April 3, 2015
Today is Good Friday and we just got
back from church. So many things about
Easter this year, hold extra special meaning.
I can’t help but find continuous reminders that being pregnant and
carrying this baby, is nothing but God’s ultimate plan. If I’m being honest
though, I’m so thankful for those reminders because they help me when I’m
feeling worrisome and unsure.
Sometimes I have my doubts. When I think about being a mother to four
children, I admit, I often feel overwhelmed.
This morning gave me many moments of doubt. I had to go to the post office to mail some
letters, and unfortunately one of them required me to stand in the ever
present, slow as ever, line that forms. I
told Isabelle not to touch anything and instructed the boys to stand right next
to me and not to mess around. Like most
days, my words reach none of their ears, and as I stood in line with my pile of
letters, Isabelle pulled greeting card after greeting card out of the shelves,
while the boys messed around with the line stanchion holding the crowd of
people in line. As it always turns out,
one of the boys, did something which sent the actual cloth liner attached to one
pole and the cloth sling-shot back into the holder on the previous post. In the whiplash of the cord, a woman almost
got hit in the face. I had to give the
boys the look of “YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.” And yell at them to get back in
line, not to touch anything and to stand still.
Meanwhile I had to chase after Isabelle who had by this point pulled out
8 to 10 greeting cards. I held her arm
and put back the cards, while she whined, “Don’t tell me no.” I got back in line, had to recorrect Michael
yet again and prayed for the two people in front of me to get their business
done asap. It is in those moments, that I
wonder, how I will do this for four children.
Moments of doubt like this scare me. I realize fully being a mother to four children is going to be NO easy task. Actually, I feel like my life is going to quadruple in difficulty overnight. I pray Gabriel will become even more of a helper than he already is and by the time this baby comes, he will almost be 10. Jarrett jokes and tells me we can pull him in for the 3 and 4 am feedings as, "He's an early morning riser anyway." My youngest sister was born when I was 10 and I would like to say I was a big help for my parents with her. Gabriel already is a good helper with Isabelle, I hoping another 6 months of maturity will help me even more.
Moments of doubt like this scare me. I realize fully being a mother to four children is going to be NO easy task. Actually, I feel like my life is going to quadruple in difficulty overnight. I pray Gabriel will become even more of a helper than he already is and by the time this baby comes, he will almost be 10. Jarrett jokes and tells me we can pull him in for the 3 and 4 am feedings as, "He's an early morning riser anyway." My youngest sister was born when I was 10 and I would like to say I was a big help for my parents with her. Gabriel already is a good helper with Isabelle, I hoping another 6 months of maturity will help me even more.
The other main fear I have is being able
to provide for four children. This baby
was and continues to be a HUGE surprise.
While some may think, Jarrett and I were being irresponsible in not taking
actions to prevent a pregnancy, the honest truth is, there was NO reason for us
to think a pregnancy could ever occur. I’ve
literally been told directly “I don’t believe there is any chance you can conceive
on your own” In the 10 plus years we’ve
been married, we’ve never taken steps to prevent anything and its hard for me
to wrap my mind around the fact, this time resulted in something
different. Four children means we will
actually bust out the seams of our house.
We can’t put anything or anyone else in this house. The thought of having to look for a different
house, when we are still paying off the one we have is overwhelming. Thankfully Jarrett is my calming force and is
perfectly confident we will be okay. I tell myself, to have faith, trust and take
one day at a time.
As I think about week 13 coming to an
end, I’m so ready to be able to share this news with the wider world. This past week, the kids and I made Easter
baskets to send to our extended families and inside the box is the news of our
biggest secret. We plan to Skye with
everyone on Sunday morning so we can watch as they open their boxes. I’m so interested to see their reactions, it should
be interesting, as I don’t think any of them have any idea.
A look inside the Easter baskets our families will be opening on Easter morning.
Each box contained a smaller bunny box with the message, "Some Bunny has BIG news..."
Inside the bunny box is an Easter egg with a message inside. The message inside reads, "We're EGGspecting! A little chickadee is on the way... Baby Haskovec hatching October 2015."
The other big step we plan to take this
weekend is that we plan to tell the kids.
So far Jarrett and I have kept the news from the kids. Honestly, we feel like once they know, the
entire world is going to know. Have you
ever known a kid to be able to keep a secret?
To tell the kids, I made each of them their own t-shirt.
Gabriel's shirt
Michael's shirt
Isabelle's shirt.
I’m not sure if the boys will understand it
and I’m sure Isabelle will be confused.
I hope they find the news exciting and welcoming. Lately we’ve had many conversations about my
sister Megan and her pregnancy, (she’s actually at the hospital right now being
induced) and the boys keep inquiring about how much it is going to hurt to have
the baby come out. Their questions
actually kind of freak me out, so I try to play ignorant and pretend that isn’t
going to happen to me. J The other one I
wonder about how the news will be accepted is with Isabelle. Yesterday we were at Target and I’m trying to
introduce myself to the idea again that I will be having to buy diapers. I strolled through the diaper aisle and
mentally took note of the crazy price of diapers.
Isabelle, seeing the pictures of the babies on the boxes said, “Mommy, I
am a big girl, I don’t wear diapers like the babies do.” I said, “That’s right Isabelle. You are a big
girl. How would you feel about having a little baby join our family?” Immediately she shouted, “NO, I DON’T WANT A
BABY!” Guess she was pretty clear about
that topic. I immediately dropped the
subject.
In other news, I’m still facing, dealing
with continuous nausea and sickness. Our
insurance company has a pregnancy plan that requires me to have a nurse from
their pregnancy program, call me to check on how things are going. I’ve been honest with them about how I’ve felt
his far with the pregnancy and this week they called me to tell me my doctor
has authorized a Zofran IV pump to be hooked up to me intravenously via my
stomach for as long as I need. I’ve read
many contradicting articles about Zofran and the fact that they believe my
nausea is bad enough to want to hook me up to an IV, honestly scared me. I thought, how am I going to continue to be able
to hide this news, as I have an IV pump hooked up to my stomach with the bag of
medication taped around my thigh. I
thought about it for about a half of a second and politely declined their
recommendation. My doctor and I had
talked the previous day and she told me I could increase the amount of medication
I am already taking (the precursor to Zofran) to see if that would help. I guess I’ve lost enough weight they were
concerned.
Speaking of losing weight, I could
hardly believe I had lost weight at my last appointment. Sadly, I feel huge, bloated all of the time
and my stomach already sticks out. While
I’m still able to wear my normal pants, I find myself being very selective
about the shirts I wear… it seriously looks like I sat down and ate the entire Easter
candy bowl myself. I wish I could say it
looks cute. It doesn’t. Instead, I look and feel like I have been at
the Golden Corral buffet for 12 hours straight. You know that completely
uncomfortable feeling when you’ve eaten too much and you can’t get comfortable?
Yep, that’s how I feel all the time. I
feel like I’ve stuff myself with way too much food, almost every hour of the
day, and that doesn’t matter if I’ve had anything to eat all day or if I’ve had
just a small bowl of cereal. Sadly, I
feel like I can’t win. I feel sick when
I don’t eat, and I feel sick when I eat, especially after I eat. I’m not sure what the trick is. Some days, I feel super hungry and eat a
lot. Then I get heartburn. I am not even very pregnant yet. Don’t I sound like a whiny, complaining
crab? Yep, I’m pretty much sick of
myself too.
While I moan and complain, I really do feel like a miracle is growing inside of me. And seeing last week's ultrasound pictures really did make it real for me, how awesome this whole thing is. When I'm growing tired of feeling terrible and seem like my doubts seep in, I go to my planner and pull out the secret stash of pictures I have.... looking at that tiny body growing inside me, reminds me, it is all worth it.
I mean, how can this little alien looking thing not melt your heart?!?!?!? I joke, I think this tiny baby is the cutest thing ever...
I think its time to wrap up the highlights
from this week. Here is a quick rundown
of the weekly questions…
How far along are you? 13 weeks 6 days.
How I’m feeling? GREAT, JOYFUL…
ready to let the rest of the world in our secret.
Total weight gain… Maybe up a
couple of pounds… feel like I’ve gained 20 at least.
How big is baby? The size of a Georgia Peach!
Maternity clothes… Nope. But
I did buy my first pregnancy related item… a belly band at Target. I hope this will consist of the majority of
my maternity purchases. I hope I can use
that thing to fix every wardrobe challenge.
Best moment this week… Looking forward
to seeing our children and families reaction as we share the news with them.
Movement… nope but I do feel like I see
my stomach growing larger by the day.
Food cravings… Tootsie Rolls. I love them around 9 in the morning.
Food aversions… EVERYTHING ELSE
Belly button in or out… In
What I miss… running. I see runners on the street and I wish I could
be out there with them. I haven’t
exercised in 7 weeks and I feel not only like a big glop of goo but I think it
would give me some positive endorphin's that would be good for my attitude. I hope I start feeling well enough soon, so I
can go out and at least do something.
Until next time,
Angie
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