His story breaks my heart.

Gabriel and Michael have been asking me a lot lately about when Daddy and I got married. What was it like mom? Did you get married in our house? Who was at your wedding? Tonight, over dinner, the topic came up again and I asked him if he'd like to see a video from when Daddy and I got married. He was so excited he could hardly eat his dinner fast enough.

After dinner I went and got the video I had had made for Jarrett before we were married and gave to him on the night of our wedding rehearsal. It was a video of each of our own lives with our families as well as our dating life together. Since we have been dating since we were 15 and 16 years old, there were a lot of pictures and it was nice because we were able to show the boys photos of many of our family members they haven't met yet. In the many photos that were included, there was one picture of Jarrett sitting with Santa Claus and one photo with me sitting on Santa's lap. I had no idea but those pictures spurred a memory for Gabriel which resulted in a story I'll never forget.

Since we've had the boys in our lives, we learned that there are certain things that create flashbacks or memories for them, of their lives before coming to us. Most of the memories they share are from their time with their foster family and they all seem to be happy memories. Tonight, Gabriel shared a story of his life with his birth mom and hearing him share it makes my heart break but also fills it even more with love for our sweet, wise and mature little boy.

After seeing the pictures of Jarrett and I sitting with Santa, Gabriel said, "Mom and Dad, one time, (insert birth mother's name) took me to see Santa Claus." Upon hearing him mention the name of his birth mom, we were both interested and I asked,
"Oh yea Gabriel, did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas?"
"Yea, I asked him if he had any Batman's or Superman's."
"What did Santa say honey?"
"Mom, he said he had lots of them." in a very excited voice
Wow Gabriel, so, did you get some Batman and Superman's for Christmas then?"
"No Mom"
"Oh" a little surprised and confused I asked, " What did you get then honey?"
"I got a tiny little reindeer."

As he shared with us that he got a tiny reindeer for Christmas, I immediately thought of my childhood and how lucky and blessed I was and never realized it. Gabriel went on to say that that was all he was given in his past Christmas's with his birth mom. When he said, "I got a tiny reindeer." it was obvious he didn't feel sad or mad for only getting that, but instead, he said it with pride that he had received a tiny reindeer for Christmas. When I think of my childhood and of my past Christmas's I can't even list off all of the gifts I received each year, let alone in my whole life. Yet, for our baby, him getting a tiny reindeer was such a big gift, that he still cherishes it to this day.

My heart breaks that Gabriel hasn't experienced a Christmas like I have, yet to him I'm sure Christmas is just as magical and as special as it is to the rest of us. Although we don't know many details of the boys' past, I have to remind myself that they have not had the same childhood as myself and those around me. After hearing his story I want to go out and by everything Gabriel has ever wanted in the past 4 years of his life, yet, his story alone reminds me that these little boys don't need to be showered with gifts, the gift that they need the most is our love.

Gabriel, I can't wait to make your first Christmas with us special. Daddy and I will do everything in our power to make sure Santa Claus brings you at least a few items off of your wish list. But most of all honey, we'll make sure this year, you feel love like you never have before.

Until next time,
Angie