And as I think about what's been happening, I'm honestly too tired to even remember. I don't mean this post to sound like a complaining rant, I guess I'm just trying to justify to myself why I haven't been on here in so long.
Let's see, in the last 10 days we've been to 8 Taekwondo practices, 2 baseball games, 3 baseball practices, baseball team pictures, two parties, the emergency room, one follow up eye doctor appointment (after the ER, long story), one school open house, hosted my sister and her husband from Iowa, celebrated Dad's birthday, celebrated Dad's oncology doctors visit and the report he is officially in his sixth year of remission (yay!), and we successfully attempted to complete homework in a timely manner. And yes, I did just list homework on our list of tasks; man I have come to dread homework.
While each and every night I thought to myself, I should go blog, the reality is, my exhaustion always won out. And tonight is not that much different, so if this post doesn't make sense, I apologize. Oh I forgot to mention we have the cold/flu sickness in our house this week too! What's that saying? "When it rains...", well never mind.
Sometimes life is stressful, overwhelming and not the rainbows and roses we hope it will always be.
Yesterday, I admit I was feeling like I had gone several rounds with a pro-boxer. Some where, (little people to remain nameless)in the last couple of days, I picked up the friendly flu bug. While I felt terrible, I did the best I could to function while Dad stepped up and took on more of the at home responsibilities. By yesterday afternoon, I told myself I had to suck it up and that we didn't have any more time for mom to be sick.
So Dad raced Gabriel off to baseball practice, I loaded up Belle and Michael and we headed off to Taekwondo. Arriving with Michael, I realized upon looking down that I indeed was still wearing half of my pajamas from the night before. And then it occurred to me that Michael was missing half of his required uniform and that Isabelle, well she was a complete mess.
 |
| For reference this is NOT an appropriate way to wear your "Gi" |
Yogurt covered her everywhere, her hair stood clumped together from the lunch and afternoon snack she had, and her now,grown-out-bangs hung in her face like a blindfold as I forgot to put her clip in. Realizing that there was no way I could embarrass Michael with Isabelle's and my appearance, I told him we'd be waiting outside for his practice to end. Isabelle and I found a bench to play/sit on but before long I noticed the Master Yoda (okay his name is something else) Taekwondo man's wife came outside to ask me if everything was okay? I replied with my biggest attempt to act like I felt great and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" She smiled and said, "Oh that's great, I just saw you sitting out here with that big ice pack on your neck." Yes, I forgot I had that draped around my neck like a fashion scarf. Nice. I think I could have won the award yesterday for the parent who least had their act together.
 |
| Yes, I did take my daughter out in public looking like this. Personally I still think she's super cute. |
There it was. The truth staring me straight in the eye....I failed to double check my son's attempt to dress himself in his appropriate uniform for practice and left the house in a rush as we were already late. I had failed to help clean my daughter up in a nice, cute way so all the other adults could comment about how cute and adorable she was. And if that wasn't enough, I had failed to make myself appear even half way with it. In the fight against the rat-race, the rat-race had beaten me up.
I sat on the couch last night, yes still icing my achy neck and thought about how poorly I had done as a mom. I felt bad for not watching Michael in all 30 minutes of his practice (even though the classroom is viewable from the outside bench we sat on), I felt bad for giving Isabelle a second fudge-sicle while I ate my second one, hoping it would soothe the burning in my throat and I worried how Gabriel would ever get his homework done in the morning before school, since I didn't get to help him with it before his practice. And as I thought about all those things, I honestly felt terrible. I felt like waiving the white flag and saying help. And then, as I sat there having a pity party of my own, I thought of my grandpa. Yes I had forgotten to call him that afternoon as well.
See my grandpa and I are very close. We have been I think since the beginning. My grandpa took me to preschool, to kindergarten to high school, and even to college. I've always been close to my grandparents and I'm so thankful to my parents for allowing my siblings and I to get to be so close to them. The love and support I've received from my grandparents is a gift, I know I'm so lucky to have gotten. When we lost my grandmother in 2005, I made it a vow to do everything I could to make sure my grandpa Ray knows daily how much I love him. So since that day in July of 2005, I talk with him almost every single morning and every single evening. It is a highlight of my day, I look forward to. And while yesterday I realized I forgot to call, I felt bad for a bit and then I thought to myself, what would grandpa say. Would he be mad? No. Would he doubt my feelings about him? No. Would he be completely understanding and supportive the next morning when I call? Absolutely. And that got me thinking...
What in the world was I feeling so sorry about?
My grandpa, always the optimist even after facing so many challenges in his life. He is a WWII survivor and am I'm sure faced more obstacles in his time in the war than I'll ever have to face in my life. He gives thanks each and every day for our freedom. I sadly, can't remember the last time, I looked out my window and gave thanks just for the ability to live in this great country. My grandpa lost his soul mate 8 years ago, and while I can imagine myself feeling depressed, sorry for myself and an overwhelming amount of grief, my grandpa reminds me each and every morning when I talk to him, that there is always a ray of sunlight waiting to shine on the blessings in our life. He reminds me often, I'm one of those blessings. While he at his age, tells me he lives in the past as he reminisces about all the great thing that his life has brought him, he continues to look for happiness in each day he is given. If not happiness for himself, happiness for others.
And in those thoughts, it hit me. While I was feeling sad, the truth was I was still trying to help my family the best I could. We did get Michael to practice, and Isabelle didn't even notice she wasn't all put together. Sometimes I think she likes it when she's all sticky and messy. :-) And Gabriel would get his homework done and if he didn't get it done, the world was not going to end. While I was letting the pressures of others things question myself, I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time. Honestly I think that is enough.
While life brings us many stressors, there are many many more blessings around us. And we can waste our time stressing about the stressors, or we can focus on the blessings and live in the moment of happiness, of gratitude and of appreciation that life has been pretty darn good to us (even when it knocks you down). So if you've asked me where I've been, I guess my answer is this. I was distracted. I was distracted by stress, but not anymore. I've been reminded about the blessings that are everywhere in my life and thankful to get to continue on this journey tomorrow.
Until next time,
Angie
No comments:
Post a Comment