Poems..

Yesterday I went to the hospital to pick up our final package from the hospital.  I realized it would be the last time, I had a legitimate excuse to go to the hospital.  Next time I go, it will only be because I want to see the wonderful people who made a permanent imprint in my life.

Yesterday I went to pick up the package of pictures the hospital took of Noah.  These days every picture is a treasure and I care and protect them as if they were our life savings.  To me they are just as important.

Within the package of pictures there were two poems... one for me as his mother and one for Jarrett, his father.

When I got home and pulled the pictures out, I handed Jarrett the folder with his poem in it and I pulled out mine to read.  As we read the poems, the tears flowed down our cheeks and standing next to one another, I could feel the heartache in Jarrett's chest as much as I felt it in my own.

We are both broken hearted, we both struggle to move forward, we both try to do our best for our children, for our other responsibilities, but we both wish more than anything Noah was here.  We look at his pictures, have images of what our future was going to be like flash in front of our eyes.  Then we struggle through the pain of wiping those images away and filing them under the "delete" folder in our minds.  It is a parent's worst nightmare.  It is our reality.

I cherish the words found in poems and am thankful for those that have been shared with me.  Tonight I share the poems found in our precious packet of pictures sent from the hospital.  It seems these days some works speak to me as if they seem to be coming directly from him.  These two poems spoke to us...

Noah,
Oh how I miss you so terribly.  Everything reminds me of you.  As I drive and look in my review mirror to see the kids, I see three and know there should be four. As I sort through Isabelle's clothes and see the "Big Sister" t-shirt I made her for when we told the kids they were going to be getting a baby brother or sister... it reminds me of you.  As I look at the books next to my bed... gone is the "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" and replacing it is the grief book, "Empty Arms:  Coping with Infant Death."  So many reminders; from the food I eat, to the water I drink.... everything Noah reminds me of you.  I know you are in Heaven and everyone tells me it is a better place than here.  Yet I can't help but wish you were in my arms.  Isn't a mother's arms the best place for her baby? As the night falls, the sadness seeps back in.  I think of you always.  Never forget how much you are loved.  Please help us Noah...we miss you so terribly.  

Until next time,
Angie