Day 9: Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the amazing fathers across the miles.  Never did we expect to spend Jarrett's father's day like this but we give thanks, this year Jarrett is father to four children.  Guess our littlest blessing couldn't wait to meet his Daddy.

When I woke up this morning I told myself today was going to be a good day.  Last night Noah remained stable (while not at the levels that are ideal) enough where Jarrett and I went home and tried to get some sleep.  Noah's nurse Tamera was great, she was super supportive of us, and let Noah alone as much as possible.  He does not like to be bothered.  As long as he can be in his dark little cave, without any stimulants, he seems to be "happy".  Last night when we left they had hoped to be able to wean down his oxygen levels.

Tamera assured me that if anything would change with Noah, she would call.  Then she said she would call me at 6:30 before shift end to give me a report.  Just seeing how willing she was to keep us informed made me feel comfortable enough to leave.  We went home and both crashed right away.  When I woke up to pump, I called in each time and got an update.  Thankfully Tamera said not much had changed and all his numbers were almost the same.  She said while we wanted to see his numbers get better, at least the didn't get worse.  At 6:30 when Tamara was getting ready to end shift she called and said he continued to remain stable and that his doctors would be rounding between 9 and 11.

Jarrett and I felt confident enough to go to church.  Our church and Pastor Troy have been very supportive.  Pastor has visited the hospital already a couple of times and continues to text Jarrett to get updates.  He plans to come to the hospital again early this week.  While I wanted to go to church and prayed it relieved some of the anxiety I have been feeling, it was another first.  Just two weeks ago, I sat in church, while having contractions and prayed to God to protect our baby and stop the complications that were happening.  Today I sat in church and felt part of me was missing.  There were several parts of the service that spoke to me and our situation.   The message was all about trusting God and putting our entire faith into him and his plan.  During the prayer of intentions, our Pastor again asked the congregation to pray for our precious Noah.  I did my best to bite my lip and hold it all in but couldn't.  Hearing that others are praying for our son is so heart warming and yet it reminds me just how sick my precious baby is.  There are so many emotions I feel, I go from being okay and feeling confident we will walk out these hospital doors with my baby, to images in my mind of having to say goodbye.  I beg God to let him keep our precious baby here with us and to grow together as a family. After communion we sang, "How Great Thou Art"  It is one of my favorite hymns and it always reminds me of my grandmother Virginia and Jarrett's grandmother Hazel.  Throughout these past 2 weeks, I have asked God to let Grandma Virginia and Grandma Hazel be Noah's angels, watching over his bedside and keeping him safe when we can't be at the hospital.   As the congregation sang, I thought of them and knew Grandma Hazel and Grandma Virginia would be so happy to have met him.  I feel they are with us.

After church Jarrett and I came to the hospital where we found Dr. Martin and Camilla making their rounds.  They came by and gave us an update of where things stand today. Camilla said, "Noah has us thinking today.  There are a few things we are tossing around in our mind."  Noah's oxygen levels remain high, still at 64% as I type this.  They would like to see him down in the low 30's or even 20's if possible.  In addition to that his body is showing a lot of acidity.  This can be from several factors, but Dr. Martin said it can be caused usually be one of three things.  1) An infection.  2) Under preforming Stupid Preemie Kidneys (yes that is the medical term they used... basically his kidneys are so immature they don't filter the urine like they should and he ends up peeing out all the ph his body needs).  3) Patent Ductus Arteriosus, hows that for me using an actual medical term.  Basically this condition happens in the connection between two major blood vessels near the heart.  The ductus is open when a baby is in the womb.  If the ductus doesn't close properly after birth, a baby can have breathing problems or heart failure.  Small PDA's can close on their own but some babies need medication or surgery.  

To test for these things, this afternoon Noah has an ultrasound on his heart, they tested his urine and they tried to send in a blood sample to see if his white blood cells were up.  Unfortunately they tried three times to send in the blood but each time it clotted before it could be tested.  The doctor decided to wait to see if the blood they took yesterday will grow cultures, from there they will determine if they have to administer antibiotics or not.  

In my quest to make today a good day, I decided to focus on every positive piece of news I could.  We asked the doctor about Noah's status going forward and how long they would anticipate him being on a respirator.  The doctor said he couldn't say for sue, but if he had to guess he would assume 2 months.  He then continued and said, "In my opinion, Noah may be that child who goes home with Oxygen for a few weeks"  Hearing Dr. Martin say that, was music to my ears.  The music part.... "Noah may go home with Oxygen"  I just want to hear the part about going home over and over  I know we have a mountain of obstacles to overcome before then, but it was the first time any doctor mentioned anything about the possibility of going home.  

Jarrett and I stayed for the majority of the day at the hospital where we were able to talk with one of our favorite nurses Melanie.  She is so wonderful and Noah really likes her.  She is very soft spoken, calls him Boo Bear, and is delicate with all of her movements.  Noah's vitals increase when she's in working with him.  Today we asked her if she would consider becoming one of Noah's primary nurses.  Basically a primary nurse is someone who will always be assigned to Noah on the shifts she works.  We get to pick two day time primary nurses and two night time primary nurses.  When I asked Melanie she said, "It would be my honor.  I pray for him every day and miss him when I'm not at work."  It was another good in the day.

After asking Melanie to be his nurse, things continued to get better.  Camilla came around and gave us an update and asked us how many times we've gotten to kiss our son.  I told her we haven't, we've only been able to touch him with our hands.  She said, "You've got some catching up to do.  The doctor orders at least 17 kisses a day, so you better get to it."  Melanie said she'd be happy to help us catch up.  Just a few short minutes later it was time for cares and we got to open up Noah's lid on his incubator and kiss our son for the first time.  It was magical and kissing his tiny head, it was so soft, and he smelled so yummy.

Melanie took pictures and Jarrett and I soaked up every moment.  She then took our first pictures with our son.  It was a very special day.

As we were getting ready to leave, Melanie said, "Daddy, Noah has a father's day present for you."  We worked really hard on it and he hopes you'll like it.  Then she handed over a card I think Jarrett will cherish forever.

All in all, it was a good day.  Yes there are some scary things they are trying to figure out, but I'm focusing on the good stuff.  Here's hoping tomorrow is a good day too.

Isn't he the most precious baby ever?  I know I'm biased.  

And now we are home spending time with Gabriel, Michael and Isabelle.  They've been missing their daddy and want to spend time with him too.

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dad's out there.

Until next time,
Angie

PS:  God continues to wink at us.  Today, my great friend Leslie texted me the following message " This morning we were in church and during worship time I saw a very clear image of an angel at Noah's bedside and the angel had his hand on Noah's chest.  I believe that it is a sing of healing to come!  The angel was on Noah's left side and had his right hand completely covering his chest.  There was a warm soft light surrounding both of them and it was such a peaceful time.  I've never seen anything like that before and believe it was a message from God.  God is good!"  You're right Leslie, God it good.  We have hope for another day and give thanks for the good day we had.