Week 7
Last Friday afternoon, I sat in the lobby of my new OBGYN's office nervous. For years I've been going to my "lady doctor" with hope that just maybe I could get pregnant. Now I was sitting there, with five positive pregnancy tests at home, a week of feeling like I've had the flu every single minute of every single day and night, and I was waiting for a confirmation.... a confirmation from a doctor telling me the tests were right.
Jarrett joined me at the appointment and maybe it's common for pregnant ladies to feel like this, but while I have a million and one emotions about this news, Jarrett's nothing but elated/excited/over the moon happy. Having him sit next to me, I could feel his happiness and pride in our news. I watched the minutes tick by on my watch and couldn't wait to get back there to meet with the doctor. For I had three kids back home with a baby sitter I told I'd be back to in less than an hour (they told me it would only be a 30 minute appointment).
I had already peed in a cup and didn't know how long it would take to get the results. Seriously, at home, the results came back instantly, no need to wait the three minutes... all of them read "pregnant" immediately. After three other women were called back, the door finally opened and the nurse called my name.
Jarrett and I stood up and followed her behind the frosty glass door. We immediately went to the scale. Now let me take a moment to pause.... I do not own a scale, I never have. The only time I'm ever weighed is when I go to the doctors office for my annual exam. I try not to let numbers guide me in life, instead I try to go by how I feel, how my clothes fit, how I look in the mirror. Getting on the scale within 5 steps of walking behind the frosted glass, it was like a red light hitting me in the head. I realize I'm going to have to change my way of thinking and the purchase of a scale is soon in my future. I need to get use to seeing the scale climb higher and higher, and I think maybe seeing baby increments of increase at home might be easier than larger ones between appointments. Ahhhh, I digress.
I stood on the scale and she recorded my weight. Knowing I was already 6 weeks pregnant, I wondered how much, if any weight, I had already gained. After writing down my lovely number, we followed her to an exam room where she instructed me to sit up on the exam table. No matter how I sat, I made the paper sheet crinkle and crackle in every single way. I was vividly aware, I was the patient. As a mom of three and a wife of a cancer survivor, I'm usually the one sitting in the comfy chair taking in all the information from the doctor, not the patient. Today I was the one all the attention was focused on. The nurse took my blood pressure, 126 over 74. She said it was good, but I could tell my nerves were making my heart race. She recorded the numbers and said, "Dr. B will be in to see you shortly." The door closed and it was just Jarrett and me again.
While it was only a few minutes, it felt like hours, and finally a knock followed by the opening of the door. A beautiful, young lady, with curly long hair walked in carrying a laptop. I smiled and wondered if she was another nurse. I reached out my hand to shake hers and she introduced herself. "I'm Dr. B, nice to meet you Angela." And there was another reminder, I was in a new place... I'm only Angela to people I'm meeting for the first time or when I'm in trouble by my mom or dad.
With the gentle but kind grip of her handshake, and the smile on her face, some of my nerves disappeared. Before she said anything else she said, "Congratulations, you're pregnant." Even with five positive tests at home, hearing her say those words, were still just as shocking. Jarrett and I looked at each other, smiled and as he said, "thanks!", I said, "I'm still surprised." As we started talking, it soon became clear to her why we were so surprised, why this pregnancy is a miracle and nothing short of that.
I explained... We have been married for more than 11 years and haven't been birth control since we got married. We tried for many years to have a family and could never get pregnant. We went through rounds of fertility treatments, fertility drugs for years, 5 rounds of insemination, and not a single positive test. I have PCOS and in addition to cysts, I have endometiosis. In 2013, there was a large cyst/tumor that was removed from my right ovary and then they went into do the surgery they found endometriotris in several places that had to be removed. Additionally my husband is a cancer survivor and went through chemo which had long term effects for him. Our fertility doctor told us that the chances of us conceiving on our own were slim to none and that the only chances of us possibly conceiving were if we did IVF. We were eventually led down the road of adoption to which we have three beautiful children. We thought our family was complete and then, we learned we were wrong.
As I shared the details of our story, it was almost as if I could see my doctors heart warm to us. She smiled as we talked about what a surprise it was, and then she said, "Your guy's story makes me love my job. You're some of my favorite patients." She went through several additional questions and boy was I thankful Jarrett was there. I know the role of the patient support, I've played that position many times. This time Jarrett was there for me, and I couldn't have been happier. I knew I had a hundred or so questions to ask and yet sitting on that uncomfortable exam table, I couldn't think of one. Maybe its the crinkly paper that makes one's mind go blank.
The doctor told us about prenatal vitamins and the importance of drinking water. She said to drink 3 liters of water a day! Holy water Batman! I already have to pee every 2 hours, and I'm not drinking nearly enough water. I think I might just move into the bathroom for the next 8 months. She then asked us if we had any questions and Jarrett started right in.
- What foods should she avoid?
- A: A whole list of things, she gave us a packet of paper to read.
- How can she find a way to get more sleep? Right now she doesn't sleep more than 4 hours a night.
- A: There's nothing really that can be done. That's the mother's body preparing for when the baby arrives and the baby is up every couple of hours (Side note: What the h$^%: Seriously, I remember with Isabelle the first year of her life, we didn't get any sleep. No one told me it would be almost a whole year of no sleep BEFORE the baby even comes, followed by a whole another year of no sleep again. I was reminded of yet another perk of adoption).
- Angie will be 35 when the baby is born. Given her age and our past struggle with infertility, is she at a higher risk or considered a high-risk pregnancy?
- A: Yes, because she will be at 35 years of age upon delivery, she is considered in advanced maternal age (I so dislike that term). Given that factor, plus your infertility background you would be considered a high risk pregnancy. (I thought to myself, great, as if I don't have enough emotions running through my mind, then here's another thing to add to the list. And then I tried to reassure myself, more regular monitoring could be a good thing, it will provide me with more reassurance right?
- Angie is a runner... I jumped in. I love to run and less than a month ago I ran a half marathon. Is it okay if I still run or would you advise against it.
- A; She said, running short distances and making sure your heart rate stays below X amount (sadly I don't remember what she said), I think it would be okay. That being said, if something would happen as a result of running, how would you feel? If that is something you wouldn't want to face, I would advise you to do other exercise activities, like walking or swimming. So basically, I don't advise you to run until after you have the baby.
- She has O negative blood type and I understand some time's a woman's body with this blood type will start to reject the fetus... do we need to worry?
- A; There are certain things you want to watch for and call us immediately... any bleeding or severe cramping. If you haven't had any of those things happen, that's a good sign. But we will monitor you, so make you let us know if anything like that happens.
- Finally, the question, I was most dreading and praying for an answer I wanted to hear really badly... Angie's sister is getting married in September, specifically September 19 and it is back in Iowa. Will she be able to go?
- A: Looking down at her computer and calculating how many weeks along I will be she said, You will be 38 weeks at that time, and that is considered full term. We do NOT advise any travel after 36 weeks for risk of going into labor. If you would travel to the wedding and go into labor you would deliver back there and then you'd have to find a way to get a newborn back here. They wouldn't have any of your medical history or be familiar with your pregnancy, therefore I'm sorry but I don't see anyway that you will be able to go. (Hearing her say the words I feared, but secretly knew deep down was the real only answer to our question, made me sad. I've looked so forward to MaeLyn and Aaron's wedding and thought, even if it was just one month later. But as I think of that, I'm reminded again, just how much my life is not in my own plan, but in God's plan. This was suppose to happen, and happen now. Who am I to question or feel sad about, so I try to to push those feelings down and give thanks to God that he's showing us, he's watching out and hearing our prayers.
I think Dr. B could see the disappointment in hearing the words, "You can't go to your baby sisters wedding... the one you are the Matron of Honor in" and so she said, The next step in this process is for you to to have an ultrasound so we can check the embro and make sure everything is okay. Now that you are past 6 weeks, we should be able to see the heartbeat. Usually we do the ultrasound in a week or so followed by blood work, would it give you some peace if we tried to do everything today to make sure everything is going okay? Doing my best to hold back the tears forming in my eyes, I said, "Yes please." Now keep in mind my appointment was at 2:30 p.m., we weren't taken back until almost three and as she was saying this, it was well after 3:25 on Friday, the 13th (of February). She said, "excuse me one minute, I'll go see if I can make anything happen for today." She left the room, I looked at Jarrett, didn't say one word, but he knew what I was thinking.. He said, "I know MaeLyn and Aaron will understand. They will be so happy for us, you don't have to feel sad." After all this time, he knows what I'm thinking and I don't have to verbalize a word.
It seemed Dr. B returned right away and said, "We are going to fit you in. Jennifer will be in shortly to take you to get an ultrasound and we are going to draw some blood now." The nurse was right behind her. As the nurse prepped my arm, Dr. B said, "Here is a packet of information we usually give you at your next meeting. I can tell you like information so I'm going to give you this now and you can bring it back the next time we meet and review any questions you have. She smiled again, told us congratulations and that she'd see us soon. By the time she left the room, I looked over at the nurse working on my arm and she had already filled one vile and had 4 more left to do. Thankfully she made the whole thing pain free and I told myself I better get use to having blood drawn too.
Before she finished drawing my blood, Jennifer the ultrasound tech was standing at our door. She came in, introduced herself and led us down the hall to her room. I thanked her over and over for getting us in the same day and told her how much it meant to us that they made things happen. She led us into the tiny room, Jarrett took his seat in the corner. She let me use the bathroom again (seriously it had been almost an hour and a half and it was time to go). I got ready for the ultrasound and then a knock at the door. I said, "come in" and the door opened. To our surprise it wasn't Jennifer, but instead Dr. B. She said, "I wanted to come watch if that's okay. I'm so excited for you guys!" Behind her was Jennifer who came and she started the ultrasound.
As an infertile woman, I use to think I had had more ultrasounds than some second and three time moms, and yet it was never for the exciting news of having a baby. It was usually because of some pesky cyst causing trouble. In the many times of having an ultrasound, I've come to know what the screen looks like, not that I necessarily know what I'm looking at but I've come to recognize what seems normal and wasn't isn't.
With Dr. B standing next to me, Jarrett at my other side and Jennifer by my knees, the ultrasound began and immediately I saw it, him or her, I don't know. Right there, like a perfect balloon sack with a tiny tiny baby was in the middle of the screen, and within a second I noticed the beating heartbeat. It was beating rapidly. It was like the world had stopped. Everything paused for a single minute and I tried to process, to take everything in and to capture every single detail of what was happening. Like the world had gone silent and I was in the moment... I knew just how special it was. Dr. B chimed in, breaking the silence, and my stare at the baby growing inside me with a live beating heart. She said, "Congratulations, everything looks perfect! The baby has a very strong heartbeat and the implantation is just like we want to see. Now that we've seen a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage is less than 5%. I cried. It is real. This is really happening.
Dr. B said congratulations again and said, now I'll see you in a week or so. She left the room and Jennifer continued checking everything else to make sure all the bits and pieces looked good. As she did her thing, I felt the need to tell her how surprised we were by the news. I said, we already have three children we adopted and never expected a 4th. Jennifer said, "Well I think you were meant to adopt your two boys and little girl first. There was a plan it sounds like and you were meant to have this little one too." Hearing her words were like music to my ears.
I'll be honest, telling people we are having a 4th child is another thing I'm worried about. I know its silly and Jarrett tells me not to give it half a thought. Yet, I do. I know how many people thought we were crazy to grow our family with the third child. And now we are going to have a fourth. I already get strange looks at the grocery store, what will they think when I have all four of them. So maybe it's me being extra sensitive, or maybe its me caring too much what others will think, but hearing one of the first people that know we are pregnant be so supportive, was just what I needed to hear. And yes, I do understand it is her job to be supportive, but I'm just going to ignore that and pretend she was honestly happy for us too (that's what it felt like at least).
Within a minute or so the ultrasound was done and she was up cutting pictures apart from the ultrasound machine. She handed me a stack of 15 or so pictures and told us congratulations again. She left the room, I handed them to Jarrett, got myself together and we walked out to the waiting room.
As nervous as I was sitting in the waiting room praying to go back and quickly as possible, I left that doctors appointment feeling like it couldn't have gone any better. Not only did we get a confirmation that a little teeny tiny baby is growing inside me but we also saw it first hand with our own eyes. We saw a heartbeat and received reassurance that everything is progressing just as it should.
My next appointment is in just over a week, and I have a feeling I'm going to be praying this first trimester is over as quickly as possible. We are very excited to tell people but want to wait until at least 13 weeks to make sure everything goes as planned. So for now, we will keep our secret and pretend nothing big is happening. But we know it is. Here are some pictures of our teeny tiny baby and our biggest surprise!
Yep, that's my name on that ultrasound picture... its okay, I had to take a double take too.
It's real.
It's definitely real.
It's real.
It's definitely real.
Until next time,
Angie
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