Dear Gabriel, Michael and Isabelle...

In the next two days our life is going to change again.  First off, I know change can be hard.  Each of you has had to live through change (some you remember, some you don't), hard change that can make us feeling unsure, worried or stressed.  And that change I'm referring to is from experiences you had before Dad and I.  Before we were a family.

Even as a family we've endured great change.  It's a normal part of life, I must tell you.  Change is still hard for me.  You know your mom, I like routine, predictability, to be able to anticipate what's coming.

As we think about welcoming your littlest sister into the world, I know you worry.  Not for the exciting times... of getting to hold her, to kiss her, to get to help with caring for her.  I know how excited you are to have her in your life too.  I just know that the process of getting her to come home brings with it for you a lot of worry.  It's okay.  You know what, it makes Dad and I worry too.

We've had to endure a very hard experience in watching what can happen to your brother Noah.  I know that hearing Mom is going to the hospital again, doesn't automatically mean we get to bring home a baby.  I know your memories of that experience are of me lying in a bed, hooked up to lots of medicine, not looking or feeling very well, followed by very overwhelming and scary trips to the NICU. I hear you when you ask me questions, even today about if the baby is strong enough to be born now.  If she will have to be on that breathing machine Noah was on.  If she will have to stay in the hospital after I get to come home.  I know those questions you verbalize are probably only 1/10 of the questions you have swimming around in your mind.

It's okay to have them.  It's okay to feel scared and unsure.  It's okay to fear change.  But here's what I also want you to know.  I believe, I have hope and faith that our experience this time is gonna be different.  I believe in my deepest insides that Sweetie Pie is gonna be born healthy, that she's gonna look and sound and even act differently than your precious little brother. And you know what else I believe, I believe that she's gonna come home with us.  You're gonna get to experience another sibling that no doubt will make you crazy someday as she tries to take your things, fights with you and argues back just as each of you do with each other.  Its scary to let one's heart fully believe something we have yet to experience, but I want you to know I do.  And I want you to know its okay to think that way too.

Our life is going to change again in a few days.  No longer will we be a family of 5 crowded around a dinner table that's only meant for 4 people, but now we'll have even another chair (well in a year or so) to fit around the table.  Our car will be "full" as you like to say Michael, each of us having our own assigned seats to accommodate the three different types of car seats one has for 4 children ranging in age from infant to 10.  Maybe that's a good thing, you won't have to fight over who sits where anymore. I tease.  Life is going to get crazy again, maybe I should say even crazier.  Our life is normally crazy right?

Dad and I are probably, okay most definitely, going to need you to help more.  We're probably going to ask you to take on more help around the house, to assist when your baby sister needs a pacifier, or someone to play with her, or even to help with the dog.  Being a family of 6 is gonna take all of us doing a little bit more to make things work.  I know I went ahead and said it... the word you despise coming out of my mouth, "WORK"  Its the truth though.  We are all gonna have to work together to make things flow.  And while now you can only hear the word "work" repeating over and over in  your mind... I want you to stop and listen to something else I want you to hear.

I know first hand what it's like to be from a big family.  I grew up in a family of 6.  Yes there was work we had to do.  We had to help my mom and dad.  I often helped with my little sister MaeLyn.  We had to help with cooking, with cleaning, with making sacrifices of things we may have personally wanted in lieu of decisions that were better for the whole family.  But you know what else.... I wouldn't have traded being one of four kids in a family of 6 for anything else.  It was, it still is, wonderful.  Having three other siblings you can talk to, play with, become even friends with an adult is pretty darn cool.  If one of your siblings is making you crazy, guess what, you have two other ones to choose from.  What's also nice is that you have three other people that are gonna have your back. You three do it now for one another already and I have no doubt you'll do the same with Sweetie Pie as well.

Being a part of a large family means you're gonna learn how to share in ways you don't even know.  You'll come to think of each other sometimes before your own needs, you'll stop and ponder if what you are doing is best for you or for your whole family and your gonna learn that sometimes making the choice to do things that aren't just in your interest are even more rewarding than just doing what you want.

While I know you can't imagine the long term benefits of being from a big family now, there are many too.  Just one example I can share with you now is when you go to college, and you look at the tiny (well that is if they are still like a dorm when you go and not a luxury apartment like I see now) room you have to move into and share with one or even 2 people, it isn't gonna phase you as much.  You're gonna remember what it was like to share a bedroom with your annoying brother or your whiny sister and you're gonna think.... this is going to be so much fun.  I get to share a room with a new friend who in no way can be as bothersome as my sibling.  And instead of dreading that change in your life, you're gonna willingly accept and even look forward to it.  This is just one example.  I'll wait to share more with you until you're older, I can feel the eye rolls you're giving me as you read this.

Oh and there's one more very very important thing I want you to know as we prepare for the change that's coming.  I want you to know this.... I will always, always always love you, give thanks for you, and praise God that he allowed me to be your forever momma.  Even though Sweeite Pie will share the same genetic make up as Dad and I, something we don't have in common, you will always be just as important, just as loved, and just as cherished as she and Noah are.  Earlier in this pregnancy one of you asked me if we love her and Noah more and I want you to know that is NEVER EVER even a thought that has ever crossed, nor will cross our minds.  If anything, I look at the way we became a family, how I got to become your momma and realize just how lucky I am.  Because see, it must have taken God a lot of work to find a way to bring our lives together... he had to search us out and put us in the right places to bring us together, and if God went to that much work, he must have known, we were meant to be together always.  Gabriel, Michael and Isabelle, Dad and I will always cherish you guys as some of the greatest gifts we've been given.  The love we have for you is stronger than anything.  So I never want you to worry about that.  EVER.  Okay?

In our last 32 hours or so of being a family of 5, I want you to be excited about the change.  Its okay to still have fear, to worry, but to also look forward and be excited as well.  We can't wait for Sweetie Pie to get to meet her two big brothers and sister.  She's gonna love you the moment she sees you, infact she already does love you.  You feel the way she kicks and squirms when you put your hand on my tummy.  That's her way to of saying hi.  Dad and I look forward to our first family pictures with all of us in the hospital and to seeing your reactions as you get to meet her and hold her.  We look forward to all the joyous times we will have in watching her do all the firsts.  The same feelings we go to experience with each of you (although some more than others).

I know change can be hard.  Change can be scary but change can also be great.  Hold onto your hope and believe, like Dad and I do, this change is gonna be wonderful.  We love you Gabriel, Michael and Isabelle more than you'll ever know.  We're so excited to see you become big brothers and a sister again and we know you're gonna be such a great help with Sweetie Pie.

Love to you always,
Mom and Dad



PS:  And one other note to share... last night Sweetie Pie received her first official piece of mail.

Don't tell the U.S. Post Office, but Dad and I opened it for her, and inside we were so surprised to see this beautiful gift...

There wasn't a card inside of who its from, but we're hoping who ever thought of us and her, might read this blog.  The gift you shared with us is so touching and made Dad and I sit and reflect for well over an hour, at just how blessed we've been by so many.  This little miracle that has been growing inside of me for the last 9 months has been such a gift, but so have all of you.  The love, support, encouragement and faith you've given us is so much, as we are forever grateful.

Thank you to the kind person(s) who generously shared this with us and our little miracle girl.  I can't wait to put her in this!  And I'll be sure to post the pictures when we do.  Thank you very much!