Post from: February 14, Valentines Day.
I'm officially 7 weeks pregnant and while it is way too early to tell anyone or fill them in on our secret, the truth is, I'm afraid there's no way someone isn't going to figure it out.
How can they not?
Clue #1: At work (really it is the entire day and night), it seems I have to pee every 15 minutes. Actually it is more like every hour and 15 minutes, but still, I've never peed this much in my entire life. And the crazy thing is, once I get there, I really didn't have to pee that badly, it just felt like I was going to pee my pants. I've come up with a story I hope is convincing when I'm asking about my visits to the girls room.... I'm really trying to focus on staying hydrated so with all the water I drink, it has to go some where right? Does that sound like a good story? I hope so.
Clue #2: I'm sick. In the books they call in "green in the gills". Just reading that reference makes me think of fish and the thought of fish makes me dry heave. Speaking of dry heaving, yesterday was a particularly "fun" day. I decided to count how many times my gag reflex kicked in causing me to almost be sick. In three hours after getting out of bed, I reach 60 times of dry heaving and decided that was enough counting for one day. Seriously, I understand it could be worse, but I feel like I have the flu 24 hours a day, everyday. And that does not include how wiped out I feel.
And that leads me to clue #3: Do you know how hard it is to hold down puke while you are meeting with a student about their career future? I discretely cover my hand over my mouth and begin praying I don't get sick right in front of them. Sadly I have no idea what they have just spent the last few minutes telling me, I can only concentrate on talking myself off the puking ledge. This is my biggest fear and I hope it never becomes a reality. I can only wonder that the students I meet with wonder why I keep my mouth completely covered and barely utter any words throughout our appointments. I do try my best to give them advice and insight into their questions, but I also give myself a little bit of a break when I realize they would probably rather have me be quiet than share my breakfast with them on the table where we are working on.
Clue #4: I feel and look like I've been hit by a bus. Maybe a truck. I'm not sure which, but the one thing I am sure of is this... I have NEVER felt this worn out. The dark circles under my eyes have stretched all the around and have fully encircled my eyes. I know this is partially due to the growing embryo inside of me, but also in part to what I've come to learn is another side effect of pregnancy... insomnia. Seriously, can I get one break? At night my head hits the pillow and I'm usually able to fall asleep pretty quickly (as long as the "morning" sickness that seems to last all day and night isn't raging at that moment). And I'm thankful for being able to fall asleep quickly. What drives me crazy is the fact that I wake up anywhere between 45 minute to an hour and a half later (because I have to pee) and no mater what, I can't get back to sleep. I think I'm averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night. In the week and a half since I learned I am pregnant, I think I've watched every single infomercial on TV and I thought it would help me get back to sleep, but no. Finally around 5:20 am I fall back to sleep only to hear Gabriel get up at 5:45 a.m. We asked the doctor about this and she said it is my body getting ready to care for a newborn baby who wakes up throughout the night. I'd love to tell my body I don't need 8 flipping months to prepare for no sleep---- let me SLEEP NOW PLEASE!
Clue #5: Raging hormones. I feel bad for my family. I hope they still love me after all of this. Seriously some days I ask myself... where did the real Angie go? Oh my goodness, certain things (tiny things) make my blood boil and there's nothing I can do (or at least I feel like I can't do anything) to control it. It could be as simple as "WHO DIDN'T SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR?" to "WHY IS THERE ONLY A DROP OF MILK LEFT IN THE GALLON?" I told you it was small stuff. For some crazy reason, silly things seem like the Mount Everest of problems to me and it is always someone else's fault. I realize I'm being irrational and that I'm a raging lunatic and yet telling myself to calm down, only leaves me feeling even more crazy. So I've come up with a solution. When I feel myself start to become "crazy hormone lady", I try to remove myself from them. I either go to our bedroom or I send the boys to play in their room. The boys have spent more time in their rooms the last two weeks than they've spent in a long time, and while they may wonder why they are constantly asked to go to their room, the truth is they've found a new found love for many of their toys they forgot they had. So I consider it is a win-win right?
Clue #6: I already feel like I've been more open and raw in this post, than I've ever been before, but I have to share one more thing. My expanding body parts... and I'm not talking about my growing stomach. I'll try to share this as delicately as possible, as I know family members read this and I don't want to make anyone completely uncomfortable... slightly uncomfortable, sure that's fine. So back to the growing body parts... I've never been voluptuous. Actually I am the complete opposite of that. And while I'm definitely still not Pamela Anderson, the truth is I've never had this much to ever deal with. Holy moly, that was one of the first signs I knew something was different this time around. Not only do I feel like I'm growing melons on my chest (okay maybe not melons yet), but I'm not sure what to do with them. Like a great husband, Jarrett reassures me its definitely one of the positives of pregnancy. Glad he is so supportive. I'm not yet convinced. If they didn't feel like I've every nerve in my body has been punched every time Isabelle jumps on me, maybe I'd feel differently. Okay, enough about that.
Clue #7: I'm not good at this whole secret thing. So what's the first thing I did after getting 5 positive pregnancy tests? Well, after calling a doctor, I went straight to the library to check out as many pregnancy books as I could find and downloaded every pregnancy app I could find oh and I started on pre-natal vitamins my OBGYN prescribed. And here's where I forget about important details in keeping a secret. You can't leave all the pregnancy crap out when you have people over or a babysitter. Yep, I've made that mistake on numerous occasions already. I didn't even think about it. Last Friday when I went to the doctor for the first time, I had a sitter come watch the kids. Isabelle wanted to play on the I-pad so I gave in and told the sitter it was okay. It wasn't until the middle of the night that following evening that I realized just how stupid I was... All of Isabelle's apps are on the same page as my pregnancy apps. Yep, pretty sure, actually completely confident she saw all the pregnancy apps and my pre-natal vitamins sitting on my night stand. My only hope is that she writes it off. For Pete's sake, I thought I was as infertile as infertile could be. Maybe other people view me the same way. I tell myself that, but I'm pretty sure she knows.
So here's why I think our secret will slip before we want to share the news. Here's hoping with each week it gets better. I'm already counting down the weeks til the second trimester. The books tell me its going to get better, and I can't wait. There's a miracle growing inside of me and while it is amazing, wonderful and truly a blessing from God, I can't wait till I feel a little bit better.
Until next time, I have to wrap this up as my bladder is going to explode,
Angie
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