Reflections as we watch Finn grow.

Because I've been so terrible at blogging these last few years, I haven't really talked much about our littlest guy, the one who completed our family and who we savor every moment of the "being little" part of life with.  He is our last and definitely the icing on the cake (hence these pictures).

Finn was born in the middle of me finishing nursing school, the later part of the never-ending pandemic, and during a time when our family was going through a lot.  He didn't get often the attention most babies get at the beginning of his life from the outside world, mostly because we were home and going through stuff.  That being said, we have savored each and every moment we have with him and I give thanks daily he is here and in our lives.

Now two years old (can't even believe I'm saying that), we affectionately call him "baby Finn" even though he's always been big and definitely isn't a baby anymore.  He talks non-stop, LOVES trains (even talks about them in his sleep), has no fears and keeps up with his big brother like they are the same age instead of 19 months apart. 

I am savoring each moment of the cuddles, although they don't come as often as when he was little.  As he outgrows each thing, or moves onto a bigger size, I try to remind myself that with each new stage brings something new and exciting.  

I guess there is something about having your last baby that the finality of it all, hits a bit differently.  I remember when I first became a mom and how I was worried about so many things... about doing everything I could to set the boys up right... to get them ahead, to make sure this was perfect and that was as good as it could be.  

Perhaps its because Finn is number 6, or maybe its just because I'm exhausted, but I don't feel the same stress to push as hard, to grow them up faster.  Instead I'm just thankful I still get to experience "this stage"  Because seeing just how quickly the other kids have grown, I'm keenly aware just how quickly it all passes, and I'm not ready to let it all go.

So for how we savor the chaos, the constant noise and messy house... because it means we have them here to be with us.  Yes sometimes I wish the house could stay clean for even an hour, but I honestly don't want them to leave, so messy is fine.  

And Finn he helps with the messy, a lot of the messy.  Gosh am I grateful for it.

Until next time,

Angie

 

Happy 8th birthday Noah!

Eight years ago today Noah we celebrated your birth.  My goodness we were scared but also so happy you were here.  Seeing you in person was a gift and a dream come true. 

I sure can't believe it has been 8 years. I've thought about you so much today and about what you'd be like if you were here.  I worked the last three days in the NICU you called home and the amount of times you crossed my mind, was almost as many as the minutes I spent there.  Its strange being there now on this side.  I feel such a connection to you there, and while it is stressful and sometimes overwhelming, I feel like you are close when I am there.  

I think of you when I see the babies that start out the same size as you and then watch them grow and go home.  How rewarding it is for those families and how I celebrate their joy with them.  I wish our story would have been like so many other families, but then I give thanks for the 12 days we got together.  I still feel you with us in ways it is hard to describe.  The moments of reassurance when I see a rainbow, when I walk down that hall and see the rainbow portrait that brought us so much hope.  

And I feel anticipatory joy for one day when we will hopefully get to meet again.  While we don't get to be together in person in this life, I believe and hope for the time when we do. 

Noah, I just want to wish you a very happy 8th birthday up there in Heaven.  I hope you are having fun with those we love and have also had to say goodbye to from here.

Please give an extra hug to Jack up there celebrating with you for the first time too.  I remember how he'd always stayed so close to me when I was carrying you. Here is our final belly picture we took together before you arrived.  I'm sure you are keeping him busy as together you run free.

Happy birthday my darling Noah.  I love you always and forever,

Mom

 

The moments I'm missing....

I've officially been balancing two jobs and trying to be a good mom for six months and honestly I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and sad that I'm missing out on so much with the kids.  On the days I'm gone to the hospital I feel like I don't even see the kids...I leave before they wake up (or I wake them up and walk out the door) and when I get home the are usually in bed or close to it.  It makes my heart hurt that I'm not there as often as I want to be and as much as having another job has helped our family, I desperately feel I'm missing out on seeing my family.  

Here are a few moments that I snapped over the holidays....

I worked on Christmas and the two following days... the first time in my life I didn't spend the holidays with my family.  It has given me a whole new appreciation for those who sacrifice their family moments to be with others in their time of need.

The kids were still happy that Christmas came!  (this picture from last year was a clear reminder to me that time doesn't stop and babies don't stay babies for long).

Look how much they've grown!

I try to give myself grace....somedays it works.... other days the guilt is great.  

And on those days.... we let the kids eat peanut butter directly from the jar because I'd rather spend moments together and not sweat the little things.

 Until next time,

Angie

In the middle of it...

 A few weeks ago, one of my dear friends sent me this picture she saw from her front driveway.  Isn't it incredible?  I've never seen a rainbow that looks like its intermixed within the clouds.  I've looked at this photo so many times and every time I see something new that amazes me.

It's so beautiful and its so unique, its difference adds to its beauty.  

Right now we are in the middle of what feels like one of the craziest times in our lives.  Our kids are super active and we are doing our best to keep up with them.  On top of that, Jarrett continues to work his very busy job and just started a new graduate program.  I'm not a month into my second job as a nurse while still keeping my other job and honestly... we are exhausted.  I should go to bed instead of writing this but I just wanted to jot this down.

I know this time in our life is fleeting... the kids grow and change everyday.  I'm more tired than I've been in a while and my goal honestly is to just get through the next 11 months (til I get a year of experience and can drop the "new nurse" title or at least I hope so.  Right now it kind of feels like we are in the middle of a hectic storm and I'm searching for the rainbow at the end of the hard storm, so I can just stop, rest and soak up the beauty in seeing how far we've come.

I think that's why I appreciate this photo so much... because in the midst of the clouds that brings the storm, is the beauty of the rainbow.  

So just keep going, that's what we will try to do.  But for tonight I've done all I can do.  Time for bed.

Until next time,

Angie

When you accidently swallow your tooth..

 Madelyn has become quite familiar with the tooth fairy lately, having lost her first tooth just a couple of weeks ago and then last week she lost her second front tooth on the way home from school.  Actually we aren't quite sure where she lost it because were about 99% sure we swallowed it, but still want to believe maybe it fell out some other place and she just didn't realize this.  

As you can imagine this was quite traumatic for her and she not only was a little grossed out by the idea that maybe she swallowed her tooth, but what was even more concerning was the fear that the tooth fairy wouldn't leave her any money because she didn't have a tooth to put out for exchanged. 

We searched all over, the car, the bathroom, the shower, her bedroom, the kitchen, the laundry... no tooth.  I told Madelyn, who I could tell was on the verge of tears, that it would be okay.  That she wasn't the first kid to ever lose a tooth and then lose the tooth and that I believed if she just wrote the tooth-fairy a note, that I'm sure the fairy would still leave her money because she was honest about what happened.

Madelyn immediately ran upstairs, into her artist liar (aka bedroom) and she got to work.  I could tell she was working quite hard on her letter because it took quite a while.   When she came down she ran up to me for a hug and that's when I noticed her tears.  "Mom, I'm so sad" she said as she sobbed into my leg.  "What if the tooth fairy doesn't come?"  I tried to reassure her and encourage her that it would all be alright but she was definitely pretty sad. 

That night when I went upstairs to tuck her in I found her masterpiece letter to the tooth fairy.  She has made this...

As you see in the picture she drew a picture of her inside intestines with the tooth inside to explain to the tooth fairy where the tooth went.  And then she cut out a tiny piece of paper the size of her tooth and put it inside another card so the tooth fairy would know what it looked like.  Isn't this super adorable?

That night when we went to sleep I reassured her it would all be okay and while she tried to believe what we shared, it was clear she wasn't 100% sure.  

Thankfully the next morning when I woke her up, her worries were resolved because the tooth fairy did in fact come and her money was on the beautiful drawing she had left.

So in case you ever have to worry about what happens if you swallow your tooth, you can remind your little people that the tooth fairy will still come, just write a letter, draw a picture and let her know what happened.  No need to fear!

Until next time,

Angie

Introducing Anchor Izzy!

Friday afternoon when I picked up Isabelle (or Izzy as she goes at school), she shared with me some super exciting news.  She has been selected by the administration at the school to be one of three anchors for their daily News Crew.  This is a "very important job" Isabelle shared because it is their duty to report, on camera, to the entire school the daily announcements.  She has to arrive early, report live and make sure she is ready to "go" when the time is right.  

Isabelle is super excited and we are so proud of her because she put herself out there to try something new.  She said, "Mom - being on camera in front of the whole school will make me so nervous, but I think it will help me to build skills I need in my future!"  I'm so proud of her for not being afraid to try something new and I can't wait to hear how it goes!

We are so excited and proud of you Belle!  Way to go!

Love you always, 

Mom and Dad

 

19 years!

19 years ago today Jarrett and I got married.

It was such a fun day and I remember being so happy as the magical day came to an end.

Today was such an uneventful day.... we both worked long long days, after not a lot of sleep (thanks to our two little guys- Jarrett stayed up pretty much all night, because I had to work 12 hours at the hospital), and honestly we are both exhausted and too tired to even celebrate.

We are in the middle of the time of our life where we don't get much time with each other and we are dedicated to spending most of our day/week/month and years to helping the kids and working so we can keep the train rolling ahead.

These days are exhausting and I think we'd both like a date night... if nothing else just to sleep! 

Someday we will look back on these times and miss them.  Right now, they are tiring and sometimes hard.

Even though we don't get a lot of time together and won't even be celebrating this year, I'm ever so grateful that I get to spend my life with him and that 19 years ago saying "I do" is one of the best blessings to be given to me.

So happy Anniversary Jarrett.... for this anniversary.... I wish you a restful night of sleep.

Love you,

Angie