A year ago on this Friday afternoon (it was the 20th not the 19th), at this moment I was loading our suitcases in the back of Jarrett's car as my mom gave him a quick haircut. We were due to be at the hospital in less than 30 minutes and it was the perfect time to get a haircut right (NOT REALLY). The day we had prayed for, for more than 9 months had finally arrived. Our due date and we were beyond excited to meet our baby sweetie pie.
It was an afternoon filled with excitement:
Me locking both sets of car keys in Jarrett's car- the car filled with all of our hospital stuff 15 minutes before we were supposed to be at the hospital
Us reinstating our OnStar subscription so we could get our car unlocked
the kids excited to spend time with grandparents but still a bit nervous about us going to the hospital (again)
Getting to the hospital, getting all hooked up and seeing Kristal's face appear 4 hours early so she could be with us through our entire labor.
The surprise visitor from one of my other favorite nurses and friends, Bilha. I cheerleader, and encourager in the middle of the night. She was there with us and Noah and was a Godsend. That night and still she continues to be.
Our parents patiently waiting all night for our Sweetie Pie to arrive.
Some pretty intense moments in the delivery room and some great reflections on life between a couple whose been together for a LONG time!
Yes it was a day I'll always remember and cherish, and now looking back a year later, I never thought I'd say it but I miss being pregnant too. I so miss feeling Madelyn move around inside me. I miss being able to feel her kick, roll and even punch. Looking back now, I know that fear controlled me for so much of the pregnancy, it took away from the moments I had to purely enjoy each moment. I'm so glad I recorded each week, reading the posts from a year ago, makes it all come back and at least I'll have that right.
As I sit here today with Madelyn literally laying on my stomach trying to find a comfortable place to take a nap, As wonderful as pregnancy was, the goal we hoped, prayed and longed for all along is here, sitting on my lap trying to sleep. Yes the baby I prayed I'd get to take home has grown from a newborn, to a toddler it seems in the blink of an eye. I can hardly believe in less than 2 days our Sweetie Pie will be one.
This past year has been such a joy, she has filled our lives with so much love, restored our faith and shown us great great happiness.
Ah yes, a year ago today I posted this blog... "It's baby time" . Getting to experience labor, although VERY PAINFUL and exhausting was one of the greatest days of my life. For it resulted in the birth of our precious Madelyn.
Our first moment... "Hi mom" with the wave of her hand.
The past 365 days have been a wild ride, our lives are crazy with a capital C, but I'm sure happy and thankful I get to live it.
A year ago today, I took this picture..
Just this past Sunday on Mother's Day, Dad took this picture of us...
We are in the midst of baseball season and this year we have three players. One in t-ball, one in minors and one in majors.
From learning the very basics of how to actually swing a bat and run to first base, to fielding pop flies and hitting off pitches coming in at 60MPH, there is a vast degree of difference in watching each of the kids’ games. In addition to having three players, dad decided he would be an assistant coach on Isabelle and Gabriel’s teams, probably would have said yes to Michael’s too but Mom said, two’s enough. To say it’s been a busy spring, along with moving, is a big understatement. It has been crazy and we joke about just setting up a tent at the fields, but some nights, it’s more of a statement than a joke.
Madelyn has a "uniform" per say too. Actually it was her big brother Noah's baseball onesie he never got to wear. Noah was our fourth child, so we got him this onesie to wear. Thankfully this year, Michael is number 4 too, so it works perfectly- except now Madelyn has outgrown the outfit!
The kids hearing from the pitching coach from the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs. He talked about the value of hard work, about putting others before oneself and about how the kids should offer to do things to help their parents without asking. Personally, I thought it was a PERFECT speech!
Thankfully we’ve had several nights when at least two and even all three play in one night. That means 5 hours of baseball but at least it’s all in one trip! Honestly though, as much as I complain about it being crazy, it is so much fun! I love seeing Isabelle hit the ball and be one of six or seven other players chase after the ball when the other team hits it. Coach Brendan is constantly telling her, “Isabelle, stand here, stay in your position” And I’ll never let Isabelle forget her first game. It was the bottom of the 2nd inning and their team was in the outfield. Isabelle was playing right field and I was sitting along the left field (close to third base). While another person was up to bat, Isabelle started yelling across the field, “MOM, MOM MOM!” I thought she just wanted me to know where she was in the field so I waved back and smiled. Now making a huge scene as she continued to yell mom, every other player on her team is now looking at her, while the little other player swung at the ball on the t. As I waived, Isabelle realized she had my attention, then cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “MOM- I NEED A LUNCH BREAK!” Seriously it was the 2nd inning. All I could do was laugh as the game stopped, she finished shouting and Coach Dad walked over to her and told her she’d have to wait. While some of our kiddos are super competitive when it comes to sports, some just play for the snacks. I’ll let you decide what kind of a player Isabelle is.
Isabelle and her buddy Mathew!
Isabelle with Coach Brendan who is a perfect coach. He has the patience of a saint, the ability to teach the fundamentals of baseball better than anyone else I've seen, and he's all fun, which the kids LOVE!
Then there is Michael- playing for his first time in minors and the first time in 2 years. He took a break and while I think he didn’t regret it at the time, I think now he wishes he may have had that two years of additional practice under his belt. We are so proud of him as he’s excited to play each game. He is a great fielder and plays third base most games. He also got the chance to pitch a few times and really likes the challenge. His team works very hard, practices a lot and with some additional batting time and confidence in hitting off of fast pitchers, I think he would grow to love it even more. It will be fun to watch his team as the season continues, they could be great contenders for a trophy.
And Gabriel, he’s our natural athlete, he’s lucky. Sports come very easy for him. I was a bit worried about how he’d so this season given he’s playing with much older kids, many who are on club teams and who play year round. Gabriel is a natural leader on his team and while he’s one of the younger kids, his teammates look to him to motivate the team. Gabriel has been playing catcher most of the season, he seems to enjoy it. Although as his mom, I worry about his knees. Just last week he had three games and coach wanted him to catch almost the entire game, all week. Before Gabriel’s third game of the week he was complaining about knee pain and walking to favor it. He said it hurt really bad when he had to help me with chores and yet when I told him I was going to talk to the coach and ask him not to let him catch Gabriel said, “Oh it will be fine mom, it doesn’t hurt when I’m playing.” Again, I’ll let you decide who is the competitive player in our family. I had Jarrett talk to the coach to not have him catch, so he played shortstop and pitched and he didn’t complain about any more leg pain. With him growing so quickly, I just don’t want him to damage any parts of his body too young. He’s gonna need those knees for other things in the future- like playing catch with his own son or daughter someday (I hope).
And then there’s the kid’s biggest cheerleader- Madelyn. She goes along to the games, and is already picking up the game. She claps when other people cheer and she likes sitting close to the fence and watches the kids bat. I have a feeling she’s going to be a player too, she already likes to play with her toy balls and can throw them. How fun would it be to have all 4 kiddos in sports? Jarrett and I really enjoy athletics and while my parents and sisters think we are crazy to keep the schedules we do, it is so fun and I would miss watching the kids. I think sports teaches one so many things from discipline, to goal setting, working on a team and building self-confidence. All good qualities they are going to need and use in their future.
After three games and sitting in the sun for 5 hours its a bit exhausting. Even the best cheerleaders have to take a rest sometimes right?
So it’s back to the baseball fields for another game tonight. Quick eat dinner, find your uniform and fill up your water bottle. Here we go again. Go Stingrays (Belle’s team), go Revolution (Michael’s team) and go Sandstorm (Gabriel’s team).
For it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out at the old ball game!
Today was Mother's day and it was a wonderful day. It started off with me waking up with my baby's bum right in my face....
Yep, after her being sick last week and not sleeping very much, I was thankful that she was at least asleep instead of crying in my arms with ear infection pain.
We started off by going to church. We then came home to have Dad make me breakfast- a ham and cheese omelet. I was impressed and he tried so hard to make it tasty, even watched a YouTube video to make it like a pro! So yummy!
Then we went outside to enjoy the beautiful day, while we watched the boys practice their baseball swings, while the girls enjoyed the swing in my parents backyard. After lunch Dad took the kids and ran some errands, including take the van and getting it cleaned out and vacuumed for me. Score! And that gave me almost an hour uninterrupted to try to catch up on a few of the things I needed help with.
This afternoon we relaxed as a family, the kids shared their Mother's Day gifts with me (I LOVED THEM!) and we just enjoyed being together as a family. This was the first Sunday in many many weeks that he hasn't had to go into work. He was originally supposed to fly out this morning for a work trip this week, but late last week decided to change his plans which meant he was able to spend the day with us. Again, it was such a nice gift.
Isabelle decided she wanted to give me a make over, so she washed my hair in a bucket on the kitchen table, followed by a good foot soak, and then she dried my hair with the drier. She did such a great job and she was so proud. She kept saying, "Mom I'll make you look so pretty." It was so cute and appreciated after her first comment of the morning to me, "Mom, your back must hurt so bad since you are so old."
After making my hair pretty Isabelle wanted to do my make up too. I was pretty hesitant at first but then gave it, figuring I wasn't planning to leave the house so what ever happened it should be okay.
As excited as Isabelle was to help, Michael overheard Isabelle's "plan" and out of fear for what she might do, he decided to offer his help as well. After telling him "stick paint" aka lipstick goes on my lips and not my eye lids, he started asking where things go before applying it to my face.
Meanwhile Madelyn wasn't so sure about Isabelle and Michael touching my face.
When they were all done, they actually did a great job and I would have been okay to leave the house! It was so nice to be treated!
After dinner we had a dance off in the kitchen , which the boys made me promise not to post the video, so I will follow their request. But let's just say it was pretty funny!
As we tucked the kids into bed, I couldn't help but feel overwhelming emotions as I reflected on the Mother's Days from a few years past. From 2014, when I thought I would forever celebrate Mother's Day as the mom to 3 kiddos, to 2015 when I was pregnant with Noah, and last year, 2016, when I was VERY pregnant with Madelyn.
2014 Mothers Day... look at how little they were.
Ignore the clothes, but this was me on Mother's day in 2015, 21 weeks pregnant with Noah. Oh how I miss that baby of mine.
Last year, when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Madelyn. Wow, I look huge!
I remember it was really hot this day, I believe in the low 100's. Today's weather was glorious!
So many things have changed in just a few years, and while there have been some great ups and the biggest downs, I am reminded just how blessed I am. For many years before I wondered if I'd ever get to celebrate being a mother on this important holiday.
Yes I am so blessed. While I'll also ache a bit on Mother's Day, knowing one of my babies isn't here, I try to give thanks and remember just how lucky I am to have these four children in my arms.
Yes today was a great day. It was a calm day at home with nothing planned and a lot of time to just enjoy being together. Days like this don't happen too often in our lives. So as this special day comes to a close, I'm going to give thanks for all it included.
The final days on the cruise we coming so quickly and since we knew we couldn't slow time down, we tried to make the most of our final days.
Our room steward made up several towel animals for us.
The kids loved the kid's camp so much they begged us to spend as much time as they could at the kids camp. That gave Dad, Madelyn and I some time to enjoy final moments with family, relax and go to the pool. Below are some other highlights of things we enjoyed.
On our second to last morning, Isabelle and I, along with Grandma and Grandma and Megan, Adam, Mason and Willa enjoyed a Dreamworks breakfast complete with Shrek, Fiona, and Puss. The kids loved it!
And then Gabriel and Michael got up enough guts to say that they are as brave as their mom. They decided to do the zip line. Gabriel went first and while he acts all tough and brave, he was a bit scared- see his face below. But if you ask him today he'll deny it all.
This is his, "I'm NOT SCARED" (really I'm petrified) look!
Then it was Michael's turn to go and while he says he loved it, I think he had his moment of fear too!
I was proud of them for trying it, and I think they are happy they got to experience it also!
And of course we made more time to eat! By this point, none of our clothes were fitting right.
The cousins loved spending time together.
The whole group!
Also on the final night of the cruise, the kids program had a talent show which Gabriel and Michael decided to show of their athletic/acrobatic skills by jumping through hoops, making crazy basketball shots and high jumping. They did it together with a friend they made named Santino from California. And Gabriel's best buddy Nick from Montreal. To this day Gabriel still talks about him and is impressed that he remembers the guy. In fact he's trying to figure out how he could track Nick down online, even though all he knows about him is that his first name is Nick and he lives in Montreal. He's hopeful and we decide not to burst his bubble.
Here are some photos of the boys doing their thing...
And here is Isabelle at her talent show...
And here is Isabelle at her talent show...
The very last night they had a farewell parade down the promenade and it featured the Dreamworks characters. We went and the girls loved it, even though Madelyn isn't acting like it, we told her she liked it. :-)
And of course we had to ride the carousel one more time!
Michael must have had a bucking bronco!
And take pictures of the counsins together!
Mason wasn't sure at first if he wanted to be in the picture!
Love this picture! Love those kiddos!
And another favorite highlight was the after dinner shots we enjoyed. They mostly tasted like candy, so it was easy to take them down each night! This particular night we did a toast to our Uncle Bob who passed away right before we left on the trip. He was a wonderful man who we will all miss. We knew he would be smiling in Heaven knowing we enjoyed a "fix" for him.
To uncle Bob!
We will miss you Bob!
After dinner one of our waiters would entertain the kids (of all ages) with magic tricks and fun things he could do with tableware. The boys were fascinated, actually we all were.
He is balancing all of those forks on one toothpick
On our final night on the cruise we took pictures on my parents balcony of their room. There is nothing like a sunset on the ocean. It's one of those things I think everyone should have on their bucket list as a picture never does it justice.
As I wrap up our cruise highlights I realized I left off a few stories I need to include.
So about my phone. It was pretty dramatic for me, well all of us, because the kids know Mom is addicted to her phone and she can't live without it because it has all her Noah pictures. So we were all stewing about me losing my phone and while I had given up and figured we were going to have to buy a new one, dad was determined to find it.
He checked with the concierge many times until they offered to put "security" on the case. They came to our room, filed a report, searched our room (which was pretty intense- I guess many people report missing items only to find them in their rooms) and confirmed it was indeed lost. The whole room search process was very thorough. They searched through everybag, ever pocket, under everything- 4 of them, in our tiny room, while the door was propped open and everyone who walked by saw security searching through our stuff. It felt kind of violating but I was open to it, if it meant they'd help us find my oh so important phone.
After realizing it was indeed missing, they decided to retrace my steps, from the dining room, through the casino, the elevator and into the ice skating ballroom. Jarrett accompanied them, while I stayed in the room and stewed. About 30 minutes later they returned to the room, and as Jarrett opened the door and said, "MOM" I could tell there was a glimmer of hope in his voice. Actually a lot. He continued, "Mom, they found your phone!" I screamed and leaped toward the door. The lead security officer appeared and without thinking I hugged him. I then said, "I hope its okay I hugged you." He smiled. I started crying and felt the need to explain. I said, this phone is so important to me as it contains the photos of my son. He smiled and said, My phone had pictures of my kids too." I continued, The photos of my little boy who passed away and I look at them everyday. I can't tell you what a gift you've just given back to me." I seriously would have given him a million dollars if I had it. Those pictures of Noah mean more than anything one can buy.
So yay, my phone was recovered in the Ice arena in a place I wasn't even at. Somehow it "walked" several rows down from where we sat and was in the middle of a section I had never been. I don't have answers for how it got there, I'm just so thankful I now have it.
And one final thought about this family vacation. After Noah passed I wondered if I'd ever feel joy like I wholy felt before. I feared I would always have hurt in my heart knowing my one baby isn't here. And while that ache never fully goes away, I've found there have been moments in life when the ache doesn't hurt as much, that joy is overflowing and that life is oh so good.
There was one of those moments on the cruise. As we sat on the beach in St. Maarten. The kids had been playing on the beach for hours together, building a sandcastle, without a single second of fighting (it was kind of unbelievable).
Jarrett played with them, helping them with some design flaws in their moat and I sat on a beach lounger holding sleeping Madelyn. Looking out into some of God's most beautiful creations (my family included if I say so myself.:-)) I started crying. Jarrett came right up to me and said, "what's wrong". I couldn't help it. I looked at him and said, "When Noah passed away, I never thought I'd feel happiness like I do in this moment. I know in my heart he would want us to live life like this and to soak up this time. Look at the kids, they've grown so much, we've found a way to go forward in life and be happy again. I never thought I'd feel this way again. Then the tears flowed like the waves crashing into the shore. Happy tears. They say something magical happens when you sit on the beach and I have to agree.
Enjoy the moments, right now in the present BIG and small. For they'll one day make up the memories you'll cherish down the road.
