphones on, and then checked the mirror to see Jennings sleeping and it hit me.  What am I doing?  I took a breath and said, "What if I'm suppose to be here at this moment instead of racing down Warner road having been able to make that right handed turn.  What if I could have been in an accident if I would have tried to race... here I was sitting, safely at a stop light with two of my most precious cargo, and I thought, "This is where God wants me at this exact moment."  In my mind I thought about the sermon we heard a few months ago about being in the right place at the right time and how God has already got our plans laid out for us.  This realization made me stop, take a deep breath and find peace in being late.  what ever will be will be.

Keeping that perspective in mind, I got everything I needed to get done, told myself if I was a few minutes late to class, it would all be okay, and that feeding Jennings, giving Madelyn that extra hug and kiss before leaving was well worth the added time.  Guess what, I ended up getting to class earlier than I normally do.  Guess I need to get better at just trusting God and letting go of my time stressors.

And that leads me to last night.  Gabe had swim practice and then the kids and I were headed downtown as I needed to go into my work to pack my office (for a move).  In my head I had planned the day out, knew it was going to be a long one, and tried to figure out how to get downtown, pack my office, drive back home all before Isabelle's bedtime.  Plus I had to find a time to get dinner added in there between Gabe's practice which is around dinner time and 20 minutes away from our house.  After school, when I got home, the kids had homework and they worked diligently.  Madelyn asked me to play LOL's with her, so while I pumped, checked on Jennings who was sleeping, assisted the big kids with questions related to homework, Madelyn and I played.  It was awesome!

The minutes ticked away and I said, "Gabe get ready for practice."  I then started to put some dinner on the stove and in feeling my stress levels rise again, I stopped and said, "never mind Gabe, tonight we aren't going to swim practice, it's going to be okay."  Surprisingly he didn't fight me on it.  Instead the kids and I sat down for dinner, talked about the day, I broke up a few fights (that's normal) and we had dinner WITHOUT racing around.  I knew we weren't where we were supposed to be and I was okay with it.  The evening went on just fine, we made a trip downtown, took care of the things I needed to, got home, and everyone got to bed at a decent time.  We had made it through another day.

And then this morning I woke up to feed Jennings for his normal once a night feed (man I love him so so much).  I scrolled through Facebook as he quietly filled his tummy and I saw this.

I stopped scrolling and read it again. I recognized that intersection immediately.  It's the one I "race" to three times a week, before telling Gabe to jump out.  I stopped and read the headline again.  I clicked on the story and read it.  Two teens were hurt and one seriously injured after being hit by a car.  I thought, "oh my goodness we were supposed to be right there exactly at the time the accident happened"  I looked down at Jennings now peacefully drifting off to sleep while comfortably in my arms.  "Oh my gosh we were supposed to be at that exact spot the accident took place... what if we had been in it."  My thoughts then went to me sitting at that stoplight at Warner... where I had begged the slow driver in front of me to get out of my way. Where I had some moment of clarity, as if God had been talking to me directly.  And then this.... thank you God.  There was my reassurance he had been trying to tell me something all day. And how that headline could have possibly have involved us had we been in what was supposed to be the right place at the right time (the practice Gabe was supposed to attend at that exact location).

As I sit here early this morning, reflecting on yesterday and the past weeks we've especially been racing to get to the right place at the right time, I realize, perhaps I've been thinking about it all incorrectly.  It turns out we really weren't in the wrong place at the wrong time.... sometimes when we think we aren't where we are supposed to be, or "in the right place at the right time" maybe actually we are where we are supposed to be.  For yesterday was a lesson for me that I really was in the wrong place (in my home at not at Gabriel's scheduled practice) at the right time (thank you God for not putting us in the middle of that accident) and that was a very very good thing.

For this crew and their daddy are my world and I wouldn't know what I'd do without them.

Here's to being in the wrong (or right) place at the right time.

Until next time,
Angie

 

What would Santa say?

Now that it's September, my mind starts thinking about my favorite holiday of the year... Christmas!
Party because it takes some time to prepare for the gift buying... personally I like to try to space out some of the buying otherwise, whoa, it takes a toll on the budget.

 Here are a few classic Christmas pictures from last year I never got around to share... seriously such great memories!

Here we are entering the magic doors to Santa's workshop.... where we got to visit last year.  The boys with their cousin Mason... he's pretty excited.  The boys look like they are scared to find out what list Santa has put them on. ;-)

But mostly because I LOVE Christmas.  I've said it before but I think it's a time when people stop the crazy busy schedule of racing around, and stop, and spend time with family and friends.  A time of reflection, of celebration and love.  I guess that's why I love it so and have already started brainstorming how early I can put up the trees.  They just make me happy.  Our home feels warm and cozy (maybe it's just the cluttered-ness that make us feel cozy).

And another classic Christmas photo... I should have used this for our holiday greeting card.... it seems to pretty accurately reflect well, us. 

And the other thing talking about Christmas this early allows me to do... play the Santa card.  You know, the "What would Santa say if he saw you doing that?"  or the "Better be good and do what mom says, because Santa's watching and those elves are deciding what to make for you."  The whole bribery approach to parenting which well for my younger ones, seems to still work well.

Madelyn is very interested in pleasing Santa so I've been using that as my secret parent tool quite frequently.
Mom: Madelyn, will you help mom set the table for dinner?
Madelyn (playing with her Ariel Barbie):  Mom, I can't I'm busy playing.
Mom: But Madelyn, what would Santa say?
to which a few seconds later Madelyn and Ariel come to the kitchen and help set the table.
The boys who were in the kitchen working on their homework looked at me and rolled their eyes like, "Come on Mom, seriously".  I shrugged my shoulders to acknowledge their eye rolls and said, "Oh Madelyn I bet Santa is so happy with you, thank you so much!"
Cue: Boy's eye rolling resumes.

But seriously.... the Santa card...Parenting magic I believe.  Again another thing to thank Christmas for right?

And then came this morning.  I was feeding Jennings and Madelyn was laying on her bed in our room (seriously the only time "HER" bed is used" and I asked her to bring me my phone that was ringing.  Fearing it was the school calling, I was hoping to get the phone before it went to my voice message.
Mom:  Madelyn could you please bring me my phone?
Madelyn:  Mom, I can't, I'm tucking Ariel into bed.
Mom: Please Madelyn, could you please hurry and give mom my phone?
Madelyn: I can't
Mom: Oh Madelyn, on no, what would Santa say?
To which Madelyn, looked at me, gave me the look of, "Seriously mom, you're going to say that to me again?" and then she got out of her bed, dragging Ariel with her and verbalized the following.
Madelyn:  Mom, I know what Santa would say HO HO HO, Madelyn don't want a present for Christmas.
I started laughing, I couldn't help it... seriously HO HO HO?
She handed me my phone, I missed the call, but was laughing too hard to answer anyway. I kissed her on her head.  Madelyn, Santa loves you so much I said.

Her eyes lit up, "Santa is happy with me?"
Yes honey, Santa is very happy with you."

Madelyn is such a sweetie, her innocence, love of life and genuine kid-spirit is so wonderful to watch.  Jennings, Madelyn and I have spent almost all of our days together while I've been home on leave and it has surely been a very treasured time for me.  Just like Christmas some would say.

Until next time,
Angie

19 Weeks.... going back and reflecting now...

Back a few weeks ago... a post I wrote but didn't share.  The beginning of Jenning's life.

There's been a secret Jarrett and I have been keeping for quite some time.  It's a secret I've been hesitant to share with anyone because I'm afraid if I share or really allow myself to believe it's happening, it might all go away.  I know because I've lived that reality and it is a burden so hard to bear I can't allow myself to go there again.

The secret is we are growing our family... again!

 I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant with our final rainbow baby.  This is news Jarrett and I thought long and hard about, spent more than a year talking about and is news we feel is truly answers to our prayers.  When Madelyn was about 18 months old we started realizing just how fleeting this time in our lives is and that our most important legacy in our life isn't the job we hold, the house we live in or the vacations we go on.  What we find the most joy and happiness in is in our family.  The children we get to raise, the impact we can (or try) to make in their lives and the legacy of their future.... that is what we find the most joy from.  As we continued to make plans for our future and talk about what life would look like going forward, we kept coming back to one thought... we didn't feel like our family was complete.  We've suffered loss and grieved more than I would ever wish on our enemy, so when we talked about the idea of having another baby... it was scary.  It was something we knew wouldn't be easy, it would come with constant fears, worries and the very real understanding that getting pregnant would not necessarily mean we would get to bring home another baby.  Even as I write this as 19 weeks, we are VERY much aware that nothing is a guarantee.  Coming to a decision that we wanted to try for another baby I was very determined to be in the best mental health I could and to approach this "gift" with what it was in the moment.  If we were able to get pregnant, than I wasn't going to look ahead and wish all the weeks from 1-36 would fly by just so we could get to a point where bringing home a baby looked more real than any other week.  Instead I was going to approach this pregnancy different than my ones before.  I wasn't going to look ahead at each week, infact I wouldn't even allow myself to look at the pregnancy weeks or apps, or websites.  I would instead take this pregnancy with a very mindful approach.

I would instead approach each and every day for what it was... a gift.  And if that meant we got pregnant and I got to see two lines on the stick then I was going to celebrate that day.  And that meant if I got to carry this baby for 6 weeks, 14 weeks, 19 weeks, 25, weeks or full term, I am going to live in the moment that each day gives me.  The first moment I saw the heartbeat... oh what I a gift.

 The moment we saw the first images of our baby... relish the love in being able to see our baby created from love.

 The moment I felt the first flutter.... how amazing it is to feel life inside of you.  These are gifts in the past I noticed but didn't celebrate to its full extent.  Silly me right, you'd think after all those years of infertility and knowing what a gift it was to be pregnant that I would have learned my lesson.  Turns out I'm a slow learner I guess.

When Jarrett and I decided to try one more time for a baby, we knew this would be our last time.  We both said, no matter what happens, we have a very good life, and if that means we get to bring one more baby into it, than we will be blessed.  And if that means we are meant to be a family of 6 here on this earth, we are blessed and our life is very good.  There were many factors we discussed and we knew we'd get a lot of looks of "you're crazy" when we share that we wanted another baby.  In the end Jarrett reminded me of a very good lesson, he said, "This is OUR life."  We respect what others want for their life and what we want to have for our life is our business.  He is so right.

In fact as I type this now, we have only shared the news with Gabriel, Michael, my sister Meg,  my boss and our great friend Marybeth who does our ultrasounds.  In a way having this news kept to ourselves as quietly as possible, has helped me even more to soak up and enjoy each moment of this pregnancy.  Like getting a chocolate cake AND getting to eat it almost all yourself.

This pregnancy like the others hasn't been free of worry.  There was the first trimester when we wanted to make sure my thyroid was doing its job and supporting the growing fetus.  And then there was the hassle of trying to get my insurance to cover the extra progesterone injections to prevent pre-term labor.  And then at 17 weeks, overnight it was the start of contractions, something I hoped wouldn't start for many many more weeks.  Turns out I just have a crabby uterus.  We've come to terms now, I accept her for what she is, and I embrace that we are just going to move ahead and she will do the best she can, I will take my medication to keep her calm for as long as we can.

While there have been worries associated with each passing week, overall this pregnancy has been the dare-I-say-it, most enjoyable, best pregnancy I've ever had.  Yes I still had massive morning (all day sickness) with daily vomiting until week 17, but it was the most accepted and welcomed feeling.  I for-the-most-part have been feeling pretty good since week 17 and sometimes don't even feel pregnant.  Other than my stomach which is definitely protruding more than it has in past pregnancies, we've been able to keep the secret under wraps.  However it is getting harder and harder to hide it.

Jarrett asks me what my plan is and I tell him I don't have any plans to announce it.  We will just see how it goes or until someone notices.  He smiles, laughs and accepts my unrealistic and silly approach.

Last week I went in for the anatomy scan and the baby is looking good.  We are going to be surprised this time around.  Jarrett wants to find out but I think it will be fun to guess for the next few months.  Somedays I think girl because I can eat sweets, although they just don't taste as good as they once did. Somedays I think maybe its a boy because I crave salty green olives like no other... seriously I've gone through so many jars of green olives its crazy!  I guess we will continue to guess!

The only other thing that seems different this pregnancy is that my placenta is in the anterior position so I don't feel hardly any movements.  That of course made me worry but at my last ultrasound, Marybeth told me not to worry.  In essence its like the baby has a pillow in front of them so when they move around, the "pillow" takes all the movements so I don't feel anything.  I guess as the baby gets bigger, I will hopefully feel more.

I"m completely in maternity pants now, man other pants were just too uncomfortable.  I've decided maternity pants are the way to go pregnant or not.  Who doesn't like a bit of extra room around the waist!

On Wednesday I will receive my week 19 progesterone shot and next week I'll have another ultrasound and meeting with Dr. A.  I'm now on ibroprophin every 6 hours for contractions so we will have to start monitoring the baby and their heart in weekly ultrasounds, starting next week.  I just pray each step we take helps us get to the final end goal at the end of July.

So there's our news... that's our secret.  We will have a completely full car and we have willingly accepted that there will be more fighting among the kids as we will now have to have a third kid in the back row seat (we pray).

Today though we give thanks for where we are at this moment.  Baby H is safe inside, we are doing everything we can to make sure this is a healthy successful pregnancy and we are being very mindful of the gift we've had for 19 weeks.  We pray for more, but give great thanks for what we've had.

Until next time... we pray for more updates to come.
Angie