June 10, 2015.... we were encouraged.

I find myself this week feeling so many emotions and last night after staying up late working on school work, I sat in the quiet how by myself and reflected on what life has been like the last five years.  I thought about posting and writing in the blog but honestly... the last few nights after I do it, I can't turn my mind off and spend many hours tossing and turning trying to solve the question that I won't get the answer to in this lifetime... "Why did he have to die?"

So I decided I would not post, and I would just try to go to bed, which really didn't work out as it was a very restless night of sleep.  Going to bed at 1:30 and waking up at 6 to a smiley-faced girl in your face, makes for one tired mom but we made it through another day.

I think I've been feeling bad that this Saturday's birthday for Noah can't be as big as I would have hoped.  I wanted to be able to celebrate by taking many gifts to the hospital and by sharing something big in his honor.  Instead we will follow all COVID-19 rules and have food delivered in a safe way to the staff at the NICU and we will donate to the Kyrene Resource center so they can help some incoming kindergartners with some support they might need.  Not big, but it will be okay.  We will celebrate him all day, at home, while we keep our family safe.

I remember this day back 5 years ago and we took a family picture .

 My biggest prayer was that on a day like today I could sit Noah on my lap and read him the story of this family picture below.  I'd tease him how he gave us so many gray hairs back then because we were so worried about him and remind him of how strong he is to be here today.

As hopeful and as encouraged as we were.... here's a quick flashback.

June 10,2015
Dear family and friends:

It is our third day in the hospital.  Angie is feeling much, much better now that they reduced the amount of magnesium sulfate she is receiving.  The higher dosage made it difficult for her to engage in conversations, stand, chew, and even breath.  The medicine relaxes all smooth muscles, not just the uterus.  She seems much more like her usual self.  She also got some better rest last night.  For anyone who may have visited in the last day or two, you will find her much more able to chat and carry on a conversation if you happen to come by again.

As I mentioned yesterday, the doctors had planned to stop giving Angie the magnesium sulfate at 1:30 pm today and to wait and see what happened.  Last night, we spoke with Angie's OB, among others.  It was a difficult, emotionally draining conversation involving a bunch of "what if"s and various contingencies.  As a result of that conversation, we learned today that the doctors will keep Angie on the magnesium sulfate (at the current dosage) for a few more days -- at least until the point we reach week 24.  We are very happy to hear the news.  To know that she will receive the medicine for a few more days really eases our minds.  The baby continues to remain strong.  He seems to be doing some flips and to be very active in the last couple of hours.

And now for some big news.  We decided upon a name for our baby boy.  We decided to call him Noah James.  When Angie suggested it, it really seemed to sound like a very nice name to me -- it has a good ring to it.  Angie's name apps tell us "Noah" means comfort, rest, and follower of God, and "James" means honest, benevolent, brilliant, and full of high inspiration.  James was also my great-grandfather's name.

Thank you to all of you who have visited, called, sent emails, texts, plants, candy, and reading supplies, prepared meals for our kids, brought in dinner, prayed for us, asked others to pray for us, and provided help and support in so many other ways.  We are very moved by your love and support.  Please continue to remember us in your prayers.  We really do believe in the power of prayer.

Jarrett and Angie