There seems to me at least, to be some confusion about when this whole first trimester ends and when the second starts to begin. I read in the books that it isn't until the end of week 13, but last week, I sat on the exam table in the doctors office as she congratulated me on making it to the second trimester. I willingly admit, I am as novice as novice as you can be when it comes to pregnancy. The truth is, mostly what I know is third party information, I overheard from when others I knew were pregnant. Having never ever conceived well, anything before, I partially didn't pay attention because it hurt too much but also because back then, I selfishly wanted to learn everything I could when it was "my turn." Oh how I wish I would have paid more attention and asked questions. I mostly feel like I'm steering this boat with no sail or direction. Thankfully books and the internet are great resources.
As my appointment with the doctor approached, I started to become even more nervous. I hadn't been to see them for almost 4 weeks and I worried something was wrong. I had been sick with what I thought was a terrible cold (turned out to be sinus infection) for several weeks, and while I tried to not take any medication, last Monday, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to see a doctor. After learning I had sinus infection and would have to take antibiotics, I feared, my sickness could have hurt the baby. One drawback to the vast land of endless information you can find on the internet is that everything and anything you do can hurt the baby. I learned though, my sickness wasn't going to get better without medication and with my doctors approval I started the prescription. Three days later, I sat in the doctors office and prayed everything would be okay.
This appointment not only brought with it and update from the doctor about how things are going but additional tests.... prenatal screening. Jarrett and I had talked about it the night before as we both have been praying for a healthy baby. I arrived about 15 minutes early and just as I sat in the lobby, the ultrasound technician called me back. Turns out their other technician went home sick with the flu so she called us back early to get started on what would be her busy afternoon. Being unsure of what to expect I awkwardly went into the room and stood unsure what to do next. She motioned for me to sit on the table and I for a minute thought, wait, what type of ultrasound are we going to do? She must have read my mind because she said, now that you are 12 weeks we can do the ultrasound on your stomach. I thanked her in my mind for answering the question I never verbally asked.
I laid on the table and pulled my shirt up. Jarrett sat in the chair to my left and behind my head. We both looked up at the table and within seconds of her putting the applicator on my stomach, the baby appeared. I was shocked at how big he/she/it was, especially compared to the pictures I had a few weeks earlier. The technician was wonderful as she asked us what number baby this was for us. Jarrett answered our first and I felt obliged to tell her our story. She was sincerely overjoyed for us and said, in the 20 plus years of being in this line of work, it is stories like ours that make her love her job every single day. She then went on to say, "This baby is a miracle baby, and must be part of a bigger plan." While she didn't come straight out and say it, I knew exactly what she meant. It was then I noticed the cross necklace around her neck and said, "We firmly believe that. This was God's plan."
She continued on with the ultrasound telling us everything looked great and that the baby was measuring one day ahead. She then went on to tell us she needed to measure the back of the baby's head. The baby was not cooperating. When she first started the ultrasound we could clearly see the baby move, but quickly it was clear the baby had gone to sleep. She kept moving the wand around trying to get the baby to move, he/she was not interested. After having me turn on my one side and then the other with no such luck, she brought me in an apple juice box. Let me tell you, that was the best tasting apple juice I've ever had. It was cold and tasted so yummy! Why I haven't tried drinking apple juice in the last 12 weeks, I do not know why. Oh was it so good.
Within a minute of me drinking the juice, she had me lay back and said "watch this." Boy was she right. Right away, the baby started moving. First was the arm fist pumps and then the baby started doing high leg kicks. It was so funny and so so amazing all at the same time. The kind women would tap her button to take pictures with every major movement all while telling us, everything looked great. It was so reassuring. Jarrett got teary eyed, and I took in every second. Still telling myself, this is really happening.
And then she said, "look at baby's strong heartbeat... do you want to hear it?" We smiled and before we could say yes, the loud, strong, continuous sound of the baby's heart was coming out of the machine near my head. I asked, "Is that my heartbeat?" "No she said, that's your little baby's." IT. WAS. AMAZING. Like nothing else I've ever experienced in my whole life.
In a second, the images of my precious miracle was in front of me, and now I could hear with my own ears, the sound of his life giving heart beating strongly, healthily and oh so perfectly. What a moment. In that second, it all became real. Finally.
I secretly didn't want the ultrasound to end. I think I could have started at the baby all day. The technician showed us where the baby's cute nose is, how the fingers were all stretch out and she gave us her best educated guess as to if we are having a girl or boy. She printed out pictures for us to keep and gave them to me to hold. What a great take home gift!
She then led us to the next exam room, where the nurse was waiting to take my blood. She pricked me with the tiniest of needles, collected a small amount of blood, and then she was gone. Dr. B arrived, went through the normal questions, asked me how my nausea was and told me to increase the dosage. She said you've lost a few pounds so we want to make sure you are able to keep liquids and food down. I told her I would be happy to take an extra dose if it would help keep the throwing up and dry heaving at bay or at least to a minimum. She then said they would get the blood test back in a couple of weeks and call me with the results. We continue to pray the baby is healthy.
Less than 15 minutes later we were leaving our 12 week appointment with beautiful pictures and reassurance that all was going well.
This past Sunday in church, we celebrated Palm Sunday and I couldn't help but ponder the perfect timing of the message. The title of the sermon was "The Greater Plan" and Pastor Troy spoke eloquently about how God's has the ultimate plan for our lives.
He said,
"Sometimes God messes with us. He has a plan for things to happen that isn't in our plan. While this can sometimes cause us to question, the truth is, he wants us to trust and obey. For when we finally let go of needing to have control of our lives, and having to find a reason for everything, it is then that we can truly see HIS plan. So worry less about what we can or can't explain, be okay with not being in control and become satisfied, become thankful, become faithful in the trust that he is and knows THE GREATER PLAN."
I can't help but believe that this baby is God's greater plan. For almost my entire adult life, Jarrett and I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant and have a baby. And then our boys and Isabelle came into our lives and we felt our family was complete. This past fall we passed along the remaining baby stuff we had left, onto my sister as she begins growing her family. I closed that chapter of our lives, giving thanks for having the baby experience with Isabelle and finally accepted what I thought to be reality, that giving birth wasn't in my plan. It truly does feel God's hand is actively at work in our lives.
So thankful, so blessed and so hopeful for what the future brings.
Until next time,
Angie
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