The way we spend our days...

I wanted to posted a couple of videos on here to remember how we have been making it through our COVID quarantine days.  Before I go into telling about how our days have been spent, I wanted to mention that not an hour goes by that I haven't been thinking of Noah and exactly what are lives were like 5 years ago this date....  Honestly I decided after Noah's 5th birthday that I couldn't look recap the feelings thoughts and details like I did the week before his birth because honestly it was too hard.

I hope it doesn't mean I don't think of him as much as that I'm not honoring him the way I should. I think of him and he occupies my mind so much, it was just that I found myself sliding into a deep hole of grief and while I think grief can be like the ocean coming and going in waves, I found myself feeling like I was caught in a tidal wave and couldn't get back to shore.  Jarrett and I talked and honestly his birthday was really hard for both of us.  We spend the majority of his 5th birthday night in tears and in talking we decided, that if it hurts us too much to relieve some details, than maybe we chose not to do that.  Noah' doesn't need us to feel sad to remember him.  In fact I believe he's in the greatest place he could be, if he can't be with us.  He doesn't have pain, or hurt, or have to deal with any of the hard things we are dealing with here... he is good.  He doesn't need us to worry and so in talking I made the decision that I was not going to go back and reread each day that I wrote, I would instead remember the highlights in my head and celebrate his life as they come to me, and they most definitely do.

In two days it will be 5 days since he left us and I know it will be a hard day, but I am determined to try to find ways to make it an okay day.  I will try to live in the present moment with my family here because honestly big things are happening, even as we stay at home and try to keep our family safe.

So in speaking of that I wanted to share some videos of what our family has been up to... We are running out of ideas of things to do so we are having to get creative, as you'll see.  Meanwhile you'll see Jennings has gone from 11 month old to toddler it seems overnight... when did my baby know so many words, having the ability to walk all over and now climbs up on his scooter car and moves like he's 18 months, not even a year.   As fun as it is to watch him, my heart is aching that he's already getting so big.

So here's the videos... how we've been spending our days...

Madelyn surprises me with her magic while I try to work.

The kids do their daily exercise (including the biggest kid), while I try to work.

We added a bounce house to the living room, because it's too hot outside to play in it... while I try to work.

Jennings moves constantly, spending a great deal of time by the door looking and calling out for Daddy, while I try to work

Notice a theme. :-)

And when the day of work is done, we go swimming. Here's the newest activity the kids are trying to stay occupied...

And more of Jennings moving....

And more of him emptying our cupboards....

Not too many dull moments around the house.

So there you have it.  The days are flying by and as hard as some of them are, I crawl into bed each night and give thanks for the time we are getting to spend, and that our family is still safe and healthy.

Until next time,

Angie