So I'm that mom...

Today the kids and I ventured out to Target for a quick errand.  Anymore I feel like getting out of the house has to be a perfectly timed event.  I feed Madelyn, burp her and then try to race out the door, with the goal of returning home less than an hour and a half later.... just in time to get ready for her next feeding.  With four kids by myself... getting anywhere is a feat, and then with that short of a time frame... getting anything done in between, it's always a race.

So back to Target... I had first stopped at JCPenney's to return a couple items (which we mastered in less than 15 minutes) and then I thought I have enough time to run to Target.  Madelyn was sleeping so I clearly told the kids to stay quiet, don't touch her and to stay close so we could race through the store to pick up the items we needed without having her wake up.  That whole, "Stay quiet" idea lasted about 30 seconds into the store, when Isabelle demanded she needed a toy.  She wouldn't stop repeating, "I need a toy!" loud enough for everyone within a 30 foot radius to hear.  I tried to negotiate with her, at this point agreeing to practically anything just to keep her quiet.

Knowing that I was really pushing the time limit between Madelyn's meals, I grabbed the diapers we needed, picked up a few home supplies and headed toward the toy aisle... we can never seem to make it through Target without veering towards those aisles. As I strolled to the back of the store, I looked down at Madelyn who was now wide awake and as usual, with a very happy, content, and even had a smiley grin on her face.  Man am I thankful she's such a great baby.

Now in the toy aisle, I told the kids they had 6 minutes, about the time I knew we had to get up to the front of the store, about 4 minutes to check out and then we could get to the car where I'd feed her before going home.  She usually gives me about 10 minutes of waiting before she gets mad if I don't give her food. I should have known getting the kids out of that section of the store, takes no less than 10 minutes, so by the time I got everyone up front again to check out we were 4 minutes over our "I was patient for you mom" timeline Madelyn gives me.

With her crying her eyes out, I begged Gabriel to help me unload the cart while I pulled her from her car seat.  With my mind racing, knowing she was super hungry and that making her wait extra long was just going to make her more upset and me more stressed, I went to the diaper bag, pulled out my cover up and proceeded to start feeding her right there in the check out line.

This is something I never thought I'd ever do in my life.  I'm usually a private person when it comes to those sorts of things.  I barely feed Madelyn in our bedroom, in the middle of the dark room, in the wee hours of the morning, as Jarrett sleeps without my cover up on... yet to feed her in such a public place, while I tried to herd up the three other ones, and pay at a check out, was pushing me to my limits.

I could tell the young, maybe college-aged male check out clerk was completely uncomfortable and if I'm being honest, it wasn't the most comfortable situation for me either.  Yet, I couldn't stand the agony of seeing Madelyn so upset and knowing the solution was right there.  So yes, I became THAT MOM, that person who breastfeeds in public (under a cover up).

I've seen several stories on the TV, in the news about mom's who received grief, criticism, even applause for feeding their infant in public places and while I never took the time to really think about how they must feel before... today those stories rang out over and over in my mind.

Whatever one feels about what is appropriate... I feel like I have a whole new perspective.  In the chaos that is raising a newborn, and a family and trying to keep things in one's household moving forward (translation... we needed toilet paper and hand soap), it isn't always possible to time a baby's feedings perfectly.  So while it might not be ideal, sometimes it's just necessary to feed our little ones in a public place... even if that's check out number 6 at your local Target.

Oh and if standing in the check out line feeding her wasn't beyond my comfort limits enough, I then proceeded to finish feeding her from the front seat of our van, (with it running of course), while the other three watched Scooby Doo on the TV in the van (what ever did we do without technology).  I kept looking around waiting for the police to show up and question me why I had a 6 week old in the front seat while my other three complained about how hot they were (even with the air running).

As I get to use to having to keep track of 4 kiddos as we venture out to stores to run errands, I keep telling myself to remain calm, get what we need as fast as we can and to ask the big kiddos for help.  And I repeat to myself the mantra's one of my best friends shared with me... when the kids are throwing a fit, or Madelyn's crying and you are just about to loose it... just say out loud, "It's okay, it's all gonna be okay" over and over.  And while everyone around you will think its for the kid's benefit you are saying it, in reality its for you.  I've tried it many times and it actually works.    So that's what I do, while remembering I'm just trying to do my best.  Even if that means I've become THAT MOM.

Until next time,
Angie